Lost and , 1/2 sister / 1/2 brother affair?

[cj1988]

You are correct and that is why I am in so much turmoil right now. After all that has happened you would think he would be grateful for what he as now, as I am and want to do better and more for us. I am tired of being excited to see him and come home and he is either outside with his buddy(in a good mood) or sitting in the house doing nothing in a bad mood.

 

It is like he is waiting to feel more, like it is going to fall out of the sky. He is really moody and then again sometimes he is not. I cannot tell if he really wants to be there (says he does or he would go) or he is finally comfortable with us the way I was for years. When I told him that I still believe he has been unfaithful with someone in the 12 years, he says " why would I do that to myslef, you know how I am and how I feel about cheating and what you did to me" " I would not do that to you, but especially not to me, I am not that type of man and never have been".

 

True in many ways, he never cheated on the 2 women he was with before me and he never loved them at all. BUT, he did know I was married and knew my husband when we started our affair. His first wife (married 8 months when he was 19) was married when they started. Maybe he is into married women, who knows.

 

All I know is that all the doubt, plus he lack of enthusiasm, in better words has made me doubt myself and judgement as a woman and a person. I do not whether to run for the hills or hang on and see how it flows for a year or so. We rarely fight, or talk for that matter. He picks at me about stupid things, normal for him. He told me when I said I was not happy that if I woke up one and this was not what I wanted then I needed to make changes then do it....I siad that is encouraging....I said you are not bothered by that thought, he said, YES it scares me to death, but everyone needs to be happy..........so maybe he just wants me to do the dirty and leave him first so he does not look like the bad guy

[Green]

Thank you WHICHWAY and KMT, you are awful. We are on here for help not nasty comments from someone like you. Please do not do that anymore. It is not funny.

 

How am I awful your the one who told me you think theres something sexual going on and that your hotter then his sister. Look im just speaking the truth and giving you the realities of your messed up "jerry springer situation" and u were the one to call it a jerry springer situation before you bust me on that. I dont want to be nasty to you, and I dont think I am but my comment was meant to point you in the right direction, I didnt bring bj's and stuff out of no where u were talking about how he doesnt even care when you text him about it....

[BlueEyedGirl]

This is pretty much the first time that Whichway is not enitrely for saving the marriage. That fact in itself should tell you something.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you WHICHWAY and KMT, you are awful.

 

Unless I've read this wrong, I think cj means, thank you whichway. And, KMT, you're awful.

She knows I've been helping her on this thread.

 

BEG, you're right, I rarely push for people to end their marriage, but in this case, until her H wakes UP and gets his head out of his ass, HE WILL LOSE HER. Rightfully so. Separating could be a wise choice just because it will give him time to think, be alone and see how happy he is without his wife by his side. Maybe he'll appreciate her more, realize that he can't live without her and go to counselling.

[cj1988]

KMT, I see your point, but that was atill out of line the way you said it. Yes, I look 100 times better then her, but obviously looks are not always what matter, NOR SEX. It about a person and who they are inside and no one can change WHO I AM....If you were trying to tell me that my H has may be shallow enough to make a decision based on BJ's maybe, who knows. You are a man? You should know that better than anyone are you shallow, sounds like it to me.

 

WHICHWAY, yes I agree you have been very supposrtive and I appreciate you all more than you know. I would rather talk to you all than a therapist right now because I am assuming some of you have walked in my shoes. I am a fighter and do not like to give up, but I love myself more than I do him and that is what keeps me going. I have my respect and dignity, if my H did what I did, he does not have either and that will show one day and then I will know.

[whichwayisup]

I would rather talk to you all than a therapist right now

 

And, we're free! You get to save some $$!

 

Time will tell how things will go. If things don't get better, and he isn't doing what is necessary to get the marriage back on track, then talk to him about a trial separation. Maybe if he realizes how serious you are about leaving, he'll wake the F UP before making more mistakes, and he'll go to counselling, fix things so the marriage can be better.

[Green]

expect no advice from me again unless i forget who u r

[cj1988]

Yes, time will tell and I will be fine one way or another, I am sure of that now. I am growing stronger by the day and want to make the right choices for me now instead of focusing on US. I love him and maybe he will wake up, maybe not.....his lose NOT MINE that id for sure.

 

KMT, if that was advice, you do not need to give any at all. That was a harmful stab and I hope you never go through what a lot of us are going through and someone does that to you. I would not do that to you !

[MrsHellnoFire]

Many years when he wanted me I was too tired a lot or told him to go to sleep ( he gripped but never through a fit ) and I know that is part of why he doing this, not revenge, he thinks I am trying to prove a point now and be how he was, so he just ignores it. So immature. He told me last weekend that 11 years has been him giving to me and everything has always been about me, so I guess that tells me anything I want he is not going to give.

 

 

Well it sounds like after years of sexual rejection on your part, he is just not interested in you in THAT way anymore. That lust has faded and sexual attraction also gone.

 

Also sounds like he's tired of catering to your wants and needs in the relationship and is for once going to focus on himself (which he feels you have not done). So I really wouldn't doubt that he's had an affair. It may or MAY NOT be with his sister, but the sexual stimulant really explains everything.

[MrsHellnoFire]

The part that I do not like is that if that is true, WHY stay with me and put me through the hell because you are not happy with yourself.

 

 

Because there would be no point to it if the affair WAS with his sister. He knows there is really no future for them because he will not publicly be with her or marry her.. he would pretty much just be alone after leaving you and seeing her only occasionally.

[cj1988]

Thank you for the last comments and yes I am not proud of how I treated him over the years, I made some mistales but he was not there for me in many ways either. I am sorry I enjoy sex ( ALWAYS HAVE ) but when you have a partner that spends more time with buddies and hanging out, strip clubs etc....SEX is not something that is inviting when you are not getting anything.....he SAYS he was into me for 11 years, that is true BUT JUST FOR SEX.....he never wanted spend time with me, came in when it was time to go to bed if at all.....SURE I JUST WANTED TO JUMP HIS BONES after that, NOT. So, you see there are reasons I was not attracted to him for a long time as well.

 

He is different now after whatever happened with whomever. He is spending more time with me and wants to be around his kids. So, yes I in turn want to be with him more. He and I are both growing up and see each other in a different way, some good, some bad.......he is not a bad man and I am not a bad woman, just normal people.

 

Yes, I do believe the STAMAX proves he did something with someone and it was NOT used for energy as he claims, but that is no longer the issue, it is the lies and betrayal that will kill our M if we let it, time will tell.

[cj1988]

When we do talk he tells me that I should know him well enough to know that if her were going to cheat with anyone, he would leave first. I am sorry but most people cheat, test the waters so to say and then leave. I do not know anyone that ha woke up said I want a divorce over anyone they have not slept with yet.

 

When he and I got together, he knew I was married and knew my husband, so he is a cheater. Yes, my H and I were not speaking, living seperate lives almost, but he knew all the same. So, why would he not do that to another married man he knows even his own brother in law. According to the sister he treats her cold, no compliments in 20 years no real emotion. Well, she stays and says they will be married forever so it cannot be all that bad. The 2 times we have seen them this summer, she was all over her husband (never see that before) and telling him how happy she was to be with him because they have a drama free marriage etc. Funny how things change all the sudden.

 

She was calling me and e-mailing me March through July trying to HELP me, imagine that and now, NC....which is fine with me.

 

I realized last night that she or any other person is not our problem, it is US. My H is a good man, but very opionated. He wants to make comments to me that hurt my feelings and tell me " If I cannot be honest with you than who can" Yes that is true, but his comments are rude and not necessary and always against me.

 

I am proud of my son, he is a model and verry handsome. So, when I meet girls around his age and we start talking about kids etc I show his pic. They all love him....well to me that is a typical happy mother, to my H I am sellling myself and him and I have a issues. That is the commets he makes to me. I would never say the things he says to me and if I disagree with him, he gets angry and or tells me that is why he does not like talking to me. But, he does that to everyone that does not agree with HIS opinion. He will either get up and leave the conversation ( I am not mad or angrym he is) or laugh at my responses to his controlling behavior. Anytime someone says something he does not like, he laughs, what is that? So annoying.

 

I did not go home last night for a couple of hours, instead, I sat in my care thinking....what am I doing? He made the comment " Do not make me second guess myself" like he was threatening me and might leave. Like I am privelaged he is with me. He says I am with you because I want to be, but tread lightly, whatever. I second guess myslf everyday ! My friends and his do not know how I / we have made it this far. Everyone will tell he is a great guy, besides the mouth. He is a know it all and do not dare disagree or you are full of s--- and he will ignore you as if you do not exist.

 

I have also noticed he NEVER says he sorry even if he should BECAUSE then that is admitting he was wrong and GOD knows he cannot be wrong. I guess I never saw how controlling he is with me right now and has been for years. It is like if he keeps down and in check we are fine, but if I actually speak my mind and act like I have one he is mad....I am starting to believe the real me he hates and the pretend me is the one he is here with....He obviously does not like ME, he was in love with my body ( his own sone told me that) and not ME.