Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I have wanted to inform mm's wife of my ea/slight pa that went on betwen us for 18 1/2 month's (Refer to my "I think the W need's to know Thread") What I would love to know is for those of you with cheating H how would you have felt if you heard the info straight from the OW? NO need to bash me here I am just looking for you feedback and thought's. Just to clarify my Affair was an emotional one NO actual SEX involved. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 oh please post this on another board, you are asking them to come over here and bash us, please, I beg you! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 my ea/slight pa that went on betwen us for 18 1/2 months No bashing. Can you define "slight pa" for me? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Hasn't this topic been done like a 1,000,000 times now? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Dunno! Has it? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP, the BW is going to hate you regardless of how she hears about it. She may be icily polite while she is asking you questions, and will thank you for your time when you are through confessing but when that phone is hung up you will become marriage enemy #1. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Nah, a million and one at least. AP, why don't you just tell her and get it over with? To answer your question - NO, I would not have wanted to hear about it from the OW. I could very well have killed her on the spot - especially if she was my next door neighbor!! Does that make it easier or harder? You need to do what you need to do. Just about everyone here has told you that you need to stop obsessing about your next door neighbors and get on with your own life, but you don't seem to be able to do that. Sh*t or get off the pot, but stop already with the idea that the wife would be better off because you told her. She wouldn't. She'd only be better off if HE told her. He's not going to do that, obviously, so just leave them ALONE!!!!!!!! Take care of your own life and your own husband and let your neighbors take care of their lives and their relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 with Silk... This is soooo crass to 'kiss and tell'..and to think you are actually doing the W a favour... Give me a break!!!! And you know what... no matter what everyone says here.. you still have the last decision... so go for it... tell her and move on with your life... geeezzz Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Good grief AP. Just tell her and get it over with. No matter what we say, you have set your agenda. Why are you still asking questions about it? What are you afraid of? If you are so convinced that you have the most alturistic reasons for doing it, than do it already. What's with all the stalling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Good grief AP. Just tell her and get it over with. No matter what we say, you have set your agenda. Why are you still asking questions about it? What are you afraid of? If you are so convinced that you have the most alturistic reasons for doing it, than do it already. What's with all the stalling? Guess what? I am going for it! I am sick of having to come to this site for advice! I need to be free from this MM S*** and I plan to tell his Freakin' W! I could care less what you all think. I care about moving forward with my life with MY family. She need's to know just what kind of FREAK she sleep's next to every night! AP. Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Guess what? I am going for it! I am sick of having to come to this site for advice! I need to be free from this MM S*** and I plan to tell his Freakin' W! I could care less what you all think. I care about moving forward with my life with MY family. She need's to know just what kind of FREAK she sleep's next to every night! AP. AP, you keep asking these questions here for one of two reasons: either you're looking for validation or your mind--conscious or subconscious--still contains a seed of doubt and you're exploring that. And since those of us who have been posting here for more than a day know, for sure, we're not going to be validated by everyone, I suspect it is the latter. Please don't get hurt, but understand you are getting advice given with the best intentions. You're not healed from the A. It's okay. It takes a hell of a long time. But maybe some people are just trying to suggest that it's possible--we don't know for sure--but it's possible that your plan won't result in your personal healing, and may just cause another woman to suffer right along with you. Anyway, if this is the way you are sure you need closure, then do it. But if you keep looking for some alternative answers, you are getting them. So just keep it all in the backburner in your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Guess what? I am going for it! I am sick of having to come to this site for advice! I need to be free from this MM S*** and I plan to tell his Freakin' W! I could care less what you all think. I care about moving forward with my life with MY family. She need's to know just what kind of FREAK she sleep's next to every night! AP. AP if you really could care less what we think, you wouldn't keep asking this forum the same question everytime you start a thread. Believe me, I am not trying to tell you what to do. But if you really have made up your mind, you won't keep coming back with more *reasons* why you just have to tell her. Just tell her. You have been offered many pros and cons. What else is there to consider? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP, you keep asking these questions here for one of two reasons: either you're looking for validation or your mind--conscious or subconscious--still contains a seed of doubt and you're exploring that. And since those of us who have been posting here for more than a day know, for sure, we're not going to be validated by everyone, I suspect it is the latter. Please don't get hurt, but understand you are getting advice given with the best intentions. You're not healed from the A. It's okay. It takes a hell of a long time. But maybe some people are just trying to suggest that it's possible--we don't know for sure--but it's possible that your plan won't result in your personal healing, and may just cause another woman to suffer right along with you. Anyway, if this is the way you are sure you need closure, then do it. But if you keep looking for some alternative answers, you are getting them. So just keep it all in the backburner in your mind. ITA. Don't agree with the closure method, but do share the sentiment. Gotta crawl before you walk, kinda thing. I know telling wouldn't work for me. But AP has to figure this out for herself. I too think that most who have responded to the many threads with the same basic premise meant every word to help from our perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 She need's to know just what kind of FREAK she sleep's next to every night! Well, I guess if you gotta do it, you gotta do it. Understand that what will come of this is fairly predictable: BW will hate you. MM will hate you. They will bind this hatred into a united front against you. BW will get her WH to spill details. Expect the BW to contact your H. Let's hope you were honest with your H about what exactly happened between you and MM, because anything that you failed to tell him will no doubt come up when BW contacts your H after her WH spills to her. She is going to want to f*ck up your life just as much as you want to f*ck up hers, and for the exact same reasons: retaliation and anger. Be prepared, AP - you can't unleash a sh*tstorm like that and not expect to walk away unsplattered yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP, go for it, but please let us know how it went. Seriously, your experiences can be helpful to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 Well, I guess if you gotta do it, you gotta do it. Understand that what will come of this is fairly predictable: BW will hate you. MM will hate you. They will bind this hatred into a united front against you. BW will get her WH to spill details. Expect the BW to contact your H. Let's hope you were honest with your H about what exactly happened between you and MM, because anything that you failed to tell him will no doubt come up when BW contacts your H after her WH spills to her. She is going to want to f*ck up your life just as much as you want to f*ck up hers, and for the exact same reasons: retaliation and anger. Be prepared, AP - you can't unleash a sh*tstorm like that and not expect to walk away unsplattered yourself. Oh I am ready! Do I want to cause hurt NO, That's not who I am! I wish I could describe to you all how This MM really did a job on me and my family for that matter! Let her contact my H. Have field day with him! I had the darn gut's to tell him about my involvement, unlike mm. I also DO not PLAN to ever cheat on my H again! I made a mistake. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP, go for it, but please let us know how it went. Seriously, your experiences can be helpful to others. James, How do I say it? I trust your word's of advice you know that! Please advise me. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 James, How do I say it? I trust your word's of advice you know that! Please advise me. AP:) You know my feelings....from your other thread. Trust me ...I think you should drop this idea. I am not saying I agree with your decision if you go ahead and tell the MM's wife, but I will support your choice for your sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP, do it. His wife asked you about it once before. Refer back to this time to introduce the topic. She deserves to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP if you really could care less what we think, you wouldn't keep asking this forum the same question everytime you start a thread. Believe me, I am not trying to tell you what to do. But if you really have made up your mind, you won't keep coming back with more *reasons* why you just have to tell her. Just tell her. You have been offered many pros and cons. What else is there to consider? I appreciate what everyone has said on LS, it's a great site for those in need! However I don't want to be in "Need" anymore, it's a waste of time. I have realized this over the past few day's. Tellimg the W might bring forth the worst for us all, but time does heal all wound's. If she love's him enough she will give him a chance to make thier marriage an "Honest" one! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP, do it. His wife asked you about it once before. Refer back to this time to introduce the topic. She deserves to know. YES! Back to the night that it was brought up would be a perfect way to introduce this to her. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP I''m sorry you might not like what I am going to say but here goes nothing anyway.. I know how hard this has been on you and I can appreciate you need to get closure in order to move on the one that should be punished is the man for doing what he did for leading you on as he did, however he has ceased contact has he not? And while what he did was horribly wrong he did come to the conclusion that beyond an EA there was no going further he may have realised his mistake, though the harm he did to you still goes unnoticed, becuase afterall these types of guys are selfish. I just don't see how telling his W would change anything for you. If anything you might just get him to lie more, he willl only end up covering his tracks further and might make you out to be the problem in this whole situation. Think of the ramifications if they were to both gang up on you, you living right next door and all. I dunnow I just dont see how you could win anything from this? Please take a moment and really spell out for yourself what you wish to gain from that, given that the outcome could completely opposite to what you wish to accomplish and only do you MORE harm in the end. I am only advising you this with your best interest in mind and please don't think that I am ganging up on you, I feel for your pain and would hate to see your decision further that pain. At the end of the day it is your call and whatever you decide you do know best. I do respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 AP I''m sorry you might not like what I am going to say but here goes nothing anyway.. I know how hard this has been on you and I can appreciate you need to get closure in order to move on the one that should be punished is the man for doing what he did for leading you on as he did, however he has ceased contact has he not? And while what he did was horribly wrong he did come to the conclusion that beyond an EA there was no going further he may have realised his mistake, though the harm he did to you still goes unnoticed, becuase afterall these types of guys are selfish. I just don't see how telling his W would change anything for you. If anything you might just get him to lie more, he willl only end up covering his tracks further and might make you out to be the problem in this whole situation. Think of the ramifications if they were to both gang up on you, you living right next door and all. I dunnow I just dont see how you could win anything from this? Please take a moment and really spell out for yourself what you wish to gain from that, given that the outcome could completely opposite to what you wish to accomplish and only do you MORE harm in the end. I am only advising you this with your best interest in mind and please don't think that I am ganging up on you, I feel for your pain and would hate to see your decision further that pain. At the end of the day it is your call and whatever you decide you do know best. I do respect that. Hi Tom so glad you are here! Selfish? YES! MM is very and so was I. The diff here? I will not have an affair EVER again!!! MM is now and will continue! Why not tell before a pa occurs? I am sorry but I FEEL IT IS VERY WRONG to engage in ea's while married! From all my research ea'scan cause more damage than pa's.Th W desrves to know her H's cycle before it gets into the pa stage. BTW- Love you Tom! Hug's! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I would want to know. I wouldn't blame you, per se, as you did not commit to me. I would also believe you. I will take a woman's word over a man's any day. I would also be thankful that you told me. Link to post Share on other sites
Love4Eternity Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 If you do decide to tell her (although I wouldnt) its your choice but I hope that you do it for FYI and not revenge on MM because he isnt really the one who will be hurt by this bit of informationits, his wife and his kids will be....good luck in what ever you decide to do Link to post Share on other sites
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