I like him more than a friend but...

[Sunflower]

Guys could you help me out here?

 

I became friends with this boy a while ago and we've become closer as time goes on. I am starting to like him more than a friend and he is sending similar signals to me too. (but I could be wrong). We communicate almost daily and spend a lot of time together.

 

The thing is as we got closer I learned that he had just broken up with the love of his life a month before he approached me and I was hesitant to open myself up too fully with my feelings because I really didn't want to be the rebound woman. I have been in this situation before, and it really sucks. They never end up with you anyway and it hurts like hell. Well a couple months ago, he told me that he was fully over his ex, and proceeded to fill me in on all the details which led up to them getting together and then breaking up. She dumped him. The details were so specific I was quite taken aback, to tell you the truth. And that though he still thinks about her and misses what they had a lot, and that she was his first true love, the past is the past. (so it took him from end of June, the breakup time, to about December, the month he told me). He also told me they were still sort of in touch after the breakup and he tried to get her back in about September. That was about two months after we just started to get to know eachother. So he was still in touch with her after he got to know me. I was also kind of flattered that he trusted me enough to say everything so honestly by the way.

 

Now I know I don't have much to go on by, but should I take this as a sign that he is now opening up to me in his trust, and "maybe" showing he likes me too and is well, "available" ? Or in the completely opposite direction, he regards me as JUST a platonic friend by being totally comfortable talking to me about his love life? Is there a set time period where you can be confident that the person is over his/her ex without worrying about whether you could be the rebound person? Though I like him a lot and would be like to be more than friends, I don't want to pursue it if he doesn't feel the same and I am sort of afraid to ask him yet. As friends, we are certainly on good terms.

 

Thanks.

-Nina-

[Tony T]

First of all, I think he would probably be more flattered if you referred to him as a "man" rather than a "boy" and I'm assuming he IS a man.

 

It doesn't sound to me like he is over his previous relationship. He's certainly trying to convince himself of it, however. Whether you like it or not, you are already a rebound. By hanging in with him and listening to him go over all the details, you were aiding him significantly in his healing process.

 

There's no way of knowing whether this will work for you or not. Whether two people are over the past or not, there are never any assurances something's going to work.

 

Overall, if the two of you have been good friends and that part of it has worked out well, you simply need to have a talk with him about upgrading the friendship. Perhaps that talk was his way of letting you know he is ready. But if he were a MAN and not a boy, he would have sense enough to tell you he was interested in you and ask you for a date. One of you has got to take the initiative to get the direction of your association clearly defined so you may as well take the lead.

 

Good luck to you. This very well may work out well. But take things slow. Given the fact that he's still holding on to the past in some ways, moving slowly will serve both of you well. This could be a match made it heaven...or it could be the match that sets hell afire. The only way you'll find out is to take the plunge.

[Sunflower]

thanks Tony. And I mean MAN, not boy. I guess since I refer to myself as a girl, I automatically put in "boy" yada yada. hee hee.

He asked me if I wanted to do dinner and a movie with him this coming weekend. I'll just take things naturally and slow like you said.

 

~N~