Jealousy over Gaming - Second Life?

[Bunta_babe]

My Fiance and I have been together over 6 years and I love him to bits. I am currently pregnant with our third child together. He works as an IT Technician and his passion is computers. He has always been on his computer and it has never been a problem until now, since he started going on Second life with his mates. If I just point out, we are always in the house together, and he doesnt leave me and go drinking or out with mates. He has been on second life for about a two months now, he has brought a house and has got a job dancing in a club in this game. I was fine with it at first but now he has got a lot of female attention in the form of avatars and it is driving me insane. He is always on the game, as he is off on holiday at the moment, he tells me to sit with him, but that makes me worse. There is a particular women who always talks to him and flirts and he is always nice back to her. He tells me its just a game and im taking it too seriously. He says I am the person he loves in real life and would never change that. However, I keep pushing and crying, and now he has said that its down to trust, and that i dont trust him and I am pushing him more in to the game. We had a blazing row last night and he told me that he was going to ask this women to be his partner in Second Life, because my jealously has gone out of control. I have been awake all night and upset, because I know its a game when I think logically, just it hurts me. When I go to bed at night he goes back on the game until about 3am in the morning. He says he does this because he cant sleep and there are more people on as there is a lot more to learn about it. He says he loves me to death and nothing or anyone would jeapodise our real life relationship, but I feel like Second Life has become First Life!

 

Please advise as it tearing me apart.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I have a friend who plays that. His character has 'relationships' and 'sex' with other characters and he gets attached to them on some level - same as you would if you were chatting with them through IM - probably only more so since you are looking not only at words but at the person's actions as well. Heck, you even get to watch yourself have 'sex' with someone else knowing that it is a real, live breathing person on the other end of that screen. It is not just a game - it is interactive romance and sex with an actual person, through a computer screen. A 3-D dating and hooking up site.

 

He says he loves me to death and nothing or anyone would jeapodise our real life relationship

 

Then why is he letting this jeopardize your relationship? He'd have to be a dunce to not see that this is hurting you and your relationship, yet he continues to do it. If he loves you like he says, why is he continuing to do something that is tearing you apart?

 

Honestly, I don't see a compromise here. He can't be hooking up - even virtually - like that and still expect to maintain a decent marriage, particularly since you feel the way you do about it.

[Krytellan]

Nowhere in the post did I see that he is "hooking up" with people on this game. I have been a gamer for the past almost 10 years and I know what the culture is like.

 

If your problem is that he's spending too much time on the computer and letting other real life things slide (attention, chores, etc) then that is a valid argument. I know first hand how 6 hours can go by in what seems like minutes when you are engrossed in the game.

 

As far as the gamer relationship thing, I'm sorry, but you really need to look at your own reasons for this bothering you. I can only assume that you have low self-esteem to let cartoons and pixels affect you like this. You seriously need to work on yourself on this point. My wife would watch me sometimes and there would be interactions with others, but if she ever would have said anything about being jealous about avatars I would have laughed at her. I think it's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard (after men shouldn't need to masturbate when in a relationship).

 

If he's not given you any other reason to doubt him then you seriously will have yourself to blame if this drives a wedge between you. IT'S ANIMATED for pete's sake. Get over it. He plays it until 3AM because video games are incredibly stimulating for thousands of reasons beyond "cybering". You may need to seek some help to understand why you feel so intimidated by a cartoon image. He invites you to sit with him... come on.

 

Maybe the two of you should find what's really lacking in your relationship if this is a problem.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I've been a serious gamer for many, many years myself - mostly geek RPG stuff, but even I know that Second Life is almost entirely about hooking up. Its not really a game, so much as it is a simulated life that you live online. Second Life even has interfacing for sex toys now.

 

Now, I do know people who make mods for the game and they spend their time setting up shops, 'selling' their items, making landmasses, etc - but this guy is not doing that.

 

Nowhere in the post did I see that he is "hooking up" with people on this game.

 

He's selected a mate, and intends to partner up with her - and yes, in Second Life you get to have cybersex with your partner and watch your avatars get it on while vocalizing your pleasure in IM.

 

This isn't an NPC he's doing this with. Its an actual person on the other end of the connection. Someone who he has obviously formed an attachment to in a different way than say, my character selects a wife in Fable. My friend who plays this has similar attachments - he is always talking about how he hooked up with this person, that person in the game. He's married too. With children. I don't know if his wife knows, but I do know this - it is a 3D cybersex opportunity, and he has even brought his laptop over to my house and shown me this. I played it for a couple of days myself, and it didn't take me long to realize what it was. I'm a gamer, not a 'hooking up online' person - so I ditched Second Life. There was nothing to play but other people.

 

I would have an entirely different answer if this were a single player non-interactive game, or even if it was a MMORPG and he was simply stuck in World of Warcrack, or Evercrack, or even LOTRcrack.

 

Yes, Second Life is just an animated game - but the people behind those avatars are real, and they interact via IM/chat and cyber with each other right there in 3D. This isn't Hot Coffee where your character bangs an NPC. This is interactive, and obviously a great detriment to this girl's relationship.

 

I seriously doubt its the game that this guy is addicted to, so much as it is the real attention of the other women he's getting through this game.

[BohemeRose]

I just want to say, thank you for posting this. This was a serious problem for my boyfriend and I, though not with Second Life but a different RPG, but it boiled down to the same thing. He was roleplaying sex and whathaveyou with these female avatars constantly, and it was getting to me. Mostly because we're in a long distance relationship and I felt that if he couldn't get his "jollies" with me, he shouldn't be seeking out others online to do so. What I didn't see was that he wasn't playing to get off, he was playing just to play the game.

 

Anyway, you really just have to remind yourself that it's just a game. More often than not, the players of these other avatars live far, far away. And sometimes? They're actually men playing women! The point is, he's not there trying to meet these other women, he's just playing a game. You don't want to complicate your relationship over a game.

[BohemeRose]

 

I would have an entirely different answer if this were a single player non-interactive game, or even if it was a MMORPG and he was simply stuck in World of Warcrack, or Evercrack, or even LOTRcrack.

 

Yes, Second Life is just an animated game - but the people behind those avatars are real, and they interact via IM/chat and cyber with each other right there in 3D. This isn't Hot Coffee where your character bangs an NPC. This is interactive, and obviously a great detriment to this girl's relationship.

 

I seriously doubt its the game that this guy is addicted to, so much as it is the real attention of the other women he's getting through this game.

 

Yeah, the RPG that MY boyfriend plays isn't 3-d like Second Life...You post everything you do. And people don't typically chat out of character, either. Perhaps that's why my view is far more lenient, but I also wonder if he's addicted to it because it's a new thing for him. I know that I typically lose interest in a game after a few weeks or a couple of months, as does my boyfriend.

 

Ah well.

[mental_traveller]

Tell him choose between you or the game.

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

Quite honestly, this guy needs a serious kick in the a*ss. He's totally disrespectful of you in so many ways I can't even count.

 

First, I understand that there's a certain excitement factor with online gaming. I know lots of people who became addicted to "Doom" when it came out, soI do understand how one can get caught up in something like this.

 

But it appears that your fiance is clearly ALSO caught up in the flirtation and excitement of all the attention he's getting from the women gamers. He's literally in Fantasy Land. I can't even tell you how many times I've read over the years about affairs starting through online gaming. Honestly, I've heard of it so much that I've lost count. This is how it always starts - the random 'friendships' that spring up between the female and male players, the comraderie they share while playing the game together, the private chatboxes that spring up between players during game play, and so on and so forth. It's so cliche at this point, it's almost laughable. But it's very much REAL and has been happening for years.

 

There is a particular women who always talks to him and flirts and he is always nice back to her. He tells me its just a game and im taking it too seriously.

Unfortunately, that's what alot of wives have told their husbands, only to be told exactly what you heard - that it's 'innocent.'

 

...and now he has said that its down to trust, and that i dont trust him and I am pushing him more in to the game.

Great attempt at DEFLECTION by blaming YOU for his behavior. Tell him to grow the he*ll up and own his sh*t.

 

...he told me that he was going to ask this women to be his partner in Second Life, because my jealously has gone out of control.

Seriously, HOW old is this a*ss? He sounds like a 14 year old.

 

He says he loves me to death and nothing or anyone would jeapodise our real life relationship

He's doing a FINE JOB of jeapordizing it ALL BY HIMSELF. There's nothing wrong with playing a game and getting enjoyment out of it. But when you start crossing the LINE like he's doing - with his pathetic little online flirtations and being disrespectful and acting like a total A*SS towards you, then yes - he's crossed the line.

 

You might want to consider putting a hidden keylogger on your computer so you can see just WHAT he's typing while you're in bed. That would pretty much give you an answer as to what he's REALLY doing at 3:00 am. It sounds like he's protesting WAY too much.

[Capricorn]

He needs to grow up. Theres nothing wrong with spending some time on the computer, I myself am on ebay everyday but I am selling stuff to make extra money not having affairs. He should be spending time with you not with some ho bags on the computer. Men like that are pathetic, so now he's blaming you for why he's gonna partner up with some loser ho on there instead of being honest and admit thats what he wanted to do anyway. God bless you and I hope things get better for you cause HE IS THE ONE THAT NEEDS COUNSELING!

[Bunta_babe]

Hi

 

I would like to thank you all for your replies. We sat down and had a long chat, he said he would be more fair to me, but that he was playing just a game and thats all it is. He said that I was typecasting him with all the males who do cheat and he wasnt one of them, he said if was playing battlefront 2142, till the early hours, i wouldnt have had a problem. I have seen how he gets carried away on this game, building and furnishing his house, sorting out his beach items and i have seen how long it takes to do anything. As for this other avatar, he said it was temper that he threatened to do that, so who knows.

 

I am hoping that like BohemeRose said, that it is a new thing and the interest will drop off.

 

I am not usually this weak, so it might have something to do with all the hormones surging around. I am trying to think logical about all this and at this present time i dont feel jealous, just angry with the amount of time been wasted on this game.

 

I am hoping that by the time the baby arrives, its all changed, as i feel there will be some serious relationship changes to be made.

 

Thank you again for your advice.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its unfortunate you backed down, and you will wish you had not later on. I can only hope you keep your eyes open before he gets too attached to this other woman he has met in this game - do not for a second believe he 'made it up' to piss you off. There have been more than a few MM who gaslighted their wives that way. If you want to see what you are in for, read this article about a woman who - like you - looked the other way when her husband got involved with Second Life.

 

A telling quote from the article:

 

Sitting alone in the living room in front of the television, Mrs. Hoogestraat says she worries it will be years before her husband realizes that he's traded his real life for a pixilated fantasy existence, one that doesn't include her.

 

Here is the article in question.

[milvushina]

That game sounds horrible to me. I can't believe people spend real money to get virtual currency in a game where you just live a simulated life. I think you could compromise, I think he could trade something for Second Life. Nobody should have to give up video games completely. I can play my RPGs for 10 hours at a stretch BUT I do it when the H is asleep or doesn't feel like doing anything.

 

Role-playing romantic relationships is pretty lame. He needs to take you seriously when you say that hurts your feelings. He needs to trade SL for something like WoW where you actually do adventures and don't just play house constantly. Man that sounds like a dumb game but I bet it is raking in the money.

 

That was a good article Lucrezia...and sad..

[BUZZIN_NICE]

I am the fiance of Bunta Babe.

 

I haven't truly read all the comments but I've seen a few and I find it ridiculous that there are some real fools here, obviously without no real life of there own, to be able to comment so passionately about someone else life such as my own. Firstly, to the fools that are so fast to tarnish me, how sad is it that, you feel you can comment on me and about me after reading a short paragraph of the situation from only one of the affected people? YOU ARE TRUE FOOLS WITH BIG MOUTHS.

 

From the horses mouth...

 

Second life... yes I play it, a lot. I used to play other games alot also. The computer is life my television, so if you like your tv's and tend to spend hours watching programs and soap, drama programs etc please do consider the fact that my Computer is my TV!

 

I've never had an issue with playing games or using the computer before and neither has Bunta has an issue with it, unless she has not told me.

 

We are a family of 5 atm with another child on the way. Two of the children are my fiancees from a previous relationship. I come home from work and the children have the tv programs on, I prefer to do something else which I may have interest in such as go on the internet, check my email etc...

 

6 O'clock comes and the only program I watch on tv, i can no longer view due to a new childrens tv program starting, to keep things happy i go back to my computer because Bunta told me that I could not have news on...

 

This is fine i dont acually mind because i can see all the news i wish on the internet.

 

During the evening on TV are items i have no interest in at all, just TV junk that my fiancee enjoy and also mainly her daughter. I feel maybe awkward to turn it over to another program while they are engrossed anyway...

So i go back to my computer, have done for over 12 months, usually playing Battlefield 2142 without an ounce of an issue from anybody, family was watching TV enjoying some entertainment, I was also playing BF2142 having fun and entertainment.

 

Next...

 

Before we realised that my fiancee was infact pregnant giving a valid reason, my partner often used to fall asleep upstairs when putting the youngest daughter (2.5 yrs) to bed, often I was left waiting around for her until at times of 1.30am when she awakened and came down to me. I often did get bored and lonely during this time so I went back on to the computer and played Battlefield 2142 or chatted with good mates on IRC, this was before we even knew of the pregnancy which makes it totally understandable now.

 

I find a new game called Second Life, I play it instead of Battlefield 2142, its great, some people hate it, some love it, many people have different opinions of it. What your opinion of this game is exactly that! Please dont label me on your own assessment of Second Life, many of whom I totally disagree with.

 

I play second life as a game, exactly what it is. Those who take it more seriously are foolish, I do not take second life seriously although I do enjoy it, but why can I not?, is there a rule to say I cannot? I dont have sex with people and no I do not flirt with anybody. I play with my mates and we often socialise with others, something I could do down the pub if i so wished. Just because some of you have a totally twisted view on second life does not mean it effects us all. Its definately not a hook-up game, those who feel it is, simply have not got a clue about what they are talking about! It is more like a social network - it is still ok to have friends nowadays isnt it?

 

I can put my hand on my heart and speak on my children's lives that Bunta is the only one for me, I've no interest in anybody else whatsoever. Of course there are some very nice and also very beautiful people are about but I would never dream of seeing anyone other than Bunta period. The problem starts because she has trouble believing this.

 

What the real issue for me here is Trust. I believe that Bunta is no longer trusting me. I have a 6yr relationship, I feel trust to be of the upmost importance, something i strive to have in a relationship yet after 6 yrs and I dont seem to have any placed within me. I feel disgusted to be honest. I've never done anything across bunta in all of the 6 yrs yet I'm angry and annoyed that i cannot be trusted. She mentions that i talk nice to a particular women in second life, in the first post... that is complete nonsense. I talk nice to everybody, as i do in real life provided they also talk to me nicely and with respect. I treat people as I find. Why should I not, because bunta disapproves of me being polite and kind? So that means i have to be an ignorant and be down right rude?

 

lately, it feels like bunta is looking over my shoulder, spying on me, she even logged into my own account as me in second life which is the lowest of the low, yet i do not hide anything from her. I have open accounts on my pc, she uses my account, all my emails come to the same place, she has full access to view them all, msn messenger she can see the lot and I have no problem with this.

 

I am however, becoming extremely frustrated at the feeling of no trust, which i dont deserve. its driving a wedge between us and i feel hurt because of this. I often feel the lack of trust is pushing me to maybe rebel.

 

I'm sorry for going on a bit but i'm trying to give a genuine account of the situation. there are things i'm sure i've missed etc but this is generally the situation.

 

My gaming is no different from when i was playing Battlefield 2142 to Second Life, I honestly see second life as just a game with a potential to maybe earn from a business there some day in the future. I dont wish to leave my fiancee for a bloody second life avatar! I dont feel i should be punished for doing nothing different but play a different game. I have not done anything wrong or against bunta apart from a few later nights which I do accept and hold my hand up to.

[BUZZIN_NICE]

Quite honestly, this guy needs a serious kick in the a*ss. He's totally disrespectful of you in so many ways I can't even count.

 

First, I understand that there's a certain excitement factor with online gaming. I know lots of people who became addicted to "Doom" when it came out, soI do understand how one can get caught up in something like this.

 

But it appears that your fiance is clearly ALSO caught up in the flirtation and excitement of all the attention he's getting from the women gamers. He's literally in Fantasy Land. I can't even tell you how many times I've read over the years about affairs starting through online gaming. Honestly, I've heard of it so much that I've lost count. This is how it always starts - the random 'friendships' that spring up between the female and male players, the comraderie they share while playing the game together, the private chatboxes that spring up between players during game play, and so on and so forth. It's so cliche at this point, it's almost laughable. But it's very much REAL and has been happening for years.

 

Unfortunately, that's what alot of wives have told their husbands, only to be told exactly what you heard - that it's 'innocent.'

 

Great attempt at DEFLECTION by blaming YOU for his behavior. Tell him to grow the he*ll up and own his sh*t.

 

Seriously, HOW old is this a*ss? He sounds like a 14 year old.

 

He's doing a FINE JOB of jeapordizing it ALL BY HIMSELF. There's nothing wrong with playing a game and getting enjoyment out of it. But when you start crossing the LINE like he's doing - with his pathetic little online flirtations and being disrespectful and acting like a total A*SS towards you, then yes - he's crossed the line.

 

You might want to consider putting a hidden keylogger on your computer so you can see just WHAT he's typing while you're in bed. That would pretty much give you an answer as to what he's REALLY doing at 3:00 am. It sounds like he's protesting WAY too much.

 

HOW DARE YOU TALK OF ME IN HIS WAY WHEN YOU KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT ME APART FROM A THREAD YOU HAVE READ.

 

YOU ARE A TOTAL *SS, YOU ARE ALSO LIKE A CHILD IN NAPPIES WITH SUCH COMMENTS AND DEROGATREY STATEMENTS TOWARDS ME.

 

YOU HAVE A TWISTED MIND.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I would never dream of seeing anyone other than Bunta period. The problem starts because she has trouble believing this.

 

How can she when she is faced with this:

 

There is a particular women who always talks to him and flirts and he is always nice back to her.

 

he told me that he was going to ask this women to be his partner in Second Life

 

The fact that it is a game isn't the issue here. Your relationship with this other woman via this game is. Do you think that just because it is online, that is supposed to be somehow less hurtful? Your wife sees your attention being given to another woman. She doesn't care that its through a game. That is beside the point. The point is that you are paying attention to another woman, PERIOD (or at the very least she perceives it that way).

 

She mentions that i talk nice to a particular women in second life, in the first post... that is complete nonsense. I talk nice to everybody

 

Yes, but how many of those other people have given your wife enough concern here to post about it, and how many other of those people who you are nice to have you asked to partner up with ingame? Its not like your player character is interacting with an NPC. You are interacting with another live woman, and THAT is what bothers your wife. Can you blame your wife for being worried?

[BUZZIN_NICE]

How can she when she is faced with this:

 

 

 

The fact that it is a game isn't the issue here. Your relationship with this other woman via this game is. Do you think that just because it is online, that is supposed to be somehow less hurtful? Your wife sees your attention being given to another woman. She doesn't care that its through a game. That is beside the point. The point is that you are paying attention to another woman, PERIOD (or at the very least she perceives it that way).

 

 

 

Yes, but how many of those other people have given your wife enough concern here to post about it, and how many other of those people who you are nice to have you asked to partner up with ingame? Its not like your player character is interacting with an NPC. You are interacting with another live woman, and THAT is what bothers your wife. Can you blame your wife for being worried?

 

I have a friendly relationship with many people in second life and in real life as a matter of fact, not just a single women within second life that you seem to keep pointing out - I already pointed out that this was nonsense but maybe you had some difficulty understanding that.

 

FYI, I've not asked anyone to partner with me and I dont intend to - neither have I been asked to partner. I also tell everybody I meet about my family and my fiancee, I also clearly state that second life is second life and not my real life. Its easy and self explanatary from my previous post to see I speak nice to all people if they speak to me with politeness - why are you associating me with just talking to women? The problem was that Bunta felt jealous of one of my friends, i didnt know until later when she told me but I cant control who comes and talks to me and who does not! Thats plain ridiculous, maybe i need a notepad with names of acceptable chat friends - Bit over the top I feel and actually bordering on controlling me. I dont need that, all I need is trust because I dont have any harmful intentions there.

 

Of course I accept at the heat of the moment I told Bunta I was going to partner with somebody else, I regret saying it and I accept I was totally wrong. It was in the heat of the moment, I was very frustrated and also very hurt at feeling disbelieved when I have actually done nothing wrong in terms of being faithful. Have you never said anything that was wrong which you regret or are you perfect?

 

As you are so perfect, or so it seems, and as you seem to know the exact right and wrongs, tell me please what would you do in the situation if you honestly found yourself in it? Have you truly ever been in a situation when you thought trust was a major part in your relationship on to find that you are not trusted at all?

 

Also, if you were able to read my previous post properly with at least some degree of ability, surely you would see exactly my point which you have also raised! I know full well this issue is nothing to do with the game - I believe my issue is with 'Trust' (as previously stated). Yes, I think we both have needs and issues, its something we now need to work on. I am unhappy currently that I feel distrusted, when I know thousands of people can cheat etc but I have never cheated and I'm sure I never will.

 

So for all you people to quickly label me as a cheat etc I'm sorry but you are totally wrong.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

maybe the bottom line is that adults in grown-up, big-people, real-world relationships shouldn't be playing games like children do.

 

just a thought.

[BUZZIN_NICE]

Well that is one of the most childish comments i've seen in a long-time!

 

Just because you dont agree or like them, that is so childish and do you really think that the millions of adult gamers will agree with you?

 

Do tell me you spend all your time listening to the radio, or watching soaps that are not real either?

 

Just a thought

 

maybe the bottom line is that adults in grown-up, big-people, real-world relationships shouldn't be playing games like children do.

 

just a thought.

 

 

PS. I forgot to mention... its after 2am here, and suprise suprise I'm not talking to females in Second Life! Actually I'm not in Second Life at all I'm here replying to this thread... Just because I sometimes choose to say awake a little later in my well earned holiday period, does not mean I'm out cheating on my fiancee!

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Well that is one of the most childish comments i've seen in a long-time!

 

Just because you dont agree or like them, that is so childish and do you really think that the millions of adult gamers will agree with you?

 

Do tell me you spend all your time listening to the radio, or watching soaps that are not real either?

 

Just a thought

 

i don't care who agrees with me. millions of you just means there are more fools in the world.

 

no, i do not spend much time listening to the radio, and no time at all watching soap operas. and even if i were, those activities do not require or encourage participants to take part in pseudo-sexual intercourse with others. if these innoculous activities bothered my partner, i would summon up my adult duties and prioritize.

 

if pointing out that adults should act like adults is childish, then i would rather be a child than your brand of 'adult'. grow up and stop looking for excuses to play games, have cybersex, and insult your wife.

 

i guess you're not accustomed to being asked to act like a real man; it seemed to hit a real sore spot. get used to it.

[BUZZIN_NICE]

i don't care who agrees with me. millions of you just means there are more fools in the world.

 

no, i do not spend much time listening to the radio, and no time at all watching soap operas. and even if i were, those activities do not require or encourage participants to take part in pseudo-sexual intercourse with others. if these innoculous activities bothered my partner, i would summon up my adult duties and prioritize.

 

if pointing out that adults should act like adults is childish, then i would rather be a child than your brand of 'adult'. grow up and stop looking for excuses to play games, have cybersex, and insult your wife.

 

i guess your not accustomed to being asked to act like a real man; get used to it.

 

Obviously, its pointless me having a convo with you because you have zero intelligence just a one track mind and you and your views are the only correct ones.

 

Also your statements are incorrect, can u not read?

 

LMAO, what a biased fool.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Obviously, its pointless me having a convo with you because you have zero intelligence just a one track mind and you and your views are the only correct ones.

 

Also your statements are incorrect, can u not read?

 

LMAO, what a biased fool.

 

wow. i can see why you feel the need to clutch onto these games so ferociously. you have nothing else. good luck to you. go play.

[BUZZIN_NICE]

wow. i can see why you feel the need to clutch onto these games so ferociously. you have nothing else. good luck to you.

 

 

Tell me what do you have?

 

What do you do in your time, let me insult like u insult my interest just cuz u dont share it.

 

Please dont speak unless you've something productive to say.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I already pointed out that this was nonsense but maybe you had some difficulty understanding that.

 

I'm just going on what your wife posted. I'm not the one having difficulty with it. Your wife is.

 

why are you associating me with just talking to women?

 

Because that was the impression I got from your wife's post. It wasn't 'women' it was one particular woman - the same one you rashly told your wife you were going to partner up with ingame.

 

It was in the heat of the moment, I was very frustrated and also very hurt at feeling disbelieved when I have actually done nothing wrong in terms of being faithful.

 

Except give your wife the impression that you have an ingame girlfriend. The last thing you want to threaten an insecure person with is cheating on any level. You know why? Because they will believe you, whether you were serious about it or not. It will be a long time before this one blows over.

 

Have you never said anything that was wrong which you regret or are you perfect?

 

That is hilarious, given some of the stuff I've posted here. Sorry, guess you had to be there. That's an inside joke more or less.

 

As you are so perfect, or so it seems, and as you seem to know the exact right and wrongs, tell me please what would you do in the situation if you honestly found yourself in it? Have you truly ever been in a situation when you thought trust was a major part in your relationship on to find that you are not trusted at all?

 

What would I do? wouldn't angrily defend my right to do something that I KNEW was hurting my partner. I would do everything in my power to try to see it from their point of view, and then go from there. I try to understand anger, not simply defend myself from it. Yes, it stings knowing you aren't trusted - but what have you done that can be said to gain her trust instead of causing her suspicion? Chatting with this particular woman, and expressing an interest in partnering up her, and then getting all defensive and angry about it isn't a way to gain her trust.

 

Also, if you were able to read my previous post properly with at least some degree of ability

 

Oh, I read your stuff with ability alright. I tend to read between the lines, and your posts, what you say and how you say it say much more to me than anything you actually write here. I imagine that fights with your wife are like this as well. Derisive, sarcastic, bombastic, saying rash and mean things as a way to make yourself seem 'right' when backed into a corner. But I digress...

 

I know full well this issue is nothing to do with the game - I believe my issue is with 'Trust' (as previously stated). Yes, I think we both have needs and issues, its something we now need to work on. I am unhappy currently that I feel distrusted, when I know thousands of people can cheat etc but I have never cheated and I'm sure I never will.

 

What have you done to earn that trust? You say you have never cheated, yet your wife is under the impression that you have an online girlfriend whom you intend to partner up with. What I think is beside the point. What is important here is what your wife thinks. Can you see how she may see that as cheating? You may see it as simple online play. She sees it as much more. Until the two of you can see from each other's point of view, and accept how the other feels and try to understand it this whole thing will go nowhere.

 

So for all you people to quickly label me as a cheat etc I'm sorry but you are totally wrong.

 

Having an online relationship with a woman, even if it is through a game and intending to partner up with her is cheating to many people. Apparently it is to your wife too, or else she wouldn't be crying over this and distraught. We all know you don't think you are cheating. Perhaps you should pay less attention to that, and more to what your wife thinks about it. Stop being defensive, and try to see it from her point of view. At the very least, doing so will bring you a step closer to solving this problem.

[BUZZIN_NICE]

I'm just going on what your wife posted. I'm not the one having difficulty with it. Your wife is.

 

 

 

Because that was the impression I got from your wife's post. It wasn't 'women' it was one particular woman - the same one you rashly told your wife you were going to partner up with ingame.

 

 

 

Except give your wife the impression that you have an ingame girlfriend. The last thing you want to threaten an insecure person with is cheating on any level. You know why? Because they will believe you, whether you were serious about it or not. It will be a long time before this one blows over.

 

 

 

That is hilarious, given some of the stuff I've posted here. Sorry, guess you had to be there. That's an inside joke more or less.

 

 

 

What would I do? wouldn't angrily defend my right to do something that I KNEW was hurting my partner. I would do everything in my power to try to see it from their point of view, and then go from there. I try to understand anger, not simply defend myself from it. Yes, it stings knowing you aren't trusted - but what have you done that can be said to gain her trust instead of causing her suspicion? Chatting with this particular woman, and expressing an interest in partnering up her, and then getting all defensive and angry about it isn't a way to gain her trust.

 

 

 

Oh, I read your stuff with ability alright. I tend to read between the lines, and your posts, what you say and how you say it say much more to me than anything you actually write here. I imagine that fights with your wife are like this as well. Derisive, sarcastic, bombastic, saying rash and mean things as a way to make yourself seem 'right' when backed into a corner. But I digress...

 

 

 

What have you done to earn that trust? You say you have never cheated, yet your wife is under the impression that you have an online girlfriend whom you intend to partner up with. What I think is beside the point. What is important here is what your wife thinks. Can you see how she may see that as cheating? You may see it as simple online play. She sees it as much more. Until the two of you can see from each other's point of view, and accept how the other feels and try to understand it this whole thing will go nowhere.

 

 

 

Having an online relationship with a woman, even if it is through a game and intending to partner up with her is cheating to many people. Apparently it is to your wife too, or else she wouldn't be crying over this and distraught. We all know you don't think you are cheating. Perhaps you should pay less attention to that, and more to what your wife thinks about it. Stop being defensive, and try to see it from her point of view. At the very least, doing so will bring you a step closer to solving this problem.

 

 

I actually do respect your last post and i thank you for it. It is by far the most preductive post of this thread so far, had it does have some very valid points which i do take on board.

 

But, I must stress I'm not having a relationship with said women or any other for that matter, solely my fiancee.

[Marzy_Monarch]

I am the fiance of Bunta Babe.

 

I haven't truly read all the comments but I've seen a few and I find it ridiculous that there are some real fools here, obviously without no real life of there own, to be able to comment so passionately about someone else life such as my own. Firstly, to the fools that are so fast to tarnish me, how sad is it that, you feel you can comment on me and about me after reading a short paragraph of the situation from only one of the affected people? YOU ARE TRUE FOOLS WITH BIG MOUTHS.

 

If I were you I wouldn't be worried about what people are saying about you & more about the way you are making your partner feel.

 

I am however, becoming extremely frustrated at the feeling of no trust, which i dont deserve. its driving a wedge between us and i feel hurt because of this. I often feel the lack of trust is pushing me to maybe rebel.

 

Can't you see you are part of the reason that there is a wedge between the two of you? Maybe you both need to voice your opinions & worries & come to an decision between the two of you.

 

But honestly, how can she trust you when you lash out when she tells you her wories by

he told me that he was going to ask this women to be his partner in Second Life, because my jealously has gone out of control

That is childish & just makes her worries worse.