chill chic Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 I'm sure some of you know that I've been seeing this "good guy" that I've talked about on here since May. If not, here is a recap: I've known this guy since early May & we've hung out here & there since then, like a handful of times because he travels alot for his job. We talk/email/text each other most of the time every other day. Whenever we're together we have ALOT of fun, hold hands, kiss, he treats me like his girl, calls me baby and he's a nice genuine guy, treats me with respect too. We hadn't been intimate yet until just last night. Then today he took me to lunch. We've kind of discussed a relationship before this, but said right now since he's busy campaigning & traveling, he works alot, he told me he couldn't be able to give me as much attention as I deserve. So I've been patient with him because I really want to be with him. He's still busy, but now since we've been intimate, after all that time of hanging together, I want to bring it up again w/out seeming needy. Does sex kinda seal the deal in a way? I want to let him know that I only want to be like this w/him. Should I wait for him to say something? Or was it a mistake now that I don't know if we're exclusive or not, that we were intimate? Do other people do this when they want a genuine relationship? What IS dating really? Also, since he's waited to have sex with me since we've met, does this mean since we just did last night that he wants to take something further, and he's liking me more? But why hasn't he said that we should be exclusive yet? right up until we were intimate, he has been giving me more attention, but he's going back to being busy again, so I dunno, should I wait for him to initiate exclusivity? Uh...confused...lots of questions sorry Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 So what happened to 3-some guy? That was fast! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Maybe I'm weird or old-fashioned or something but I've always known that we were exclusive BEFORE we hopped into bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 20, 2007 Author Share Posted August 20, 2007 So what happened to 3-some guy? That was fast! Yah honestly I don't take him seriously, we can be friends & all, but he's too immature for a relationship, so yes, I've moved on already. Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Maybe I'm weird or old-fashioned or something but I've always known that we were exclusive BEFORE we hopped into bed. I agree with Touche. I think you should know who your partner is sleeping with BEFORE you hop into a bed with them. Otherwise, you're opening yourself up to the potential for STDs and the like. I'd suggest talking to him about it before doing the act again. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 We've kind of discussed a relationship before this, but said right now since he's busy campaigning & traveling, he works alot, he told me he couldn't be able to give me as much attention as I deserve. He's telling you he doesn't want to be tied down. I would not sleep with him again until he's ready for something more beyond an FWB, unless you're satisfied with this type of arrangement. Keep in mind that if you don't agree to sleep with him again, he could easily wander away. It's actually a good way to test the waters. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 right up until we were intimate, he has been giving me more attention, but he's going back to being busy again, Guys will give you lots of attention if they can see a payoff ( sex ) in their near future. If you don't want to be a booty call then you need to get close "emotionally" with a guy for him to value you as a person. Just because he's nice doesn't mean he wants more than sex. Guys want a relationship when they become emotionally involved and you won't have to have the exclusivity talk, he will want to be with you and only you. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Guys will give you lots of attention if they can see a payoff ( sex ) in their near future. If you don't want to be a booty call then you need to get close "emotionally" with a guy for him to value you as a person. Just because he's nice doesn't mean he wants more than sex. Guys want a relationship when they become emotionally involved and you won't have to have the exclusivity talk, he will want to be with you and only you. Exactly! ............................ Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 He's telling you he doesn't want to be tied down. I would not sleep with him again until he's ready for something more beyond an FWB, unless you're satisfied with this type of arrangement. Keep in mind that if you don't agree to sleep with him again, he could easily wander away. It's actually a good way to test the waters. That's a good idea tbf. I'm gonna stick with that plan before I do anything like that with him again, just because if it is going to be that kind of relationship, I'd rather break the cycle now instead of later when I'm more emotionally attached. So...should I wait for him to bring the relationship up, or if he hints to sex again, how do I bring it up without freaking him out right off the bat? Is there an easy way to do this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 Guys will give you lots of attention if they can see a payoff ( sex ) in their near future. If you don't want to be a booty call then you need to get close "emotionally" with a guy for him to value you as a person. Just because he's nice doesn't mean he wants more than sex. Guys want a relationship when they become emotionally involved and you won't have to have the exclusivity talk, he will want to be with you and only you. What are some hints that he's becoming more emotionally involved? I even told him the other day that I liked the fact that he had a "protectiveness" vibe about him, and he said that's a good thing. Meaning that I feel comfortable and safe around him. So is that leaning towards a hint that he agreed? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 He's a player, CC. I can smell him from here. You need to tone it down. You've been sending the wrong message. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 He's a player, CC. I can smell him from here. You need to tone it down. You've been sending the wrong message. Agreed. He got what he wanted, and he knew he could get it because of the message you've been sending. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 That's a good idea tbf. I'm gonna stick with that plan before I do anything like that with him again, just because if it is going to be that kind of relationship, I'd rather break the cycle now instead of later when I'm more emotionally attached. So...should I wait for him to bring the relationship up, or if he hints to sex again, how do I bring it up without freaking him out right off the bat? Is there an easy way to do this? I would wait until he hints at sex again. It will be a good time to discuss your concern about exclusivity since it goes hand-in-hand. He'll probably be a little off about it since it's already happened once before. No one likes to have something taken away but too bad, so sad, because no one is entitled to your body. I agree with the other members that he does have the feel of a player, from your descriptions. We've all been fooled before. The best con men are the ones who believe their own stories, at the time of creation and enactment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 He's a player, CC. I can smell him from here. You need to tone it down. You've been sending the wrong message. why do you think he's a player? just wondering. tone it down, like, just be aloof now or what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I would wait until he hints at sex again. It will be a good time to discuss your concern about exclusivity since it goes hand-in-hand. He'll probably be a little off about it since it's already happened once before. No one likes to have something taken away but too bad, so sad, because no one is entitled to your body. I agree with the other members that he does have the feel of a player, from your descriptions. We've all been fooled before. The best con men are the ones who believe their own stories, at the time of creation and enactment. so then after everything that's happened..what's the best way to discuss it? Link to post Share on other sites
Arizona100 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Personally I wouldn't go pressuring him about a relationship. I wouldn't mention the no relationship now sex either. In my opinion the ball is in his camp and I'd would advice to keep on living your life and show independence without becoming distant. He knows that's what you want, I don't see the point on bringing up on the table again. If he's busy and working a lot, stress about a relationship isn't gotta do no good. But that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I'm so disgusted with guys right now it's not even funny. I get this type of bs everyday, I was even at the damn gas station today and this guy said something obnoxious, it has nothing to do with the way I dress, or how I carry myself, I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. this **** happens to me every f'n day and I can't stand it anymore, I'd rather live in a damn hole than deal with this stress every day of not trusting ANY guy. :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
Arizona100 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Take it as a compliment if he found you attractive ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 Personally I wouldn't go pressuring him about a relationship. I wouldn't mention the no relationship now sex either. In my opinion the ball is in his camp and I'd would advice to keep on living your life and show independence without becoming distant. He knows that's what you want, I don't see the point on bringing up on the table again. If he's busy and working a lot, stress about a relationship isn't gotta do no good. But that's just me. thanks AZ, I'm going to wait this one out for now, and see what happens, but I'm gonna chill for awhile from every guy I know I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 I thought this time, with this guy, was a turn for the better. He's truthfully the only guy that has shown me respect in a way a girl should be treated, it's different, because it's new to me. and that's why I thought it was working out. now after reading some of your replies, I'm confused. I know some of you guys know that I'm prone to player type dudes, but hear me out on this one, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Arizona100 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Well I don't think there is any recipe about sex and relationship. Some men will run once they get sex, some don't. Women are totally capable of it too, my sister is the perfect example ... Although the cup goes to the male gender Just chill, see what happens. Stay independent, have fun ... don't expect too much (and I mean I made the same mistake, no angel here, but my reaction was to back the f off as soon as I saw what was happening). Don't put all of the men in the same basket, it would be like tagging all of the women with the same number and you'll agree that we are all very different. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 Chill, where do you meet most of these guys? Where did you meet this dude? Maybe you're picking up men in the wrong places. I've met most of the guys I've dated in classes, so perhaps that narrows the selection pool to more intellectual, serious types. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 A couple questions: How often have you seen him?He's busy? Cool. With what? Is he finishing his PhD? Working offshore 2 weeks on 2 off? Finishing his surgery residency?I wouldn't be so quick to label him a player yet. Typically I like to be having sex for a month before having "the talk." By that point, however, I am not seeing any other girls, I just don't want a relationship talk. "seeing anyone else? Nope." I don't like to talk about it beyond that. He sounds A LOT different than the other guys you've been with. Link to post Share on other sites
Arizona100 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 I see what you mean Shadow, but imo it's more about her than about them. In the sense of.. what kind of message does she send to men. Any man (or woman) is capable of being a dog. But yes, dating a "nice guy" could be a good chance, don't look at a guy's shoes too close right when you meet him, "nice guys" doesn't mean boring. But anyway, just chill ... don't stress.. and do not bring up the relationship topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chill chic Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 Chill, where do you meet most of these guys? Where did you meet this dude? Maybe you're picking up men in the wrong places. I've met most of the guys I've dated in classes, so perhaps that narrows the selection pool to more intellectual, serious types. I met him through a work friend of mine, who used to study political science and knew of this guy from school. intellectual, very that's why we get along so well actually because he's taken the time to know me better as a person, and as a career woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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