Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Absolutely, but it didn't mean that he was going to get divorced, marry her and father her children! It probably meant, yeah, I love the things you're telling me and offering me, keep it coming baby. How long was your guy involved with the OW, IO? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Not long, he only met her (I introduced them) about 4 months before d-day. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Not long, he only met her (I introduced them) about 4 months before d-day. Ouch! She met him through you? That woman had no shame. At least it didn't go on any longer than a few months. I couldn't imagine being so depserate I would do after a friend's husband. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 IO why are you telling that story here? Its only ammunition for some. Trying to find a way to make the OW mean more to your H than she actually did or came to. I don't talk about my H much here anymore. It seems some have been lied to so much that they have a hard time believing that a repentant WS actually loses respect for the woman that was willing to help them cheat. It ain't fair, but it is what it is. That, and I can't believe how far off topic this thread has become. It started out as a gripe about how disrespected an OW was feeling in her A with MM - the boundaries she was trying to set. Don't defend yourself or your H here. Either he should speak for himself or it will be treated as your word against his. (I'm no good a humor, so try to laugh after you read this. LOL) Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Interesting. Everyone takes well to his "flirtatious advances", even men. No silly, see, he's a very charismatic guy, he talks to everyone, people are always giving him things and doing favors for him and going out of their way for him, it's just the way he is. He always got bumped to first class, hotel clerks always give him the suite, do you get what I'm saying? I'm used to it but I think women take his charm to mean something more. You cant really tell due to the electronic media, however I'm pretty much the same way. The director of marketing calls me the "schmooze", but in truth its more along the lines of snake charming... . Trust me when I say that sometimes women take it the wrong way... and sometimes he means it the wrong way. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I see your point NID, but I have nothing to hide. That said, you make sense. Duly noted. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Not long, he only met her (I introduced them) about 4 months before d-day. IO ooooh ok. In your case it sounds like it was most def a case of some extracurricular flirting that turned into a little more. Not sure too much emotion was vested in that, but who knows people have been known to get married in 5 months so..... I was mostly getting at the types of A that last a yr or over are not that breezy and easy to peg as just a "small" mistake.. Again these are rules of thumb I suppose to have as starting points for conclusions but there are all sort of things that can happen to alter that. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 1. Which is precisely why in my particular case I don't think my guy falls into the "cake eaters" mold or all the other mumbo jumbo lables that get thrown around here. 2. A cake eater or serial cheater or whatever you wanna call them does not mobilize his life in order to be with the OW he tries to milk it on his terms. 1. A cake eater is a man who has a girlfriend on the side while he stays married. Is your MM getting a divorce? If not, and he intends to stay married while dating you, then he is a cakeman by definition regardless of how well he treats you in your relationship. 2. Sure they do. Some cakemen buy their OW homes to live in, cars to drive, have children by them, and spend a good deal of time with them... but they continue to stay married, and will never consider divorce for whatever reason. Some cakemen keep their OW right up until death do them part - Charles Kuralt comes to mind here. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Not long, he only met her (I introduced them) about 4 months before d-day. Ewww I missed that, sorry to hear that. THAT'S horrible. WOW how did you meet her? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 IO why are you telling that story here? Its only ammunition for some. Trying to find a way to make the OW mean more to your H than she actually did or came to. I don't talk about my H much here anymore. It seems some have been lied to so much that they have a hard time believing that a repentant WS actually loses respect for the woman that was willing to help them cheat. It ain't fair, but it is what it is. That, and I can't believe how far off topic this thread has become. It started out as a gripe about how disrespected an OW was feeling in her A with MM - the boundaries she was trying to set. Don't defend yourself or your H here. Either he should speak for himself or it will be treated as your word against his. (I'm no good a humor, so try to laugh after you read this. LOL) Thats my bad! Look, truth is I dont think anyone is going to take advantage of her info. If they wanted to read the story, its easy to find. Listen, I think IO, would benefit from hearing a different perspective on this particular topic. Learn, that poeple in one section of this forum are not that different from ones on the other. Ever wonder why there are so few men in this section? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 1. A cake eater is a man who has a girlfriend on the side while he stays married. Is your MM getting a divorce? If not, and he intends to stay married while dating you, then he is a cakeman by definition regardless of how well he treats you in your relationship. 2. Sure they do. Some cakemen buy their OW homes to live in, cars to drive, have children by them, and spend a good deal of time with them... but they continue to stay married, and will never consider divorce for whatever reason. Some cakemen keep their OW right up until death do them part - Charles Kuralt comes to mind here. 1. Can't be known about TC's guy as she says he was already going through with a D, but he didn't move out until after some time had been that they were seeing each other....got his own place...at least that's how it read to me. 2. Yep. Totally agree. Its the act of eating one cake (the OW), and having it too (The W). Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Thats my bad! Look, truth is I dont think anyone is going to take advantage of her info. If they wanted to read the story, its easy to find. Listen, I think IO, would benefit from hearing a different perspective on this particular topic. Learn, that poeple in one section of this forum are not that different from ones on the other. Ever wonder why there are so few men in this section? Cobra, Look, You and I both know that learning is a two way street. Listen, There are some on this forum that won't learn that because they are too busy trying to force everyone else to believe as they do. Learn, A different perspective is nice, but only when it is offered as a different perspective, and not as the gospel truth. But, that said, I was trying to be funny. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 What's the point of having a ckae if you can't eat it? Isn't that what cake is for? If I had a cake, I'd eat it. We need a new analogy. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 1. A cake eater is a man who has a girlfriend on the side while he stays married. Is your MM getting a divorce? If not, and he intends to stay married while dating you, then he is a cakeman by definition regardless of how well he treats you in your relationship. 2. Sure they do. Some cakemen buy their OW homes to live in, cars to drive, have children by them, and spend a good deal of time with them... but they continue to stay married, and will never consider divorce for whatever reason. Some cakemen keep their OW right up until death do them part - Charles Kuralt comes to mind here. According to whom that's the definition of a cake eater. The guy was married but lived on his own. He did not sleep in her bed he slept in mine, he did not spend weekends with her he spent them with me, he did not say good night on the phone to her when we were not seeing each other (which was mostly my choice) he said it to me. He did not hide me to accomodate her, nor did he EVER not take a call from me because she was around which she wasn't. Yes he was still married, but I don't see how he is a cake eater if he is only getting emotional, sexual, and physica and spiritual support from me and Vice Versa? You know what? If I had known for a fact that he was never going to go back to his W, if they had ended things properly instead of him running away to be with me and running away from ending his marraige properly like a humna being with dignity would, I really could care less that he was still married. I really didn't care about the title itself I don't even know if I want to get married, my concern with him not getting D was that it would have been proof to me he was not going back to his M. And his W was always poking around in the picture because of couse she was begging him to move back home to salvage the marriage properly and this was the main battle. Rightly so for her she had no idea I was in the picture but still if he was truly done and felt comfortable in how he ended things with her there should have not been any hessitation in moving to the next step D. just this weekend he is telling me that he is trying to close things properly to wait for him 6 more months? LOL I burst out laughing when I read that. Little does he know I am already dating someone else and my days of wating for him to get his $ht together are DONE. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 According to whom that's the definition of a cake eater. The guy was married but lived on his own. He did not sleep in her bed he slept in mine, he did not spend weekends with her he spent them with me, he did not say good night on the phone to her when we were not seeing each other (which was mostly my choice) he said it to me. He did not hide me to accomodate her, nor did he EVER not take a call from me because she was around which she wasn't. Yes he was still married, but I don't see how he is a cake eater if he is only getting emotional, sexual, and physica and spiritual support from me and Vice Versa? You know what? If I had known for a fact that he was never going to go back to his W, if they had ended things properly instead of him running away to be with me and running away from ending his marraige properly like a humna being with dignity would, I really could care less that he was still married. I really didn't care about the title itself I don't even know if I want to get married, my concern with him not getting D was that it would have been proof to me he was not going back to his M. And his W was always poking around in the picture because of couse she was begging him to move back home to close the marriage properly and this was the main battle. Rightly so for her she had no idea I was in the picture but still if he was truly done and felt comfortable in how he ended things with her there should have not been any hessitation in moving to the next step D. just this weekend he is telling me that he is trying to close things properly to wait for him 6 more months? LOL I burst out laughing when I read that. Little does he know I am already dating someone else and my days of wating for him to get his $ht together are DONE. End his M properly? Six more months? This guy needs to have some sense smacked into him. Does his W know he only moved back to end it? That doesn't make any sense. You don't move back to end things. That's some seriously fuzzy logic there. Good for you having found some one else to date. Move on and forget about this loser. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 What's the point of having a ckae if you can't eat it? Isn't that what cake is for? If I had a cake, I'd eat it. We need a new analogy. Thats such a good point. Maybe two different types of cake! Or.... maybe ding dongs and ho ho's.... er no that just doesnt sound right. BTW... I caught that earlier comment! Your not getting a pass on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 End his M properly? Six more months? This guy needs to have some sense smacked into him. Does his W know he only moved back to end it? That doesn't make any sense. You don't move back to end things. That's some seriously fuzzy logic there. Good for you having found some one else to date. Move on and forget about this loser. I know The guy is completely out to lunch. He keeps writing me emails saying crap like, I still don't know what's going to happen to me but let's see 6 more months what happens. And I am THAT much of a bitch that I am not going to let him know either way that he has a chance with me. I don't respond to his emails. I LOVE the fact that he is stirring in his own pile of pooh and ruining any chance at anything postive for himself and in some way still banking on me. I know it's mean but tough. He messed with the wrong person. I never used to be this way but this guy really took me for a ride and now it's time for payback! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Can't be known about TC's guy as she says he was already going through with a D, but he didn't move out until after some time had been that they were seeing each other....got his own place...at least that's how it read to me. Ah... ok, gotcha. I'm in a very similar situation, only I'm more in her MM's shoes rather than in the OW position. I seem to remember finding a similarity with someone like that but couldn't remember who it was. If he is living in separately, is emotionally divorced, and intends to legally divorce then it would be kind of hard to categorize him as a cakeman, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Cobra, Look, You and I both know that learning is a two way street. Listen, There are some on this forum that won't learn that because they are too busy trying to force everyone else to believe as they do. Learn, A different perspective is nice, but only when it is offered as a different perspective, and not as the gospel truth. But, that said, I was trying to be funny. Yeah you like my look, listen, learn! Just used it in a meeting... LOL. It only works verbally, and with lots of space between each part... otherwise it can seem offensive.... LOL. No my point is that you cant control others, but you can control yourself. Be the bigger person, and if someone takes advantage. Well then they are the bad guy. However, in the OW side of this great big chat room, your mostly going to find those who are defensive, not particularly offensive. Oh, and when someone offers advice... you choose how to take it. They can come at you like its God's own truth... your choice how it rings in your ears! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I know The guy is completely out to lunch. He keeps writing me emails saying crap like, I still don't know what's going to happen to me but let's see 6 more months what happens. And I am THAT much of a bitch that I am not going to let him know either way that he has a chance with me. I don't respond to his emails. I LOVE the fact that he is stirring in his own pile of pooh and ruining any chance at anything postive for himself and in some way still banking on me. I know it's mean but tough. He messed with the wrong person. I never used to be this way but this guy really took me for a ride and now it's time for payback! Dont feel too bad about that. Some guys need in your face consequences to realize what they did was wrong. You may actually be helping to make him a better person... tough love! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Ah... ok, gotcha. I'm in a very similar situation, only I'm more in her MM's shoes rather than in the OW position. I seem to remember finding a similarity with someone like that but couldn't remember who it was. If he is living in separately, is emotionally divorced, and intends to legally divorce then it would be kind of hard to categorize him as a cakeman, eh? I'm sure you'll find a way :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Dont feel too bad about that. Some guys need in your face consequences to realize what they did was wrong. You may actually be helping to make him a better person... tough love! In all honesty I don't feel bad for him, I feel sort of bad for his STUPID and she IS stupid, W who thinks she still has a chance with this man when he is still tied up to me in one way or another. He keeps lying to her and is doing the EXACT same things he was doing under her nose when I first met him. And I feel sorry for her (and I don't....because she is a grown woman) but because he is still hanging on I feel bad that she might think she is having a "Fair" chance @ recovering their marriage because how much of a fair chance is he giving her is he is breaking every rule still. But heck I already told her once he had broken his promise to her, I am not about to keep sending msgs to let her know her Hs still lies. I dont get what kind of rel they have AT ALL. their rel is truly an anomaly to me. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 just this weekend he is telling me that he is trying to close things properly to wait for him 6 more months? Oh man, I posted way too early when I said he couldn't be called a cakeman. Tom, I thought he was over and done with his marriage. Asking you for six more months is not a good sign. What on earth is he waiting for? Six more months to do what? I can't imagine telling my guy that. The only thing keeping me from getting divorced is that in my state, you have to be living in separate residences for a year and a day before you can file. StbxH just moved out a couple of months ago after getting a great paying job and saving up for a nice townhouse. Still have a ways to go yet before we can file ... I guess in my case, stbxH and I are still close and divorcing isn't going to change that. We will still be friends, still be family members to each other as we raise our daughter and all that good stuff. There is no hard feelings about the man I'm with (they are friends and business partners, and my stbxH was actually the one who set us up), and OM has no problem with the way things are. So... there really isn't any reason to wait other than the fact that it is set up that way in our state. I couldn't imagine telling my guy to his face that I needed six more months, if I had the option to walk out right away. I can understand why you are mad. I would be too. Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Thats such a good point. Maybe two different types of cake! Or.... maybe ding dongs and ho ho's.... er no that just doesnt sound right. BTW... I caught that earlier comment! Your not getting a pass on that. having a present...and opening it, too? maybe? i don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Thats such a good point. Maybe two different types of cake! Or.... maybe ding dongs and ho ho's.... er no that just doesnt sound right. BTW... I caught that earlier comment! Your not getting a pass on that. I figured you'd get it ......... eventually ......... Link to post Share on other sites
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