What can I do to exgf move forward

[livebuzzwords]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]What can I do to help exgf move forward[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Note: I have been banned from ENOT so could someone post this there for me so she can see it[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]A woman doesn’t leave the man who has invited her into every room of his house. That’s because she doesn’t stand outside the rooms of his house feeling like a stranger. She is welcomed into his entire home as his cherished life partner. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I have realized that for a very long time I have neglected to pay attention to her emotional needs and while we are no longer together it is important to let her know that I recognize this neglect and wish to support her now in any way she feels helps her.[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I have always wanted her to be happy but I sort of missed the boat on what caring for each other the right way meant and I foolishly thought that our commitment to care for each other would be sufficient to sustain your love[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Going over these most important emotional needs (admiration, affection, conversation, domestic support, family commitment, financial support, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment) I realize how much my efforts missed the mark, how little I knew and how misdirected my actions were. For example:[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial]The Policy of Undivided Attention:[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial]At the beginning I gave her my undivided attention, respected her privacy and listened to her needs and objectives – then I just stopped doing that, and she must have gotten completely frustrated. I also handed her ample reason for leaving because of my "mental cruelty” when I emotionally abandoned her and then physically abandoned her, add in verbal abuse and she was gone – with good reason to go. [/FONT][/sIZE]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I failed to understand the meaning behind honesty and openness, how it gives a sense of security, and that affection, the expression of care, also provides security, protection, comfort and approval. In the end I did not provide a peaceful and well-managed home environment, take responsibility for teaching our children the values of cooperation and care. I also neglected ways to show her I respected her, valued and appreciated her, and do so clearly and often – instead I criticized her and that hurt her deeply.[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]So when I tell her I have changed she has doubts and that’s because basically people can not change our instincts, for example if I have an instinct to have angry outbursts, it doesn't mean that I must actually have one. I can create new habits that prevent me from losing my temper. I also spoiled our intimacy, and that is where trust grows. Couples need to be able to share their deepest feelings, and become emotionally vulnerable, because they know that they are in a safe place and that you have their interests at heart. [/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Basically I created conflict - my conversations were disrespectful, resentful and even hateful. And that made her withdrawal, and fall out of love – so I did a pretty crappy job during the last two years of our R[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]So I am asking her now, what can I do now for her? How can I help?[/sIZE][/FONT]

[johan]

Probably the best thing you can do is leave her alone. If you think she might be reading all this, she'd probably appreciate it you'd remove the formatting tags from your posts.

[livebuzzwords]

she has told me to move on and leave her alone - so that's what i will do

 

no worries

[Kamille]

Live, you seem to be trying really hard to get through to your ex, but could you please keep your comments about your situation within your thread? You will get more guidance this way.

 

thanks