It has been a hard road

[Far Beyond Forever]

I want to give you all a little summary of how its been for me so you can give me the best advice possible. I've read over alot of posts on here and you guys seem helpful maybe you can add some insight to my situation.

 

I'm in a LDR. We only have a distance of about 2 hours between us from here to our hometown. I left there last year in pursuit of something different and she came across me online while I was living out here.

 

She was very persistent for us to get together. She was flirty, and even went on to be blunt that "I'm going to be your next girlfriend." I figured why not, and went to see her and we hit it off. Everything was great. Damn near perfect like we were made for each other.

 

She used to make snide comments though on the side, not directly but hurtful about ex's. Even times shes had sex, it was just stuff really why bring it up why not just leave it alone. But I was honest, and let it go. Thinking that it'll just pass, maybe its good to get it all out of the way.

 

Well she went on a vacation and when she was away she totally lost trust in me. Began saying alot of mean things, accusing me of stuff. Her reasoning was girls on my Myspace profile (which is how I met her). I gave her the password so she could see I was up to nothing. Then she just nitpicked at it even more, surprise.

 

When she came back, I told her she has nothing to worry about. And then I always just let it go. Finally I thought it wasn't fair, why I should give up friends while she can keep talking to anybody she wants to. So I did the same thing she did to me. And we basically fought about this stupid stuff forever.

 

She then went on about Marriage, how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Not even wanting a ring, just to sign the papers. Cause she felt that close.

 

Until I stopped it all. I told her to either come around, trust me and lets really take this relationship seriously enough of these childish games.

 

So she wanted marriage, but really didn't show signs of trust, or even acted like she cared most of the time. So I didn't believe she really knew what she was talking about. So I played it down and told her its way too soon to talk like that. And it was! We were only dating a month and a half!

 

So here we are, I got sick of all her "I love yous" and the promises of a commitment in marriage. When she carried none of the traits of what marriage should be, she didn't trust me, she didn't really show compassion.

 

So I got mad, and really said alot of stuff that I wish I didn't. And when I went to apologize to her for what I said, I got mad again and flipped out. I just think its all so frustrating. But I don't want to give up!

 

Here I am at the end now, and the reason were falling apart is because I got angry over everything that has happened. And now shes acting like I've locked her down when really she wants to cut me away from any friends.

 

Inspite of us not talking she called an EX, and also talking to her best friend about all of it to get support. She went to a place I never want her going cause its just asking for trouble. She went there to tell me about it.

 

I don't know what to do, please give me your advice.

[catrocks]

It sounds like she has many issues. Or is just plain immature. She was talking marriage after a month and a half? That's crazy!

 

My advice would be to get out now, change your password, tell her it's over and just stop contact with her. She sounds like she's acting like a 16 year old (how old is she by the way? out of curiosity). She is not ready for a serious relationship. She seems to have no idea what marriage entails, in fact she probably just wants it because she thinks it would reaffirm that you love her.... but she doesn't trust you, and for no good reason, and what kind of marriage would that be? She needs to get real and you aren't going to help her do that, she needs to do it alone or she is going to end up making some man's life a misery.... just don't let it be you!

[quankanne]

oh, I think you have a very clear idea of what you should do, but there some very generous and gallant part of you who wants to still be nice and/or fair to her, because it's what should be present in a relationship. And I admire people who still have a very strong sense of fairness despite being abused and manipulated.

 

that's right, abused and manipulated. Everything you've written about the relationship has thrown up huge red flags, which you are VERY aware of. But again, you're trying to be fair in a relationship that has the odds highly stacked against success because you're not dealing with someone who can offer the same to you in return.

 

run. Fast. And far away. This is not a healthy relationship, nor does it have the chance of becoming one. This is not "falling apart because I got angry" – your anger is a normal response to bad treatment by someone – it's falling apart because it is lacking those basic necessities that hold it together, respect and trust. She probably does have feelings for you, but in light of her immaturity, those feelings will always be overshadowed by her need to play these games of manipulation.

 

remember, there's a huge blue sea out there, full of fishies that aren't going to poison you ...

[Far Beyond Forever]

I really have been trying hard, I was hoping if she saw that I was sticking with her while she was making accusations that she would begin to trust me. But I mean I did say alot of mean...mean things. Stuff that I would of probably killed somebody over. But it was nothing more than what she told me to begin with to somewhat brag in my face.

 

I guess I want to stick around because I just think it can work, I think the marriage thing was crazy too. I played that down to let her cool off and maybe she'd let it go but doing that made her think I didn't care. It has been a very immature deal, and when I told her I was sorry for all my "childish ways" I told her what we were doing was so immature! She said she understood. But its like nothing changed, and afterwards its like she lost any emotion for me, except sex. Then she said thats all I wanted.

 

I'm 20 shes 19. Way too young for marriage. But man when this started it was good, but alas here we are ya know? A little update for those who it may concern:

 

I called her and she just got back from the store. She asked where I had been (I have 2 phone lines landline and cell) saying she called the landline. I asked why she didn't call the cell (sure way to get a hold of me) she said "I dunno". I had been to the store and paid my rent. So I asked her what she thinks we should do and once again - "I dunno".

 

I told her I was sorry and that I miss her and how I won't be mean again, and she said something along the lines of you'll always just be mean to me. And I told her I wouldn't. I then went onto explain that we don't trust each other, and that we should probably stop because its just dragging it on. She said thats stupid. We talked about other random stuff, then I asked for an answer again if she'll forgive me.

 

Of course she said I don't know. So I told her that since she isn't sure, and already told her friends we are over. Then we are, and that I can't keep begging, I told her were done and to never call back if she can't decide if she wants to try again.

 

....she hung up. Ladies and gentleman I'm going to do my best to make a clean get away. She was a good girl, pretty, and well worth the 100 mile drive to my crappy home town to see. I care for her, but you all are right. I saw the red flags and tried, I need to move on. I'm gonna try, its going to be hard..but I'll try..oddly her birthday is this weekend. Guess I can go return some gifts for $ ya know?

[catrocks]

Of course you'll miss her, but I really think she would drive you crazy if you stayed with her. You say what you said was mean but that it was only as mean as what she said to you to begin with - and then she says you'll always be mean to her?? I honestly don't think you have anything to apologise for, it sounds like she's just waiting to derail herself and others around her, and at least you know you won't have to be there to put up with her paranoid and immature bs. Quankanne is right, there are loads of girls who would treat you so much better than that.

[Far Beyond Forever]

This is the worst week for this to happen, today is her birthday. She calls me all the time like she normally would. And talks to me like nothing has even changed. I told her to quit, and I tell her either we get back together and fix it or she goes away forever.

 

She won't give me an answer, she keeps calling, talking...about all this stuff. Its breaking my heart, I feel so alone. I was going to drive in and see her today, but I won't. I can't.

 

This is the worst I've felt in a long time, I'm having a hard time keeping it together. I'm so sad. I want her back, but I want her back to the way it was. Not how we left it.

 

This has got me totally off, I can't think straight. I'm thinking about my future. And I just...I just can't think..she acts like I was never in her life to other people. And to me, it seems I am the most important thing.

 

This is horrible.

[Far Beyond Forever]

Guys I want to drive in and see her. I'm missing her so bad. I can't help but feel this is all my fault.