Told friend I had feelings and now she wont speak to me.

[ocset]

Sorry for length of this.....

 

I've had a female friend for several years, she was a collegue who then moved to a different job, but we kept in touch. (my girlfriend at the time acussed us of having an afair, but we were definately just friends.) I broke up with my ex around 2years ago.

Over the past 20 months we've gradually done more and more stuff together, as friends. Gone cinema, meals, cycle, walk and watched dvd's n chatted. She asked me go evening classes with her and have helped her with DIY about the house. And she asked me to help her with work at her parents house.

 

Recently, well the past 5 months ive realised that i have began to like her as more than a friend and I felt that she was flirting with me and liked me as more than just friend.

 

Eventually on tuesday I built up the courage to tell her. I bought bunch flowers and her favourite chocs and called round to her house. Her mother answered (she was dog sitting for her as she had gone out.) I left the flowers n chocs for her. I text her two txts, when saying how I thought she v attractive, good fun and that I had fallen for her.

and a 2nd txt saying - I'd liked to have told her in person, hope she not offended, I would really like to get to know her better and would she like to go for meal on saturday.

 

As it turned out she only got the second txt. I rang her wednesday morning, asked if she had txts and was she ok/offended. she said no she wasnt offended and she thanked me for pressies. I asked her if she wanted to go for meal, she said not this weekend as she having a queit one (her sister and family had been visiting and had just gone home).

 

Well, she recieved my 1st text yesterday, and now she wont speak to me, she wont answerphone, txts or her door. (i tried phoning about 5 times, sent a few txts and called round twice) - i realised that I was getting heavy so have tried to stop myself. Mainly text saying .....sorry for upsetting her...., ....I shouldnt have said anything...., ....asking if she'd let me explain...., ...and what I like about her...(she slurrps her coffee makes me smile etc). Basically said I liked her and like opportunity to know her better and for her to know me better.

 

Its strange that she wont acknowledge me at all and I'm very confused and tbh hurt. I'm guessing by her response that she doesnt like the idea of me liking her. But you think after knowing someone for around 6 years that she'd be able to tell me rather than ignore me.

 

I know my ex has caused problems, and has had to be cautioned. I she turned up at my friends house around 8 weeks ago. I was having a meal with her when there knock on the door and it was my ex. She had followed me as she didnt know where my 'friend' lived; she wasnt very happy at all, and have distanced a little since then.

 

She normally very forthright a person, if she doesnt like something she'll say. She started texting me with 'x' at the end last year, i didnt respond at first then I did with 'xxxx' and she commented on the lovely text I sent. Then on my birthday i'd rang her after she'd gone home (i'd drunk a bit much) and told her that she was lovely and looked gorgeous. When saw her the next day I apologised and asked if she offended, she said I'd done nothing wrong and she would have told me if I had offended her or if she not liked what I said.

 

So thats whats strange - she speak her mind - but she not speak to me at all now. I know its only been a few days but I'm lost at the moment.

 

I really dont know what to do now - advice please!!

 

Should I let things lay for a while??

 

for good?

 

What do you think her behaviour means?

 

I'm actually looking at a house to buy which is about 150ft from her house (at her suggestion!) tommorrow.

[directx]

Sorry for not reading all of that. But I think I got the gist from the topic.

 

Anyway, welcome to the club! Won't talk to you anymore after you revealed your feelings?

 

Well, if you watched GI JOE cartoons in the 80's, remember what they said at the end of every episode (with the 2 minute short of a kid getting in trouble and a GI JOE member saving them)

 

They said

"Now you know! And knowing is HALF the battle!"

 

Truer words were never spoken.

Now you know! Except the battle is over and she is not showing up anymore.

Move on. I did.

[MexicanBillBacker]

Pretty easy solution

 

You just have to be amazing. Meet new people...Diversify

 

She'll come back in no time

 

If you are stalking her and shizz she's never going to come back. If you see her around be smooth as **** and call once in a while to check on her. Don't try and be too casual but as she sees you moving around meeting new people she'll think it through

 

Don't be an ass just be amazing and don't give her much importance or if you can't do it just act like you don't give 2 ****s about her. When you see her be a smooth ******* and when you come home you can listen to air supply and get drunk

[Kamille]

I'm sorry to harp when you are feeling down but... You revealed your feelings through text messaging???? How could that possibly ever seem like a good idea?

 

I mean, ok, in all likelyhood the situation would be just as confusing if you had done it in person but at least you would have gotten your say then and there.

 

Anyways.... I think she likely only needs time to sort herself out. Stop trying to get in touch with her for a little while, stop apologizing. Wait to hear from her. You most likely will.

 

ps: if you haven't talked to her, how can you know she received the text?

[norajane]

It never fails to surprise me that people seem to think the best way to turn a friendship into a relationship is to 1) have a big talk about it to reveal (confess) feelings or 2) reveal feelings in a text.

 

The trick is to ease into it, just as with the friendship. You never go up to people you've just met and say, hey, I really like you and I think we have a lot in common and you'd be fun to hang out with and I'd like to be best friends!! So why would you do that to someone you've started to think of as a romance partner?

 

The trick is to FLIRT. Ocset, you and this woman already had a friendly, easy, comfortable friendship. You had already started dropping little clues (xxx), which she responded to. And the you came on too strong all at once with flowers and chocolate and soul baring texts! And then you wouldn't leave her alone to think about it - you pursued and pursued!

 

You should have just kept up the mild flirtation, gradually increasing the flirtation. You could have just asked her out to dinner without all the flowers and chocolate and text pre-amble, and at dinner, you could have teased and flirted and charmed her to no end. And then, you could have kissed her goodnight...not a heavy kiss, but definitely a kiss on the lips. And then you could have walked away and left her...wanting more? Thinking of you as a sexy guy?

 

Instead, now she's thinking of you as a, well, hard to say what. Because you TEXTED her instead of smiling into her eyes and flirting with her and giving her that small kiss, you have no idea what she's thinking.

 

Moral of the story: 1. Never TEXT this kind of stuff. 2. You can do much more by flirting and leading her into it, than by heavy declarations of feelings.

[MexicanBillBacker]

It never fails to surprise me that people seem to think the best way to turn a friendship into a relationship is to 1) have a big talk about it to reveal (confess) feelings or 2) reveal feelings in a text.

 

The trick is to ease into it, just as with the friendship. You never go up to people you've just met and say, hey, I really like you and I think we have a lot in common and you'd be fun to hang out with and I'd like to be best friends!! So why would you do that to someone you've started to think of as a romance partner?

 

The trick is to FLIRT. Ocset, you and this woman already had a friendly, easy, comfortable friendship. You had already started dropping little clues (xxx), which she responded to. And the you came on too strong all at once with flowers and chocolate and soul baring texts! And then you wouldn't leave her alone to think about it - you pursued and pursued!

 

You should have just kept up the mild flirtation, gradually increasing the flirtation. You could have just asked her out to dinner without all the flowers and chocolate and text pre-amble, and at dinner, you could have teased and flirted and charmed her to no end. And then, you could have kissed her goodnight...not a heavy kiss, but definitely a kiss on the lips. And then you could have walked away and left her...wanting more? Thinking of you as a sexy guy?

 

Instead, now she's thinking of you as a, well, hard to say what. Because you TEXTED her instead of smiling into her eyes and flirting with her and giving her that small kiss, you have no idea what she's thinking.

 

Moral of the story: 1. Never TEXT this kind of stuff. 2. You can do much more by flirting and leading her into it, than by heavy declarations of feelings.

 

post of the year

[JCD]

The problem with flirting is that girls like it even if they see you as a friend. They like the attention and emotional connection and you think they want you only to reject you when push comes to shove and you ask them out. So ask them out and don't waste your time with prolonged flirting. Little flirting in the beginning is ok but then go for the kill

[Yamaha]

There is nothing wrong with confessing your feelings for your friend. The text thing was dumb but now she knows and she will either be ok with it or she will disappear. She already knew you liked her ( women know because you can't hide it no matter how smooth you think your being ) so now she knows and the ball is in her court.

She won't like the position you put her in because she has to make a choice and she doesn't want to. The friendship is on the line for you but you want more than friends so you will get your answer ( she will tell you or just ignore you ) and end that chapter of your life. It sucks losing a friend but if you want more than friendship the gamble was worth it or you wouldn't have made that choice.

[Jade 02]

I never got flowers,and chocs,only beer,and smokes:(

[Fun2BMe]

Coming on too strong is the understatement of the year. And now you're going to move 150 ft from her? OMG please back off and stop 'coming around' I take it that meas visiting in person. Texting, calling, dropping gifts, numerous unannounced visits and now moving next door. Please take a deep breath and leave her alone for a while.

[ftheunion]

Maybe you're doubting your approach, but don't worry. YOU HAD BALLS AND DID WANT YOU WANTED TO DO . Just don't continue to pester her. Maybe let a month or two go by before you call. Maybe try once every couple months.

 

I tried that and the girl eventually hated me, but at least I didn't harrass her. I stopped after 2 months. Oh well.

 

You were a gentleman, now just let her do what she will do. You can't control the universe, niether can any of us.

 

Good luck.