Need your Feelings Before Friday

[101NEO]

ok so i'm going to try and keep this as short as possble and hope that you guys/girls(especially) can offer some advice.

 

my girfriend of 5 years and i split up, if you want to know the story read a my other posts.

 

as a snap shot. we split up about 3 months ago and we are starting to rebuild things. i asked her to take whatever she has left, as far as wanting to have us work things out, put it all together and hold it as close to her heart as possible and to have a little bit of blind faith in me to make things right. she said "ok, but if you hurt me again, i'll kill you" not being serious but with a smile on her face.

 

friday night we are going on a party bus to a white sox game. she lives in the chicago city and i live in the chicago burbs. the party bus leaves from my complex at about 5:30 central time. she works in the burbs about 20 minutes away from my house. so there's no sense in her taking her car home before the game, plus there's no time.

 

there is a strong possibility that she might be staying the night here with me. the problem is that it's a party bus with LOTS of free booze so clearly we are both going to end up getting pretty drunk. she's probably not going to want to drive home nor will i let her if she's too intoxicated. we probably won't get back around here until like 12 or a little later.

 

she's been telling me how horny she has been and don't get me wrong i wouldn't mind it either. but she says that she doesn't want to just jump into bed with me again right away because sex confuses things. now it would be so easy for us to do it because we'd both be comfortable with it and it would probably end up being amazing as we know each other in that way so well.

 

now i kinda want to leave her wanting more. so as of right now i don't plan on letting it happen. i have the feeling that what will end up happening is that we'll have a very good time get back here and something might happen.

 

should i not allow it, or should i. you know just in case it's something she needs to recall some of the old times and how much she misses that connection with me.

 

for instance. last thursday i kissed her and she let out slight sigh followed by saying "i haven't felt that in so long" i asked if she liked it and she said "of course i did". she got to feel a part of that connection and it made her feel good.

 

so what do you guys think? do i allow it, or do i not?

[Lizzie60]

methink you WILL allow it...

 

You already know in advance that you will both get pretty drunk and you won't have much control...

 

What more can we add to that????

 

I suppose you're both of legal age... then what's the problem?

 

Go for it.. have fun...

[101NEO]

i don't know that i want to allow it. it's a know fact that you always want to leave a woman wanting more.

 

see i'm the type of person that if i set my mind to something i will accomplish it. at most all i want to give her right now is maybe just sleeping next to her and maybe a little cuddle time.

 

does everyone else agree with Lizzie?

[heartoutside]

I wouldn't sleep with her (ie, have sex), not yet. But you know her better then we do. In the morning when she is sober will she see you as a better man for actually taking it slow with her because you don't want to risk messing it up, or will she think you didn't want to sleep with her PERIOD? I doubt the later if she knows how you feel about her and she knows you're a guy...

[Hurt & Alone]

I will only speak for myself here. When I am drinking my horny themometer increases and with the right moves and gestures is all she wrote. In your case feelings are involved so I think it is bound to happen, unless of course you both end up with someone else that night.

[101NEO]

i agree with both the last responses, and thanks for letting me know your thoughts. it's very much appreciated.

 

from a woman's perspective though: you want it, you have the ability to have it, but don't want to confuse things. what does that mean? i mean seriously we've been having sex for the last 5 years so what's there to confuse?

 

i feel like i should just to help her feel some of those emotions she's repressed up to this point. at the same time, i want her to know that i'm serious about us doing things the right way and i'm not going to violate her trust in me ever again.

 

so from a woman's perspective what would you want?

[birdie]

it's confusing because sex with somebody you've been intimate with for 5 years brings a whole lot of emotions back. also, you can't just have sex with that person and decide you don't want to get back together.

 

I don't think it's a gender thing, I think it's about both of you being sure that you want to be together and not going to bail on the relationship the following morning or a week after or even a month after. it's responsibility because when you go back to that place, breaking up again can really hurt.

[popey]

I don't know all the history, but if you are trying to repair a relationship which was harmed by your conduct in the past; I really don't think that strategicly manipulating her emotions through sex is heading in the right direction. On the practical side, if I were similarly situated and wanted to be intimate w/ my ex/bf (not sure exactly what you are right now) and I was denied. It would make me feel unwanted and possibly distant.

[frd150]

If you do it it could backfire. Horney or not when she sobers up she may be pissed the the two of you did he deed based on her comment on how sex confuses things.

 

Your in a good spot, dont blow it or ill come after you and put you in a headlock:D;).Be the bigger man and do not take advantage of her in a weak moment,she may resent it. Theres nothing wrong with a little spooning for now.

 

Good Luck

[101NEO]

thanks guys/ladies for all the opinions! keep em coming if anyone else wants to reply or has something to say on the subject.

 

popey i want you to know that i'm not strategicly manipulating her in any way. i told her a long time ago when she was thinking about coming over for a booty call that it might be good for her to fell that connection with me. i told her maybe it's the kicker she needs to see another part of our relationship that she misses.

 

i would never manipulate her. manipulation is not honesty. without honesty, it's a horrible way to start off the new beginning. believe me i know that.