mopar crazy Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 Was your M a happy one b4 and during the A? If so, why did you have an A if your M was happy? Was there something missing? If so, what? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 I would say that in the relationships I cheated in, I was never really unhappy with the relationships - mainly just bored and looking for excitement. The only thing missing was my ego getting stroked a certain way. It was never enough for the person I was in the relationship to do that - there was always a sense of wanting to be objectively wanted by someone, to know that I was attractive on my own and not just attractive to someone because they knew me and loved me. There was always something intoxicating about seducing someone, and being seduced and especially so knowing that I was in an otherwise secure relationship where if I got rejected, then no big deal - I had someone anyway. I would be perfectly happy with the relationship, and content to stay with that person but it wouldn't satisfy that addiction to that initial rush of attraction and desire. I don't care what anyone says, in long term relationships that fades and deepens into something else - and you will never, ever recapture that initial chemical driven rush. Biochemistry simply doesn't work that way. I guess what it comes down to was an addiction to that chemical rush that happens during the seduction phase of the game. Once the OM was in the bag though, I quickly lost interest and cut them loose (even quicker if they started getting emotionally attached - I already had an emotional attachment with no room for any new ones). Who was at fault then? Me, all me. I can honestly say that nothing the partners ever did drove me to cheat - I was simply filling a hole inside myself that my partner had little or nothing to do with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted August 19, 2007 Author Share Posted August 19, 2007 I'm not a FWS, but a FBW. I would have never cheated on my H. Did I ever think about doing it b/c some guy was making me feel special and paid attention to me, yep, but would never do it. The guilt would kill me and it would hurt H too much. Even after H cheated on my I just couldn't do it. However, b4 I was M I did cheat on some BF. It wasn't b/c I was losing interest, it was b/c I just wasn't ready to be in a SR. I wanted to date around. Being w/ one person b4 I was 21 wasn't what I wanted. So, I did cheat, and I did break up w/ guys b/c I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I was really in love w/ another guy who was in a CR (even though he didn't act like it, he slept around) and my heart was set more on him. However, I did try seeing other guys b/c I wasn't going to wait around for the guy I fell in love w/ to leave his GF. There was guys that I did get into a R w/ where neither one of us seen other ppl that did end up cheating on me too. They were jerks, and I was a jerk for cheating on great guys. Link to post Share on other sites
fisherfool Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Yes did have happy life but fear had grown and feelings of failure. Maybe thinking wife was better than me brought me to think other would be good to take time to. Wife was most capable woman and many men found her to be someone to delight in conversation for. Other was most friendly to all and would spend time looking for me and entertaining me in conversation when wife was involved in working so hard. Other would make much over me and tell me for many times that my treatment must be better by wife. Resentment towards wife grew that other persons could see my treating was bad. My own feeling toward self was that I was not good person and not as smart as wife. Soon knowledge that other was not so smart as me enchanted myself towards her. Wanted her to believe that wife and I would soon be no more so her enchantment towards me would not end. While being with other and wife my life was not happy. I liked feeling handsome and lovely to other but angry with wife so much because if she was not bad person who deserved bad actions then must means that I am bad person for doing bad actions. Angry all the time for many months and so sad and unhappy when alone. When saw other as real person instead of imagined pretend woman was able to stop. Wife was most sad and pained but did forgive after some long time of sorrow. After we spent many years loving each together until her death of some months past. Miss my wife so much and hold large emotion of sadness over pain I caused her to live. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Fisherfool, I'm so sorry to read of the death of your wife. Are you OK? LS is an interesting site and we're glad to have you here. Your viewpoint is very welcome always. Take good care of yourself!! I don't want to give you additional pain, but did you ever cheat on your wife again? How long did it take your wife to forgive you? Was there long term stress/estrangement because of your infidelity? How old were you when you had the affair? How old was your wife? Oh god, I have so many questions. I'll stop there. Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Was your M a happy one b4 and during the A? If so, why did you have an A if your M was happy? Was there something missing? If so, what? I'm going to try to get my H to answer this one! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I cheated because things weren't right in my R but the fact is, I should've addressed those issues and not gone out to have an A. My partner and I did not have sex and it got to the point where I didn't want to anyway. I just didn't fancy him anymore and he didn't seem bothered, or if he was, he certainly didn't say anything. It wasn't the sex that I craved though; it was the affection and, I suppose, the attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Herzen Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 When I cheated I was happily married, loved being a father and was very much enjoying life.I was targeted, however, by this unhappily married woman at work, a good friend and colleague. (Or so I thought). The rest is, as they say, history: A three year PA followed by a lengthy EA. It finally stopped when I went absolute NC. The irony: me, the formerly happily married one, is now divorced; her, the unhappily married one, remains married. The moral: don't step out with a married woman when she invites you for champagne at the Four Seasons--no matter how flattering the invitation. Regardless of what some preach: a happy marriage does not necessarily immunize someone from the affair virus. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 The only thing missing was my ego getting stroked a certain way. It was never enough for the person I was in the relationship to do that - there was always a sense of wanting to be objectively wanted by someone, to know that I was attractive on my own and not just attractive to someone because they knew me and loved me. You sound just like my H! Scary.... Link to post Share on other sites
fisherfool Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Fisherfool, I'm so sorry to read of the death of your wife. Are you OK? LS is an interesting site and we're glad to have you here. Your viewpoint is very welcome always. Take good care of yourself!! I don't want to give you additional pain, but did you ever cheat on your wife again? How long did it take your wife to forgive you? Was there long term stress/estrangement because of your infidelity? How old were you when you had the affair? How old was your wife? Oh god, I have so many questions. I'll stop there. Thanks!! Thankyou for kind thoughts. No never never never to cheat again! Such shame I caused own self and such pain to wife. Fortunate to be forgiven never would do such a thing once more. Wife took some time to true forgiveness. Maybe 3 maybe 4 year. After that time no more sadness or talk about sadness. My age was 52 at time also same as wife. Hope your happiness returns if not have done so at yet. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Thank-you, fisher. We are happy again, thank-you for the good wishes. I'm glad to hear that you didn't cheat on your wife again, that it was a one-time thing (though sorry, of course, that it happened at all.) If you don't mind me asking, what brought you to LS? Was it the death of your wife? And if that was the case, why the infidelity forum? Though I don't know if there is a grief forum....??? Anyway, welcome again. Link to post Share on other sites
fisherfool Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 If you don't mind me asking, what brought you to LS? Was it the death of your wife? And if that was the case, why the infidelity forum? Though I don't know if there is a grief forum....??? Anyway, welcome again. My grandaughter made the suggestion that I would be able to maybe help some people who were hurt in pain because of mean things that were said here to women those husbands had deceived them and created pain. Also doctor suggested typing out thoughts for improved therapy of communication. After mywife left for the sky somebad thing happened within my brain. Talking is not a problem but writting is causing many difficulties. I do not think though that I am of help to hurting people because my writing has such wnaderings. Link to post Share on other sites
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