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Two Questions...


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No offense but I would probably not reccomend you to any of my friends.

 

No offense taken. I know what I have to offer and that's all that matters.

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Well... You've probably just had too many bad relationships!:p

 

Possibly, but no. I literally have a snake phobia! Can't even look at a picture of a snake. When one comes on the tv, my boys say "Mom, don't look at the tv!" They know how bad it is!

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Oh! *spank* *spank* shame on me....

 

I forgot one thing! Did you even know that my boys live with me and I am totally committed to my brave, bold boys!

 

LOL... Thats the first self administerd spanking Ive ever seen on this board! :laugh:

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RealityCheck
And that says nothing about how they will be treated by the women in their life.

 

Keep my treasures (boys) out of your issues Woggle because you are now crossing boundries that will cause me to chew you up and spit you out!

 

I am like a bear with her cubs...caution

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LOL... Thats the first self administerd spanking Ive ever seen on this board! :laugh:

 

Ha! Beware! She *spanks* me all the time! (And no, don't let your mind go there!):rolleyes:

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Keep my treasures (boys) out of your issues Woggle because you are now crossing boundries that will cause me to chew you up and spit you out!

 

I am like a bear with her cubs...caution

 

Then you need to protect your cubs from the women that will chew them up and spit them out unless gender relations change. I am sorry but it is the truth.

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PoshPrincess
We know that now because we are older and wiser. And we all know what its like to be young and inexperienced and live in la la land. That's the biggest problem I see. Inexperience in life and making decisions like marriage and til death do us part based on very little experience.

 

Exactly. And the younger you are the longer 'til death us do part' actually is. The later one marries (if at all) the better as far as I'm concerned.

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Possibly, but no. I literally have a snake phobia! Can't even look at a picture of a snake. When one comes on the tv, my boys say "Mom, don't look at the tv!" They know how bad it is!

 

I joke... I joke...

 

I've got arachnaphobia myself, so I know where your coming from! :(

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I have gotten absolutely nothing done at work! Zilch! Nada! I have to yank myself away from this enjoyable discussion and look forward to catching up later. I know I'm gonna miss a lot thanks to RC! She's so good at getting these massive threads started! Until then....... Smooch hunny bunny - you know who you are. ;)

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Then you need to protect your cubs from the women that will chew them up and spit them out unless gender relations change. I am sorry but it is the truth.

 

Man Up bro! I've met some breezy girls in my life, but nobody thats ever been able to ruin me.

 

Serious, dont be bitter... Would you rather have your EX or your Current wife? Didnt she do you a favor in the end? Get some perspective!

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Times sure have changed. Where commitment and values have evolved as limited priorities. Once upon a time, people really enjoyed each other. It was the simple pleasures that made commitment and value the highest of priorities. Spouses seemed to value each other and respect each other more in yesterday’s society than today.

 

Today’s world has become so materialistic that it seems that spouses in marriage have now become the object and are treated as such. Focus on growing together seems forgotten. Fast pace and changes in the world have no doubt created a hell of a lot more stress and striving to keep up with it all, thus everyone’s energy is pulled in all directions and becomes lost where it truly matters, in the family

 

Sure! I do believe there are marriages that will survive and do make it to “death do us part” and are truly happy. I don’t feel in today’s world there are many

 

Of all the couples I know, and there are many, it is very disheartening to hear their stories. Some that I know have been together for 25 –30 years and have openly said “it’s been a struggle” and we are not happy and have not been for years. Some have even said “I should have left a long time ago” and many have stated I stayed for the kids or financial reasons. Most have had affairs and some have not! Now they look back and view their life with their spouse as hauntingly frightening as retirement years approach. They dread the days to come of having their spouse as what they referred to as “a piece of the furniture” because they said their feelings have died and cannot be recovered

 

I have two questions

 

Firstly, I see the word “commitment” used in this forum often. Each person has his or her own reasons for staying and I am not judging it either way! I would like to ask and truly understand the word commitment when a spouse has been betrayed because for me, my ExH burned that word along with the vow. As a former OW, I would like to ask the question to the OW. I have read many times that the MM is committed exclusively to his OW. Personally, I really have a hard time with that one.

 

Secondly, Who feels marriage is over-rated?

 

As for "commitment," in true love affairs, it's not the "other woman" who becomes the "other" woman. Rather, it's the wife who becomes the "other," a stranger in the bed. The OW can be a misnomer. Often, the betrayed wife possesses that "otherness."

 

Love affairs flip roles: the spouse becomes the stranger in her marriage. This occurs not by her actions but by virtue of the OW eclipsing her in the straying man's heart and head. And the OW becomes the new primary intimate person in the man's affective life.

 

The trick, once the affair ends (and all affairs end) is to rebuild the intimate relationship with the betrayed spouse. Sometimes one can put humpty dumpy back together again, and sometimes one cannot.

 

As for marriage being overrated, I don't believe it's overrated as much as it is unrealistic for many, today. It's one thing be in a marriage and die at 40, and quite another to die at 75.

 

People change over time. That's why marriage contracts should be renewable every 5 years, and include a without cause termination provision.There must be a 6 month written notice provision and ironclad child and custody and support provisions.

 

A marriage is a contract: treat it like one instead of some divine arrangement.

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Man Up bro! I've met some breezy girls in my life, but nobody thats ever been able to ruin me.

 

Serious, dont be bitter... Would you rather have your EX or your Current wife? Didnt she do you a favor in the end? Get some perspective!

 

Telling men to be aware and protect themselves is not being bitter.

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RealityCheck
Man Up bro! I've met some breezy girls in my life, but nobody thats ever been able to ruin me.

 

Serious, dont be bitter... Would you rather have your EX or your Current wife? Didnt she do you a favor in the end? Get some perspective!

 

Now we are talking like a Man!

 

Nice!

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PoshPrincess
As for "commitment," in true love affairs, it's not the "other woman" who becomes the "other" woman. Rather, it's the wife who becomes the "other," a stranger in the bed. The OW can be a misnomer. Often, the betrayed wife possesses that "otherness."

 

Love affairs flip roles: the spouse becomes the stranger in her marriage. This occurs not by her actions but by virtue of the OW eclipsing her in the straying man's heart and head. And the OW becomes the new primary intimate person in the man's affective life.

 

Which goes a long way to explaining why, after DDay, things are so much more emotionally difficult for the BS than they are for the OP.

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A marriage is a contract: treat it like one instead of some divine arrangement.

 

Wow! There's alot of power in this sentence.

 

Well said indeed!

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Telling men to be aware and protect themselves is not being bitter.

 

Wog, there are only two guys here. You and Me.

 

Im telling you right now. True feminists like your talking about are few and far between. And you dont have to worry about them anyway because they are lesbians or practically lesbians.

 

Do you really think that all women are scammers at heart? I can tell when a girl starts trying to run games on me... cant you?

 

As a Man you need to take resposibility for the flow of your relationship. Never stop demanding that your needs be met... and never stop providing in return.

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Which goes a long way to explaining why, after DDay, things are so much more emotionally difficult for the BS than they are for the OP.

 

Yes, it does. The estrangement is heart breaking for everyone, but particularly the betrayed spouse.

 

Everyone likes to talk about violation of trust as issue no.1, but it's not. For me, the emotional estrangement affairs cause, the obliteration of marital intimacy, is the real cost of an affair.

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Wow! There's alot of power in this sentence.

 

Well said indeed!

 

Thanks, RC, but you also raised very thoughtful, provocative issues in your original post.

 

So I want to thank you.

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Wog, there are only two guys here. You and Me.

 

Im telling you right now. True feminists like your talking about are few and far between. And you dont have to worry about them anyway because they are lesbians or practically lesbians.

 

Do you really think that all women are scammers at heart? I can tell when a girl starts trying to run games on me... cant you?

 

As a Man you need to take resposibility for the flow of your relationship. Never stop demanding that your needs be met... and never stop providing in return.

 

The blatant and open manhaters are not the ones you need to worry about. The women with the subtle contempt for men are the ones you need to worry about and they are everywhere.

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The blatant and open manhaters are not the ones you need to worry about. The women with the subtle contempt for men are the ones you need to worry about and they are everywhere.

 

Wow! so disheartening to carry so much fear.

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As for "commitment," in true love affairs, it's not the "other woman" who becomes the "other" woman. Rather, it's the wife who becomes the "other," a stranger in the bed. The OW can be a misnomer. Often, the betrayed wife possesses that "otherness."

 

Love affairs flip roles: the spouse becomes the stranger in her marriage. This occurs not by her actions but by virtue of the OW eclipsing her in the straying man's heart and head. And the OW becomes the new primary intimate person in the man's affective life.

 

How frequent are "true love affairs"? I think what you'd call a "love affair" is the same thing me and most MM would refer to as a booty call. Dont be fooled by the pretty rhetoric.

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The blatant and open manhaters are not the ones you need to worry about. The women with the subtle contempt for men are the ones you need to worry about and they are everywhere.

 

What do you define as subtle contempt? I assume your referenceing the lack of a subservient attitude.

 

Your talking about respect. I'm going to tell you right now that its not enough to try and earn respect. You have to DEMAND IT! This goes for men and women. If a girl disrespects you... what do you do?

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I would like to see these questions on a more neutral board it would be intresting to see what they would say on the water cooler forum.

 

Though I have to say my jaded still seems to fit me just fine.

 

How frequent are "true love affairs"?

 

How often are marriages "true love affairs"; I still think most people get married because it is what you are suppose to do to play a part in normal society. I still think if people today were not pressured in anyway to marry, only a small amount of the population would choose to do so, and an even smaller amount of those would choose to sign on the line that says untill death, I think it would be more like until death of love

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