movinon05 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 What problems? Or do you consider intelligent discussion to be a problem? No, the problems start when you ask a question, you get an answer, and then you put words in other people's mouths! Its that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 And still, no response. Thank you, that's what I thought. I don't see the point in responding. You don't listen. You twist things around and make stuff up to work into your agenda. I know I've told you my story before but obviously you don't listen so what's the point in repeating it. I've never knowingly had an A with a MM and I believe As are wrong. And ..... when my ex-H cheated on me he did it becasue he wanted to sleep with another woman, so he did. Not because he lost his mind. I prefer to not live in denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Thanks for the quote. That is very true that most A thrive off lies an deciept. Who tells those lies? I want you to pay special attention to the lines I quote you here on. I submit to you that your H did not suffer some kind of temporary insanity. Why do you believe that your H did this to you and your family?? Well, let's look at what he did shall we? He responded to a call for "household help" from a divorced mom and mutual acquantance of ours. She then started emailing him (and he back). They went to lunch. They called. I saw all the emails, very sappy and serious on her part, friendly and noncommital but flirtatious on his. She offered to sleep with him, he declined, feigning fear of pregnancy (saw those emails too). He finally told her it wasn't going to happen and that she needed to find herself a single guy. The day after he told her that she spilled and told me, obviously hoping I would throw him out. I don't know, you're a man, why do you think he did it? She was very flattering, do you think that's it? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Actually Cobra, she didn't just offer to sleep with him, after he declined to sleep with her because he was afraid of her getting pregnant, she offered to let him cum on her face. I've gotta think that's a pretty good offer for a guy, am I right? Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Well, let's look at what he did shall we? He responded to a call for "household help" from a divorced mom and mutual acquantance of ours. She then started emailing him (and he back). They went to lunch. They called. I saw all the emails, very sappy and serious on her part, friendly and noncommital but flirtatious on his. She offered to sleep with him, he declined, feigning fear of pregnancy (saw those emails too). He finally told her it wasn't going to happen and that she needed to find herself a single guy. The day after he told her that she spilled and told me, obviously hoping I would throw him out. I don't know, you're a man, why do you think he did it? She was very flattering, do you think that's it? Really? Either you have chosen to leave alot out or you have no clue of what an A is. The story you just told is just about a W hitting on your H and him declining her. That's not an A. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Well, let's look at what he did shall we? He responded to a call for "household help" from a divorced mom and mutual acquantance of ours. She then started emailing him (and he back). They went to lunch. They called. I saw all the emails, very sappy and serious on her part, friendly and noncommital but flirtatious on his. She offered to sleep with him, he declined, feigning fear of pregnancy (saw those emails too). He finally told her it wasn't going to happen and that she needed to find herself a single guy. The day after he told her that she spilled and told me, obviously hoping I would throw him out. I don't know, you're a man, why do you think he did it? She was very flattering, do you think that's it? Problem # 1. You were informed about this from her, not him. Do you feel he would have told you about this down the road? Or is it something that he would have kept to himself. Problem # 2. I dont know the extent of the "flirtatousness", however as I guy I can tell you that you dont flirt with someone you are not interested in. Is there a reason he should be interested in anyone but you? Does his ego require more than you can provide? If so you may have a more long term issue. Good thing #1. He did not take that second step. There could have been any number of reasons for that. He could have gotten cold feet, realized what he could be potentially losing, or not have found her to be that attractive. Lastly, it sounds as though there was some contact involved that was not in email format. Do you know exactly what was said during those time periods? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Really? Either you have chosen to leave alot out or you have no clue of what an A is. The story you just told is just about a W hitting on your H and him declining her. That's not an A. He called her almost every day behind my back, had lunch with her a few times, emailed with her, all behind my back. I also know that they kissed. I consider that a betrayal. Like I said, similar to AP's situation. She considers it an affair. So what's an affair then? Only if the couple has intercourse? I guess AP didn't have an affair either. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Actually Cobra, she didn't just offer to sleep with him, after he declined to sleep with her because he was afraid of her getting pregnant, she offered to let him cum on her face. I've gotta think that's a pretty good offer for a guy, am I right? LOL... Yeah, nothing to worry about... I get that kind of offer all the time! Look, in my experience women dont just throw themselves at you unless your some kind of famous. Is this lady mentally ill? Either way.... it really doesnt jibe here. I'm not going to go to lunch with a woman... that isnt my wife, if I dont have some kind of interest there. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 He called her almost every day behind my back, had lunch with her a few times, emailed with her, all behind my back. I also know that they kissed. I consider that a betrayal. Like I said, similar to AP's situation. She considers it an affair. So what's an affair then? Only if the couple has intercourse? I guess AP didn't have an affair either. Yup. You're husband had an affair. The above points all constitute an affair. You conveniently glossed over these facts in the previous post in order to justify your point. You tend to do that alot. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 LOL... Yeah, nothing to worry about... I get that kind of offer all the time! Look, in my experience women dont just throw themselves at you unless your some kind of famous. Is this lady mentally ill? Either way.... it really doesnt jibe here. I'm not going to go to lunch with a woman... that isnt my wife, if I dont have some kind of interest there. Maybe he was going through the proverbial "midlife crisis" and just felt good getting "strokes" from a woman who wasn't "required" to give them. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 LOL... Yeah, nothing to worry about... I get that kind of offer all the time! Really? Darn. I thought I was the first. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Problem # 1. You were informed about this from her, not him. Do you feel he would have told you about this down the road? Or is it something that he would have kept to himself. Hell no, he would never have told me, and I wouldn't blame him. That's just stupid. Problem # 2. I dont know the extent of the "flirtatousness", however as I guy I can tell you that you dont flirt with someone you are not interested in. Is there a reason he should be interested in anyone but you? Does his ego require more than you can provide? If so you may have a more long term issue. Is there a reason he should be interested in anyone but me? I can't think of one, I'm very good looking(I know how that sounds, but it's true), love sex, I don't know, I certainly didn't say all the sappy, juvenile things she said to him. Does his ego require more than I can provide? Probably, he's charming, good-looking, successful and he knows it. Men like him have boundless egos, he's a bottomless pit for attention. So if I have a more longterm issue (it's already been 20 years), then it's a longterm issue, I'm not going to bail know because of "what-ifs" Good thing #1. He did not take that second step. There could have been any number of reasons for that. He could have gotten cold feet, realized what he could be potentially losing, or not have found her to be that attractive. I think he realized that he would've crossed a line that I wouldn't forgive him for. Funny thing is, I don't think having sex with someone else is the worst thing you can do to your spouse, I think lying to them is (if he read this he'd go NOW YOU TELL ME!) Lastly, it sounds as though there was some contact involved that was not in email format. Do you know exactly what was said during those time periods? Nope, and I never will, and doesn't that just suck? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Yup. You're husband had an affair. The above points all constitute an affair. Great, do I get a prize? Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Great, do I get a prize? No. But your BS club membership comes with a toaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Look, in my experience women dont just throw themselves at you unless your some kind of famous. Is this lady mentally ill? I'm not a guy but I am a single woman and know how a lot of single women operate and have a lot of single guy friends. That is ABSOLUTELY true, women don't throw themselves at men unless they are in a band, famous, rich or super hot or unless the women are mentally ill. He called her almost every day behind my back, had lunch with her a few times, emailed with her, all behind my back. I also know that they kissed. I consider that a betrayal. Like I said, similar to AP's situation. She considers it an affair. So what's an affair then? Only if the couple has intercourse? I guess AP didn't have an affair either. that's an affair, no skirting around that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 LOL... Yeah, nothing to worry about... I get that kind of offer all the time! Look, in my experience women dont just throw themselves at you unless your some kind of famous. Is this lady mentally ill? Either way.... it really doesnt jibe here. I'm not going to go to lunch with a woman... that isnt my wife, if I dont have some kind of interest there. Oh I'm sure he was interested...like I said, he called her, emailed, had lunch (who knows what, or who, was on the menu)..Maybe when she started signing her emails "Love, OW" he kind of freaked out and realized she had something more serious in mind! She also told him she'd wait for him to leave his marriage. Do you think she's still waiting? I hope not. She might be mentally ill though. Don't think I haven't considered that. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 No. But your BS club membership comes with a toaster. Perfect, will my husband's balls fit in it? Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Perfect, will my husband's balls fit in it? Yup. That's exactly what its for. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Ok, Oyster... Here is what Im thinking. I'm drawing this from experience as a guy and a guy with lots of guy friends married and not married. It sounds like your H found himself in a situation where a woman took well to his flirtatous advances. Whether he was originally looking for this or not I cant tell with the info provided. He decided to move forward with this and build some kind of a secret relationship with this other woman... probably with the intent of an affair. However as the relationship progressed he found that she was not the type to keep her mouth shut about the deal, so he put an end to it. My strong guess is that he was looking for a PA, thought that this woman may be a good candidate. He realized at some point that she was going to demand he leave you, or began to feel she would spill the beans somehow. I think this is why AP's MM did not push the EA to the next level. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Ok, Oyster... Here is what Im thinking. I'm drawing this from experience as a guy and a guy with lots of guy friends married and not married. It sounds like your H found himself in a situation where a woman took well to his flirtatous advances. Whether he was originally looking for this or not I cant tell with the info provided. He decided to move forward with this and build some kind of a secret relationship with this other woman... probably with the intent of an affair. However as the relationship progressed he found that she was not the type to keep her mouth shut about the deal, so he put an end to it. My strong guess is that he was looking for a PA, thought that this woman may be a good candidate. He realized at some point that she was going to demand he leave you, or began to feel she would spill the beans somehow. I think this is why AP's MM did not push the EA to the next level. Interesting. Everyone takes well to his "flirtatious advances", even men. No silly, see, he's a very charismatic guy, he talks to everyone, people are always giving him things and doing favors for him and going out of their way for him, it's just the way he is. He always got bumped to first class, hotel clerks always give him the suite, do you get what I'm saying? I'm used to it but I think women take his charm to mean something more. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Interesting. Everyone takes well to his "flirtatious advances", even men. No silly, see, he's a very charismatic guy, he talks to everyone, people are always giving him things and doing favors for him and going out of their way for him, it's just the way he is. He always got bumped to first class, hotel clerks always give him the suite, do you get what I'm saying? I'm used to it but I think women take his charm to mean something more. I think we can all agree that in the case you described his charm did mean something more, if only at the time the A occurred. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Ok, Oyster... Here is what Im thinking. I'm drawing this from experience as a guy and a guy with lots of guy friends married and not married. It sounds like your H found himself in a situation where a woman took well to his flirtatous advances. Whether he was originally looking for this or not I cant tell with the info provided. He decided to move forward with this and build some kind of a secret relationship with this other woman... probably with the intent of an affair. However as the relationship progressed he found that she was not the type to keep her mouth shut about the deal, so he put an end to it. My strong guess is that he was looking for a PA, thought that this woman may be a good candidate. He realized at some point that she was going to demand he leave you, or began to feel she would spill the beans somehow. I think this is why AP's MM did not push the EA to the next level. Now that's spoken from a guy's prespective. I can see that. I can see my own guy falling into some of that, yup I can def see that. The difference was that if he did expect that from me the trick was on him because he ended up having to give much much more in order to be with me, than I had to give in order to be with him. Which is precisely why in my particular case I don't think my guy falls into the "cake eaters" mold or all the other mumbo jumbo lables that get thrown around here. A cake eater or serial cheater or whatever you wanna call them does not mobilize his life in order to be with the OW he tries to milk it on his terms. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I think we can all agree that in the case you described his charm did mean something more, if only at the time the A occurred. Absolutely, but it didn't mean that he was going to get divorced, marry her and father her children! It probably meant, yeah, I love the things you're telling me and offering me, keep it coming baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 i understand what you mean, i really do, and i don't mean to come off like i don't. i get it. i just wanted you to get me and what i was actually saying, not what you thought i was implying. it might not be what you agree with, but it isn't coming with the malice you might expect. i'm no angel, trust me on that one. Sorry KA meant to respond to this but was in meetings all aft... I know I know you didn't mean any harm, as I explained before your comments got thrown in with the rest of the comments I was mainly refering to which were from other posters the usual jabs and put downs and generalizations you will grow to love once you've been around here long enough. LOL Yours just got lost in the shuffle. I get what you were saying though. Glad we cleared that up and welcome aboard KA! Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Absolutely, but it didn't mean that he was going to get divorced, marry her and father her children! It probably meant, yeah, I love the things you're telling me and offering me, keep it coming baby. Pretty much. Most As don't start with the MM/MW wanting to get a divorce or leave their family and most never do. Link to post Share on other sites
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