Still Alone and Fearing I Always Will Be

[clatan]

This isn't the typical "Will I find someone?" post. My case is fairly unique. What I'm describing here may not be odd for some guy in his late teens or early twenties, but it is for my age. Every one of my friends my age, even the ones that married fairly later than average, are married now, and have been for a few years in fact.

 

To make my case a little more unique; It's not that I'm just simply still single. I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but I have never even had a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I've dated about three dozen girls or so. But every one of them has lasted an average of two dates. I've never, save one time in kindergarten, had what I or anyone else would really consider a "girlfriend." I've never been in "LOVE."

 

Before you make assumptions, there's another thing that makes my case unique. I'm far from being some overweight nerd with coke bottle glasses and chronic body odor. Actually, it's the opposite. I'll sound like some braggadocios ass but I have to illustrate the point; I think I'm pretty good looking. I have an athletic build and perfectly straight white teeth. I was rated a 9.8 out of 10 on HotorNot.com for Pete's sake! Everyone says they can't believe how old I am and thinks I look 6 to 10 years younger than I really am. I guess I'll let you be the judge, my avatar is a picture of me.

 

I can't think of anything about my personality or anything like that which would make me undesirable. I have an IQ that's well above average and have a 3.75 GPA in college. I speak Spanish fairly well. I'm mainly the artistic type. I'm earning my bachelor's in graphic design. I love to paint and draw in addition to graphic design. But most of all, I love music. I've played for around 15 years. I sing and everyone says I'm one of the best they've ever heard. I also play harmonica and guitar really well, plus a little mandolin, dobro and banjo. I also love history, foreign languages, architecture and reading and writing and gardening. I'm not a couch potato. I hate sitting around watching TV, in fact I don't even own a TV. And I know how a lot of women get annoyed by guys and their sports -- to my credit, I can't stand football or basketball. I'm a riot to be around and am always clowning around, cracking jokes doing impersonations and what not, making an ass of myself. Plus, I'm a great cook. So basically, I don't think I'm dense or boring in any way.

 

I'm not a obnoxious jerk either. I don't know how many times I've heard through the grapevine and in person that girls think I'm "so sweet" and such a "cool guy." I'm nice and easy-going, but yet I don't think that I'm "too nice" in an annoying way that should drive women away. I'm not clingy at all, in fact, I'm very independent. Maybe all of this is my problem?! The dependent/jerk types are the guys women always end up with. Like I said, I'm not trying to sound cocky but I think I'm quite a catch and have even been told so many times. Why then am I so pathetic?

 

I don't mean to sound like I'm in anguish because I'm not married. In fact, it kind of annoys me when people ask if I'm married and try to harp on it all the time. That's not really the point. I'm not in any hurry to get married, but it's starting to sort of worry me that I still haven't at least found somebody.

 

To be honest, I guess why I'm worried the most is kind of my age. I'm still young, but I kind of feel like I'm at that "now or never" point. I can't think of one woman my age, or even 5 or 6 years younger for that matter, that I know of who's single. If they are single, they have two or three kids. I'm not really interested in dating women that are divorced, and certainly not interested in dating women with kids. The only thing that may be worse than dying a lonely old man I can think of is to marry a woman with all kinds of baggage, having to fight with ex-husbands and raise someone else's kids who'll be saying "you're not my dad." I don't need all of that. I'm single and never married with no kids, and I want and deserve to find the same. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation.

 

But as a result, that means I'm probably going to date someone younger. That's okay by me. In fact, by being single, playing music and going back to college, the single women I meet are all college-aged. I have quite a few female friends and they're nearly all under 22, so meeting younger women isn't a problem for me and it doesn't seem to really be a problem for these girls. Even though they're quite a bit younger, they still seem to like me. What worries me is that I'm not getting younger and it may not be long before they consider me too old. Then my chances will be really slim of ever finding anyone.

 

Am I an odd case or what? What's my trouble?

[Lizzie60]

Sorry but from what I read, you want to settle down... right?

 

WHY?????? LOL

 

You are single, good-looking, with all the qualities you posted...etc. why the rush?

 

You are still young... you know a LOT of MM would kill to have your lifestyle... Enjoy!

 

Gawd I wouldn't trade my life with ANY MW out there.

[danis]

I think your too young to be worried about being alone. However, I am worried how you've chosen to categorize who and what type of person you want to be with.

 

When you find someone and you have deep feelings for that person, it shouldn't really matter it they are divorced or have children. Love is a feeling not a choice.

 

The number one problem with good looking guys for women, is that they can't stand to be around them, because they are so in love with themselves.

[JCD]

We have better morals and standards than the rest and that's why it takes longer to find someone worth of our love and respect. So just think of how many headaches you've avoided by being selective. I suggest you go with the flow and maybe one day you'll find the right girl. Anyways, what happened to that one in your choir? Was I right in guessing that she just wanted your attention and nothing more?

[Yamaha]

Like I said, I'm not trying to sound cocky but I think I'm quite a catch and have even been told so many times.

 

Read this statement over and you might find your answer ( but I doubt it ).

[clatan]

Sorry but from what I read, you want to settle down... right?

 

WHY?????? LOL

 

You are single, good-looking, with all the qualities you posted...etc. why the rush?

 

You are still young...

 

Hey Lizzie!

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

Well, to answer your question, what do you mean by "settle down"? If you mean get married next week, buy a diamond ring, a house at the end of the cul-de-sac, an SUV, have 2.5 kids and sit on the couch watching TV until I die... hell no! That's basically what the majority of married folks seem like to me. I'm not envying them at all in that respect.

 

I'd just like to find someone special... someone real, that has similar interests as me, someone I truly have a great time with and enjoy being around. See, at my age, I've never once in my entire life had anything close to that. In fact, I've dated dozens of women and never really enjoyed myself at any time I was with any of them.

 

You say I'm young, well... I'm 36. Do you still think I'm young? Regardlessly, isn't that a little odd at my age? That's what's worrying me. I just get to thinking that if I can't even find a girl I'm really interested in and think a lot of (who'll go out with me on more than two dates) by age 36... it kind of makes me concerned that I never will.

 

... you know a LOT of MM would kill to have your lifestyle... Enjoy!

 

If I told you more about my lifestyle, would you still think that? Well, I have not been out on one single date in four years. And that was one date only. My last date before that was in November of 2001! That was also one date only. Oh, and while I was on vacation about two years ago, I went out with this Russian college grad who I picked up hitchhiking while on vacation at South Padre, Texas. That was one date only too. I did take four of the girls in my music appreciation class to a concert this past March. But I don't know if I'd count that as a date. SO, THREE DATES IN NEARLY 8 YEARS!?

 

The most fun thing I do is go see a movie by myself every other weekend. Or once a month or so, I may go sing karaoke with a few fairly good friends... where there's rarely any single women, much less fairly attractive or interesting women. I have two or three good friends, all married now, that I see once every 4 or 5 months now... if I'm lucky. When the rare occurance comes that they have time to hang out with me now, it's always spent sitting on the couch, watching TV. Do you still think most married men would kill to have my lifestyle?

 

Whether I'm still young or not, I've said that in the past, thinking "Yeah, I'll find someone when I'm" 24... then 28... then 30... then 34. Now I'm 36 and starting to really have my doubts. I'm nowhere near closer. I'm actually probably further now. That's worrying me.

 

There's no rush, as you say, to get married. But I really think something needs to happen in some way within the next two years or so, which speaking of that, brings up a subject that I should address regarding JCB's reply.

 

Anyway Lizzie, thanks for you reply. Please tell me your opinion. and by the way... are those photos of you? Nice!

[clatan]

Read this statement over and you might find your answer ( but I doubt it ).

 

Thanks for wowing me with your psychoanalytical prowess Yamaha. Maybe I didn't wow you enough with my literary skills? Maybe you should read that same statement at face value this time because that's how it was meant.

 

"I'm not trying to sound cocky, but"...

 

I realize it may sound cocky, but I don't feel I can illustrate my situation very well if I don't give the facts. Forgive me for having some self-esteem and mentioning what I have truly been told by others on many occassions.

 

In actuality, I'm possibly not cocky enough. So please, again, don't misunderstand me. The only place I have ever said anything like this in a forum to total strangers, in order to get some help through a difficult time.

[Trialbyfire]

As a 36 year-old man, why are you looking to girls who are more likely to want to party, instead of having a relationship.

 

As well, do you have difficulty allowing people to get close to you?

[clatan]

The number one problem with good looking guys for women, is that they can't stand to be around them, because they are so in love with themselves.

 

Danis, I very honestly believe this definitely does not describe me. In fact, it could be the opposite of being in love with myself that's my problem. I just wonder if you're really reading what I've wrote or are simply just skimming and taking cheap shots to pass some time. I'm wanting answers though, so I'll listen if you'd like to question me?!?!

[clatan]

As a 36 year-old man, why are you looking to girls who are more likely to want to party, instead of having a relationship?

 

I kind of explained that in my initial post TrialbyFire. Sorry, it was too long to wade through I imagine... that's probably my fault. Could you go back and read it?

 

But to answer briefly... Because most all the single women even close to my age are divorced and have kids primarily.

 

What do you mean by girls that are more likely to party? You mean get drunk and have sex with random guys? Not all girls 18-25 are like that. I know a lot of really nice girls that age that aren't like that at all. In fact, most of these girls are really clean-cut.

 

Do you mean just go out and have good clean fun? That's all I want right now. I'm not wanting some big serious relationship right now either. That's another reason for the age thing. It seems to me that most women that are still single at my age, if you can find them without kids and an ex-husband, are, unlike me, ready to get married now and have kids immediatley because they feel the clock is ticking. Either that or they want to talk about their cats all night.

 

As well, do you have difficulty allowing people to get close to you?

 

Well it's not really musch of an issue as far as allowing girls to get close to me, it's even being in the position of a girl wanting to get close to me that rarely happens I guess.

 

But to answer you. Honestly, I don't think so. You mean would I be afraid to fart in front of a girl I really liked on a first date. Yeah, I doubt I'd do that, like probably most guys.

 

I mean, I love to have deep conversations on interesting topics with a girl if that's what you mean. Do you mean do I talk about my love life in front of girls? I surely would if they ever brought it up. Other than that, I'm not super shy or a hermit or anything, I sure don't think. In the interest of getting some answers though, what exactly do you mean? Can you give me... say... some hypothetical examples or something?

[clatan]

We have better morals and standards than the rest and that's why it takes longer to find someone worth of our love and respect. So just think of how many headaches you've avoided by being selective. I suggest you go with the flow and maybe one day you'll find the right girl. Anyways, what happened to that one in your choir? Was I right in guessing that she just wanted your attention and nothing more?

 

 

Hello again JCB and great to talk to you again! Well as far as going with the flow, what do you mean? You mean just take life as it comes? I'm kind of thinking that's what's got me to this point and is my problem. Not to sound like I'm pitching Dodge Rams, but maybe I should take life by the horns at least a little that's my trouble?

 

Speaking of taking life by the horns, thanks for asking about my duet partner! Actually, I should have just posted a sequel to that old thread, and skipped even writing this one, because it's actually her that's probably got me all worked up and thinking about this.

 

No JCB, I think you were wrong about that. We did that play together and talked a lot. Then... I actually spent a few nights at her house with her this summer. Then, we sang together in a contest early this month. We sang together the week after that at a little fair. And we're going to sing again together two weeks from now. I had more fun than I've had in ages with her the last two or three months. I really get the impression that she quite a little bit of fun too. Maybe I should just revive the thread and tell all the details.

 

I've sort of took life by the horns and it's turned out way better than expected as a result. I'm thinking I really should continue because I have a feeling it could go somewhere. I'm still not there yet though and that's why I'm so confused and conflicted!

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

There is something not quite right about your story, Clatan. From the outside looking in, everything seems relatively normal -but as an anonymous member one can't completely attain every detail of your life.

 

Surely, as you said, you have dated more than a dozen women in the past but have you ever truly been intensely interested in one particular woman? I ask this because, perhaps -just perhaps -you haven't actually attempted to open up to a woman before. Since, you have no prior knowledge, experience and/or template to guide you through such things then it is only part of your natural system to have a fear of risking your yourself in the process. Revealing one's inner feelings, and sharing childhood memories can be tough for some people -so it is not uncommon.

 

Like I said, I'm not trying to sound cocky but I think I'm quite a catch and have even been told so many times.

 

If you are really quite a catch, then why are you still single? You shouldn't be. You may be an exception -but there are definitely women out there in the same position as you -single in their mid 30s.

 

Again, I see that you are a conscious guy -fondly aware of yourself and how others perceive you -but have you ever thought that perhaps less thinking equals more actions and/or rewards.

 

Taking notice of your strengths -i.e. good looks, skills and so forth -is a liberating aspect of your personality but it comes with a price. You seem so sure of yourself, yes, that it leaves no room for the imagination. This doesn't help a woman in getting to know you on a personal level. You have to let yourself go, in some respect. That is, you should act like a gentleman when in the presence of a woman but also, ask questions. You don't always have to be captain of the ship, when on board.

 

I know you mean well, with your post, and you are right -it is fairly difficult sometimes to find the right woman that you can discuss politics, video games, and philosophy without having to explain every idea and squeeze words out of her mouth. Not every nice girl will do it for you, though -that also goes for intellects and hotties. If you focus your attention on finding that special person that meets your requirements, you may miss out on wonderful women.

 

You have to choose. There is no harm in continuing to date women from all walks of life -but understand that it starts with you. It is not about them completing you -rather it is a fusion of two souls.

 

You say you are young, but time flies. If you don't act now -as I think you should -then you will miss out on love.

 

Sand&Water

[clatan]

Just think of how many headaches you've avoided by being selective.

 

Good to hear from you again JCD! True. Point taken. But I'm afraid I may be avoiding life too. I have no headaches, but I also haven't even so much as been in the position of dating at all.

 

I suggest you go with the flow and maybe one day you'll find the right girl.

 

Well, what do you mean by go with the flow? You mean take life as it comes? I'm thinking that's why I've been so unhappy. Not to sound like I'm pitching Dodge Rams, but maybe I should take life by the horns at least a little that's my trouble. I've kind of done that a little here the last two or three months and I think I may have found the right girl.

 

Anyways, what happened to that one in your choir?

 

Bingo! Thanks for asking about my duet partner. Actually, I should have just posted a sequel to that old thread, and skipped even writing this one, because it's actually her that's probably got me all worked up and thinking about this. I did what I was contemplating doing in my old thread (if you remember). http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=108562

 

Was I right in guessing that she just wanted your attention and nothing more?

 

No JCB, I actually think you may have been wrong about that. As a result of doing what I was planning to do in my thread back eight months ago, I've seen a lot more of her lately. I spent a few nights at her house with her this summer. Then, we sang together in a contest early this month. We sang together the week after that at a little fair. And we're going to sing again together two weeks from now. I had more fun than I've had in ages with her the last two or three months. I know for sure she had a lot of fun with me too... very likely as much fun as I had with her. Maybe I should just revive the thread and tell all the details?

[VIP]

If you are not looking for a serious relationship, then why does it matter if a woman is divorced or not. It's true that most women at your age are divorced and have children. But if that's all there is, what are you going to do? I think you don't have so much in common with 22 year olds and they are not ready for anything serious yet. You were right when you said that women of your age are not looking for fun and games, they usually are looking for a serious relationship. I don't know what type of women you are attracted to, but it seems that you would have better luck with brunettes, since opposites attract. Why not try meeting a russian woman?

[clatan]

RE:

Surely, as you said, you have dated more than a dozen women in the past but have you ever truly been intensely interested in one particular woman?

 

Of all the women I've dated, to tell the truth, no. As far as women I haven't dated, sure a few. Actually, there's one in particular now. I'm thinking maybe it's my dating habits that need to change.

 

I ask this because, perhaps -just perhaps -you haven't actually attempted to open up to a woman before. Since, you have no prior knowledge, experience and/or template to guide you through such things then it is only part of your natural system to have a fear of risking your yourself in the process. Revealing one's inner feelings, and sharing childhood memories can be tough for some people -so it is not uncommon.

 

I don't have some traumatic childhood memories that I need to work through... if that's what you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean by attempting to open up? Can you give me examples? I'd pretty much tell a girl anything if she asked or brought it up and I always do.

 

RE:If you are really quite a catch, then why are you still single? You shouldn't be. You may be an exception -but there are definitely women out there in the same position as you -single in their mid 30s.

 

I don't know, maybe I haven't, until now, truly thought I was "quite a catch." At least not enough of a catch that a really terrific girl would want anything to do with me. So I just settled, thinking I didn't deserve them and went for what came along... girls who have nothing in common with me and who are mostly just all around no good.

 

By the way, I have not met a single woman past 25 with no kids for around ten years and I can't even begin to think of a single one

 

Again, I see that you are a conscious guy -fondly aware of yourself and how others perceive you -but have you ever thought that perhaps less thinking equals more actions and/or rewards.

 

What exactly do you mean by that?

 

 

Taking notice of your strengths -i.e. good looks, skills and so forth -is a liberating aspect of your personality but it comes with a price. You seem so sure of yourself, yes, that it leaves no room for the imagination. This doesn't help a woman in getting to know you on a personal level.

 

What do you mean? So I always thought confidence was attractive to women, now I'm being told it's not? So when I'm, for instance, singing at my play and one of the girls says "Hey Clay, good to see you, what's new." I should say... "Oh, I'm so lonely. I haven't had a date in 4 years." I have no problem if I'm asked, but wouldn't that seem weird to volunteer out of the blue? Would that seem attractive to a girl? I'd be afraid it's drive a girl away. To lay out all your problems? If so, is there some way I can steer the conversation that way? Is that what you mean? I'm interested in that comment. I'm just not sure I understand.

 

You have to let yourself go, in some respect. That is, you should act like a gentleman when in the presence of a woman but also, ask questions. You don't always have to be captain of the ship, when on board.

 

Let myself go? I always ask questions of girls and ask them all about themselves if that's what you mean. Captain of the ship?

 

I know you mean well, with your post, and you are right -it is fairly difficult sometimes to find the right woman that you can discuss politics, video games, and philosophy without having to explain every idea and squeeze words out of her mouth. Not every nice girl will do it for you, though -that also goes for intellects and hotties.

 

You mean not every woman will want to initiate a meaningful conversation with me? What do you mean by that?

 

If you focus your attention on finding that special person that meets your requirements, you may miss out on wonderful women.

 

No, I think I need to start dating girls that I share interests with for a change. I've tried the alternative and like I said, I've never enjoyed a single date I've been on.

 

 

You have to choose. There is no harm in continuing to date women from all walks of life -but understand that it starts with you. It is not about them completing you -rather it is a fusion of two souls.

 

Can you explain what you mean by that?

[clatan]

If you are not looking for a serious relationship, then why does it matter if a woman is divorced or not.

 

What? Oh man, my whole post was about wanting to find someone. Where did you get that? I said I'm not looking to get married tomorrow. That's all.

 

 

It's true that most women at your age are divorced and have children. But if that's all there is, what are you going to do?

 

Date younger women like I said in my post

 

I think you don't have so much in common with 22 year olds and they are not ready for anything serious yet.

 

Do you know all the girls I know... or me? How can you say I have nothing in common with them?

 

You were right when you said that women of your age are not looking for fun and games, they usually are looking for a serious relationship.

 

Yeah that will turn into marriage and kids as soon as possible, and that's about it with most of them because women who are my age and still single really seem to be swayed by societal expectations, probably more than men. And they care more about "being married" than a truly serious, meaningful relationship.

 

I don't know what type of women you are attracted to, but it seems that you would have better luck with brunettes, since opposites attract. Why not try meeting a russian woman?

 

Are you just joking with that? It's all about hair color that determine spersonality to you?! I've dated more brunettes than I ever dated blondes, sorry I don't think so. And, I even dated a brunette from Russia... seriously.

[clatan]

When you find someone and you have deep feelings for that person, it shouldn't really matter it they are divorced or have children. Love is a feeling not a choice.

 

Oh my god. So by that rational, if a married guy falls in love with his secretery it's not his fault because it's a feeling, not a choice huh? Does anyone agree with this?! So if I love a girl, I should also not care if she writes bad checks, has a drinking problem or a gambling addiction? Those are bad choices, just like the bad choices that makes them single mothers.

 

Uh, love is as much a choice as it is a feeling. Sorry, I don't feel all giddy inside at the thought of instantly going from single and carefree to raising two screaming kids that aren't mine and fighting with an ex-husband when he comes to visit, having constant fights, hearing "you're not my dad", "we can't go tonight, I can't find a babysitter."

 

Also, I've been stabbed in the back by many agirl because I'm too nice of a guy. Then she dates a guy who treats her like crap because that's what they want. Until the a-hole finally becomes too much and she divorces him or he just walks out. Then, they want a nice guy and expect him to come along and pick up the baggage and clean up the a-holes mess, raising his kids. I don't pity them, most of them bring it on themselves and I'm not going to make my life unbearably complicated because of their mistakes.

 

I thought I was a hopeless romantic but you take it to an absurdity.

[VIP]

Do you know all the girls I know... or me? How can you say I have nothing in common with them?

 

May be you do, but it's risky. You are more or less mature, but they are mostly not going to be until they are 30 or so. For the most part they still don't know themselves and don't know what they want. And it's true that you are still young, but your clock is ticking too, soon you will be 40.

 

Are you just joking with that? It's all about hair color that determine spersonality to you?!

 

No, but chemistry is important too. People usually decide in the first few seconds if there is an attraction or not. That's before they know anything about a personality. It's basically not so much the hair colour, but the eye colour. That's why for example caucasians are often attracted to asians and latinos and vice versa.

[clatan]

May be you do, but it's risky. You are more or less mature, but they are mostly not going to be until they are 30 or so. For the most part they still don't know themselves and don't know what they want. And it's true that you are still young, but your clock is ticking too, soon you will be 40.

 

 

 

No, but chemistry is important too. People usually decide in the first few seconds if there is an attraction or not. That's before they know anything about a personality. It's basically not so much the hair colour, but the eye colour. That's why for example caucasians are often attracted to asians and latinos and vice versa.

 

Oh okay, I see. It's eye color that determines if I'm compatible with a girl. Thanks for clearing that up.

[VIP]

No, I'm just saying what kind of women will be most likely attracted to your type. But that's just my opinion and if you think differently it's ok.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

I didn't expect you would be asking a billion questions all at once. On the other hand, on a more positive note, questions are a good place to start.

 

Here is my take on your replies:

 

Of all the women I've dated, to tell the truth, no. As far as women I haven't dated, sure a few. Actually, there's one in particular now. I'm thinking maybe it's my dating habits that need to change.

 

Yes. IF you see fit, change and play around with your dating habits. You might have to go through a couple of trial and error runs to determine where your interest lie -in terms of women.

 

You should pick out one special girl -and work towards establishing a connection with her.

 

I don't have some traumatic childhood memories that I need to work through... if that's what you mean? I'd pretty much tell a girl anything if she asked or brought it up and I always do.

 

Good to hear you haven't experienced any traumatic childhood events -so, yes, that is what I meant. However, telling a girl anything and everything at first chance is not a wise move -on your part.

 

Don't be going around spilling everything all at once. It is too much for some women out there. Pick and choose what you want to say and say it. One doesn't require a full length history of your California Trip last summer.

 

Inject some mystery, and manly aura when conversing with a woman. Take it slow but, also KNOW when you feel you are not compatible with a woman. If it arises to be the case, then move on to the next person. You don't have another 10 years to waste of this dating game.

 

By the way, I have not met a single woman past 25 with no kids for around ten years and I can't even begin to think of a single one.

 

There are women past 25 with no kids. Keep an eye out for them -look around your city, or even go travel to other places and look there. To add to all this, I think you need to work on your believing in yourself. You need to believe that you're a great catch, how else will you be able to move forward into the future.

 

A woman can sense if you aren't into her, because of her behavior or what not. Don't bother to hook-up with women you aren't interested in. It will only cause more damage to your ego and psych -plus you'll end up with a wild evil woman whom you dislike and regret for rest of your life. Choose wisely -you know you can do better.

 

Let myself go? I always ask questions of girls and ask them all about themselves if that's what you mean. Captain of the ship?

 

This brings me to the most important part of the post.

 

When I said "let yourself go", I meant in a metaphorical sense. So, yes, do ask questions and be yourself around women -but don't be stressing "Does she like me? Am I acting like a fool? Should I tell her this or that?" when you are interacting with them.

 

Just relax, breathe and act natural. Also, give them chance to talk about themselves. But above all: Do something. Take a risk with a woman -ask her out, kiss out of the blue, compliment her when she least expects it. Don't just do a lousy job by just sitting there and not do anything interesting when on dates.

 

Act now, or it may never happen to you.

 

Sand&Water

[Trialbyfire]

It's strange clatan. Most members that post a thread, show portions of themselves that give them personalities and emotions. What I get from you is a two-dimensional person who has massive walls of self-protection. Why is that?

[Lizzie60]

This is what I read in your initial post:

 

Don't get me wrong, I've dated about three dozen girls or so. But every one of them has lasted an average of two dates.

 

I didn't go through all the thread but I read your response to my post..and you said you had 3 dates in 8 years... sorry I'm confused.

 

I don't know what it is... it's hard to say, I don't know you personally... could be something in your personality that sends wrong signals to women.. not sure...

 

I changed my pics so often it's hard to say which one you saw..but some of them are my real pictures, some are just avatars...

[Yamaha]

I ask this because, perhaps -just perhaps -you haven't actually attempted to open up to a woman before. Since, you have no prior knowledge, experience and/or template to guide you through such things then it is only part of your natural system to have a fear of risking your yourself in the process. Revealing one's inner feelings, and sharing childhood memories can be tough for some people -so it is not uncommon

 

Bingo. That you are 36 and never had a close relationship with a women or been in-love is very strange. You seem to hold yourself back and are afraid to get close. If you have dated very many people then at some point you should have found someone you liked and wanted to open up to , emotionally. That you haven't seems to state that the problem lies with you. Only you know why you can't seem to find a gal for more than sex.

I think you should date the younger women as they are just looking for fun. Maybe you are way to critical and have a laundry list of requirements that must be meet. You will have to give us some more info to really understand why you can't find someone to get close to.

[clatan]

Bingo. That you are 36 and never had a close relationship with a women or been in-love is very strange. You seem to hold yourself back and are afraid to get close.

 

So that's why? Is that what you think? Give me an example of what makes you think I hold myself back. What do you mean exactly by "hold yourself back," could you? Thanks!