Am I just marrying him

[icemaiden]

Hi Guys, need some advice. I am getting married in a few months and the wedding plans are going ok. However, Im getting abit stressed with my SO family members. They keep saying, "have you invited him" or "please dont tell me you're going to invite so and so" and I feel this is quite rude and it isnt there place to say. "Dont invite so and so because he's trouble" etc. Am I right in thinking that its not there place to say anything and its our day so tough??

 

His keep saying horrible things about other family and its really putting a downer on me and I just think "If you've got nothing good to say then just dont say it". I think its really selfish but then it could just be me.

 

Any advice would be great.

[norajane]

Can't you say something like, "SO and I have already made the guest list together, and we have invited the people we would like at our wedding. We aren't going to make any changes to the list at this point"

 

Or tell his family to talk to SO about it, and not you, since it's his family members.

[Zona76]

You both need to agree on the answer so you can keep it straight.

Smile and say, "Our day will be a special and meaningful one we will want to share with those close to us. And even if YOU chose not to join us we'll understand and not hold it against you."

Add, "We're not sharing our list."

[icemaiden]

I just couldnt beleive it. How dare they comment on who we want to invite!! It really made me angry I have visions of them sat at there table eating there meal and moaning about everyone and bitching about them. My fiance said that we wont be able to please everyone and I know this is right, but am I right in thinking that they are being rude?? Or am I being funny?

[curiousnycgirl]

They are behaving in a very typical/normal manner. This is what causes such stress before a wedding. Come up with your standard response, and stick with it.

 

Remember this will all pass and then you guys can begin your life together - so don't let it cause any huge arguments - as those will linger.

[SoHotZanzibar]

You can ask them to dis-invite anyone they do not like, personally

[quankanne]

hell, honey, I'd just smile sweetly at them as they offer "suggestions" then tell them, "You know what? I'll let you do that at your wedding. Because this is mine and Boo's wedding." Then walk off.

 

*sigh* I just hate when people do that. I'm so tempted to say, "Yeah, well, you ain't my mama, and even my mama has more respect for me than to pull this kind of crap."

 

:D:D:D just had a brilliant thought: Next time they start up, give them an innocent look of horror and say, "Those are wonderful suggestions, but you missed the deadline for input by" – look at your watch – "five minutes!"

[IMUSTBEAFOOL]

CONGRATS...ON THE WEDDING PLANS

 

I might be getting hitched as well

[mental_traveller]

I agree with you, their behaviour is rude. However, you may not want to needlessly cause bad blood with your partners family. I would discuss this with your fiance and tactfully ask him to tell them to back off a little. If that doesn't work then you will have to confront them yourself. But if you don't stand up to them then who will? Sometimes life requires confrontations, be firm but polite and make it clear that you expect your wishes (and those of your future husband) to be respected - it is your wedding after all, not theirs.

[Jinnah]

It's your wedding... you invite who you want... period. Tell them that their criticism of your guest list is stressing you out and you feel it is your right to decide who you want at YOUR wedding... heck have your fiance tell them.

 

It's important to handle this in a tactful manner so there isn't tension in the family.

[jmargel]

When you marry him, you marry his family. Trust me on this. Don't marry into a dysfunctional family.