Supporting A Friend [Taking Responsibility]

[livebuzzwords]

Supporting A Friend [Taking Responsibility]

:bunny:There's something distinctly dishonorable, disingenuous, and off-putting about taking "full responsibility" for the failure of a relationship. If you do, then you should never complain about any self-imposed sanction from the other person. Taking "full responsibility is heroism without sacrifice; contrition without sincerity; guilt without conscience. I take full responsibility" is simultaneously over the top and utterly inadequate, allowing self-aggrandizement to distract from the actual wrongdoing. The act of "taking responsibility” implies one thinks there ought to be consequences for one's failure. Absent such consequences, taking "responsibility" is just a self-serving, self-aggrandizing statement, a hypocritical effort to sound heroic without displaying the slightest willingness to bring a sacrifice, however symbolic. I take responsibility for my actions during our relationship and breakup and there have been many consequences for my failure – most notably I LOST MY SOULMATE.

Out of respect for YOU, my exgf, I have never told my friends ANYTHING that you would be offended by. I believe that private matters should stay sacred. I have not said anything negative about you to anyone. I had a difficult time expressing myself correctly before I went crazy with this whole thing - and I did always stood up for you! I understand that a big source of your troubles now are directly related to my actions and I would do whatever is necessary in order that you have a respectful recovery. I understand I have caused you many variations of fear, such as embarrassment and humiliation and I realize that your fear of me hurting you again emotionally is causing some of this. Please know that there's no excuse for risking your safety, and as such you should know that I don’t deserve an explanation, I do not hold any ill feelings towards you, and I don’t blame you for reacting the way you did during times where I was not well. There is no need to go over the why and how things went sour, I understand completely that our relationship is at an end, and that is something I regret. I know you well enuff to know that you don't change your mind about stuff like this. You had the courage to follow through with your decision.

We were an amazing couple, we learned about each other, we were both willing to do the most extreme measures to be a couple but in the end my actions of the past and during our relationship have too much impact on you. You know I have never lost the love I have for you, but I let down my guard in the relationship, crappy stuff happened, and that destroyed your confidence. I guess I had a habit of falling for girls too hard? In my head I go round and round and am never confident in any decision I make regarding relationship. I understand that you need to focus on you and sort out the mess I created. I know I hurt you deeply, when you surrender your heart to someone and they don't make the most meager efforts to resolve differences in a way that leaves both people feeling invisible, and I behaved unethically or disrespectfully. I repeatedly "broke up with" you rather than work through areas of disagreement to some mutual agreement and I caused you deep pain and humiliation. I changed into this someone else, a distant and avoidant person and you did well to confront your breaking up fears.

Breaking up with someone is horrible! It's horrible for the person doing it - it really is. When you break up with someone chances are you still love them and you don't want to hurt them! I know you stayed in the relationship longer than you should have probably because you didn’t want to "hurt me" but in the end doing so, you hurt yourself. So I am aware that you now need to be true to yourself and I respect you enuff, to let him go, ensure you do not have to worry about me.

You know I have never claimed to be perfect, but I make no excuses - in essence, there is no one else to blame. I can’t control or change things for you and help you heal but I control myself and I can change yourself. I am making sure that issues I had are complete, and I recognize it is important I do nothing to harm you in this time of real personal growth. It requires a lot of effort to be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. Broken relationships take time to heal. I acknowledge that there is a problem that needs repair before the healing can begin and so I offer my unconditional support to you/. I have made a conscious decision to not to allow my same problems to happen again, and you knowing you are in no way at fault, should make you feel better about yourself and hopefully the pain will ease. There was an imbalance in my life back then and I was unable to correct it despite all your best efforts and I could barely muster my best intention. Your silence and helped me develop respect for myself and you. I learned how to be compassionate and understanding.

My poor behavior was the primary determinant for your healing during the breakup and NC, so forgive me for such actions and I forgive you and now hopefully you can find peace inside. I apologize for doing and saying hurtful things. Your wounds are why you are fearful and worry that this same thing happening again in the future. For this reason it is so important to spend time understanding the true nature of forgiveness, and what it really entails.

To forgive means to "give up", to let go. It also means to restore oneself to basic goodness and health. When we forgive, we are willing to give up resentment, revenge and obsession. All the toxic feelings of hatred and resentment stay bottled up inside and eventually seep into all the areas of our life with the result that we become bitter, angry, unhappy and frustrated.

Forgiveness is a form of love within the context of a personal crisis. It is important to recognize that your distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you five minutes ago or five years ago. Research has shown that people who are deeply and unjustly hurt by others can heal emotionally and, in some cases, physically by forgiving their offender.

Forgiveness breaks the cycle of hatred, resentment, anger and pain that are often passed on to those around you. Forgiveness helps you make peace with your past. The health benefits of forgiveness are great – There are studies that have shown there are serious mental, emotional and physical consequences of an unforgiving heart. In some studies, forgiveness has been linked to a lessening of chronic back pain and depression; in others to reduce levels of stress.

So, my friend, please find calmness and peace and know I will always be there for you if you ever need me. I wish you much happiness, healthy relationship with your new love, and long life. Stay kewl.

 

coldplay words:

O no, I see,

I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,

And I lost my head,

The thought of all the stupid things I said,

O no, what's this?

A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,

I turned to run,

The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

 

I never meant to cause you trouble

And I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well if I ever caused you trouble

O no, I never meant to do you harm

 

O no, I see

A spider web and it's me in the middle,

So I twist and turn

Here am I in love in a bubble.

 

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,

I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well if I ever caused you trouble

Although I never meant to do you harm

 

They spun a web for me

They spun a web for me

They spun a web for me

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

 

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

 

High up above or down below

When you too in love to let it go

If you never try you'll never know

Just watch and learn

 

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

If you ever feel neglected,

If you ever think all is lost,

I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,

Hoping everything's not lost,

Everything's not lost,

When I'm counting up my demons.

There's always one for everyday,

With the good ones on my shoulder,

I drove the other ones away.

If you ever feel neglected,

If you think all is lost,

I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,

Hoping everything's not lost.

When you thought it was over,

You could feel it all around,

Everybody's out to get you,

Don't you let it drag you down.

Cos if you eve feel neglected,

If you think that all is lost,

I'll be counting all the demons, yeah.

Singing out oh yeah

Singing out oh yeah

Singing out oh yeah

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, oh yeah, come on yeah,

Everything's not lost,

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Everything's not lost,

Come on yeah, oh yeah,

Come on yeah X2

Oh yeah, come on yeah,

Everything's not lost

Sing out yeah

Come on yeah X2

Everything's not lost

Come on yeah, oh yeah

Sing out yeah

Everything's not lost