Author RealityCheck Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Well that's just it personal growth is next to impossible next to someone you are in a marriage with. And there is a difference between being with someone in an LTR and being married to them. In an LTR you still run the risk that you might lose them so it sort of forces people to roll with the punches to keep up with your partner's changes and goals. But when you are married that unconditional love goes out the window often times because the idea is "they ain't going no where so why entertain their changes?"the growth is of the family unit now not personal. That's why so many people feel like their dreams are gone once they decide to tie knot Agree! However, I feel there is more LACK OF compromise than there is compromise in a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Yeah, I NEVER mention marriage to our daughter..She's 16 and all she talks about is HER career, HER travels..There's never a WE!!! I get so excited to hear her talk this way! I always try to emphasize to her how very important it is for her to finish school, have a career of her own and feel comfortable in her own skin...I realize I guess that you can't ever depend on someone else for YOUR happiness and well being...She is so much different from me..By the time I was her age, I had already been dating my H for a year...At just 17!! I can't imagine if she were to meet the man that she would eventually marry right now..I'd prob. lock her up! LOL! I agree 100%, I have always preached to my daughter that education , career comes first. I tell her NEVER to be dependent on a man, always be in a position if your not happy you have the power to chance your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 what do you think of a marriage lasting 5 years with an expiration date, like a drivers Liecense? After the five years are up , both have to decide if they want to renew an addional five years. Agreements are drawn up when registering about child support, alimoney, just in case, you let marriage expire. I think this concept will make spouses work harder on keeping each other happy because the union is not taken for granted. If you do grow apart, its not major drama trying to leave. One party does not have to pay for the rest of thier life for someone who can work themselves. You know as clinical as that sounds, it's not a bad idea at all for many reasons. For starters it would give people and insentive work harder at what they had for fear that at renewal time the contract may be nulled. Also it would save people a lot of money on divroce and in fact it might even deter people from looking at divorce because if the marriage happened for all the right reasons there would be an insentive to maintain a certain level of comfrot and happiness between the two in order to take it to the next tier. If all else fails they can do incnetive programs sort like they do in the corporate world you know: 5yrs = gold watches 10yrs = 2wk trip to exotic parts of the world 15 yrs = summer home :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 If all else fails they can do incnetive programs sort like they do in the corporate world you know: 5yrs = gold watches 10yrs = 2wk trip to exotic parts of the world 15 yrs = summer home :lmao: OMG! TC! You the bomb!!!! Depends, hurry!......LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I have a bottle of red whine, you girls want to come to a pow wow!! we can burn fairtales and write the sentors about how marriage is a farse to get us to pay more taxes, trap us to stay in the communities we live (buy big houses to keep up with the jones') and have more babies so we can spend more money at the local wal-mart on barbie dolls that turn into pretty pretty princess brides so when they get older they can have a big expensive wedding someone cheats and we spend more money on lawyers and, ok, never mind I'll save the whine for drinking:D Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Gee you could be onto something there Mino....but FIVE years!!!....lol LOL, OK.........maybe two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 I have a bottle of red whine, you girls want to come to a pow wow!! we can burn fairtales and write the sentors about how marriage is a farse to get us to pay more taxes, trap us to stay in the communities we live (buy big houses to keep up with the jones') and have more babies so we can spend more money at the local wal-mart on barbie dolls that turn into pretty pretty princess brides so when they get older they can have a big expensive wedding someone cheats and we spend more money on lawyers and, ok, never mind I'll save the whine for drinking:D LMAOOOOOOOO..... I do believe we have some serious brain storming going on here! I'll bring a bottle too L4E....one will never be enough! It appears there are too many on the same page to drink one! Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I have a bottle of red whine, you girls want to come to a pow wow!! we can burn fairtales and write the sentors about how marriage is a farse to get us to pay more taxes, trap us to stay in the communities we live (buy big houses to keep up with the jones') and have more babies so we can spend more money at the local wal-mart on barbie dolls that turn into pretty pretty princess brides so when they get older they can have a big expensive wedding someone cheats and we spend more money on lawyers and, ok, never mind I'll save the whine for drinking:D What time? I am in but I think a couple of bottles will be needed. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Yeah, I NEVER mention marriage to our daughter..She's 16 and all she talks about is HER career, HER travels..There's never a WE!!! I get so excited to hear her talk this way! I always try to emphasize to her how very important it is for her to finish school, have a career of her own and feel comfortable in her own skin...I realize I guess that you can't ever depend on someone else for YOUR happiness and well being...She is so much different from me..By the time I was her age, I had already been dating my H for a year...At just 17!! I can't imagine if she were to meet the man that she would eventually marry right now..I'd prob. lock her up! LOL This is what I was saying about the X and Y generation, we a in a transitional period right now, people now days (with young children) don't tell them to depend on someone to make you happy, or even to fill the gaps, a husband (or wife) should be like a nice piece of handbag, if it's functional and goes with the outfit, keep it, if not give it to goodwill Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 LOL, OK.........maybe two? There has to be an exception clause included in the agreement. For the times two is too long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 There has to be an exception clause included in the agreement. For the times two is too long. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO....... You gals are killing me here! Never mind the depends! I found some! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 oh, don't get me wrong, we need more then one bottle, I got that ONE covered on my own tonight...such the lush Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 "marriage isn't over-rated, it's dead" has me giggling like a schoolgirl. LOL. Seriously, though, I think the modern marriage is what has killed commitment. Too many expecations. There can't be commitment when demands are being made on one another. Commitment is a personal choice, not a legal agreement, binding mandate, or foregone conclusion due to status. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 My views on the "institution" of marriage have NOTHING to do with me being commitment phobic. Please, carry on...... Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 There has to be an exception clause included in the agreement. For the times two is too long. ok, now your going overboard! you should at least atempt to fix what ever is broken in that last year, you can;t make it that easy, it is a marriage. When you run a traffic light, they dont take your liense right away...... you get a ticket. And when you get toomany you have to go to driving school, and then..... if you keep going, aaaahhhhh you loose your liense, I think I am losing my mind:lmao: eeeekkkkk Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 OMG! TC! You the bomb!!!! Depends, hurry!......LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Tee-hee :lmao: I'll bring a bottle too I never show up empty handed, and if we are doing this well sober imagine after a few glasses. we can rewrite history!! Now what will the church think...that's a another story....but we would take some of the pressure off the middle east. :laugh: Depends are so unflattering, I'll bring the maxi's with belts remember those from when our moms were teens? :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 My views on the "institution" of marriage have NOTHING to do with me being commitment phobic. Please, carry on...... Ha funny! my views have nothing to do with the fact that I'm married either I was reading another post, the quote at the bottom of someones said, everyone should be in love, thats why everyone shouldn't marry...everyone has jokes tonight...loving it! Commitment is a personal choice, not a legal agreement, binding mandate, or foregone conclusion due to status. I agree 110%, and with it being a PERSONAL choice you never know if the other person made that choice, hense the problem... Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 ok, now your going overboard! you should at least atempt to fix what ever is broken in that last year, you can;t make it that easy, it is a marriage. When you run a traffic light, they dont take your liense right away...... you get a ticket. And when you get toomany you have to go to driving school, and then..... if you keep going, aaaahhhhh you loose your liense, I think I am losing my mind:lmao: eeeekkkkk A marriage is only as good as the paper it is drawn up on. Same fade after realization (or ink)sets in....What the F did I get myself into. Its all about me from here on out. My way or the highway, or in this case...Where is that clause. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 (no offense RC) Marriage is what you make of it. If you go into only thinking about yourself and what's in it for you, you will find out how empty you are as a person. Everything in life is meant to make us grow. Marriage is not exempt. I mean, if you learned and grew in Kindergarten, how much more can you grow as an adult in an intimate relationship (married or not, actually). If one's only goal in a relationship is to "get there's", that's all you will walk away with. Maybe I'm just too much of a real romantic to allow an A, either one that I participated in or one that was committed by my partner, to be so jaded about marriage. Or to put all my beliefs onto the statistics that support my dismal views. Its true that not every marriage is a happy one. But that is not the institutions fault. That's the fault of the two people that entered into it unprepared for the reality of it. If the people in the marriages took responsibility for each other's well-being, then maybe their marriages might not be so bad. Happily ever after is a myth if all you thought you had to do is walk down the isle in front of a bunch of family and friends. I do tend to agree that the character of the young adults coming up from "baby-boomer"-headed households in the US is terribly lacking in compassion, yet brimming over with comtempt for others, envy, and selfishness, though. Materialistic doesn't even begin to touch on it. This "me-first" mentality permeates everything, not just marriage. I can't drive down the road without somebody cutting me off for having the nerve to go the speed limit. I can't go shopping without some rude teenagers acting me and my kids are bothering them by not getting out of their most entitled way. I can't even go to church without some other parishoner acting like the seat I sat in belongs to them. Marriage is not the culprit of these changes, people are. Its not fair to blame marriage because one had a bad go of one or two - whether as other or spouse (or both). I blame people. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 ok, now your going overboard! you should at least atempt to fix what ever is broken in that last year, you can;t make it that easy, it is a marriage. When you run a traffic light, they dont take your liense right away...... you get a ticket. And when you get toomany you have to go to driving school, and then..... if you keep going, aaaahhhhh you loose your liense, I think I am losing my mind:lmao: eeeekkkkk So I guess "counselling" would be like "driving school" then? Learning how to stay between the lines, stay this way until the end of the road.....lol Sorry, couldn't resist!.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 What A Sad Thread (no offense RC) Oh I dunnow seems like a pretty happy thread to me, I'm getting a good laugh... Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 (no offense RC) But that is not the institutions fault....... That's the fault of the two people that entered into it unprepared for the reality of it...... - whether as other or spouse (or both). I blame people.</p> I'm sorry but...you don't have an institution without "people" you don't have marriage without "people" So I believe it is the institution and the marriages' fault...if something does not work for the majority of the "people" there is no need for the insitution let it be marriage or govenment or prison for that matter Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Oh I dunnow seems like a pretty happy thread to me, I'm getting a good laugh... I can personally say nothing has made me laugh this much in a long time. Oh wait, I take that back.. my X H called the other day and asked if i missed him, and I replied, I have to get back to you on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 So I guess "counselling" would be like "driving school" then? Learning how to stay between the lines, stay this way until the end of the road.....lol Sorry, couldn't resist!.. Oh now you're using your noodle, you are definitely on to something here. Demerit points that's excactly what's needed. Point for each infraction and the the possibility of losing the lisence. But then what about the equivalent of drunk driving, a rel. without alcohol could be a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I can personally say nothing has made me laugh this much in a long time I agree, haven't been this happy since before the dreaded MM Link to post Share on other sites
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