Author sadbuttrue Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 he is really wonderful most of the time. i am just getting tired of the fact that he tells me he loves me, but he also loves her and cant leave his family. it is totally just that i want him 100% and that just doesnt seem like a possibility for him. i want my children to have a family to grow up in and i dont think that will ever happen with him. oh and i soooooooooo hate sleeping alone. i see him only in the daytime, we have spent only one night together in the last year. i see him at least twice a week, but that is not enough for me considering the way i feel about him. i miss him over the weekends when he is at home with the family. i think about what he is doing with them. i worry that i will run into them at a local store all the time. to see them together makes me physically ill. i have not really asked anything of him yet i guess. i know that he knows i want more though. and i guess he knows he cant give it to me. one day i will finally have to leave him to continue on with my life. and i do think that will hurt him, but not enough to be MINE. for now, i love him and he loves me (and i do believe this) and i want to be with him in whatever way he can. i just know that one day i will get tired of doing things his way. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 From what you've written, you know what you need to do... The part about him telling you he loves her and can't leave his family, if he tells you that, he means it...So you are faced with accepting it or ending the R... It sounds like you can't accept it...So what are you getting out the R that is keeping you there? You've listed several things that he doesn't do...What is it that he does? Is it enough to keep you there? And if you want him 100%, why are you settling for less? You can get what you want, and he needs to know that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadbuttrue Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 i think i accept it because i have been alone for so long, and having him even part time is so much better than being alone. and i do love him so much. i know i will have to leave him eventually. i just need to be a little stronger first. i am working on becoming more confident in myself and taking up for myself when i wouldnt have before. i can see the love in his eyes when he looks at me, when he touches me. i know he loves me, and i havent really ever had that in my life. it is sad that it comes in this MM package Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Woe is not really me anymore:confused: I wasn't thinking six months ahead when i first posted.. i was a mess back in February and couldn't think 10 mintues ahead let alone six months.. lol... sorry, I didn't intentionally mean to refer to you, but obviously your name had got into my mind Didn't mean you in particular Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 frannie i wish we could all be as content as you seem in your relationship with MM. i dont know how you do it. Well I wouldn't say I'm content so much as accepting. I know I can walk away if I want to, but I choose not to. Basically as GEL said that's because I've looked at what I'm prepared to accept (as far as needs go), and he manages really well to provide me with everything I've asked for. So... I can't really complain on that score. I also know he doesn't love his W, that it's not about me vs. her, that he's there for the kids (as in because he thinks that's best for them and himself) rather than because he wouldn't rather be with me. i.e. it's a duty thing. Even so, I don't like what he's doing and don't agree with him that it's best really, at the same time as I understand why he FEELS that's all he can do. So, I suppose it's a combination of accepting him and his faults and reasons for doing what he's doing, and standing up for what I will and won't accept personally in what I get out of this. I don't know whether we'll work out long-term. He seems to believe we can, and says that whatever I need him to do he'll do... it's just that from my perspective, it's not ever QUITE enough to keep me 'content'. Why would it be? I am worth far more than putting myself into such a stupid situation. But it is what it is, and at the moment I'm staying in it. So... it's my choice. And I know full well that there's no point in making a choice and then moaning that it's not right for you. YOU have a choice! And you can choose to stay in a situation you hate and makes you miserable, or you can leave it. But don't sit in in complaining how you're 'only an option' when to be honest... he's only an option too. And you have much more chance of moving on and finding another love than he does of finding another OW... think about it. How you see yourSELF is more important than the raw situation. I think many OWs (certainly on this site) see themselves as second best, and accept far less than they need... staying because they falsely believe they have no other options. Of course that's going to make you unhappy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadbuttrue Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 thanks frannie. i do understand why you would want to stay. i feel much the same way, only my acceptance comes and goes i seem to fight with myself on a daily basis about staying and leaving. so far staying has won out everytime. i have a feeling one day soon the leaving side will be victorious. i do know i have a choice, everyone does. and to me the quote is just saying that you shouldnt make someone your whole world when they dont see you the same way. of course these MM are options for us. but i, like many, have made the MM my top priority when i know for a fact that i am not his. just because we have the option doesnt mean we take it or even want to. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 ... to me the quote is just saying that you shouldnt make someone your whole world when they dont see you the same way. of course these MM are options for us. but i, like many, have made the MM my top priority when i know for a fact that i am not his. just because we have the option doesnt mean we take it or even want to. Yes I can see what you're saying. Don't make him your priority when he doesn't make you his. Absolutely right. I suppose that's why I'm fairly content (most days!)... because I do feel that he puts himself out and makes me a priority, regularly. I really have no complaints about that (these days anyway, it's not always been the same!). So... I feel that it's fairly balanced in that respect. Good point SBT. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Yes I can see what you're saying. Don't make him your priority when he doesn't make you his. Absolutely right. I suppose that's why I'm fairly content (most days!)... because I do feel that he puts himself out and makes me a priority, regularly. I really have no complaints about that (these days anyway, it's not always been the same!) Ditto! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
woe_is_me Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 lol... sorry, I didn't intentionally mean to refer to you, but obviously your name had got into my mind Didn't mean you in particular tis okay! i knew that Frannie.... Link to post Share on other sites
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