Question For all Betrayed Wives.

[Tomcat33]

Hi Tom so glad you are here! Selfish? YES! MM is very and so was I. The diff here? I will not have an affair EVER again!!! MM is now and will continue! Why not tell before a pa occurs? I am sorry but I FEEL IT IS VERY WRONG to engage in ea's while married! From all my research ea'scan cause more damage than pa's.Th W desrves to know her H's cycle before it gets into the pa stage. BTW- Love you Tom! Hug's!

 

AP:)

 

 

Awww AP if I could give you a big big hug I would, and would even cry with you if you felt like letting it out. I am so sorry to see this is still eating away at you in such an unhealthy way, you deserve so much more than to be ruining your pretty little head over this messed up human being. I can see the deep harm this situation has done to you. I understand your need for what you want to do, like some of the rest said, I will support your decision either way because you do have to do this your way. Sometimes in life we need to make our own closure and we have to try to find a solutions to our own dilemmas in way that is superhuman, I just think that you might be let down from the outcome of the confrontation only to cause you even more harm.

 

Speaking from experience in having confronted my ex's W when he moved back in with her and asked to see me under the pretext that he was still living alone, my goal was to get him out of my life for good. I felt that if his W knew that he was playing us both that she would do something to stop him from interfering further in my life. The reality was that she was neither wanting to hear what I had to say, nor did she do anything to keep a tighter grip on her situation. I have no idea how he got out of it but what followed that day was him making up more fake profiles to contact me online, he was called me several times and emails me still.

This past weekend I still got an email from him. Not only did my call do nothing for waking his W up to who he was he is still lying to her and she does not know. Do I keep calling to let her know? No, my job was done I did what I had to and I am sure in her books I am still enemy # 1 and she does not wish to see what is in front of her for whatever reason. but her husband is the same person she accpeted back into her life after she found out he betrayed her. Whatever arrangement they have is really no longer my problem. I am finally over him or at least the closest I have ever been and have even started dating someone who I really like and enjoy his company. As for my ex and his W, they are both broken playing a blind eye to each other's mess of lies and lack of whatever it takes to catch these lies nothing has changed for me or them since I told her. I thought it would keep him away but no, it didn't work and that in itself was enough to turn me off from what extent he is willing to go to stay on the fence and lie. It is just so messed up on so many levels.

 

But your is out of the picture it would only make them gang up against you I think...I dunnow more often than not that's what happens. The BS does not want to hear what she prob already knows.

 

I just think you would benefit from really seeing this situation though, play it out in your head and imagine all the outcomes imaginable and allow yourself to feel what you would in each outcome, once you are well aware of what each outcome can instill in you, only then act on your next step.

 

Sweetie I wish you all the best no matter what you decide {{{hugs}}}

[Tomcat33]

AP two things:

 

what has stopped you from doing it up until now?

 

what has prompted you to really want to do it now?

 

weigh the two out and you don't have to share it here if you don't wish but weight the two out and that should guide you as to wich has more pull.

[Mino]

I support you too, AP, If this is what you need to move on , go for it.

[smoochygirl]

Guess what? I am going for it! I am sick of having to come to this site for advice! I need to be free from this MM S*** and I plan to tell his Freakin' W! I could care less what you all think. I care about moving forward with my life with MY family. She need's to know just what kind of FREAK she sleep's next to every night!

 

AP.

 

You should tell his W. If i am BW i would like to know everything from both of them. It would really hurt me but i still need to know.

 

She need to know what kind of monster she is living with.

[RealityCheck]

You should tell his W. If i am BW i would like to know everything from both of them. It would really hurt me but i still need to know.

 

She need to know what kind of monster she is living with.

 

I was told about my exH. I can't say I was hostile towards her. He on the other hand.....well....that's another story. He knew what he was doing and what he was going to risk. The end.

[silktricks]

AP, as long as you face the fact that you are doing this FOR YOU, then it is good to do it. Do not try to pretend that you are doing it for anyone else, because you are not.

 

You will be further hurting your husband, as he will become embarrassed by the advertisement of your relationship with your neighbor.

 

You will be hurting your children who will no longer be allowed to associate with their friends.

 

You will be hurting the wife of your former MM, who will now have to face what her husband has been doing, and her neighbor (you) has been doing with him.

 

You will be hurting the man you were formerly infatuated with.

 

Is all of that pain for everyone else worth you feeling whatever it is that you think you need to feel? Is it OK with you to hurt everybody else so that you cam rid yourself of your own pain? It's OK if that's the case, but please don't pretend that you are doing this for anyone but you, because that's just not what's happening.

 

Good luck.

[outofdarkness]

I have wanted to inform mm's wife of my ea/slight pa that went on betwen us for 18 1/2 month's (Refer to my "I think the W need's to know Thread") What I would love to know is for those of you with cheating H how would you have felt if you heard the info straight from the OW? NO need to bash me here I am just looking for you feedback and thought's. Just to clarify my Affair was an emotional one NO actual SEX involved.

 

AP:)

I would have rather the info come from my H, but would have taken the info from anyone at any time during the A...I just would have wanted to know...I felt WORST b/c the info came in the form of a three page snail mail letter, but it came, and that started the process...Did it make me more angry at me? No, actually both, but mainly my H...

[Fun2BMe]

Just because YOU chose to tell your husband about it, why do you want to choose for him to have his wife informed? You obviously are bitter that you didn't get to have him all to yourself, or regret the ea or whatever the chip on your shoulder is about, and want to make him and his wife pay for it by ruining their marriage and not respecting what he wants to do with his own marriage.

 

You should mind your own business instead of pretending to be a good samaritan by informing his wife when it is none of your business. Go back to your husband and mind your own business and let them live out their own marriage and make their own decisions as to what they do or don't want to reveal to each other just like you yourself wouldn't like it very much if he told your husband about the ea before you wanted to share that info with him. Just because you did doesn't mean he is ready to or obligated to have his wife know about it too, let alone by you.

 

Unless it will make you feel better to ruin someone else's marriage which is the agenda you have it seems like.

[Trimmer]

I need to be free from this MM S*** and I plan to tell his Freakin' W!

Telling his wife isn't the thing that will free you. If I could help you in one way, I would get you to see that your moving on does not depend on what happens next door.

 

I could care less what you all think.

...and yet you still ask. Your words and your actions do not match.

 

I care about moving forward with my life with MY family. She need's to know just what kind of FREAK she sleep's next to every night!

Same theme. You moving forward and focusing on your life and your family is not equivalent to - and does not depend upon - her finding out.

 

Either way, you've heard all sides now. You are stuck. Make a decision, commit to it, and put your life back into motion.

[Meaplus3]

AP, as long as you face the fact that you are doing this FOR YOU, then it is good to do it. Do not try to pretend that you are doing it for anyone else, because you are not.

 

You will be further hurting your husband, as he will become embarrassed by the advertisement of your relationship with your neighbor.

 

You will be hurting your children who will no longer be allowed to associate with their friends.

 

You will be hurting the wife of your former MM, who will now have to face what her husband has been doing, and her neighbor (you) has been doing with him.

 

You will be hurting the man you were formerly infatuated with.

 

Is all of that pain for everyone else worth you feeling whatever it is that you think you need to feel? Is it OK with you to hurt everybody else so that you cam rid yourself of your own pain? It's OK if that's the case, but please don't pretend that you are doing this for anyone but you, because that's just not what's happening.

 

Good luck.

 

You will be further hurting your husband, as he will become embarrassed by the advertisement of your relationship with your neighbor. I know my H. Trust me this will not embarrass him.

 

You will be hurting your children who will no longer be allowed to associate with their friends. I highly doubt me tellling the W will make the two of them punish the kid's from playing with our's. H and I did not do that did we?

 

You will be hurting the wife of your former MM, who will now have to face what her husband has been doing, and her neighbor (you) has been doing with him. I am not sure how the wife will react, this is one of the reason's I keep putting off telling!

 

You will be hurting the man you were formerly infatuated with. Hurt MM? No! This MM as to big oa a EGO to be hurt by anyone!

[Meaplus3]

AP two things:

 

what has stopped you from doing it up until now?

 

what has prompted you to really want to do it now?

 

weigh the two out and you don't have to share it here if you don't wish but weight the two out and that should guide you as to wich has more pull.

 

 

what has stopped you from doing it up until now? One of the big thing's that has stopped me is how the W will react?

 

what has prompted you to really want to do it now?

 

I can't seem to erase from my mind how very much she seemed to want to know about her H's involvement with me. Like I have said before, I should have just told her the truth then, but I choose not to! One of the reason's I choose not to that night was because we had all had a few to many drink's. I did not feel that unleashing that kind of new's should be done with an altered state of mind. This is eating at me big time Tom!

[2sunny]

just let it go.

 

only pain will come from telling anyone else.

[Meaplus3]

Telling his wife isn't the thing that will free you. If I could help you in one way, I would get you to see that your moving on does not depend on what happens next door.

 

 

...and yet you still ask. Your words and your actions do not match.

 

 

Same theme. You moving forward and focusing on your life and your family is not equivalent to - and does not depend upon - her finding out.

 

Either way, you've heard all sides now. You are stuck. Make a decision, commit to it, and put your life back into motion.

 

Hearing all sides has been a good thing for me Trimmer.

 

AP:)

[mopar crazy]

Coming from a BW, I would want to know. I really wouldn't want to know from the OW but if it was the only way I would find out my H was a lying cheat then yes, I would want the OW to tell me.

[Fun2BMe]

Hurt MM? No! This MM as to big oa a EGO to be hurt by anyone!

 

Personally I think you want to tell her as a last resort so that you do finally hurt him and the only thing stopping you is you don't know how she'll react. What is an ideal reaction you'd like to get and what type do you not want to get?

[Impudent Oyster]

I care about moving forward with my life with MY family. She need's to know just what kind of FREAK she sleep's next to every night!

 

AP.

 

Does your husband know what kind of FREAK he sleeps next to every night?

 

Listen, you did the same thing to YOUR husband that MM did to his wife, doesn't that make you equally culpable? I don't understand how you are all of a sudden the victim and he's the perpetrator?

 

You clearly are NOT moving forward with your life and family when you obsess 24/7 about MM. It's all you think about!

 

I'll answer your question, I found out about H's EA from an anonymous source, but I'm 99.9% positive the source was OW. D-day occurred the day after my H told OW that he was not leaving me and that they couldn't have a relationship and she should find an available man (she was single). I don't think it's a coincidence that I was informed the very next day.

 

What do I think of her? I think she's a desperate, lonely woman who went after my H. H and I have since reconciled and he despises her for telling me (TMI, but we're both certain it was her). He also thinks she's unstable and pathetic. We have reconciled and are doing very well.

 

Any other questions?

[Impudent Oyster]

BW will hate you. MM will hate you. They will bind this hatred into a united front against you. BW will get her WH to spill details. .

 

Yes, this is very, very accurate. That is exactly what will happen, BTDT.

[Impudent Oyster]

 

AP, please describe how MM "did a job on you and your family". How did he victimize you? What did he do to you?

[Meaplus3]

Does your husband know what kind of FREAK he sleeps next to every night?

 

Listen, you did the same thing to YOUR husband that MM did to his wife, doesn't that make you equally culpable? I don't understand how you are all of a sudden the victim and he's the perpetrator?

 

You clearly are NOT moving forward with your life and family when you obsess 24/7 about MM. It's all you think about!

 

I'll answer your question, I found out about H's EA from an anonymous source, but I'm 99.9% positive the source was OW. D-day occurred the day after my H told OW that he was not leaving me and that they couldn't have a relationship and she should find an available man (she was single). I don't think it's a coincidence that I was informed the very next day.

 

What do I think of her? I think she's a desperate, lonely woman who went after my H. H and I have since reconciled and he despises her for telling me (TMI, but we're both certain it was her). He also thinks she's unstable and pathetic. We have reconciled and are doing very well.

 

Any other questions?

 

Listen, you did the same thing to YOUR husband that MM did to his wife, doesn't that make you equally culpable? I don't understand how you are all of a sudden the victim and he's the perpetrator?

 

Impudent, I know I made a ONE TIME BIG MISTAKE! That's the HUGE diff between me and this MM! This mm live's his life as a "Cheat". I will NOT and I Repeat NOT Cheat or betray my H again! By NO mean's and I calling myself a victim here!

 

AP:)

[Impudent Oyster]

Also, this isn't a popular sentiment but I wish I had never known. Since my H ended it I would never have been the wiser, instead, we endured a LOT of pain, stress, suspicion, and to this day, distrust. It's scarred our marriage forever.

 

It's been years and obviously, I still think about it every day, or else I wouldn't be interested in sites like this. What a tremendous waste of time and energy so honestly, I wish I had never been told. There is something to the saying "ignorance is bliss".

[Meaplus3]

AP, please describe how MM "did a job on you and your family". How did he victimize you? What did he do to you?

 

Look! I fell for the "Snake"'s little woman trap! I'm no victim just very gullable I guess. He did munipulate me VERY well, I mean very well.

 

AP:)

[Impudent Oyster]

Listen, you did the same thing to YOUR husband that MM did to his wife, doesn't that make you equally culpable? I don't understand how you are all of a sudden the victim and he's the perpetrator?

 

Impudent, I know I made a ONE TIME BIG MISTAKE! That's the HUGE diff between me and this MM! This mm live's his life as a "Cheat". I will NOT and I Repeat NOT Cheat or betray my H again! By NO mean's and I calling myself a victim here!

 

AP:)

 

Do you know that for a FACT? And even if it's true, what business is it of yours?

 

If he's a serial cheater his wife WILL find out.

 

Again, please tell me what he did to you? You keep claiming he did something horrible to you, it would help us all give advice if we knew what it was.

[Meaplus3]

Also, this isn't a popular sentiment but I wish I had never known. Since my H ended it I would never have been the wiser, instead, we endured a LOT of pain, stress, suspicion, and to this day, distrust. It's scarred our marriage forever.

 

It's been years and obviously, I still think about it every day, or else I wouldn't be interested in sites like this. What a tremendous waste of time and energy so honestly, I wish I had never been told. There is something to the saying "ignorance is bliss".

 

Ya know Impudent I did not realize how much you are still hurting. How long ago did this all take palce for you? I know what you mean about leaving a big scar in a marriage, I feel that too!

 

AP:)

[Impudent Oyster]

[/b]

 

Look! I fell for the "Snake"'s little woman trap! I'm no victim just very gullable I guess. He did munipulate me VERY well, I mean very well.

 

AP:)

 

Well then, can't all MM claim they were "manipulated"? I suppose my husband could claim the very same thing, since OW had other MM before him. Is she a snake? Did he have no willpower?

 

I think that's a convenient excuse.

[Impudent Oyster]

Ya know Impudent I did not realize how much you are still hurting. How long ago did this all take palce for you? I know what you mean about leaving a big scar in a marriage, I feel that too!

 

AP:)

 

2 years, but never does a day go by that I don't think of it, and it doesn't help that I see OW around town. She also has children the same age.

 

Do you really want MM's wife seeing you EVERY day?