HanginInThere Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 I have been involved in a 3 year relationship with my Girlfriend. For the first two years we had a fairly serious committed relationship. The relationship seemed strong; we were very close friends, had much in common, enjoyed doing things as a couple, had great sex, etc. We had even discussed the possibility of getting married someday. Unfortunately, the last year has been crazy. About a year ago, I caught her spending the night with someone that she had always told me was "just a friend". When I confronted her, she confessed to being in love with the other guy and wanted to end our relationship. However, she said we could still be friends. I was crushed and yet still desperately in love with her. I told her I would try to be friends, but based on how I felt I didn't see how that was possible. About a month after we "broke up" I called her to see how she was doing. To my surprise, she agreed to come over and talk. We chatted for awhile, made love, and then she left. I was so hopeful that she might still be in love with me, but I didn't push it. I just let it be a nice evening. This pattern has continued a few times each month for almost a year now. She will come over to my place (sometimes she just drops by on her own), we will have a nice chat, make love, and then she just leaves. Each time she arrives, my heart tells me she wants me back. When I ask her if we can start dating again, she always says she is in love with the other guy and we are still just friends. I just don't get it. Why does she do this to me? How could she be so in love with someone else and yet continue to string me on this way? She knows how I feel about her. I love her so much, I keep praying for a second chance. Would someone please explain her behavior? Why does she torture my heart so? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 She sounds like human garbage. She cheated on you while she was with you in a relationship. Then she continued seeing you ( after she dumped you ) sporatically and getting sex from you. She is cheating on her bf with you ! I would get checked for STDS and ASAP ! This is Miss Booty Call. She wants no relationship. She just likes the sex. Do you really feel that low to accept this kind of thing, or would you rather a great girlfriend who is only into YOU 100% ? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Would someone please explain her behavior? Why does she torture my heart so? She's focused on doing whatever makes her feel good, and unconcerned with the emotional cost to you. She probably rationalises that you put up with this situation and allow it to continue, therefore you implicitly agree to the terms. It sounds as though the relationship and the ways in which she has hurt you have left you emotionally vulnerable. When self esteem takes a bashing, it affects our ability to act in our own best interests....and perhaps right now you don't really believe you deserve any better than what this woman's giving you. Your life isn't going to start improving until you accept that she's never going to see you as anything other than a fall-back guy....and once a person has you in that category, it doesn't change. The respect's gone, or wasn't there to begin with. People will often remain in undesirable situation because they don't realise they're just the fall-back guy....but now you know. She's given you the clear message that this is your role, as far as she's concerned - and you're putting up with it. That can only lead to all these negative feelings you have getting worse and worse. Screwing you up until you get to the stage where you'll take all the bitterness out on innocent people who actually do or could care about you. Unrequited love is like a drug in that sense. If you let this situation continue, you're making a big mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HanginInThere Posted August 31, 2007 Author Share Posted August 31, 2007 lindya and Mary3 - Of course you're right. It's time for me to move on. Thank you for the wise advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 I wonder what her boyfriend would think of her if he knew she was boinking you? Would you want to be him? Link to post Share on other sites
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