What is love?

[caplion]

Ever since the last boyfriend I had, after we broke up, came out of the closet, I have felt like a total idiot. I feel like I don't know how to handle anything anymore. I cared for this person a great deal and it has been a while now, but I still feel weird with guys. Like can I trust them? I have not had a real relationship since then. I don't know what to do.

[LoveAngel]

Ever since the last boyfriend

I had, after we broke up, came out of the closet, I have felt like a total idiot. I feel like I don't know how to handle anything anymore. I cared for this person a great deal and it has been a while now, but I still feel weird with guys. Like can I trust them? I have not had a real relationship since then. I don't know what to do.

Dear Caplion,

 

First of all, you have to realize that you are not the one that caused him to make a decision about his sexuality (assuming that when you say "came out of the closet" you're refering to homosexual tendancies). This obviously isn't a decision or realization that gets made overnight. It's understandable that after you placed so much trust and devotion towards this individual that you'd be upset upon finding out that he has "given up" on your sex completely. At least that's the way it appears, and in reality, this is an issue I'm sure he's been struggling with for a very long time. Just like you can't make a person be someone they're not, you can't change a person's sexuality. That's something that they have to do themselves. And for whatever reason he considers himself homosexual now, please be assured that you're not the cause of it.

 

I can understand that you'd be weary of forming new relationships with other men now. You thought that you each shared something special and his "coming out of the closet" probably causes you to doubt that there was anything special at all about it. I'm sure you were very special to him, even if it only extended to a platonic level. If you really are concerned about it, then go ahead and talk to him. I'm sure he'll say the same. Don't think of yourself as evil or as manipulative, or as being able to single-handedly change someone's sexual preferences: you simply can't do that. This is his problem and you're not the cause of it. Don't think that every guy you'll date from here on in will turn gay It just won't happen. And if by chance you do find someone else who is confused about their sexuality, encourgage them with whatever decision they make. There usually are stronger, underlying influences and trauma associated with alternative lifestyles. But the cause is not the issue. It's his battle to fight. Best wishes to you!

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel