I truely think she (W) need's to know!

[Meaplus3]

Oh, AP...I'm sure this is part of your motivation, but I think you're really seeking something that will give you closure! You've been dwelling on this EA for a long time now, and I think it's because you need some validation that it was real, and meant something and had an impact on MM.

 

You think telling his wife is going to give you the validation you seek - by getting the EA into the open so SHE knows about it, it will MAKE the EA significant enough to MM so he can't just ignore that it happened, and ignore that you two had anything. And by making him feel some consequences through his wife, then it gives you validation and the closure you seek. I think it drives you crazy that he is just moving on as though it never happened.

 

But...you don't need anyone else to validate the EA! YOU know it happened - you were there. You need to find the closure within yourself and within your marriage, by renewing whatever it was you had with your H when you married him. If you get your life together so you are happy with it, then you can feel that the EA actually meant something significant to your life: it was the catalyst to get your marriage on track and secure your happiness in your own future with your family. That's the only kind of closure that's truly going to make you feel better. I can understand if you are still unhappy with your marriage why this 'telling the wife' issue won't leave your mind. But telling her ultimately will not bring you the peace you seek.

 

I think it's because you need some validation that it was real, and meant something and had an impact on MM.

 

Not true at all although I can understand why it would seem that way. Thank's for your post Nora!

 

AP:)

[Meaplus3]

No, he should be there too. IF you actually go through with this crazy idea of telling her with your husband present, exMM should be there too. I have a feeling that both exMM's wife and your husband will ask you and the exMM ALOT of questions, so be prepared to deal with the stuff you haven't told your H about...The exMM WILL expose what he knows as well...

 

Whichway, I did not mean that my H would be present at the meeting with the W. I meant I would inform him that I was going to meet with her.

 

AP:)

[IWALH]

I'm standing on that mountain top SCREAMING to you - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

AP, think of the kids.....

 

This man is OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You've worked SO hard to move past this so WHO cares if he is or has cheated on his wife before. It isn't up to you to go run to her and spill it. It just isn't your place....Even if you want to hurt him, you'll end up hurting his kids and yours. Please, don't do it.

 

If you tell or if your H tells, BE prepared to answer her questions and own up to your affair with him. EA and the kissing/cuddling etc...You can't drop a bomb like that on her and then not tell her you were at one time part of the EA. Ofcourse she will want to talk to you, and she'll probably be real pissed off as well. Are you sure you're ready for the fallout?

 

Life just seems to be going along now, are you 100% sure you wanna tell her? What satisfaction is it really going to do for you. What is the real purpose of telling her. Revenge so he will feel pain as well?

 

Hey, I'm sure daily it crosses his mind that one day you 'might' tell...That should be enough for him to worry, toss and turn at night. HE is the one who has to live with himself, his thoughts and look his wife in the eye....Live a lie.

 

Again, just think of all the innocent children involved - Do they deserve this?

 

Hey wwiu!!

 

I was just curious why you think she shouldn't tell the wife but several months ago you told me I should tell the wife? Was it because I was still in the amidst of the affair and hers is over? Just wondering!!

[IWALH]

Seriously don't even bother. No matter what you say she probably will not believe you. Her husband will manipulate her and make her believe him, who she will of course believe (to an extent) because they have probably been married for a good while. She. Will. Not. Believe. You. Because she doesn't want to believe you AND she is married to a master manipulater.

 

Take it from someone who did tell the wife. Even after she saw my posts on here her husband has convinced her (well, he told me he was going to anyway.... I haven't talked to either of them for over a month, so I don't know for sure) that the things I said on here weren't true. When she saw my posts on here he called me and said "Who knows that we had sex?" And I said "Well, my friend H------ knows, she is the only one I told" and he said "No, who SAW us have sex." And I said, "well, nobody." And he said "Exactly... so nobody knows that we did for sure." Then he asked me if I was sure that I wasn't pregnant. He had me thinking that he was going to deny that we had sex and say I was lying because he didn't want to "lose his kids" in the custody battle when that obviously wasn't the REAL case (reality was he was probably trying to save his marriage for whatever reason).

 

I get satisfaction in knowing that he, I and God know the real truth and THAT is what matters.

 

Anyway, like I said, don't bother. It won't do anybody any good. Let her live her life in a cloud of fog and just be done with that man forever.

[Meaplus3]

Seriously don't even bother. No matter what you say she probably will not believe you. Her husband will manipulate her and make her believe him, who she will of course believe (to an extent) because they have probably been married for a good while. She. Will. Not. Believe. You. Because she doesn't want to believe you AND she is married to a master manipulater.

 

Take it from someone who did tell the wife. Even after she saw my posts on here her husband has convinced her (well, he told me he was going to anyway.... I haven't talked to either of them for over a month, so I don't know for sure) that the things I said on here weren't true. When she saw my posts on here he called me and said "Who knows that we had sex?" And I said "Well, my friend H------ knows, she is the only one I told" and he said "No, who SAW us have sex." And I said, "well, nobody." And he said "Exactly... so nobody knows that we did for sure." Then he asked me if I was sure that I wasn't pregnant. He had me thinking that he was going to deny that we had sex and say I was lying because he didn't want to "lose his kids" in the custody battle when that obviously wasn't the REAL case (reality was he was probably trying to save his marriage for whatever reason).

 

I get satisfaction in knowing that he, I and God know the real truth and THAT is what matters.

 

Anyway, like I said, don't bother. It won't do anybody any good. Let her live her life in a cloud of fog and just be done with that man forever.

 

Thank's for for post IWALH. I did think about the fact that he's so good at lying, I'm sure he could talk he way out of it but I do believe that giving her the chance to see what he did with me right under her nose, might make her look at the big picture, what he truely is like as a person.

 

AP:)

[whichwayisup]

Whichway, How do you know for sure she will hate me? She just might end up thanking me for making her aware of his munipulative after work acitivites with OW! As far as getting involved in their life and marriage, well I'm sorry to say I am. THEY LIVE NEXTDOOR, I have known them very well for 12 year's.Their children LIVE at my house! I have to have a fair amount of contact with them. We also live in a small livley neighborhood where lot's of gathering's take place. I did at one point think the answer was to move, however I am not going to let MM run myself my H and kid's out of our home just becasue of this ea, my H agree's. I was WRONG to get involved and I am glad that my H has not asked me to leave.

 

AP:)

 

Your exMM could go talk to your H afterwards and tell all to your H to make sure HE knows all the details.

 

The chances of her thanking you and being your friend, even neighbourly is slim to none. She knows her H, which is why I'm sure that she is aware that he is "doing something" out there with various women...EA's are bad, but if that is all it is, she may not want to deal with it and this is where I was just saying I don't think it's your place to 'decide' for her.

 

I know you're going to do what you're going to do...Just be 100% sure this is the proper and right thing to do. Coz once you spill it - There's no going back and you may regret it sooo deeply and wish you never told. There will be consquences and alot of drama to follow if you choose to tell his wife. Be prepared for that.

 

Whichway, I did not mean that my H would be present at the meeting with the W. I meant I would inform him that I was going to meet with her.

 

AP:)

 

He should be there though. Infact, if anything, HE should be the one to tell her, not you -IF you decide to go that route.

 

Hey wwiu!!

 

I was just curious why you think she shouldn't tell the wife but several months ago you told me I should tell the wife? Was it because I was still in the amidst of the affair and hers is over? Just wondering!!

 

Because I think at the time you were pregnant with his child and he was considering being a part of your lives. Or your child was born and she had a right to know. There is/was no way he could have kept a lie like that. That's probably why I told you tell her...But honestly, I can't remember that far back. Sorry.

[BurriedAlive]

I know you probably really feel like you got the short end of the stick (no pun intended!) and you did, there is no doubt. And you probably would feel closure for a short period of time and yes she would probably thank you at first. But you should know that once she knows about this, there is a VERY strong chance that nothing will happen other than it will make things very difficult in your neighborhood because once you give her the information, she will automatically go back to her husband and he will undoubtly twist whatever you say to her and turn it back on you. Just remember he has had many, many years of practice lying his face off and she has had many, many years of practice of soaking it all up.

 

3 weeks after D-day, I decided to meet with W after 3 weeks of stalking. I decided not to tell her the lie that MM made me promise to tell and she thanked me over and over again for being such a good person and having the guts to tell her the truth. Once she got the truth and was able to confront her H, her attitude drastically changed towards me. The day I found out the my xMM was a serial cheater as well (just like you from a very reliable source), I called her to tell her what I knew. Well, she wasn't interested in the information I had to give her, she was more interested in why I wanted her to have that information. She also went on for a long time about who possibly sent her the email months ago about "outing" the affair. She was convinced it was me (it was not!) Anyway, the point is, it is not worth it, WWIU. The short term relief and closure you will feel will be very quickly replaced with the torture she will probably try to put you through. I am known to my xMM's W as whore. I know that because she told me.

[NoIDidn't]

AP

 

I didn't read everyone else's responses as I didn't want them influencing what I wanted to say. So here it is.

 

Why are you so concerned about their marriage? You have posted here several times that nothing much has changed in your own. Don't you know that every moment you waste thinking about their marriage is opportunity taken away from your own?

 

Please stop worrying about what this woman does or doesn't know. Its not your concern. Your concern should be your own marriage, not whether or not his W knows what he did behind her back with you.

 

The more you ask this question, the more I am inclined to think that this isn't about her but about you. Why is it about you? Why mask your own reasons as concern for her and her feelings?

 

Like most people in any kind of A, I am sure that you minimized whatever involvement you had to your own H. How would you like it if xMM told your H the details that YOU left out? Or are you looking to use this couple's fight for their marriage as a cover for getting out of your own?

 

Be honest with yourself. You don't have to answer it here. But do really be honest with yourself over your actual motivation. In each thread it has changed, and I am sure that the other's responses to you haven't changed a bit. Go back and read your rationalizations for wanting to tell her in the other threads. It might be eye-opening to you.

 

Hoping you'll leave her out of it.

[norajane]

I think it's because you need some validation that it was real, and meant something and had an impact on MM.

 

Not true at all although I can understand why it would seem that way. Thank's for your post Nora!

 

AP:)

 

Well, this is why I think that's what's going on: because that was what was going on at the end of July when I posted this to your thread:

 

I think, based on what I've read of your story, you don't feel validated somehow...like you need someone to acknowledge that your relationship with MM was 'real' and had an impact on MM. But his being able to just carry on with his life as though nothing happened, seems to invalidate what you know was real.

 

So your urge to tell his W is more of a desire to get that acknowledgment. But you think he'd be able to convince her that you are making too much of it, and that nothing really happened and that you were the one who instigated it and you are the one who was overly flirtatious, blah blah blah...so you won't really get the validation you seek if you tell her.

 

You'll stop wanting to tell her when you stop caring about him. I know you say you don't, but you still care to be acknowledged for the place you had in his life for a while.

 

And you replied:

 

YES! Right on! Darn how do I shake these feeling's?

 

AP:)

 

I have nothing to gain here by bringing back what was said a month ago - I'm hoping that you can be very, very honest with yourself about your motivations. Because the anguish you're in the midst of can cause you to make matters worse if you feel you just HAVE to say something to make the noise in your head stop.

[Trialbyfire]

What always fails to amaze me is the rationalization that the wife does know and is pulling an ostrich. More than likely, she doesn't know and deserves to know.

 

I don't particularly care what your reasoning is for telling. I'm just of the bent that the betrayed spouse deserves to know so she can make her own judgement call. If she leaves him, more power to her.

[Meaplus3]

What always fails to amaze me is the rationalization that the wife does know and is pulling an ostrich. More than likely, she doesn't know and deserves to know.

 

I don't particularly care what your reasoning is for telling. I'm just of the bent that the betrayed spouse deserves to know so she can make her own judgement call. If she leaves him, more power to her.

 

Thank you Trial! I do very much believe she has the right to make her own judement call. Let her deceide how to handle his "Cheating Way's". and and ea with phisical contact is CHEATING!!! You know the main reason I told my H about the ea with MM was because so many of you here on LS said "Tell your H, AP, come clean" well I did! At first I deeply regreted it, but it lead me to therapy to help me break the emotional connection that I had with MM while in the ea. So by telling H did a great deal of good for myself and the marriage. I feel in my heart that she deserves to know about his affair's. Why should I worry about her and the kid's? He did this to them by getting involved with me in the first place. I am not the villian here!

 

AP:)

[Meaplus3]

Your exMM could go talk to your H afterwards and tell all to your H to make sure HE knows all the details.

 

The chances of her thanking you and being your friend, even neighbourly is slim to none. She knows her H, which is why I'm sure that she is aware that he is "doing something" out there with various women...EA's are bad, but if that is all it is, she may not want to deal with it and this is where I was just saying I don't think it's your place to 'decide' for her.

 

I know you're going to do what you're going to do...Just be 100% sure this is the proper and right thing to do. Coz once you spill it - There's no going back and you may regret it sooo deeply and wish you never told. There will be consquences and alot of drama to follow if you choose to tell his wife. Be prepared for that.

 

 

 

He should be there though. Infact, if anything, HE should be the one to tell her, not you -IF you decide to go that route.

 

 

 

Because I think at the time you were pregnant with his child and he was considering being a part of your lives. Or your child was born and she had a right to know. There is/was no way he could have kept a lie like that. That's probably why I told you tell her...But honestly, I can't remember that far back. Sorry.

 

Let him talk to my H whichway because he WON"T!! This MM is afraid of his own shadow! As for the W. I could care less if she's my friend. She never was to begin with. I do realize that there will be drama and perhap's it could get ugly for a bit! but I lived through the ugly of telling my H about the ea and trust me it got UGLY! And btw whichway EA's are even worse then PA's, just do a search on the net and you will see how much damage they can cause a marriage. Sex is Sex, but an Emotional connection is what most of us desire and if that's lacking in the marriage then the chance for divorce is very high if it's not fixed.

 

AP:)

[Cobra_X30]

Thank you Trial! I do very much believe she has the right to make her own judement call. Let her deceide how to handle his "Cheating Way's". and and ea with phisical contact is CHEATING!!! You know the main reason I told my H about the ea with MM was because so many of you here on LS said "Tell your H, AP, come clean" well I did! At first I deeply regreted it, but it lead me to therapy to help me break the emotional connection that I had with MM while in the ea. So by telling H did a great deal of good for myself and the marriage. I feel in my heart that she deserves to know about his affair's. Why should I worry about her and the kid's? He did this to them by getting involved with me in the first place. I am not the villian here!

 

AP:)

 

Do you have any physical proof? Emails... txts... phone statements... ect. Because your greatest hurdle is making yourself believable to her.

 

I'm a gambling type of person, and if I were you I would just bluff. I would tell Mr. MM that your H has decided to let his wife know exactly what's been going on. Now, he is going to want to do some spin control to minimize damage... so unless he has got a really big pair of brass ones, he should spill the beans himself.

 

Now, thats just a suggestion.

[whichwayisup]

I don't particularly care what your reasoning is for telling. I'm just of the bent that the betrayed spouse deserves to know so she can make her own judgement call. If she leaves him, more power to her.

 

Then let it be AP's husband that tells. Or, AP and her husband TELL the wife together.

 

Let him talk to my H whichway because he WON"T!! This MM is afraid of his own shadow! As for the W.

 

But AP, you really don't "know" what will happen. Emotions will be high and your exMM will be PISSED - Knowing that he could lose his wife, let alone life with his family as it is...All I'm saying is, just be prepared for him to FIGHT back. Like, you messed with MY family, now I'm gonna MESS with yours by telling ALL to your H. Never say never...

 

I could care less if she's my friend. She never was to begin with. I do realize that there will be drama and perhap's it could get ugly for a bit!

 

But, what about their kids. What about your kids...This isn't "just" about you, your H, your exMM and his wife. Have you and your H thought long and hard on the affect it will have on the kids?

 

but I lived through the ugly of telling my H about the ea and trust me it got UGLY! And btw whichway EA's are even worse then PA's, just do a search on the net and you will see how much damage they can cause a marriage.

 

Sex is Sex, but an Emotional connection is what most of us desire and if that's lacking in the marriage then the chance for divorce is very high if it's not fixed.

 

Both are bad and both do damage.

[whichwayisup]

I know you probably really feel like you got the short end of the stick (no pun intended!) and you did, there is no doubt. And you probably would feel closure for a short period of time and yes she would probably thank you at first. But you should know that once she knows about this, there is a VERY strong chance that nothing will happen other than it will make things very difficult in your neighborhood because once you give her the information, she will automatically go back to her husband and he will undoubtly twist whatever you say to her and turn it back on you. Just remember he has had many, many years of practice lying his face off and she has had many, many years of practice of soaking it all up.

 

3 weeks after D-day, I decided to meet with W after 3 weeks of stalking. I decided not to tell her the lie that MM made me promise to tell and she thanked me over and over again for being such a good person and having the guts to tell her the truth. Once she got the truth and was able to confront her H, her attitude drastically changed towards me. The day I found out the my xMM was a serial cheater as well (just like you from a very reliable source), I called her to tell her what I knew. Well, she wasn't interested in the information I had to give her, she was more interested in why I wanted her to have that information. She also went on for a long time about who possibly sent her the email months ago about "outing" the affair. She was convinced it was me (it was not!) Anyway, the point is, it is not worth it, WWIU. The short term relief and closure you will feel will be very quickly replaced with the torture she will probably try to put you through. I am known to my xMM's W as whore. I know that because she told me.

 

You meant AP...Not me...

[Meranna]

Do you have any physical proof? Emails... txts... phone statements... ect. Because your greatest hurdle is making yourself believable to her.

 

I'm a gambling type of person, and if I were you I would just bluff. I would tell Mr. MM that your H has decided to let his wife know exactly what's been going on. Now, he is going to want to do some spin control to minimize damage... so unless he has got a really big pair of brass ones, he should spill the beans himself.

Now, thats just a suggestion.

 

 

I think this is a good suggestion but I don't think AP will be happy with the MM "admitting" his mistakes. I'm sorry AP, I feel so terrible for you but I have seen you every month or so come on these boards with the exact same question but for different reasons. I think you want to see him suffer and deal with your affair and validate it for some reason........there really won't be anything good to come from telling and their children and your children are going to have their lives turned upside down. Why do this to them just for self satisfaction?

 

Also, your H has been wonderful and has FORGIVEN you for this.......do you realize how rare that is?!! Why would you want to drudge all this back up again? He is going to have to go through all the feelings of betrayal again instead of just letting it die. I'm assuming the W isn't going to just thank you and go on her merry way.........it will just be the beginning of more drama and pain I fear.

 

I'm sorry, I just can't find any reason to give you that would justify your need to tell her.

 

I truly do feel for you AP, I couldn't imagine how hard it is to live next to him and have to interact with him like you do. I can tell you are a beautiful person, why keep doing this to yourself........can't you see the only person you are hurting is you?

 

(((AP)))

[KATANYA]

In all fairness to the W here, give the woman a little credit! You say MM cheated with you, now is cheating again. I'm willing to bet big here that he's cheated many times before and that his wife knows more than just "intuition" what her man is about. Some W's (and probably H's too) know their Spouses cheat but will find every and all reasons to minimalize and justify what the OW/OM did to try to ruin their life together . They will talk about how he/she's changed and that they will leave if it happens again but in the end she will stay with him, you said this yourself. That will only further validate his "right" to keep doing this to her.

 

You may confess all to the W to cleanse your own guilt over the EA and to supposedly expose the MM's cheating ways but what have you really gained, and what do you want to gain?? Are you interested in seeing them in counselling to help their marriage? Do you want to be her friend now that the EA is over and you see MM for his true colors? Do you want him back? In some ways, it almost seems strange that when you were the OW he was a great guy but now that there is a OOW he is a jerk and a cheater - he was always a jerk and a cheater!!The only difference is he is cheating with someone else now and I"m wondering if in some regards that bothers you - do you feel like his latest A somehow takes away from what you thought he and you had?

 

Bottom line, the W probably needs to know, more probably does know, but IMO you are not the one to tell her. Anything you have to say will seem like vengence against her husband - even armed with proof that you cheated with her husband, she will feel you are the enemy in this! IMO get on with your life and leave theirs alone. The A is over and both you and he have moved on! Does it really matter how he's moved on? Let her catch him or confront him or ignore it - whatever she decides.

 

If I were your H. I would really be thinking that one of the best "healing" acts you could both do would be to move! Can you imagine how he feels every day waving good morning to the neighbor he knows had an A with his wife!

 

I hope you and your H can work things out but I hope even more you won't drag your exMM or his W into your therapy - let exMM and his W deal with their own issues.

[Meaplus3]

I just want to clairify something to you all here. Last fall right before I told my H of the ea, we MM, W, H and I were all together for a "Game Night". That evening we all had a few to many drink's. The ea at that point was really cooking after 18 month's, so emotion's were running high between MM and myself. As the evening went on it turned out that I and the W went outside to talk. I was putting down her H right to her face. I know it was half the Margaritia's speaking and half myself and the feeling's for mm, anyway MM went home around 1 in the morning, H was hanging out . W wanted to take a walk, so we did. During that walk, we got talking about life, marriage the whole nine yard's. Well she stopped during the walk, grabbed a hold of my shoulder's and said " what has gone on between my H and you? I lacked courage at that moment and said "All we did was talk alot". So ya see she does want to know what he is doing behind her back.She deserved to know the truth at that moment and I just could not tell her. I wish now I could have told her then. I feel so much better that I shared this with you all.

 

AP:)

[GreenEyedLady]

I really think it might just be best to tell Xmm's(keep in mind they live nextdoor) W about what went on between the two of us! Since sometime has passed and thing's have calmed down alot now, I feel like I could inform her in a friendly manner. If you have followed my story you will know that I fell for him because of the lack of love in my marriage, I am willing to admit that. Xmm alway's claimed to be happy. Well if Freakin' happy than why mess around pal? W need's to know about his action's! Any thought's?AP:)

 

Just tell her already! It's pretty clear that you're not going to be able to get over it until you do...

 

But I don't think she's going to appreciate you informing her in a friendly manner...

[Mino]

OK, I think I am at thre point where I think she should tell the w. It looks like she needs to do this for her own HEALING, I think she will not be able to move on till she does. You all are right she has had this feeling for months. For me this feeling has faded away, BUT, if It had stayed, I know I would have know it was the best thing for me to do. Bottom line, AP, do what you feel in your heart, and if this is what you need to do to heal, then do it. People are tougher then we think. They will deal with the aftermath one way or another!!!! Go for it, if that is what you Need to move forward. You need to do what you need to do for yourself. all is fair in love and war, MM knew this could happen and he chose this route anyway. I dont see anyone licking AP wounds. I am getting tired of protecting the BS at all cost. \really really over it. AP do what YOU NEED to do for yourself.

[RealityCheck]

I just want to clairify something to you all here. Last fall right before I told my H of the ea, we MM, W, H and I were all together for a "Game Night". That evening we all had a few to many drink's. The ea at that point was really cooking after 18 month's, so emotion's were running high between MM and myself. As the evening went on it turned out that I and the W went outside to talk. I was putting down her H right to her face. I know it was half the Margaritia's speaking and half myself and the feeling's for mm, anyway MM went home around 1 in the morning, H was hanging out . W wanted to take a walk, so we did. During that walk, we got talking about life, marriage the whole nine yard's. Well she stopped during the walk, grabbed a hold of my shoulder's and said " what has gone on between my H and you? I lacked courage at that moment and said "All we did was talk alot". So ya see she does want to know what he is doing behind her back.She deserved to know the truth at that moment and I just could not tell her. I wish now I could have told her then. I feel so much better that I shared this with you all.

 

AP:)

 

Aww......

 

Listen hun, sometimes silence in golden. Ask yourself. Did you not tell her the truth out of compassion for her? I can bet my last dollar it was. Though your emotions for the MM were very present, deep down you know you could not hurt her because in truth, you would be a party to her pain. No one really wants to acknowledge that part of themselves because of the emotional investment with the MM.

 

It's great that you came forward in truth. I respect that!

 

Big Hugs.

[Meaplus3]

Your exMM could go talk to your H afterwards and tell all to your H to make sure HE knows all the details.

 

The chances of her thanking you and being your friend, even neighbourly is slim to none. She knows her H, which is why I'm sure that she is aware that he is "doing something" out there with various women...EA's are bad, but if that is all it is, she may not want to deal with it and this is where I was just saying I don't think it's your place to 'decide' for her.

 

I know you're going to do what you're going to do...Just be 100% sure this is the proper and right thing to do. Coz once you spill it - There's no going back and you may regret it sooo deeply and wish you never told. There will be consquences and alot of drama to follow if you choose to tell his wife. Be prepared for that.

 

 

 

He should be there though. Infact, if anything, HE should be the one to tell her, not you -IF you decide to go that route.

 

 

 

Because I think at the time you were pregnant with his child and he was considering being a part of your lives. Or your child was born and she had a right to know. There is/was no way he could have kept a lie like that. That's probably why I told you tell her...But honestly, I can't remember that far back. Sorry.

 

But AP, you really don't "know" what will happen. Emotions will be high and your exMM will be PISSED - Knowing that he could lose his wife, let alone life with his family as it is...All I'm saying is, just be prepared for him to FIGHT back. Like, you messed with MY family, now I'm gonna MESS with yours by telling ALL to your H. Never say never...

 

 

I am very READY to fight back! Like I said before this MM lack's courage to stand up for himself BIG TIME and not with his W but with my H or any othr man for that matter, LOL!! I highly doubt she will throw him on the street for this, however let it be a wake up call to her.

 

AP:)

[Meaplus3]

OK, I think I am at thre point where I think she should tell the w. It looks like she needs to do this for her own HEALING, I think she will not be able to move on till she does. You all are right she has had this feeling for months. For me this feeling has faded away, BUT, if It had stayed, I know I would have know it was the best thing for me to do. Bottom line, AP, do what you feel in your heart, and if this is what you need to do to heal, then do it. People are tougher then we think. They will deal with the aftermath one way or another!!!! Go for it, if that is what you Need to move forward. You need to do what you need to do for yourself. all is fair in love and war, MM knew this could happen and he chose this route anyway. I dont see anyone licking AP wounds. I am getting tired of protecting the BS at all cost. \really really over it. AP do what YOU NEED to do for yourself.

 

Mino, A very big HUG and a very big THANK YOU for your post!

 

AP:)

[Sheba]

Norajane has given you very good advice. Your husband is starting to appear to be a saint, as he forgave the ea, and now tolerates this endless dragging out of the ea.

 

You say you live in a tight little neighbourhood? Well, watch out. You may well end up castigated by your entire community for hurting the innocent wife. She might decide to let anyone with a sympathetic ear in on this tale! If you cause the marriage to break up it will be even worse. Your husband may end up publicly humilated if the fact his wife "stepped out" becomes widely known. Even your kids may get the pleasure of hearing you called names on the schoolyard.

 

Answerplease, the answer, PLEASE, is don't tell!

[Mino]

Aww......

 

Listen hun, sometimes silence in golden. Ask yourself. Did you not tell her the truth out of compassion for her? I can bet my last dollar it was. Though your emotions for the MM were very present, deep down you know you could not hurt her because in truth, you would be a party to her pain. No one really wants to acknowledge that part of themselves because of the emotional investment with the MM.

 

It's great that you came forward in truth. I respect that!

 

Big Hugs.

OK lets be HONEST!!!! The main reson we DONT tell, is out of FEAR, Come on girls, do we really care obout BW????? I know I don't. I dont even know her, when I think of her, I think of a faceless person. I know this sounds cruel, but its a fact. If we all had BALLOS we would stand at thier door with a BUnt CAKE!!!! Why shouldnt they know????? Cause it might hurt thier feelings?????? PLEASE!!!! we dont go cause we are afraid that we COULD lose MM, thats why. And if the shoe WERE on the other foot, I damn sure want to know, from the horses mouth would be fine for me