The "Good Guy" Update

[johan]

The thing I like about you, chill chic, is you seem to have almost no cynicism or anger toward men. I think if this guy hasn't gotten around to putting things together with you by now, then you should just write him off. I don't doubt that you could easily find a guy who adores you, not just for how you look. And spending time and energy on a guy who doesn't is just a waste.

 

My concern is that you don't seem to choose guys well. And that you're driven to find someone. Which to me means you really risk getting into a long term relationship with someone who is no good for you at all. And when that ends, I'm afraid you will have a lot of cynicism and anger. I hope you learn to choose well before you get seriously involved with someone.

[Touche]

I'm liking the goddess, haha my mom called me that yesterday but she was looking at my hair, that's funny. but yep I'm understanding that now, it's all gotta match and that way I'll attract the decent, well mannered, worthwile guys. hopefully, we'll see

 

Ha ha, can't type. Glad you knew I meant "match" and not "much."

 

And yes, what you said here is EXACTLY what I meant. That's cute that your mom called you a goddess. Maybe your mom meant it on a deeper level.

[4Q2]

...And that you're driven to find someone.

My question is what is this "drive to find someone" a panacea for?

[chill chic]

The thing I like about you, chill chic, is you seem to have almost no cynicism or anger toward men. I think if this guy hasn't gotten around to putting things together with you by now, then you should just write him off. I don't doubt that you could easily find a guy who adores you, not just for how you look. And spending time and energy on a guy who doesn't is just a waste.

 

My concern is that you don't seem to choose guys well. And that you're driven to find someone. Which to me means you really risk getting into a long term relationship with someone who is no good for you at all. And when that ends, I'm afraid you will have a lot of cynicism and anger. I hope you learn to choose well before you get seriously involved with someone.

 

very good point, and that's why I want to learn now, so I'm not stuck in a LR with someone like that. and that's probably why I need to take a break from all of this guy juggling, and refocus on what I want in my life, not just what I want in a guy, but how I want to live, I want to be happy, and I should focus on making myself happy first, then like someone else said, that's when I'll be able to find quality guys, when I respect myself, and throw out the bad ones. I have much more going for me, and I realize that, and I shouldn't settle for anything below that, because I'll look and feel like fool if I don't.

[Kamille]

very good point, and that's why I want to learn now, so I'm not stuck in a LR with someone like that. and that's probably why I need to take a break from all of this guy juggling, and refocus on what I want in my life, not just what I want in a guy, but how I want to live, I want to be happy, and I should focus on making myself happy first, then like someone else said, that's when I'll be able to find quality guys, when I respect myself, and throw out the bad ones. I have much more going for me, and I realize that, and I shouldn't settle for anything below that, because I'll look and feel like fool if I don't.

 

Applause.

 

..........................

[chill chic]

Ha ha, can't type. Glad you knew I meant "match" and not "much."

 

And yes, what you said here is EXACTLY what I meant. That's cute that your mom called you a goddess. Maybe your mom meant it on a deeper level.

 

thats ok lol, yah she knows me better than anyone else, I just wish sometimes she showed me what REAL dating is, I know she had similar problems like I do, with guys asking her out all the time, but she should've warned me a lil better. And I think alot of this is what it comes down to, I wasn't properly taught on how to deal with these guy situations, some of that has to do with my dad like SG said, they are very loving parents, just slacked in the "guys, sex, & relationship" department.

[chill chic]

Applause.

 

..........................

 

Thanks Kamille

 

aww I love it here I never knew that a website like this could have such great, understanding, helpful loving people that care so much.

 

my applause to everyone who's been by my side ever since I started here. I even had a different name, I think it was vip something lol but yah I've been on here for awhile now and I'm grateful that I found you guys!!

[Touche]

thats ok lol, yah she knows me better than anyone else, I just wish sometimes she showed me what REAL dating is, I know she had similar problems like I do, with guys asking her out all the time, but she should've warned me a lil better. And I think alot of this is what it comes down to, I wasn't properly taught on how to deal with these guy situations, some of that has to do with my dad like SG said, they are very loving parents, just slacked in the "guys, sex, & relationship" department.

 

Well don't blame your parents, cc. You're an adult now. They did their best. You can learn this stuff now. It's not too late. And hey, if I had a daughter I'd be telling her everything I've been telling you. (And I am old enough to be your mother..)

 

Anyway, it's absolutely not too late to learn these lessons. Some of us had to learn all this MUCH later in life (like me) and some never learn at all and get stuck with creep after creep until they turn bitter and angry. I don't see that happening with you though.

[Trialbyfire]

thats ok lol, yah she knows me better than anyone else, I just wish sometimes she showed me what REAL dating is, I know she had similar problems like I do, with guys asking her out all the time, but she should've warned me a lil better. And I think alot of this is what it comes down to, I wasn't properly taught on how to deal with these guy situations, some of that has to do with my dad like SG said, they are very loving parents, just slacked in the "guys, sex, & relationship" department.

Okay, I have to call you on this. Dating isn't the issue here. The issue is how you view yourself. Do you value yourself sufficiently that you deserve respect? If not, what part of you is affecting your ability to view yourself as a commodity in demand? Fix this and the rest will fall into place.

 

Also, don't just rely on your sex appeal. It's easy and kind of lazy, to fall back on but oh so useless in a meaningful relationship.

[lino]

Shame it turned out for you like this. I was also hoping it would work out for you as you seem to be in a similar situation to me only with the genders reversed

 

I mean yah it was fun for me too, but the girl in the situation ALWAYS ends up feeling hurt in someway.

 

That's why I disagree with this. I've felt hurt lots of times in this exact situation & I'm a bloke

 

I agree with the advice given by others here, you should just ignore him. If he does contact you then I think you should tell him you're not interested anymore. Leaving such a big gap for contact is very strange & rude I reckon.

In my opinion, in the future you should not contact a guy for so long with emails & text message only. I dunno about you but for me thats way too impersonal and I wouldn't take a girl seriously if we went 3 months without phone calls. I'd be thinking it's abit weird. However like I said in an earlier post, maybe in America it's not strange to communicate only with email & text for such a period of time?

 

he's the only guy though that went through alot of trouble if he was only in it just for one thing. that is what has been striking me as odd in this case.

 

It's very odd! If I only wanted sex I definitely wouldn't wait that long.

[Cobra_X30]

yah I don't get it, I'm always a nice girl to these jerk offs, especially to this particular guy and now this?

 

how do I show him that i"m not upset by this?

 

Shoot,

 

I was really pulling for you on this one... Any chance his plane crashed in the desert and he's trying to find his way out... with picture of you as something to live for? No?

 

You want revenge...?? Follow Touche's advice, mentally put him in the "friend zone". Give it a month or so, then ask him for advice about other guys.... LOL. That will eat him up... If he asks you out again... just politely decline... Just tell him he sucked in bed!

[chill chic]

Shoot,

 

I was really pulling for you on this one... Any chance his plane crashed in the desert and he's trying to find his way out... with picture of you as something to live for? No?

 

You want revenge...?? Follow Touche's advice, mentally put him in the "friend zone". Give it a month or so, then ask him for advice about other guys.... LOL. That will eat him up... If he asks you out again... just politely decline... Just tell him he sucked in bed!

 

nope his plane didn't crash, he's actually on my myspace and he's logged in since yesterday, so I know he's in town today at least.

yep that's my plan is to put him in the friend zone, and hey that's not a bad idea about asking him for advice on guys haha, AND that he sucked in bed, well not really but I can hint to something of that sort

 

I mean what is his reasoning? What is he waiting on me to tell him how he was in bed? ha well whatever, I'm beginning to think that he thinks I have too many guy friends, and he can probably tell on my myspace page, but it never bothered him before.

 

uh..fn punk

[Cobra_X30]

I mean what is his reasoning? What is he waiting on me to tell him how he was in bed? ha well whatever, I'm beginning to think that he thinks I have too many guy friends, and he can probably tell on my myspace page, but it never bothered him before.

 

uh..fn punk

 

Schucks, I was kinda hoping for the stranded on an Island sort of thing... kinda like Castaway.

 

So yeah. 10 bucks says he got scared! I do the same thing all the time... except I have the guts to tell you right to your face. When I get the feeling that some girl is going to rip me up, I pull the ripcord... parachute out... no more freefall!

 

I always tell my friends to stay away from the girls that have a million guy "friends".

[chill chic]

Schucks, I was kinda hoping for the stranded on an Island sort of thing... kinda like Castaway.

 

So yeah. 10 bucks says he got scared! I do the same thing all the time... except I have the guts to tell you right to your face. When I get the feeling that some girl is going to rip me up, I pull the ripcord... parachute out... no more freefall!

 

I always tell my friends to stay away from the girls that have a million guy "friends".

 

he got scared of what though exactly? and he has girl friends too, and I'm not jealous, just like a guy shouldn't be jealous if I have guy friends, that I've known before I knew him. and what do you mean by "rip me up"?

[chill chic]

If he finally does come around, say...this week. How should I act? Aloof? Should I say in a reply back "hey how ya been, haven't heard from you in awhile"? or what? I want him to know in a subtle way that I don't appreciate his noncommunication with me, especially after we had sex.

[Touche]

CC, we've answered this. Why do you have to reply at all? But if you do, just act casual and like you're busy and don't have time for him. Remember?

 

How about this? If he contacts you via email or text. Let us know and we'll help you with it, ok? If he calls, I wouldn't answer or if you do, just talk to him casually. Don't ask him a thing. Don't act annoyed. And be the one to end the call, saying you've got to go. It's really simple. Don't act like you care.

[Trialbyfire]

Even worse, let him believe you were only in it for sex and it wasn't that good...

 

I tease.

[Cobra_X30]

he got scared of what though exactly? and he has girl friends too, and I'm not jealous, just like a guy shouldn't be jealous if I have guy friends, that I've known before I knew him. and what do you mean by "rip me up"?

 

You may consider all of those guys "friends", but I doubt they think the same way about you. So, I'm not a big fan of dating girls that have 50 guys just waiting in line. Also, it kind of shows that they cant get along with other girls... too insecure or catty or whatever. Its usually a bad sign too.

 

I try to keep a certain emotional detachment... that way I dont get hurt. Im thinking this guy is similar. Get too many signs that a girl is going to break your heart... you need to throw some water on that fire! He put WAY too much time into getting to know you if he was just after one night.

 

LOL... then again Jcster calls me a Cynical Dating-Machine.

[Cobra_X30]

CC, we've answered this. Why do you have to reply at all? But if you do, just act casual and like you're busy and don't have time for him. Remember?

 

How about this? If he contacts you via email or text. Let us know and we'll help you with it, ok? If he calls, I wouldn't answer or if you do, just talk to him casually. Don't ask him a thing. Don't act annoyed. And be the one to end the call, saying you've got to go. It's really simple. Don't act like you care.

 

Your assuming that the guy isnt interested anymore! The signs dont point to a hump and dump situation. He's more likely trying to figure the situation out himself.

 

Better to wait till he makes contact then try to acertain his long term goals, before writing him off completely.

[chill chic]

CC, we've answered this. Why do you have to reply at all? But if you do, just act casual and like you're busy and don't have time for him. Remember?

 

How about this? If he contacts you via email or text. Let us know and we'll help you with it, ok? If he calls, I wouldn't answer or if you do, just talk to him casually. Don't ask him a thing. Don't act annoyed. And be the one to end the call, saying you've got to go. It's really simple. Don't act like you care.

 

you're right, I didn't forget somtimes I get in that mood, and thankfully you guys can snap me out of it like the wondering stage. but yes I definitely want to let you know what he says if he does contact me, like I'll past his email or the text haha, that way I have more people to review and critique it.

I think it's pretty mean of him, especially when my last email to him was saying, "thanks, I had alot of fun with you this weekend, more fun that I've had in awhile" (talking about dancing, going to lunch, etc) that was my reply back to his email, and yep nothing yet back.

ya know what, lemme paste his last email to me...you'll get the gist of what his intentions are probably.

 

"I wish I didn't have anything to do today.

 

I wanted you to hang around so I could do you.

 

;)"

 

yah I'm thinking I was a lil toooo nice in my reply back to him

[nicki]

Yeah, I understand what you are saying, Cobra. This guy might be scared (but I kinda doubt it.)

 

It's just that any guy who waits over a week to contact her isn't thinking of how SHE feels. He's acting selfishly, whatever the underlying reasons.

 

It seems to me that CC thinks way too much about how other people think. She tries to analyze the guys behavior and what they are thinking. In the past, I did this way too much too. In my case, it was because I didn't put enough emphasis on what I thought or wanted.

 

And I projected a lot of what I thought the guy thought. For instance, if I felt like he thought I had too many guy friends, then maybe it was because I really believed that deep down myself....and that maybe I needed to look into why I knew it was a bad idea.

 

Anyway, CC, I think you are doing great!! Goddess transformation is in process!

 

If he emails, don't even respond. Let him call you. If he calls, then pick up and act like you have no idea who it is. It's not like you have his number saved in your phone, right? Do what Touche said. Act nice, but busy and then get off the phone. Don't ask any questions or even respond to any he asks you, except for a quick general answer, no details.

 

Treat him like you would a stranger. Friendly, civil, but not emotionally connnected.

 

Because I needed to learn to speak up, I might say something to him. But only if HE asks "What's wrong?"

 

If he acts like a jerk after you tell him, then just say it wouldn't have worked out either because of the sexual problem he has. On that issue, I'd give no additional information and hang up in a nice way. As in, "Oh, there's my other line. Gotta run. Take care. Bye"

 

But, even if he's nice about the "reason," it doesn't matter. He left you hanging for a week. Not acceptable. You need a guy who cares about how you feel and who will analyze YOUR behavior and thoughts.

 

Stop yourself anytime you find yourself analyzing a guy's behavior. I'm now figuring out that it's pretty easy to see what's going on, but harder to accept...hence the rationalizations.

 

Again, you are doing great! Changing one's mindset happens one instance at a time.

[chill chic]

You may consider all of those guys "friends", but I doubt they think the same way about you. So, I'm not a big fan of dating girls that have 50 guys just waiting in line. Also, it kind of shows that they cant get along with other girls... too insecure or catty or whatever. Its usually a bad sign too.

 

I try to keep a certain emotional detachment... that way I dont get hurt. Im thinking this guy is similar. Get too many signs that a girl is going to break your heart... you need to throw some water on that fire! He put WAY too much time into getting to know you if he was just after one night.

 

LOL... then again Jcster calls me a Cynical Dating-Machine.

 

well I will say this...I get along with guys alot better, like I can always chill with them. sometimes if I don't know a girl too well, it takes awhile for me to trust her, so I only have a few best girl friends that I've known for awhile. other than that, girls can be catty to me, just by looking at me, they assume something, or their jealous of something. guys don't start drama like that.

yah but I've showed him that I'm VERY interested in him, so what more would it take to convince him that I wouldn't break his heart? maybe he's just insecure, but he DID work hard if it was just to get into my pants.

he paid for everything, open doors, held my hand, flirted in public, introduced me to his close friends, etc. so that's the part I don't quite understand. all I can think of is that he got scared after we were intimate and now he might feel pressure to commit, so he's taking a step back.

[Cobra_X30]

 

"I wish I didn't have anything to do today.

 

I wanted you to hang around so I could do you.

 

;)"

 

yah I'm thinking I was a lil toooo nice in my reply back to him

 

 

Ok... He's a Douchebag!

 

Hey If I lift the rock... can shove him back under?

 

Yes... you were way too nice! You should have applied your foot directly to his nuts!

[Star Gazer]

The signs dont point to a hump and dump situation.

 

Oh yes it does.

 

"I wish I didn't have anything to do today.

 

I wanted you to hang around so I could do you."

 

 

By saying that, he has demonstrated that he has placed you in the easy lay category. He's a disgusting jerk, CC.

[chill chic]

 

Ok... He's a Douchebag!

 

Hey If I lift the rock... can shove him back under?

 

Yes... you were way too nice! You should have applied your foot directly to his nuts!

 

uhhh I feel like an idiot now though!!! yah I wish you could defend me and kick his a** for me