second chances suck!

[guinea01]

Heya everyone, I've been dying to write a thread on here for the past 2 months, but it wouldn't let me! Obviously it is now

 

Now let me tell you a story, familiar to some, hopefully as confusing to others as it is to me!

 

From 14 til 18 I was with this guy, J. We were young and we had a lot of dramas (as you do), but we couldnt seem to break up and leave each other alone. He was my first love, and it was very intense and rather dysfunctional. The end of the relationship finally happened when I pushed for it, and we mutually decided it was best. We were both with other people very soon after that.

 

Even though we were both in relationships with other people in the few years following, he would always try and instigate something when we ended up at the same parties etc. The last time I had been somewhat intimate with him was when I was 21.

 

During the last 5 or so years, he has had a child with someone and had moved down south, and Ive been in a LTR, but he always tried to contact me every couple of years, even though my friends wouldnt tell him my number or where I lived.

(they wouldnt tell him because they knew how much I still felt for him and how long it took me to get over it the first time!)

 

So fast forward to October last year. (I was 26, he was 28). I caught up with my old friends, as I had moved closer to the area I grew up in. One day I was chatting to my mate on MSN (who is married to J's cousin - we all used to hang out together in the "old days"), and she said that J was back in town and asking about me. He was telling anyone who would listen that he regrets how he treated me soo much, and that he always thought about me and still loved me.

 

I can't even begin to tell you guys how shocking this was. I still loved this guy after all this time, and had always hoped that one day we would find our way back to each other. But I was wary, because I wasnt sure if he had changed, or if he was serious.

 

I went down to stay with my friends, J kept telling them all of the above mentioned things, so I got brave and told her to give him my number. Over the next few weeks we chatted, and then I decided to meet up with him. It was amazing when we did. I felt 16 again, and those feelings that never really died all came back. I was still unsure, but he was so persistent. He constantly told me that he wouldnt hurt me like that again, and how he would prove that he's changed, and how much he wanted to be with me.

 

So I took the second chance I had always hoped for. I lived about a 50 min drive away from where he lived. We discussed taking it slow, but he was anything but slow! He was always texting and calling, telling me that we were meant to be, and that he missed me so much it hurt etc wanting to come and stay, even though he used to have to get up at 5am to get back home in time for work. It was awesome, he was everything I had hoped for. The total perfect bf.

 

He introduced me to all his friends saying how he wanted to show me off etc even his boss. They all said that he talked about me so much and how serious it must be. Even his family said that they hadnt seen him like this before.He talked about moving up my way, constantly talked about our future, marriage etc.

 

The only thing that was a strain inour relationship was my friendship with a guy I had known strictly as mates for a few years. J would always ask if it was my "boyfriend" textng me when my phone went, and make snide comments about this friend. But I always told J that there was nothing in it, and that I wanted to be with him!

 

In May he started having financial issues because the work hours dried up, and he wasnt making enough money to live on. He got a bit stressed but said he was looking for other jobs closer to me.

 

In June I went down to stay with him, the night before he had been texting me how much he loved me and missed me and how he hoped I was the girl of his life (He started with the L word about 2 months after we got back together). When I got there it was all wrong, he was distant and akward.

 

He tells me that he doesnt want to hurt me, but that he is moving back down south because he got offered a fantastic job. I didnt know what to say. He didnt properly break up with me that night, and when I asked him if I still had a bf he said yes, and that we would work something out. But that night I stayed and it was the first time ever that he just turned away and went to sleep.

 

I dont want to dredge up everything thats happened in the last 2.5 months as it kills me so much, he didnt end up going til last week, but we have been broken up since the week after he first told me he was going.

 

Since we broke up we have been in constant contact, I begged etc but he just didnt want to hear it. I told him that I loved him (first time), and how I always felt he was the one for me, and he agreed?? The reasons he gave me for dumping me changed from the job, to not being able to handle my friendship with that guy, and being an hours drive away from me.

 

He would txt constantly, everyday, and ask me if I missed him, If id been sleeping with anyone else, saying hes not happy now, and that he was happy with me and then all these dirty texts about how he missed doing things to me etc.

 

He would ask if he could come and see me, sometimes Id say yes, but he wouldnt turn up, but most times Id say no and he would keep begging and begging. The last time I had a talk with him about why he dumped me, I got mad as hell and just asked for the real reason. He said he didnt want to break up with me, that he didnt know he was going to, and that he was just scared as hell he was going to lose a good thing, because he always fu*ks up everything, and it was just a matter of time before he fu*ked it up with me. He said he didnt know what to do, and everytime I asked him to just make his mind up and be final, he wouldnt.

 

So anyway, He left last week. He made a big carry on about how he needed to see me before he left, and how it would be the last time we would see each other. He said he misses me now, and would miss me a heap when he moved and how I am so important to him etc. The night before he was moving away, he txtd me to ask if i still wanted him to come see me, and I never got the txt! It lagged 3 hours later! I replied back and told him that I did, it was 1230am, but he said he would be down in an hour or so. And he never showed up.

 

I didnt think my heart could break any further, but the next morning when I woke up and realised he never came, it did.

 

The past few months have been total hell, I almost failed my last year of my degree, I cried all the time, I didnt sleep for a week and lost 10kgs (I think thats about 20 pounds). I totally believed him when he came on so strong, I thought that this was my fairytale ending after years of loving him.

 

I dont know what the general consensus is, but christ it hurts so much worse the second time around!