Please help Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 All right, here goes.... In what feels like eons go I was involved in a relationship that neither my friends or family knew of and was getting ready to head off to college. In a moment of low self-esteem, thinking I'd never find anyone, I headed off to the court house with my boyfriend and we got married. The following week I went off to school. About a month later he came out to visit me and things got out of hand and we ended up getting in a fight - both verbal and physical. We both decided at that point that this was not going to work out and within several months we were officially divorced. It's now 10 years later and still no one knows about that situation and I am engaged to a wonderful man and he is really the only person that I've been able to share EVERYTHING with and he still loves me. I just haven't told him this one thing - but not even my family knows about it. We're to the point of filling out forms and I put 0 in the prior marriages portion and I'm wondering if this is going to come back and bite me when it comes time to get a license. Is there anyone out there with words of encouragement or information in this arena? I could really use some help. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 ay-yi-yi ... if you guys have an open and honest relationship, yet you keep one thing secret from him, he's going to wonder if there's anything else you haven't told him. If the shoe was on the other foot, I can imagine this is how you'd feel, right? You did a pretty good job explaining the situation here on this board, keeping to the facts about what happened, why that marriage was short-lived and that no one in your family knows about that marriage. Present it to your guy in the same way, and be sure to stress that relationship is dead, kaput, overwith so he understands that it really is behind you. He might be surprised (but you know him better than us), he'll probably be supportive and you'll be glad that you didn't keep this from him. The only way it will come back to haunt you is if you lie about it or keep it from him in the first place. Somehow, I don't think that if you present it matter-of-factly, he's gonna flip out over the news. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 I'm with quankanne. What kind of marriage is that - to be based on a lie? It's a simple, but profound truth and you need to discuss this with him. He doesn't think you were a virgin before you met him does he? You need to resolve this NOW. If for some reason, he does fly off the handle and leave you, then it's probably for your own good. If he really loves you he won't end the relationship because of this. Explain it like you did here. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 This little detail would be pretty insignificant to a man who really loved you. Tell him now. If he's adversely affected by it, that's a good sign he's not the guy you think he is. I really don't see the big deal of it at all. As far as putting the zero on your marriage license application, nobody checks that stuff out. It's not like you're applying for a top secret clearance or something. As long as you are duly divorced, that's all that matters. Technically, your marriage license is fraudulent because you made a false statement on it. But they would have to prove that you intentionally did that in order to find it invalid. If you don't tell your guy, that would be easy to prove. But if you tell him about your previous marriage, screw it. Just go ahead, use the license and get married. God Bless You!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Please help Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 Thank you all for your help. I've been having a difficult time with not having anyone to spill this on. Becoming mentally fried. Honestly, I don't think he'll have a problem with it. This really has been the most open relationship I've been in. I've just about learned that communication is a good thing. Now it just boils down to the issue of me having to admit a mistake - which has never been an easy task. Thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 it's not really a mistake - just something you did! it's over, who cares about it now? Just don't tell him that you thought you wouldn't find anyone or anything... just say that you got married based on a hasty decision, and divoced shortly after, and it was so insignificant and silly that even your family doesn't know. that's my 2 c. =) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Kidd Seuss Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 [color=darkred]In all honesty, kiddo, what you did isn't that big of a deal. If you want to know how to clear your conscience and worry about this no longer, sit him down and tell him exactly what you put down in this forum. I am willing to bet he's done some silly things in his younger days as well. The thing to remember is everyone makes mistakes. But don't make a second mistake by trying to cover up something that isn't that big of a deal in the first place. If you end up lying about it, I can bet he'll be a lot more angry due to you lying than the actual situation. Drew [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
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