Lila Posted June 11, 2003 Share Posted June 11, 2003 There's somebody out there for everyone. Not just the middle ground people. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiggin Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 I've been lurking here for a bit - time for my $0.02... I'm in the same boat. I'm about ready to give up. And I have a different side to all this - I'm a guy, who has the same issues - everyone around getting married, having kids, etc... and the women I see aren't very encouraging to me for examples of marital bliss... It seems to me like 20-somethings that are successful, regardless of gender, are frowned upon. Or, at least, intimidating. I'm relatively successful, but women I meet are superficial and tend to be the female versions of the males that have been portrayed in this thread so far. Maybe I just need to be in a different "crowd," but in my "circle" of friends, the men are the caretakers, the lovers, the people who listen, and the women are the shallow, disrespectful lot. At least, in general. But here's my spot to try and add to the conversation and offer a bit of advice. I've only been in love once. From the originator's post, it wasn't clear if you've ever been in love. Well, my experience with love took me for a rollercoaster of a ride. It had its ups and downs, its mistakes and its triumphs. At the end, I felt as if part of me was torn away. Quite enough to make me never want to try again, as you've put it. But there were a few times when I was happier than I've ever been before. The closest I've ever been to true joy. It was when the other person reciprocated my love. If there's a chance to ever feel that way again, I vow to go through many more years of stumbling to try and find it. Love hurts, love sucks rocks a lot of the time (to me) - but it's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
JimmyAtlanta35 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 What does "This society has no use for women who have it together" mean? Why do women use this to justify / explain their lives? Men don't care how good your job is, how good your credit is, the fact you have no speeding tickets, or how good a Mom you think you are - we judge by your actions. And if a woman in this day & age is alone, she either knowingly or unknowingly is choosing to be. You feel that only the 'unconditional love' of a pet can replace your inability to relate to people. I think we all now know why you're alone. Nothing's more irritating than dating an over-the-top pet lover with sublimated kid issues. By the way, life is all about middle ground - nothing is simple black n white. Link to post Share on other sites
InmanRoshi Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 First timer here, You know, this “men don’t want intelligent and opinionated women” theory is just a tad self-serving. This whole argument is almost identical to the dateless guys who complain that they can’t get a date because they are “too nice” and women only want jerks. Its awfully convenient for someone when they can dismiss their biggest flaw as merely that they are simply “too smart” or “too nice” for the opposite sex. I know what its like to live with an extremely intelligent, opinionated and professional woman. My mother was an attorney. She started practicing law in the mid-late 70’s, when it was REALLY rare to find a woman with that kind of profession. She had to compete in a man’s world, so she demanded perfection from herself. I admired that about her, and continue to today. Trouble was, she demanded perfection from her husband and kids at all times too. She was often a nightmare to live with. We were constantly under the microscope, terrified of doing anything that she didn’t agree with. Her favorite hobby was picking out your flaws and throwing them in your face. As a son, I would have gladly traded in all that intelligence and success for just a modicum of compassion and understanding. Maybe I would have grown up happier. Maybe my sister wouldn’t have grown up to be just like her. Maybe she wouldn’t viscously jump down my brother in law’s throat every time he does something as petty as wearing colors that clash. Forgetting to use a coaster is treated as though he just gambled the family savings away at the horse track. Maybe I wouldn’t stay awake at night in a cold sweat dreading that I’m going to unknowingly marry a girl like my mother. I don’t want to have to live up to some woman’s impossible standard of Prince Charming that she’s been mentally imaging since she was 9 years old. I’m can’t live up to a fairy tale Prince Charming, I’m just a human being. I remember seeing this documentary about high priced call girls, who mainly attracted wealthy married clients, and the interviewer asked them what the men were looking for when they sought said call girls … likely expecting the answer to be kinky sex or a prettier woman to sleep with … the #1 answer that they gave wasn’t nearly that lurid. “They just want someone to be nice to them.” That’s what its all about … its not about wanting a wife who is submissive or spineless. Beautiful, opinionated, intelligent and successful … they’re all traits that I want in a woman …. but they are simply no substitute for just being pleasant to be around. Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 I, myself, am 27. I had been dating a girl for a year and a half. I never got the urge to marry bug until dating her....That relationship ended, and I am having strange thoughts now, that I never had before. I can agree I feel like giving up in this respect. I would have boughts where I would think of myself as growing old alone. I had thoughts of never having a kid to teach how to play baseball, or teach how to golf, take to their first baseball game when they are 5 years old, you know the stuff that your father/older brother did when you were a kid. I keep reminding myself, I am still young enough to pursue a relationship that would provide me with that capability. I know I could always donate time to that sort of capacity, but it is not quite the same. Just hang in there, EVERYTHING works itself out in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Well folks... Take a look at all the posts that have been made by both men and women regarding this topic. It is clear that we are onto something here. Oh, by the way, I think I saw the T.V. show EnigmaXOXO saw. I think the one I saw was out of Toronto. It was very eye opening. I'm 32, single, a teacher, non-smoker, social drinker only, and would like to consider myself an honest, open-minded, thoughtful man who would treat the woman I love like a Queen. I think I could make a good dad someday too. I'VE A BIG PROBLEM THOUGH:I'm definitely not perfect. Yeah, I shall be the first to admit it. I'm willing and able to work on those things which I'm not so great at, but right now, I am farrrr from flawless. I don't want a trophy wife. I would so love to get involved with an honest, open-minded, intelligent, witty, and compassionate woman, IMPERFECT like myself. The message behind my little piece of writing above is simple. There are many guys like myself out here that (I think ) are worth the look. However, don't expect everyone to be perfect with respect to your own standards. We are all human. Sometimes, the only thing standing between us and lifelong happiness is ... well, our own mindsets. Peace my friends. Curt (Another imperfect guy) Link to post Share on other sites
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