little_one Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I just found out, after a year, that my boyfriend is a Taoist. We used to have sex, for like, the first WEEK of our relationship, and then barely ever after that. It wasn't good and I never felt close to him because he always seemed so distant with me. He couldn't become hard most of the time, and he said it was because he was "saving it" and it's "some chinese thing" he practises. I instantly think it's because I'm ugly and I lost a lot of weight (I got down to 92 lbs last month). Then he wouldn't touch me out of "concern". So, against EVERYTHING I believed (I have an eating disorder), I gained some weight back. Nothing I do can get him interested. I always show enthusiasm in the bedroom. I like to leave all the bad stuff behind, and just BE with him. But now he's using Taoism as an excuse, saying something about how we need to let go of desire. Is it just me, or is there something wrong with wanting to make love to your partner? On my side I feel passion and caring, on his side, nothing. He closes his eyes. We won't enter me. Taoist practices (from what I read) is about selfless love. He says he doesn't want to so he lasts longer. Great idea, but he doesn't even glance at me, and no foreplay and no emotional connection, SO HOW CAN HE USE SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT AGAINST ME??? I take beliefs seriously, and I don't like being lied to. I feel like I'm the one working on my balance, and he is doing nothing, but blaming me for how uncomfortable he is. I just wish he would tell me I'm UGLY and get it over with. That would make it easier to leave. I am so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I think sex is an important part of a healthy relationship and this doesn't seem very healthy for you. I think if my partner showed this much disinterest in me sexually, it would be time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 You're not ugly, and his issues have nothing to do with that...his sexual thing is HIS issue, just like your eating disorder is YOUR issue. However, it sounds like the two of you think differently about sex and what it's supposed to be about in a relationship. That's going to be a problem for you long term, not just right now. Unless you both agree on what sex means and how to enjoy it together, it's not going to work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author little_one Posted August 18, 2007 Author Share Posted August 18, 2007 Yep. Just as I thought. We are going to get this over with tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
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