The "Good Guy" Update

[underpants]

CC you are getting good advice here from the sage goddesses.

 

As Goddess Underpants I say.

 

Keep the armor of the panties on until you are sure your emotional and physical investment are met with a suitor who is worthy of you.

 

Sometimes these guys have to be tossed aside as they are not showing the proper respect. Sex does not equal a relationship or love. It's okay to say "No thank you". If you care you can say well, I would prefer a relationship like this, with these facets. Can you provide this? This does not mean that a particuliar suitor will step up, however it does empower and validate your needs. Let them know and be confident in your desires and wants. That is a good thing to do.

 

The baseball guy sounds like a back up, occasional fun guy. This other dude, sounds ...sorry, unreliable. This of course has nothing to do with your fabulousness. You just can bend over trying to be all that for someone who does not also step up and is willing to put forth some effort and genuine care.

 

Maybe a good excercise would be to write down some things you must have in a workable relationship for you. Along with your dealbreakers. Along with attributes you bring to the table and those an ideal partner should possess. This might clear things up for you a bit. Although, I temper this advice with 'watch out for loopholes from the Universe'.

 

I think you are gonna be okay.

[fray718]

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh I hope that's not the case, if so, he's the biggest jerk I've come across so far, because he's the one that has shown me respect and we'd have intellectual conversations, whereas my other "guys" would just be for fun, so I came to treat it like that and not worry so much about them. But this one, and if he is thinking the way you said, has really f'd with my head. now I'm beginning to miss my first ever FWB (that baseball dude I've posted about) guy that contacted me a few weeks ago, after I hadn't for 4 months. Whenever I'm in a down mood I always resort back to him, I think because I was with him for so long and we'd talk or see each other every week. I don't know why that is, that I always start missing him when stuff like this happens.

 

OMG i know exactly what you mean! Whenever stuff like this happens to me I also resort back to my first FWB as well!! This FWB was 1.5 years ago but it wasn't until 3 months ago did I really stop missing him that much. He messaged me tuesday night and I remained calm/friendly. He just asked how I was doing etc (that was the first time he initiated contact in 1 year). But I don't want to deal with him because he hurt me really badly so I've let him go. I'm focusing on other more important things in my life right now. I'm 24 btw.

[lino]

ok one quick note before my laptop loses juice.

and thanks kamille & tbf for the last 2. I'll reply more tomorrow while I'm at work when it's not busy.

 

all the while that I'm not contacting him, what do you think he's thinking that I'm doing? that I'm playing the game or not interested, or he can tell I'm waiting for him or what? just curious hehe

 

Hard to say what he's thinking as I don't know him but if you were the last to contact him then you should wait for him to reach you. He might be really busy or maybe something unexpected has come up for him. All you can do is wait for him to contact you really.

I asked you in my earlier post if you only contact each other by email & you didn't answer. If so, then maybe you and him should start using the phone, emailing back & forth for this long would be really weird for me. I also think it could be what's causing you to be uptight about it all because email doesn't demand as 'instant' a response as say text message or definitely a phone call. I don't live in the USA so things might be different there but if I get emailed, even if I've read it, I might not respond for days. I much prefer using mobile phone.

Good luck

[Trialbyfire]

Okay cc, what's going on?

[chill chic]

Okay cc, what's going on?

 

as of right now, nothing. and I know today he'll be leaving to go out of town. I'm really wondering if he's wondering the same thing about me

[chill chic]

Hard to say what he's thinking as I don't know him but if you were the last to contact him then you should wait for him to reach you. He might be really busy or maybe something unexpected has come up for him. All you can do is wait for him to contact you really.

I asked you in my earlier post if you only contact each other by email & you didn't answer. If so, then maybe you and him should start using the phone, emailing back & forth for this long would be really weird for me. I also think it could be what's causing you to be uptight about it all because email doesn't demand as 'instant' a response as say text message or definitely a phone call. I don't live in the USA so things might be different there but if I get emailed, even if I've read it, I might not respond for days. I much prefer using mobile phone.

Good luck

 

hey lino I know he's really busy with his job, but still he could send me a "hi" text or something. since he is busy during the day, I don't call him, we stay in contact through email, or sometimes text. but he doesn't call me which is weird, never has really and I don't know if he's afraid of the phone with girls or with me or what. but I know he does alot of conference calls for his job on the phone so who knows.

[chill chic]

I mean would he already be ready to throw in the boot with me if we've known each other, hung out together since May, and just now slept together last week? could that much of the thrill be gone? what confuses me is that he treats me like a girlfriend, and I've read (askmen.com) that if you want the girl just for her booty, then you don't treat her like a bf.

 

sooooooooo...this is why I'm so confused. maybe somethings going on, he is THAT busy and I should just chill.

[chill chic]

AND he did tell me when I left that he'd contact me, whenever that is I don't know, but that is my cue to NOT contact him until he does.

[Trialbyfire]

AND he did tell me when I left that he'd contact me, whenever that is I don't know, but that is my cue to NOT contact him until he does.

There you go.

 

Btw, there's no reason when he's on the road, why he can't contact you, regardless of how busy he is. It's the age of cyberspace and telecommunications.

[Kamille]

I don't know if he's afraid of the phone with girls or with me or what.

 

CC, your LS name definitely represents you well because you seem to be so understanding and compassionate that you are willing to make excuses for other people.

 

Compassion is a double-edge sword in dating as in all walks of life. In your case it often brings you to make excuses for other people's poor behavior. Or to overlook their actions in favor of an ideal picture you have of them, or of how you want them to perceive you.

 

Surely, 'afraid to talk to me on the phone' is not on the list of desirable traits of a potential partner. Therefore, don't make excuses for it. Remember, you do get to decide how your next SO treats you.

 

Remember, men are easy to figure out: their actions speak louder then words. They generally have been raised to be go-getters so they act accordingly.

[chill chic]

There you go.

 

Btw, there's no reason when he's on the road, why he can't contact you, regardless of how busy he is. It's the age of cyberspace and telecommunications.

 

yah I know he said that but STILL, like you said, he should at least send me a lil "hey how are you doing"

but ah well

[Trialbyfire]

yah I know he said that but STILL, like you said, he should at least send me a lil "hey how are you doing"

but ah well

Yes he should. So...wait it out. If he doesn't contact you, don't pursue him. He has to understand that if he wants you, he'll have to put some effort into it. Value yourself...remember you're an LS Goddess-in-training.

[chill chic]

CC, your LS name definitely represents you well because you seem to be so understanding and compassionate that you are willing to make excuses for other people.

 

Compassion is a double-edge sword in dating as in all walks of life. In your case it often brings you to make excuses for other people's poor behavior. Or to overlook their actions in favor of an ideal picture you have of them, or of how you want them to perceive you.

 

Surely, 'afraid to talk to me on the phone' is not on the list of desirable traits of a potential partner. Therefore, don't make excuses for it. Remember, you do get to decide how your next SO treats you.

 

Remember, men are easy to figure out: their actions speak louder then words. They generally have been raised to be go-getters so they act accordingly.

 

ya know, you're very right about that. I do tend to make excuses, and be like the poor lil puppy dog. I've always been the peacemaker and probably always will be. I've been told I'm too nice of a person, and sometimes can't tell when people try to walk all over me. it's a bad trait I have in a way, because I'd possibly feel alot better about myself if I had some sort of backbone, in CERTAIN situations, like with SOME guys, not always, sometimes I CAN be a bitch

[chill chic]

Yes he should. So...wait it out. If he doesn't contact you, don't pursue him. He has to understand that if he wants you, he'll have to put some effort into it. Value yourself...remember you're an LS Goddess-in-training.

 

I love it when you girls/guys give me confidence in this, so I will keep sticking to my word, because it makes me feel good

 

and YES he needs to pursue me, and he needs to know that there are other guys in line haha, and actually he might think that if I don't contact him, so that's good!

 

well I absolutely LOVE getting the training that I need, thank you!! much love

 

and I'll keep checking in with everyone when I know more, or when he contacts me

[Cobra_X30]

I love it when you girls/guys give me confidence in this, so I will keep sticking to my word, because it makes me feel good

 

and YES he needs to pursue me, and he needs to know that there are other guys in line haha, and actually he might think that if I don't contact him, so that's good!

 

well I absolutely LOVE getting the training that I need, thank you!! much love

 

and I'll keep checking in with everyone when I know more, or when he contacts me

 

WOW... it took me some time to catch up on this thread. Seems like maybe you need a guy in here! Got any questions... Im all caught up now... LOL.

[chill chic]

WOW... it took me some time to catch up on this thread. Seems like maybe you need a guy in here! Got any questions... Im all caught up now... LOL.

 

hey thanks for reading all of this mess lol

but really...yah I need a guy's perspective on this, and if you read most of it, like all my questions on what this guy is thinking, then I'd like to get advice from you too

have you ever been in this situation before? a recap, of the situation, I met this guy back in May, we've spent time together off and on when we're not busy with our jobs, since then. he treats me like his gf, and we just now slept together last weekend, which is good that we waited, but now I'm wondering what he thinks of me or of the relationship now that we did that, and it's been Sunday since we last talked-which he said he'd contact me after everything, I guess when he's back in town, but still, I'm wondering if he's still interested but just busy.

[Cobra_X30]

hey thanks for reading all of this mess lol

but really...yah I need a guy's perspective on this, and if you read most of it, like all my questions on what this guy is thinking, then I'd like to get advice from you too

have you ever been in this situation before? a recap, of the situation, I met this guy back in May, we've spent time together off and on when we're not busy with our jobs, since then. he treats me like his gf, and we just now slept together last weekend, which is good that we waited, but now I'm wondering what he thinks of me or of the relationship now that we did that, and it's been Sunday since we last talked-which he said he'd contact me after everything, I guess when he's back in town, but still, I'm wondering if he's still interested but just busy.

 

Yeah, Its really interesting to be honest. It's kind of outside the norm for guys. On one hand he is giving you all these signals... like he wants to be your BF, and on the other hand he is kind of saying he doesnt have alot of time.

 

I would put money on him still bieng interested. Its the type of interest that worries me... his motives are not super clear.

 

There is a very real possibility that he likes you but considers himself too busy for a serious relationship. I go into situations like this on my tip-toes, watching for cracks in the ice. I assume he is going to do the same, because he doesnt want you to hurt him.

 

Here is one big difference. I would have called you, and maintained good contact right away. Mostly to get a picture of what your thinking and what level of commitment your giving and looking to recieve.

 

There are a couple of questions you really need to answer. What kind of guy is he? Where would you put his overall confidence level? Do you know what kind of relationships he has had in the past? and How much info does he have on your past?

 

Can you flesh out a good picture of who he is and what his goals are?

 

BTW CC, I kind of get the feeling you need to sit in front of a mirror for a second and realize how wonderful you are and how much you have to offer those around you!

[Touche]

Here's the bottom line, CC. Let's just cut through all the BS. You said that he treats you like his g/f. Do you still think that? Is this how you think a guy should treat a gal who he considers his girlfriend? Just disappears for days and days? I don't think so.

 

I mean, really.

 

Also, I hate to say this but are you sure he's not otherwise attached?

[Trialbyfire]

Here's the bottom line, CC. Let's just cut through all the BS. You said that he treats you like his g/f. Do you still think that? Is this how you think a guy should treat a gal who he considers his girlfriend? Just disappears for days and days? I don't think so.

 

I mean, really.

 

Also, I hate to say this but are you sure he's not otherwise attached?

And calls her when he's got time on his hands? I don't like the one-sided control aspect of this. It doesn't feel like it's headed for an equal relationship.

[lino]

hey lino I know he's really busy with his job, but still he could send me a "hi" text or something. since he is busy during the day, I don't call him, we stay in contact through email, or sometimes text. but he doesn't call me which is weird, never has really and I don't know if he's afraid of the phone with girls or with me or what. but I know he does alot of conference calls for his job on the phone so who knows.

 

Yeah you're right, he should send you a 'hi' text or something, I would if I was him.

I think you & him should start calling each other. You said you've known him since May, that's 3 months. I wouldn't be able to last 3 weeks without calling a girl! But maybe in your situation that is ok, I dunno. How do you feel about a guy who doesn't call his girl?

Still I think he should have gotten back to you by now. Just wait some more & see. In the meantime don't get too hung up on it, it's not worth it.

[chill chic]

Yeah you're right, he should send you a 'hi' text or something, I would if I was him.

I think you & him should start calling each other. You said you've known him since May, that's 3 months. I wouldn't be able to last 3 weeks without calling a girl! But maybe in your situation that is ok, I dunno. How do you feel about a guy who doesn't call his girl?

Still I think he should have gotten back to you by now. Just wait some more & see. In the meantime don't get too hung up on it, it's not worth it.

 

yah it's been 3 months, since we've associated with each other. I understand that he did already tell me before that he can't give me as much time as I deserve because of his job, and I've talked to other people about his job duties, and this other girl said she rarely gets time with her bf because he does the same thing this guy does. so now I really believe him when he said it. Once the campaigning is all over with, then he said he'd have more time for me. Anyway, still, it's not hard to say hi.

 

Just last weekend, when I last saw him, he was writing me directions to this certain place so he wrote them down on one of his business cards with his office contact on it, and a website. So, me being curious, I looked at the website, and notice the guy that he's campaigning for is the director of pain management, and I was just telling him before I looked at the website that my cousin is an anesthesiologist, so.......I was thinking about writing him a quick note, no flirting, no cuteness, just saying "I was curious to see the website you put together & noticed that your guy is the director....ask him if he knows my cousin "...."

I dunno, should I do that? Or still just wait for him?

[Kamille]

No. Don't do it. Chill - in this situation he has to contact you. He knows that the ball in his court. If he doesn't get in touch with you after this weekend, he will be revealing himself to not be worth your time.

[chill chic]

No. Don't do it. Chill - in this situation he has to contact you. He knows that the ball in his court. If he doesn't get in touch with you after this weekend, he will be revealing himself to not be worth your time.

 

ok thanks, yah I wanted to see what someone else would think, so good, I'm glad I didn't act on my impulse

and yah the ball is in his court because I was the last to email (to his reply) right?

[Cobra_X30]

yah it's been 3 months, since we've associated with each other. I understand that he did already tell me before that he can't give me as much time as I deserve because of his job, and I've talked to other people about his job duties, and this other girl said she rarely gets time with her bf because he does the same thing this guy does. so now I really believe him when he said it. Once the campaigning is all over with, then he said he'd have more time for me. Anyway, still, it's not hard to say hi.

 

Just last weekend, when I last saw him, he was writing me directions to this certain place so he wrote them down on one of his business cards with his office contact on it, and a website. So, me being curious, I looked at the website, and notice the guy that he's campaigning for is the director of pain management, and I was just telling him before I looked at the website that my cousin is an anesthesiologist, so.......I was thinking about writing him a quick note, no flirting, no cuteness, just saying "I was curious to see the website you put together & noticed that your guy is the director....ask him if he knows my cousin "...."

I dunno, should I do that? Or still just wait for him?

 

Nope... It would make you look like a stalker! Some kind of fatal attraction deal!

 

I went in and read one of your earlier posts... How well would you say this guy knows you??? There is the possibility that he is hanging back as a self defence mechanism.

 

Also... if his job involves this much time, energy, and travel... that may be something you are not totally comfortable with down the road. Food for thought!

[chill chic]

Nope... It would make you look like a stalker! Some kind of fatal attraction deal!

 

I went in and read one of your earlier posts... How well would you say this guy knows you??? There is the possibility that he is hanging back as a self defence mechanism.

 

Also... if his job involves this much time, energy, and travel... that may be something you are not totally comfortable with down the road. Food for thought!

 

 

so very true about the stalker part haha I've had 2 stalkers in my life and I don't want to be one myself, because that's freaky.

anyway, well we know each other enough, like we talk about our families, our jobs, hobbies, but I'm sure there is plenty more to know about each other. what would be his self-defense mechanism?

yah I'm beginning to wonder if this would be worth it, and now I'm beginning to think that since he seems to not have time for any girl at the moment, he probably feels lucky he got to sleep with me, and now his interest is worn off, because he got what the wanted