I messed up *BIG* time with my girlfriend

[shiro kuma]

Hi,

 

This is in regards to my relationship with my girlfriend whom I have asked you about in the past.

 

Last Sunday it was my 22nd birthday, my friends and I were out that evening having a good time. My girlfriend and I were making out (and making plans to go have sex afterwards) 1st mistake I made was dance with another girl who was flirting with me in front of her, 2nd mistake I made was after the party to go party some more with my friends, 3rd *BIG* mistake I made that night was let a girl cuddle up on me (totally uncool) I didn't do anything with her but, there's the problem, I didn't do anything. I told my girlfriend about this the next day, she cried (I broke her heart).

 

I have screwed up a lot in our relationship (chance after chance was given to me) I blew it big time with what I did.

 

She was talking about ending our relationship (that literally made my heart jump to my stomach) I've pleaded with her to give me another chance because I realized that yes, I have taken her for granted but, I want to make things right, no more screw ups (these being listening and thinking, common sense). She keeps saying though, why should I give you another chance, to hurt me again? I want to make things right, and I realized that I don't want to date anyone else, I want her. My chest hurts. I tried bringing her flowers today but, she didn't want to accept them. She agreed to meet me tomorrow night to talk (but I'm not sure what to expect, the same of what I heard probably) she also said today, if I still feel like giving her the flowers tomorrow then to bring them. I want to make things right, and win her back but, I don't know how this will work if she won't give me a chance to show it.

 

I'm miserable, what can I do tomorrow, what can I say? I need help...please.

 

I have screwed up a ton but, she has always forgiven me and put her heart back out there then, I go and break it, I'm a piece of sh*t. She asks me what can I do to save our relationship....I can't find the answer. I want her back, please help me?

[DevilPenguinPunx]

I hate to tell you this man, but you probably can't. If she has seriously give you chance after chance, then it's over.

 

Your relationship with your girlfriend seem to be a neverending circle: You screwed up, you hates you, you ask forgiveness, she does forgive and then it repeats again. Everyone gets to their breaking point where enough is enough, and apparently she has reached hers. And honestly, I have to say she is smart. Getting hurt constantly by your boyfriend not only does emotional damage but also physical/mental damage as well.

 

However, if you really want her back, you have got to stop doing this stuff where you screw up. Think before you dive in as they say. If you are serious about this relationship, just tell her you know you screwed up in the past and you know you have hurt her before. Be honest with your feelings and tell her that you will work hard in trying to be committed in this relationship.

 

It may or may not work, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. Learn from this, move on, and try not to screw up the next relationship. It's part of life my friend. Good luck and I wish you the best.

[shiro kuma]

Well, tonight when we met up, I poured my heart out for another chance, and she cried, saying why should I? this went on for a while, I was honest with her and told her I would do anything to fix our relationship, she didn't buy into it. We were a hair away from breaking up but, I don't know what it was but, we started talking, laughing, remembering old times, and met up with one of her friends, they started talking about their trip to Europe, and we were all talking. She winked at me a couple of times (it felt good) and afterwards when her friend was going to drive her home she took my flowers and said thank you. She gave me a hug, and asked me when I'm free with this week, that felt so good. She really is special, and I am a lucky b@stard to have a girl like that. I'm not going to screw up again.

[DevilPenguinPunx]

That's great to hear!

 

Honestly, you are very, very lucky.

 

My advice for now: Make her happy and remember you are in a relationship. Remember that some of actions you make can/will affect her too. You say she is special, then show her she is by not letting her think that this was a bad move on her part. Like I said before, "Think before you leap".

 

Anyway, I'm glad things worked out for you and I wish you and your girl a happy, loving relationship.

[Trialbyfire]

Usually, people don't change unless there's trauma. Your g/f enables your bad behaviour by taking you back over and over again. I hope you did learn your lesson but something tells me you won't until she finally shuts it down permanently. Even then, until you realize why you have to keep pushing these buttons with her, you will repeat these cycles with your next g/f.

 

I hope you prove me wrong.

[shiro kuma]

Hi,

 

So she did end up breaking up with me, she was so hurt by what I did/have done. I broke her heart, made her cry, and was not the boyfriend that I could have been. I have to tell you it hurt, a lot, I cried when she did it over the phone because she felt that she could not see me (hurt her too much). All I could think about were all of those things I have done wrong in our relationship, thinking to myself how stupid I really was. I never want to do that to her (again) or to any other person.

 

Now, we started talking (she is still uncomfortable and uncertain about us) she sent me a picture of her through e-mail, she told me on the phone she was sending me a sexy picture, it was a nice picture of her (she told me she doesn't know why she sent it to me). We hung out last Monday, we to see a movie (Superbad). Half way through the movie she rests her head on my shoulder, tells me she is sad, I kiss her forehead, put my hand on her leg and leave it there for the rest of the film (I tried to hold her hand but, she pulled away her hand). Afterwards, we talk for a bit (things I have done wrong) and as I was walking her back to her bicycle, I ask if she still wants to do something else, she suggests we go to my place and watch a movie (I was surprised) she slept over as well. What happened was as we were watching the movie at my place, she had a pillow in her lap and told me to come lay down, it felt so nice having her brush her fingers through my hair. I laid next to her, she told me that she missed me...and well, we tried having sex but, she stopped it saying that we shouldn't be doing this.

 

She started crying, I hugged her, then I told her about my past, growing up (opening up to her, being honest). We laid in bed as I was telling her this, we then finished watching the movie, and went to sleep.

 

The next morning, she tries to have sex with me again but, stops saying the same thing. I make her and I breakfast, we watch 'HGTV' (it's her favorite channel) then she says that she needs to go to the mall to get some things for her house, I say that I'll come with her, we go together, have a bite to eat at the mall, hang out the whole day. When we finished at the mall, she asked me what should we do now, I suggest go back to my place and watch HGTV some more, she agrees. She tells me that maybe she shouldn't sleep over because it will only confuse us even more, when we are at my place, she asks me if it is okay if she could sleep over again, I say sure, she does (this baffles me). In the morning, I have to go to work, she gets ready to go as well, as she walks out the door, she blows me kiss as she smiles, I smile back.

 

We chat on the phone and make arrangements to hang out and go to the gym this past Friday but, when I get to her house, she is still painting and doing other things for her bathroom. I offer to help, and I do. She cooks dinner, and we just hang out. She shows me pictures from when she was away in Europe last winter for a couple of months. We sit on the couch, she is working on a painting, I'm surfing the net on her laptop, we talk. I play songs on her laptop and lay down on the couch (getting sleepy) after a while of this, she walks over and kisses me on the cheek bone (this surprises me) I've been giving her a kiss now and then on the shoulder or the forehead. She works for a bit longer, I relax on the couch. After a while she says that she is going to bed, I say okay, I'm going to sleep too. She heads off to bed, I'm laying on the couch thinking to myself wow, it would be nice to sleep next to her. I get restless and go to the washroom, as I walk back to the couch, she tells me to come sleep in bed with her, I say am I allowed to? she says well if i am saying you can, then you can. So I go to her bed, and fall asleep beside her. She cuddles next to me for a bit throughout the night, it was nice.

 

Next morning she has to get ready for work, she can't talk long, so I say I'm going now, as I near the door she comes and gives me a hug and kisses me on the neck and tells me to have a good day, I say it back. I walk out with a smile but, I am confused (she is too).

 

I don't know, she may think now that I am changing my ways that I am the guy she wants, but she may not know if she can forgive/forget the person I am/was...I do know that I feel the vibe, we connect when we talk and hang out together so, I may have a chance still...I don't know. One step at a time...?

[melodymatters]

"I don't know. One step at a time...?"

 

 

Yes ! Woman can't rebound from hurt that quickly. She is totally giving you another chance without defining it. ( I have been there !)Hopefully things will get back to how they were and this time YOU won't screw up buddy ! But don't force her : she needs to feel safe, start trusting you again, on HER terms.

[shiro kuma]

Hi,

 

Here is another update on what is happening between us thus far, here is what she wrote to me in part of her e-mail yesterday evening:

 

i just re-read your email. think about what you are saying ie. "i know that. . .". you don't know that you are doing the right things for me. there is no way for you to know that. i don't know what is right for me. there are things that i am not pleased about even after our split. there was no need for you to email/call all of my friends to apologize to them. that just pulls them into a situation that they were not a part of, it's awkward. remember to consider others when you do things, it's this lack of consideration that has brought us to this place in the first place. the only things that people expect from others is respect and honesty. after those almost everything else falls into place.

i need time still. please.

i am going to take this time to apologize for our sleepovers. i am sorry if they have made you think that something is happening again. this was not my intention. yes, i do miss us, but know that i do not feel that we are meant to be together right now. there is to much heartache that needs to be straightened out first. so please forgive me for that while i am still considering whether or not i can trust you again.

 

I really don't know what to think really. . .I feel upset but, maybe those sleepovers were too soon for her? she said that she will call me when she calls me, the only thing I can do now is give her time, right?