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What does "The relationship isn't going anywhere" mean to you??

Scorpio13c

By Scorpio13c,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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curiousnycgirl

curiousnycgirl

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To me that means there is no future in the relationship and it is time to move on. People expect relationships to progress down a certain path, within a certain timeline, if their expectations are not met in a timely manner - they feel there is no future.

 

Another option is that he just can't see taking the relationship to the next step/level - which really means she doesn't see spending the rest of her life with you.

 

Does that help?

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Lizzie60

Lizzie60

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Ladies, i'm especially curious as to why you may/have used this phrase, please elaborate.

Thanks in advance!

Scorp

 

If I say this to a guy... it means:

 

I am not really interested anymore... we need to talk about what we are going to do about it... so if you want out that's fine with me... because I will soon dump you anyway... LOL

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LucreziaBorgia

LucreziaBorgia

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When a girl says "this relationship isn't going anywhere" what she means is "I no longer care to put in my share of the time or effort to see that it goes somewhere."

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Yamaha

Yamaha

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When a girl says "this relationship isn't going anywhere" what she means is "I no longer care to put in my share of the time or effort to see that it goes somewhere."

 

Right. She means she doesn't feel like putting any more effort into your relationship and that she is wasting her time.

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Scorpio13c

Scorpio13c

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Holy cow!!!

I guess i did make the right decision then..

 

It's a very ambiguous statement i know & i see slightly different meanings behind your answers. Please continue with them & yes, they do make help, yet i am still puzzled by they slight differences in your answers??

 

Thank you so much so far for your insights, please keep them coming!

 

Scorp

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Kwo-ne'-she

Kwo-ne'-she

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It's over, and that is a nice way of saying it. Basically, she has realized that she doesn't want a long term future with you.

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LucreziaBorgia

LucreziaBorgia

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I guess it would largely depend on how I felt as well.

 

If I was as ready to make my break as he obviously is, I would simply agree and say my goodbyes.

 

If I wasn't as ready, or caught completely off guard, I would ask him where he originally wanted it to go and why he no longer wants it to go there (not that I would really expect the truth - people rarely tell you their real reasons for breaking up - but it would at least be worth the asking I guess.)

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Kamille

Kamille

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Well the person could either be saying it because 1)they aren't willing to make the effort to take it further or 2)they aren't seeing the other person making any effort to improve the relationship. I broke up with my first b-friend because I was increasingly unhappy and he wasn't willing to make any compromises. So I told him: this relationship isn't going anywhere.

 

So I guess whether or not I would break up depends on which of the above it is. If the first- if the guy I am seeing says that because he isn't into making the effort, then yes sir, I am out of there. If 2 and I actually do care about the person, it gets trickier. I might make an effort, find spaces of compromises depending on how invested I am in the relationship or I do think that I can actually make it better and improve the relationship. But it bodes ill either way.

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Sand&Water

Sand&Water

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RE:

 

What does "The relationship isn't going anywhere" mean to you?

 

Excellent question, Scorpio13c.

 

The relationship has run it's course. Simple as that -actually, not necessarily in a downward spiral -but in a blunt mediocre fashion. The spark has escaped, and there isn't much of emotions/thoughts/ideas left to share with each other.

 

Both parties, essentially at the very beginning, come together to share exotic thoughts and feelings with each other about each other -and the world. IF you can't maintain the bare minimum [i.e. general interest and spark] to save your life, then the relationship simply becomes fruitless.

 

It is difficult for either person in the relationship to admit that the relationship isn't going anywhere; the relationship, more often than not, ends up fading out into the far distance. Silent words win.

 

Sand&Water

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Hero2Zero

Hero2Zero

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There are 2 courses of action here. You can try to work things out by making concrete goals and expectations, so both of you are on the same page, that is, if both parties are still interested in a future, and feel like it's just stagnant right now. There's a possibility that you can recover and work things out and be happy. The other would be that she is really done and don't think it'll go anywhere and wants out, but is being nice about it. Just talk to her if it's early, and see if you can sort out what isn't being delivered, and make changes to deliver, if you want to try.

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birdie

birdie

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I use 'the relationship isn't going anywhere' comment when I like the other person and care enough about the relationship but feel I've tried everything to move it to the next level and failed.

 

Saying it can mean that I am still trying to work it out (ie haven't given up completely) but very close to ending it. The outcome would depend on communication with the other person.

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EnigmaXOXO

EnigmaXOXO

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For me it would mean: I’m not fully content with where we’re at. I don’t see the potential for that changing for the better any time soon. And I’m just not invested or interested enough anymore to put all my options on the backburner while we maintain this perpetual holding pattern we’ve been stuck in.

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vivi

vivi

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"this relationship isn't going anywhere" is definite enough to let you know something is wrong and vague enough to leave options open. A lot depends on how long you've known each other, some depends on your respective personalities.

If you've been seeing each other for more than a year, it could be her subtle way to ask if you are ready to get married. She's not saying "I'm outta here" but she is saying "i need a reason to stay."

She could also be starting to disengage from your relationship and this is a gentle way to signal that.

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budd98

budd98

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My girl said this a couple months ago and I kept holding on in hopes things would get better. I tried really hard to make her want me again and believe me, I did everything perfect. No matter how I tried, she didn't care. Actually, the less I did made more of an impact. She would go back and forth like a roller coaster ride and it was EXTREMELY exausting on me. Eventually she started giving her number to many guys and blowing me off. I ended up catching her in bed with one and thats what finally made me realize it was over. Advice to you would be, let her go right now if you want to save the relationship. If you hold on she will get worse and not respect you, but if you free her she may miss you and realize she does want you. Whatever you do, do not beg or tell her your true feelings until she knows what she wants. A girl only cares about how SHE feels not you.

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birdie

birdie

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I still think this can mean different things to different people and some are more mature than others.

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you budd. perhaps you two never had the chance to figure out what was really wrong

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Scorpio13c

Scorpio13c

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Thank you very much everyone, your words have all helped in one way or another!

Sadly, it is month already that i did end our 4-1/2 year relationship finally based on that statement, which she made to me..

Don't misunderstand though, i'd already experienced the lack of affection, respect, general unhappiness for sometime & that was the line that made me respond with "We have to terminate this relationship". I know it sounds cold, but by that point i hadn't much emotion left(i don't think she did either) & i was exhausted with trying to keep her happy. I was sad to see her emotions lift only when it was another man whom she conversed(flirted)with but rarely anymore with me.

She's contacted me twice via e-mail since, with other ambiguous statements such as "How are you?", "Hope to hear from you again", "I'm O.k.", but nothing more & we haven't spoken since i picked up my things from her a month ago.

 

I guess I'm second guessing the original statement, that is why i have asked for your meanings on it.

 

Thank you all so much again for replying, it has meant a lot to me!

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