am i in the wrong?

[honestgirl]

Sorry in advance for this being long....

 

 

Back when I was in high school, I was friends with this guy... Who I also developed a crush on over the years. Nothing ever came of it and we both ended up in pretty long-term relationships and stopped talking after a while b/c of graduating and all of that. Well, last month I broke up with my boyfriend of about 7 years. It had been about 2 years since I had talked to my friend (I am now 24)... But I still thought about him a lot... And out of nowhere a couple weeks ago, he emailed me and said that I was someone he always cared about but never had the courage to ask out... and wanted to know if I ever felt the same. I wrote him back and said yes, then we talked a little more and realized we both live in the same town. So this past week, we’ve hung out twice... And we have REALLY hit it off. He’s great... In about every way and he seems to be really excited about this relationship we’ve developed... He seems to be more into me than any guy I’ve ever dated. He tells me I’m beautiful all of the time... We talk for hours... He and I share a lot of the same views on things... It’s almost prefect b/c we already knew each other so well.

 

EXCEPT, the girl he was in a long-term relationship with has been away in Europe and before she left, they talked about seeing other people but hadn’t officially broken up. He told me when we first talked that whether or not I liked him, he was going to end things with her when she got back. He said that it wouldn’t be a surprise to her b/c they have been talking about this for over a year... But the whole idea scares me a little.

 

So I told him I didn’t want to confuse the situation or be that “other girl” - I respect his girlfriend and don’t want her to be mad at me. He said that he understood but that he will deal with the consequences and he’s going to tell her that he has strong feelings for someone else and be honest with her. (He’s about as honest as they come.) Well, yesterday, after our long talk, I ended up becoming the “other girl”. He spent the night and everything was great, except I felt guilty today... But also really excited. I know most people wouldn’t even think twice b/c of the situation, but my conscience seems to be getting the best of me. She’s coming back next week, so it won’t be long before I know what’s going to happen, but until then... Should I back off... Or do you think I’m not doing anything wrong? Let me just reiterate how wonderful this has been and how I can see this relationship becoming way more... What should I do now? Am I in the wrong for not waiting until they were “officially” over?

 

Thanks for listening!

[DevilPenguinPunx]

This is rather difficult but I think that perhaps this relationship won't become something else.

 

First off, they talked about seeing other people but hadn’t officially broken up. That doesn't mean that she agreed to it, she just talked about it. Second, if they been talking about it for a year, don't you think he would have broken up with her a while ago? So apparently if you liked him, he would end the relationship but yet he had to "seal the deal" with you as well? Honestly, it wasn't a good idea to become "the other girl" but what's done is done.

 

For now, just let him deal the cards and see if he comes through with what he says. Considering it is a long term relationship that he is in, who knows what feelings he may still have for his women. He may not even break it off with her at all. Who knows? Just wait and see for now.

[onmyown2]

keep doing what you doing. So What you became the other woman, somtimes being the other woman is ok.. beside he found you remember.. but be adult about this and dont get jealous or childess if you get scared and dont asked 50 questions. just make a comment that you want to go hang out at his place see the Hidden Hint! see if he allows u in his space in the mean time... sometimes it takes guys 3 times to make the right choice when they are afraid to hurtsome. also maybe he wants to make sure your who you are in his dreams so he can end his thing with her and pursue his dreams with you?

Think about it. But be happy and strong not crabby

[blueberry]

keep doing what you doing. So What you became the other woman, somtimes being the other woman is ok..

 

 

 

Sorry, I don't agree. Being the other girl/woman is never ok. When is it ever OK to hurt someone else?

 

Honest Girl - you seem just that, an honest girl and I really respect you for it.

 

If you can, tell him that you are going to back off for a while until he sorts all this out. If he loves you he will be coming to get you - regardless of whether you are sleeping together now or not. If I were you, I'd take solace in the fact - not sleep with him - and feel good about myself all at the same time. You seem really happy with each other - how great will the sex be when it is untainted with guilt!

 

Keep us updated!

[honestgirl]

Thanks for all of your comments.

 

Sorry, I don't agree. Being the other girl/woman is never ok. When is it ever OK to hurt someone else?

 

Honest Girl - you seem just that, an honest girl and I really respect you for it.

 

If you can, tell him that you are going to back off for a while until he sorts all this out. If he loves you he will be coming to get you - regardless of whether you are sleeping together now or not. If I were you, I'd take solace in the fact - not sleep with him - and feel good about myself all at the same time. You seem really happy with each other - how great will the sex be when it is untainted with guilt!

 

Keep us updated!

 

blueberry, i did just that... i backed off and told him that he needed time to figure everything out... he really appreciated that i was giving him time and wasn't acting crazy about everything. life's too short for drama, so what happens, will happen and i'm ok with that. if we do start a relationship, then it will be free of guilt... and that's what we both want. we'll see.