bitterorsweet Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I'm dating with with this guy for just a couple months. We've been very very happy together. However he and ex are talking constantly. It really hurts because I know that when I am not around, he talks to her. She knows all about me. He has even told her that he loves me, but at the same time, she tells him she hates me. She really wants him back. He no longer answers his phone when I am with him. So at least I don't have to listen to them talk. But it hurts. She went for her business trip. So he requested that he could spend a couple days with her alone, just both of them. I let him or else we would run into a fight. Those days he spent time with her, he didn't ring me at all. After that, he acted as nothing had happened. Please help, Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I'm dating with with this guy for just a couple months. We've been very very happy together. However he and ex are talking constantly. It really hurts because I know that when I am not around, he talks to her. She knows all about me. He has even told her that he loves me, but at the same time, she tells him she hates me. She really wants him back. He no longer answers his phone when I am with him. So at least I don't have to listen to them talk. But it hurts. She went for her business trip. So he requested that he could spend a couple days with her alone, just both of them. I let him or else we would run into a fight. Those days he spent time with her, he didn't ring me at all. After that, he acted as nothing had happened. Please help, His treatment of you is unacceptable, you need to quit having contact with him. I would say dump him but it doesn't sound like there is much of a relationship to dump. He is a cruel selfish jerk! Let him go so that you can regain your self esteem. He can only hurt you for as long as you let him. How happy can you be in this relationship when he is still having sex with his ex? You deserve better treatment and you will be much happier waiting to meet a man who is capable of loving you in a healthy way. I think you should tell him to go be with his ex and not to call you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bitterorsweet Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 Thanks, nittygritty. But I found out that I love him and cannot leave him. He swears that there was nothing happen while I was not there. He need some time alone with her. I donot know what to do now. Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Sounds pretty bad bitter, he is not over his exgf and you are not deserving this treatment. A few days with his exgf... who knows what happened, he could do a lot of things behind your back w/o you knowing. Don't trust anyone too much... If i was with an exgf for a few days, i would have sex with her, sometimes things happen when two ppl are together. I am not trying to put things in your head but this is reality. Sometimes life hurts. Good luck, hope everything is working out for you. =) _________________________________________ In the end, try not to get hurt, its not worth it. Im still living in misery from a lost love. Take Care! Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Sounds like he's playing the field to me,Hope not for your sake you sound to nice, find some one better,who thinks of just YOU!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Thanks, nittygritty. But I found out that I love him and cannot leave him. He swears that there was nothing happen while I was not there. He need some time alone with her. I donot know what to do now. You need to be a little more realistic than that. You love him and don't want to leave him, therefore empower his bad behaviours. He neither respects nor values you, at this point in time. Shut him down if he can't treat you as someone who has feelings too. I'm also in contact with my ex-H who hasn't stopped wanting me back. The only reason I am is that he's gone through a ton of therapy and is trying very hard to improve himself so I'm also helping to him to get there. But if I were in a relationship with someone who felt threatened by it, I would drop the ex-H like a hot rock. It would be an easy decision for me to make. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 I'm also in contact with my ex-H who hasn't stopped wanting me back. The only reason I am is that he's gone through a ton of therapy and is trying very hard to improve himself so I'm also helping to him to get there. But if I were in a relationship with someone who felt threatened by it, I would drop the ex-H like a hot rock. It would be an easy decision for me to make. I love you. If someone does want you back, it is a credible threat to any new guy, so they would not be insecure for being threatened by it. If a guy is spending time with an ex and is unavailable to you in the process, drop that bag of bricks. It is selfish and cruel. Meeting for an hour for coffee, MAYBE that is ok depending on all of the relationships, but hanging out with just her for a couple days, and being unavailable to you...that is wrong. If I'm in a relationship with someone, NO WAY could I do that. If my gf freaked out on me I'd find a way to make amends to her. I wouldn't label her as jealous or controlling, I'd find something in her feelings/argument I could agree with, apologize, validate her feelings, and only then defend if there was an area I felt defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bitterorsweet Posted August 31, 2007 Author Share Posted August 31, 2007 hi, I know where I am standing, thanks for all advices from you guys, but now, this guy is very sweet and care for me. I don't know what to do now. The fact he was with his ex still there, I can't forget. HOw can I act as nothing happen. Please advise. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 You can't act as though nothing happened. Basically, he asked for your permission to cheat on you with his Ex and you gave it to him. Talking on the phone every once in a while might be acceptable and even that's a big MIGHT. But to spend a whole 2 days together without acknowledging you at all, that is ridiculous. Ask him if you can do that with one of your ex'es and see how he reacts to that. She told him she hates you? Does she even know you? Regardless of that, she is only trying to influence him to make you look bad to him. She is trying to take him back and away from YOU and you are letting that happen. If you act as though everything's ok, all of this will continue. He should be told to make up his mind. He's trying to have you both; have some common sense, this isn't fair. It's her or you, that's it. I think a common rule of relationships is that all Ex's are completely out of sight, out of mind, unless maybe it's a situation where the 2 happened to stay friends for several years and they are both now attached to other people, and hang out as a social group. In my opinion, that's the only time an Ex should be allowed into your SO's life at all. He might care for you but it's also obvious he still cares for his Ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Izzy B Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 He said he needed to spend several days alone with his ex. What was his reasoning for needing to spend time with her? I don't get it, he was having sex with her, don't fool yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bitterorsweet Posted September 1, 2007 Author Share Posted September 1, 2007 thanks for talking to me. I know i'm trying to fool myself. I want to kick the jerk but can't. the sweeter he is, the more difficult i can't. i know he can't have both but he swears to me that nothing happened. i feel like i need to believe him, but i can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 i feel like i need to believe him, but i can't. Doesn't that say it all? You don't trust him, so dump him. He spent a couple of days with his ex and didn't even text nor call you?? Wow Link to post Share on other sites
Izzy B Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 thanks for talking to me. I know i'm trying to fool myself. I want to kick the jerk but can't. the sweeter he is, the more difficult i can't. i know he can't have both but he swears to me that nothing happened. i feel like i need to believe him, but i can't. Ok but why did he need to spend a few days with her then? I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bitterorsweet Posted September 1, 2007 Author Share Posted September 1, 2007 She's going to for her business trip for a month or so, i don't know exactly. He needs to spend some time with her. He said they are no longer together but she's always his best friend. they dated for 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Izzy B Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 I'm sorry, bitterosweet, but he is just not that into you. A man who is into you doesn't go off on business trips and "need" to be alone with his exgirlfriend. He should be falling all over himself to spend time with YOU. He makes you feel sad. It won't get any better. Seriously, lose him, it won't get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 I'm best friend with my ex but I don't spend 'quality time' with his for days just because he's going off somewhere for a few months especially when I am already exclusive with someone! He's just being too nice or an idiot! Sorry to say that but it pissed me off when guys or even girls think they can do whatever they want with their ex-es. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts