me123 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I have just found this forum and have noticed a bunch of reply threads that kind of take me in a bad way... I use drugs and drink caffeine and do whatever is bad for you...and i realize i have a problem and am trying to stop on my own before it gets out of hand. BUT what i have realized is that the majority of replies to threads about spouses...whether it be gf or bf or wife or husband...people are telling them to just break up with them and get away. From experience, and i am not totally out of hand, but need support...if those i loved were to just cut me off because of my problem, it would make it worse. I dont mind them giving me rukus or hassle about it and opening my eyes, but if they were just gone all of a sudden i dont know what would happen to me. We need those we love to be around, not to accept our problems, but to support us whether we slip up or not....does anyone agree? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I have just found this forum and have noticed a bunch of reply threads that kind of take me in a bad way... I use drugs and drink caffeine and do whatever is bad for you...and i realize i have a problem and am trying to stop on my own before it gets out of hand. BUT what i have realized is that the majority of replies to threads about spouses...whether it be gf or bf or wife or husband...people are telling them to just break up with them and get away. From experience, and i am not totally out of hand, but need support...if those i loved were to just cut me off because of my problem, it would make it worse. I dont mind them giving me rukus or hassle about it and opening my eyes, but if they were just gone all of a sudden i dont know what would happen to me. We need those we love to be around, not to accept our problems, but to support us whether we slip up or not....does anyone agree? Most of the time people only suggest leaving the people's partners is because they either refuse to accept they have a problem, constantly, or are a threat to themselves/children etc. Most of the people who come here looking for help with this do so because they have reached the end of their tether and only take the advice if it is end of the road in their eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 me123 - I hear what you are saying, and I understand the value of having support of the people around you, but it can become a fine line that is hard to distinguish. I could read your comments to say that having the continued support of the people around you enables you to continue your habits without major negative consequences. Is that a good thing? Indeed, you don't know what would happen if they withdrew their support. You could hit rock bottom. Is that guaranteed to be a bad thing? Maybe it is the negative consequence you need to finally force you to choose - now - between your habits and the people you care about. Now if you are recognizing your problem as coco points out, and making some sort of progress towards recovery, I think it is more clear cut. But if someone stalls out, or repeatedly regresses, I think it can get harder to define the line between support and enabling... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 From experience, and i am not totally out of hand, but need support...if those i loved were to just cut me off because of my problem, it would make it worse. I dont mind them giving me rukus or hassle about it and opening my eyes, but if they were just gone all of a sudden i dont know what would happen to me. We need those we love to be around, not to accept our problems, but to support us whether we slip up or not....does anyone agree? Sometimes when the person who has the addiction finds himself/herself alone because all the support 'system' just got tired of being 'used' then that person reaches the bottom and really finds the help he/she needs... I don't mind helping and supporting my friends/family but as long as I see that THEY are helping themselves..otherwise...I will not waste my energy and my time....it's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author me123 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Share Posted August 25, 2007 I can see all of your points of view...I guess I was just looking at them in a biased way. I agree that those of us who have a problem, and those around us who love us all have to look out for ourselves first. I agree that it can come to a point where it is hopeless to try to help someone, and it just hurts yourself more. I didnt want to offend anyone, just wanted to see what others thought. Link to post Share on other sites
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 why would u have me banned from enot? i am seriously concerned for yer health Link to post Share on other sites
Sirius1 Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I have just found this forum and have noticed a bunch of reply threads that kind of take me in a bad way... I use drugs and drink caffeine and do whatever is bad for you...and i realize i have a problem and am trying to stop on my own before it gets out of hand. BUT what i have realized is that the majority of replies to threads about spouses...whether it be gf or bf or wife or husband...people are telling them to just break up with them and get away. From experience, and i am not totally out of hand, but need support...if those i loved were to just cut me off because of my problem, it would make it worse. I dont mind them giving me rukus or hassle about it and opening my eyes, but if they were just gone all of a sudden i dont know what would happen to me. We need those we love to be around, not to accept our problems, but to support us whether we slip up or not....does anyone agree? I'm with you, buddy. I come from an alcoholic upbringing and just realized (40+ yrs. later) that my siblings and I are all that we have as far as being adult survivors of alcoholism. My ex-commonlaw wife did not have as hard a living as I did, she did not see the out of control spaghetti dinner still stuck to the wall I saw one night when the police and his flashlight revealed this. It's not easy coming from this and be expected to 'be normal'. There is work to be done for sure and it is a big help if someone has your back. Link to post Share on other sites
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