brunette4u Posted March 31, 2003 Share Posted March 31, 2003 Hello. I have written several times, i need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We have had a our troubles, cheating, etc. but we are over that and everything is great. We talk about getting married, and I want to some day, and share my life with him. HOWever, it seems like we fight ALL the time. at least once every other week we fight and i end up crying and feeling horrible feelings. But then i think about what we are fighitng over and i can't even point it out. We are both VERY hardheaded and stubborn, so that gets in the way, and it is hard for me to apologize for something I do not feel I did wrong. I love him very much, but we fight all the time. Is this normal? Usually we are over it within a couple hours, but it makes me so upset, too. I am a very emotional and passionate person, and I think this might get in the way, but it bothers me that he cannot accept that and like me for who I am and not try to change me. I am also a very self concious person, while he LOVES to be the center of attention ( that is my worst nightmare) and he thinks I am "wrong" in thinking this way, but that'sjust how I am. Is it normal for us to fight over stupid things all the time? IF this keeps up , is it possible to make this work, and how? Link to post Share on other sites
tanita Posted March 31, 2003 Share Posted March 31, 2003 Hello Finally a post that sounds like me-just that i am worse! I have been wtih my bf for over a year and we fight quite often.When i tell him we fight a lot,he says "no,we do not fight we argue and this is how we understand each other better" yea,right! Any way,we fight and i am ashamed to say it cos it's about nothing really.Sometimes we fight about real things but most of the times,really unnecessary. I think if two lovers fight,it's because they care about their relationship-they dissagree about something that might be hurtfull for their relation ,or one of the partners does not want the other to do such and such a thing because he(she) thinks that by doing so,it will have certain applications on their relation and bla bla bla... Try to tell your bf next time you fight that you really care about you 2 and thats why you 2 should sit and turn the fight into a conversation,trying to understand why you fight(maybe you are jealous,maybe he has a male ego thing...)and COMPROMISE,always COMPROMISE. It works for me.We still fight but now,at least we TALK when we do it and not shout! And another tip-when a fight starts and you feel it will be out of controle,hang up and say you will talk later or leave the room and go do something else.Then,when u talk about it,it sounds or looks better than when the fight was about to break. I beleive if two people love each other,they can get over their fights,no matter how bad they are.I know from experience! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 31, 2003 Share Posted March 31, 2003 sounds like a clash of personalities. If you are serious about sticking it out with someone who's got as strong a personality as he does (or even if you're not), you probably would benefit from the tools a good counselor can give you/the both of you. You might also want to have a complete physical done, you might be missing "something" in your chemical makeup that leads you to be as "emotional and passionate" as you are (a slight imbalance can change your whole perspective on things). Not that it's bad being passionate and emotional, but there's a fine line between healthy and unhealthy, you know? the scary part is hearing you say that you avoid being the center of attention, while he seeks that spot. That's a hard one to solve, especially when that kind of attention-seeking is what you shun. You're just going to have to talk to him to see if there's a half-way point for him between those two positions, something you can both live with. Though, I've seen married people drive each other nuts because of it, that leads to a very unbalanced kind of life ... I've heard that what emotions you feel aren't "wrong," only the actions you might decide to take in expressing how you feel. For him to say you are wrong for feeling like you do ... well, that's pretty dang unfeeling of him! good luck with your stubborn little donkey of a boyfriend Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 31, 2003 Share Posted March 31, 2003 tanita says [color=darkred]I think if two lovers fight,it's because they care about their relationship [/color] I think that's mostly a fallacy, because while there is some arguing allotted in a relationship as people defend their points or ideas, there should be a basic respect of each other and for the relationship. I've often seen couples argue for some "fire" or "spark," which is self-defeating. If you have to make each other feel bad about something just so the relationship can "feel good," something's seriously wrong! Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted March 31, 2003 Share Posted March 31, 2003 In my experience, constant fighting over stupid, small things is never good in a relationship and is a sign that the relationship isn't working. Is this the case for you, only you can answer. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 I agree with Debster on this one. It sounds like me and my EX husband when we were young...and things didn't get any better. Take constant fighting as a definite warning sign and get away from each other, at least for a while to see how you feel about each other. PLEASE don't get married until you're sure! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts