whichwayisup Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Thank's Whichway! All good point's! AP:) And be nice about it (not that you're going to be mean to their kids) and let them know that they are welcome to come play another time. Having set times might be a better option rather than them coming over whenever they please. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Oh, okay, sure. I totally had her confused with the woman my husband didn't sleep with... IO, I understand where you are coming from. But this really isn't a parenting issue. I am sure that while the EA was going on, AP loved having the MM's kids over as it gave her an excuse to see and talk to him. Now they are a reminder of what never came to be, or whatever. Anything she does by way of the kids, is going to be seen as some form of revenge by MM. And if she does it before/after talking to MM's W, she is in for hell when his W realizes what was going on right under her nose. Everyone here is guilty of using each other for one thing or another. I think MM and his W used AP as a free babysitter. I think AP was delighted to have the kids as an excuse to see MM. I think MM is hiding behind the fact that AP hasn't done anything about his kids going to her house so much yet as he still thinks he has her somehow (I think he does). The kids, just innocent pawns in the whole thing. Whatever AP is going to do, the kids, the adults, the neighbors, everyone is going to feel it. Good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 You don't have to go to extremes to get the kids out of your home. All that has to happen is your husband talking to MM. "This is hurting my wife" (Is it?) "If and/or when your wife finds out, this will cause you more problems" "If and/or when your wife finds out she is going to be crushed" "Considering the cheating between you and my wife, I think it would be healthier for the children if we put some space betwen our families" or, as I think the average Joe would do is to call the guy aside and kick his arse and THEN tell him to keep his children home. Easy, peasy. One would think... Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 IO, I understand where you are coming from. But this really isn't a parenting issue. I am sure that while the EA was going on, AP loved having the MM's kids over as it gave her an excuse to see and talk to him. Now they are a reminder of what never came to be, or whatever. I know it's not a parenting issue, we all know it's not a parenting issue, it's a control issue and it's an excuse. They are still innocent pawns and are still being used as one last connection to MM. But yes, I'll keep my "attacks" to myself and say nothing to AP so she can continue to use the children in this sick game she's playing with MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 This may be an exercise in frustration (on my part) but now I'm just curious....who is home with MM's kids all day? Is AP their babysitter? Do they have a nanny? Why doesn't AP take her kids to the zoo, the park, to other friends or something? W work's, H work's kid's go to a sitter in the summer and school when in session. Classic case scenerio in the neighborhood of Ap is this: MM is home first. W later. Kid's shoved out the door and sent to my house and other homes. MM on the phone ( at least he was with me while in the ea)while kid's are running all over the place wife come's home from work, mm hang's up with his phone call. Kid's are not called home until almost 9 pm in the summer mm and w are home having thier time. BTW- His kid's just rang my bell and I sent them home! AP Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I know it's not a parenting issue, we all know it's not a parenting issue, it's a control issue and it's an excuse. They are still innocent pawns and are still being used as one last connection to MM. But yes, I'll keep my "attacks" to myself and say nothing to AP so she can continue to use the children in this sick game she's playing with MM. I am not USING the Chidren that is just an AWFUL thought! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 W work's, H work's kid's go to a sitter in the summer and school when in session. Classic case scenerio in the neighborhood of Ap is this: MM is home first. W later. Kid's shoved out the door and sent to my house and other homes. MM on the phone ( at least he was with me while in the ea)while kid's are running all over the place wife come's home from work, mm hang's up with his phone call. Kid's are not called home until almost 9 pm in the summer mm and w are home having thier time. BTW- His kid's just rang my bell and I sent them home! AP I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you really DO want this guy out of your life. If you're serious, then you have to get tough and make yourself busy or scarce after school. If the kids are old enough, send them ALL (yours included) out to play until dinner...and yes, have your H talk to MM and tell him that given the circumstances, I'M SURE he'll understand why his children can't be at your home all the time. People can only take advantage of you if you let them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you really DO want this guy out of your life. If you're serious, then you have to get tough and make yourself busy or scarce after school. If the kids are old enough, send them ALL (yours included) out to play until dinner...and yes, have your H talk to MM and tell him that given the circumstances, I'M SURE he'll understand why his children can't be at your home all the time. People can only take advantage of you if you let them. Thank's! One big problem I have in life is that I am to nice! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Good luck AP, truly I mean that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I can call it allright! Since I declined MM's children of playing at my house until dusk, MM had to end his phone call (poor thing) and drive his kid's to a thier freind's house! Ha, ha! So sad that the man does not want his children around due to the fact that he's such a sneaking cheat! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 So sad that the man does not want his children around due to the fact that he's such a sneaking cheat! AP:) I find it very sad that now that the A is over, you're still throwing stones...I'm with LNF...You spend far too much time obsessing over the thought of telling his W, for someone who is happily reconciling their M... And you didn't mind him when he was your sneaking cheat... Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Now takling to their parents about how much they are over will help if she wants to reduce it. Good point, NID. AP, perhaps if you go over and talk to MM and his W, tell them (in the nicest possible way) that you feel their kids are spending too much time at your house, then maybe W will be suspicious as to why, all of a sudden, you don't want this. She will confront you again about your EA with her H and you can admit the whole truth to her. This way you will be giving her all the information she needs without actually having offered it in the first place. Secret's out, she can decide whether or not she wants to forgive her H and hopefully then you can move on with YOUR life! Just a thought Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I can call it allright! Since I declined MM's children of playing at my house until dusk, MM had to end his phone call (poor thing) and drive his kid's to a thier freind's house! Ha, ha! So sad that the man does not want his children around due to the fact that he's such a sneaking cheat! Can you tell us specifically how you know each of the following: (a) he was on "his phone call", (b) that he drove his kids to a friend's house, © that he doesn't want his kids around, and (d) the fact that he's now a sneaking cheat? I don't really care myself, so much as I think it might be useful for you to hear yourself say how you are watching his house and making assumptions about his behaviors and motives... Good point, NID. AP, perhaps if you go over and talk to MM and his W, tell them (in the nicest possible way) that you feel their kids are spending too much time at your house, then maybe W will be suspicious as to why, all of a sudden, you don't want this. She will confront you again about your EA with her H and you can admit the whole truth to her. This way you will be giving her all the information she needs without actually having offered it in the first place. I don't know - it seems like it worked just fine to tell the kids "sorry, not today," so why get into game playing and manipulation? I still think you should work on immediately disconnecting altogether, but if you're set on telling her, then tell her; don't beat around the bush and attempt to manipulate her into asking, because if she doesn't bring it up, then you'll end up agonizing over yet one more thing ("oh, why didn't she bring it up?!?!") and that will just add fuel to your inability to disconnect completely. Secret's out, she can decide whether or not she wants to forgive her H and hopefully then you can move on with YOUR life! My point: you have the power and the control to move on, irrespective of what happens with them. That's the whole problem, you are basing your ability to move on upon what happens next door, and that is what has you stuck. Just like IO said, "People can only take advantage of you if you let them...", well people can only keep you from moving on if you let them... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Good point, NID. AP, perhaps if you go over and talk to MM and his W, tell them (in the nicest possible way) that you feel their kids are spending too much time at your house, then maybe W will be suspicious as to why, all of a sudden, you don't want this. She will confront you again about your EA with her H and you can admit the whole truth to her. This way you will be giving her all the information she needs without actually having offered it in the first place. Secret's out, she can decide whether or not she wants to forgive her H and hopefully then you can move on with YOUR life! Just a thought You know something Posh, What you wrote here is not at all a bad idea! I think the w would wonder very much so why all of a sudden we are not allowing thier children over. She could very well entertain the thought that is has something to do with her H and myself which could make her come to me? By her coming to me, that would be like she want's to know again and would take away from me offering any further info that could be taken the wrong way by her! I am really going to think about this as an option here. Thank's. AP Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 You know something Posh, What you wrote here is not at all a bad idea! I think the w would wonder very much so why all of a sudden we are not allowing thier children over. She could very well entertain the thought that is has something to do with her H and myself which could make her come to me? By her coming to me, that would be like she want's to know again and would take away from me offering any further info that could be taken the wrong way by her! I am really going to think about this as an option here. Thank's. AP I agree that that would be a good idea. It would solve the issue of the kids being over all the time and open the door for the W to come to you if she really wants to know the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I agree that that would be a good idea. It would solve the issue of the kids being over all the time and open the door for the W to come to you if she really wants to know the truth. ...and at least it wouldn't look like you were telling her to cause trouble - just that you were pushed into a corner and felt she had the right to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 You know something Posh, What you wrote here is not at all a bad idea! I think the w would wonder very much so why all of a sudden we are not allowing thier children over. She could very well entertain the thought that is has something to do with her H and myself which could make her come to me? By her coming to me, that would be like she want's to know again and would take away from me offering any further info that could be taken the wrong way by her! I am really going to think about this as an option here. Thank's. I'm concerned that more games = more drama. You are furious with him for being "manipulative"... You said you think she deserves to know the truth; how does this scenario (a) avoid manipulation and (b) get your truth out? I think you are just weaving a thicker web... Maybe she'll question why you came over, she could very well entertain the thought that it has something to do with her H, maybe she'll come to you - it just continues the deception and manipulation. And in the end, if she comes to you instead, will you really come off as the good guy when she hears what you have to tell her (and possibly feels manipulated in the process?) What if she doesn't end up coming to you? Will you be able to put this away, or will you still have the burning need to tell? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Once again, who cares about motivation or playing games with the wife. The wife deserves to know. She asked you. Tell her, straight up. Link to post Share on other sites
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