Parents...stress...

[LoveLace]

I found out my mom is really bumming because they gave her a really sh*tty raise at her job. So I'm at work and I wanted to have flowers delivered to her today after she gets home. So I call to order the flowers and discover that I don't have my wallet. So there goes that idea, plus I don't know where my wallet is, and if it's at home I won't know till I get there much later today, and it's driving me crazy. And mom is stressing big time because my dad (they are divorced) retires and less than a year so he will no longer be able to send her a lot of money which is the only reason she can afford her condo. She thinks that she is too old (55) to go out and find a better paying job; she's convinced that no one will hire her because of her age. She'd rather sit there and feel sorry for herself;

 

and here I am pissed at my father although I love him very much, thanks to him this is all going to weigh on me and my life hasn't even really begun yet, 30 yrs. old still in school, no boyfriend, nothing, and I'll be supporting her before I can even really afford to. It makes me angry at dad for leaving her years ago, only to now retire and shack up in his big house in Florida and play golf everyday....while my mom busts her butt for crappy pay and doesn't date or do much of anything fun, by choice really but still...I"m an only child so it isn't like I can ask anyone else for help if I need it. I hope to have my own family to worry about at some point but I'm already sitting here worried sick about my mother and before I even get the chance to start a family she will probably have to live with me.

 

This is my pay-back for all the hell I"ve put my parents through, right? So I probably deserve to be stuck with this stress and I love my mom but I'm feeling so angry right now. thanks for listening.

[curiousnycgirl]

Wait a minute! This is NOT your obligation. They have both been grown ups way before you! I know as I speak from experience.

 

My mother has never worked, and my father has never had an income that could support their lifestyle. If given $20 they will spend $50. This causes regular financial meltdowns. For years my uncle bailed them out - and he has always subsidized their monthly income to ensure their standard of living.

 

Little did my uncle know that since I got my first job (at age 12), my parent's would cause some type of crisis and would take all my money. This has been going on for years.

 

A few years ago my Uncle told me that since I was an old maid (now 42 and still unmarried) I should sell all my assets (my horse and house), move back home and support my parents. Now on the best of days my parents and I are just civil with eachother - no way we are going to live under the same roof! Needless to say I refused - and told him that I am already doing my part. He did not believe me as he was not seeing his obligation go down.

 

I told him that this was something HE created, and now foisting upon me was unfair. However to be a good girl, I sat my parents down and told them that while I will no longer tolerate their crisises, I would be willing to give them a monthly sum to avoid them. Their reaction was to throw me out of their house - insulted. However they are cashing my check ($2K) every month to this day.

 

Another thing I will tell you is that any man I have ever dated (other than my current one) has found out about all of this at some point in our relationship and bailed because they could not handle it. Yes my parents have had a signficant contribution to my still being an "old maid."

 

SO what does my therapist think of this? He thinks I need to break all ties, and that what I am doing is toxic to me. Unfortunately that is not something I am able to bring myself to do.

 

I am only imparting all this to you - in the hope that you do not fall into the same trap I am in.

 

Look out for yourself. Your parents are adults and need to do the same for themselves.

 

Good luck to you.