BIL, living with us six years now, time for him to move out!!!

[redfathom]

My BIL called and said he was making dinner tonight and wanted to know what he could make. So maybe my H talked to him. I will find out when I get home and talk to my H, I really hope that is the case.

[Cobra_X30]

Well, I am sure if you found a girl that was "the one" dirty dishes would not be a deal breaker for you. Too bad the problem was'nt her loading the dirty dishes naked, I always liked that episode.

 

I don't want to wait until I am 60 to have a good marriage, I text my H and asked him to schedule a MC appt. Maybe she can knock some sense into him.

 

I doubt he is happy, I wish he would say something. Shoot, if I can't make him happy then he needs to find someone who can. And visa versa, but we need to be honest on whether or not we can fullfill each others needs.

 

LOL... I don't believe in "the one". I believe that we choose who we love... in fact I think making that choice is love. So I work off a best fit model, and you are correct... the dishes were just indicative of her overall attitude.

 

Anyway, there is no reason you two can't have a happy and wonderful marriage! You havnt lasted 10 years for nothing. MC may be a perfect solution!

 

Oh, and please if they do anything you like... throw on the positve reinforcement! Lay it on thick!

 

Best of Luck!

[Jade 02]

My BIL called and said he was making dinner tonight and wanted to know what he could make. So maybe my H talked to him. I will find out when I get home and talk to my H, I really hope that is the case.

 

Even if that is the case,Red you gotta do someting NOW!!! Its past due. This is eating at you every second. Get him OUTTA THERE!!! He has worn out his welcome,time for mommys boy to move on!!!!!! or what ever he is.

 

Nope he will never grow up as long as he is under your hubbys wings.Hubby needs to grow up too,and realize who comes first,or he will be sitting right next to BIL all alone with young bucks. Oh I feel for you girl

Its just going to take you making the moves cuz obviously hubby aint gonna do jack. I will keep checking on you,and praying that you get your happiness real soon:)

[redfathom]

Turns out my H did not talk to him. My BIL just did it on his own, and he even cleaned the house. He cleaned the kicthen, vacuumed, cleaned all the table, etc. He did not have dinner done, because 1. he left the chicken out on the counter for 3 hours to thaw so we threw it away, I explained he can't thaw meat that way. 2. Nothing else was done. So we went to the store together and purchased things for dinner then I told him how to make it all and he did.

 

 

Cobra,

 

I can't say I 100% belive in "the one" , maybe there is more then one, honestly for most people there has to be, in which case their could not be "the ONE".

 

I will do my best to show adornment to my H.

 

 

Jade,

 

Yes, you are right, I still need to push him to move out. Which I will. I still plan on having a talk with my H to see what he is willing to do to help.

 

My BIL does have a job interview today so hopefully at the end of Oct . he will have his own place.

[dropdeadlegs]

Until MOD (move out day) I hope you will continue to post. Not to satisfy any curiosity, but to allow you a place to vent freely without actual repercussion to your home life. I know it helps me to do so.

 

One day soon, I hope to see you post that BIL is out! For him as much as for you and your marriage.

[redfathom]

Thanks dropdeadlegs!!! Me too, it does help to vent here. I hate to vent to friend and family because I don't like being a complainer plus I love the unbiased info I get here. Where as my family would not be so honest.

 

How are things with your daughter, I know you had a similar situation. I am glad you are trying to push her towards being responsible, look what happens if you don't. She already is way more responsible then my BIL, so good work!!!

[dropdeadlegs]

Thanks dropdeadlegs!!! Me too, it does help to vent here. I hate to vent to friend and family because I don't like being a complainer plus I love the unbiased info I get here. Where as my family would not be so honest.

 

How are things with your daughter, I know you had a similar situation. I am glad you are trying to push her towards being responsible, look what happens if you don't. She already is way more responsible then my BIL, so good work!!!

I will update my thread shortly to avoid a HJ of yours. Thanks for asking.

[Cobra_X30]

He did not have dinner done, because 1. he left the chicken out on the counter for 3 hours to thaw so we threw it away, I explained he can't thaw meat that way.

 

LOL... I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only guy who does this!

 

Cooking is so much more work than it seems! I suggest protien bars + Veggies + Fruit! Quick... easy... practically no mess.

 

 

It sucks your H didnt talk to him! I was really hoping!

[redfathom]

Haha, I wish that was the worst of it. One time I asked my BIL to watch soem rice I was cooking while I went to the store, when I came back it was burnt and I asked him if he was watching it and he said and I said, didn't you notice there was no more water, he said - haha - I did not know you cooked rice with water. Another time he making something he was waiting to the oil to heat up and asked me how long it would take before it would boil, haha. Okay I did the same thing too, when I was 15.

 

I love to crackers, cheese and fruit for dinner. Mmmmm, very easy to make. Although I do enjoy cooking, I like to add different things each time to my meals. You never know what you will get and I never measure.

 

Yes it does suck he did not step up to the plate. At least my BIL was concerned about my pouting and did something about it.

[Cobra_X30]

Haha, I wish that was the worst of it. One time I asked my BIL to watch soem rice I was cooking while I went to the store, when I came back it was burnt and I asked him if he was watching it and he said and I said, didn't you notice there was no more water, he said - haha - I did not know you cooked rice with water. Another time he making something he was waiting to the oil to heat up and asked me how long it would take before it would boil, haha. Okay I did the same thing too, when I was 15.

 

I love to crackers, cheese and fruit for dinner. Mmmmm, very easy to make. Although I do enjoy cooking, I like to add different things each time to my meals. You never know what you will get and I never measure.

 

Yes it does suck he did not step up to the plate. At least my BIL was concerned about my pouting and did something about it.

 

LOL... Thats such a good idea I'm doing the cheese crackers and wine for dinner tonight!

 

Oh, I once ruined a pot and the coil on a stove boiling water once! I didnt pay attention and the water boiled away... then burnt the pot to the stove! I have a maid come in twice a week... she still makes fun of me... says I'm the only person she knows who can burn water.

 

I need to find a girl who likes to cook! It would be a perfect match cause I dont mind doing dishes and the cleanup!!

 

Did you read the post by Smartgirl about forcing the issue? I think it's very true that you may have to create a "nuclear explosion" to get your H to stop fixating on himself. I'd bet your BIL would hightail it out if he felt like his presence is ruining his brothers marriage.

 

Dont wait until your so beat up that your numb! You read the posts by all those old ladies who are so tired and bitter they cant move past it to actually love thier husbands. Don't let yourself get that far! Push for what you want... You will never get it if you dont ask!

[redfathom]

Haha, awesome! I would have tomake fun of you for that as well, it takes some one very special to do that.

 

I thought I did that when I moved out....hmmm...does he really need something more drastic then that. I mean I sat down with them both and told them I felt like they expected too much and I had to much pressure on me to take care of them and the home. I guess they just need a reminder.

 

Yeah, I don't want to be bitter, I would love to talk to my H about it but as you can see he does what he wants. Sometimes I break through and for a short time he goes with the flow. I just hate that I always have to make a big stink, it's exhausting.

 

Plus sometimes he purposfully will not do something to, as he say's it, "prove a point" which is I am assuming is that he is in control of the relationship.

 

But if people grow then so do relationships and with all things that grow, they have their aches and pains.

[Cobra_X30]

Well your not a bitter old biddy yet!

 

Remember when he convinced you to move back in? That was him thinking he won!

 

It may take you saying I moved back with the condition that you would be a better husband. You still are underperforming, so you lied and broke my trust. You have 6 months to fix this or I start the divorce process!

 

Boy that sounds harsh... I dunno, maybe it doesnt have to go down like that. It would just be a shame to lose something so special when it can be fixed now.

 

Oh, I'm not sure if you've run into this one before... but after college I got a dishwasher for the first time and I kept putting regular dishsoap in it... and it would flood the apartment. I did it twice before I bothered to read the instructions! Doh!

[redfathom]

Wow... you do need a women, hey when you dumped that one girl for not putting her dishes in the dishwasher did she at least know what kind of soap to use? HAHA.

 

Men are hopeless sometimes!! But I have to tell you when I was 11 my brother and I spent the summer at my grandmas and she decided that was the best time to show me all of the things a women needs to know around the house. So I got the joy of ironing, vacuuming, sewing, doing laundry, ect for two and a half months. And you know what it was one of the best summers I ever had. All of those things are invaluable.

 

I think I figured out some of the issues with my H, it's our schedule. He is not a morning person and the most time I get to spend with him is when he wakes up. I have noticed he is a lot more cheery and cuddly in the morning, when he has been awak for a few hours. I get home from work at 530pm and he wakes up at 5pm. He is also not in "the mood" when he wakes up and takes him some time to get there.

 

So I should be patient with him.

[Cobra_X30]

Hmmm.... I dont think I ever let her put soap in the dishwasher? Thats a very special level of trust!!! I wouldnt let just anybody do that.

 

Any chance your grandma is free for a month or two?

 

It took me almost a year to learn how to live alone. I was really good at the financial stuff... I just wasnt domesticated. I got a maid a year ago... mostly to handle my laundry... LOL. If you can get one its MORE than worth it! It's only like $600 a month!

 

Your better than most guys deserve! If you stick together and both of you work on it... you will have the best marriage ever! Believe it!

[redfathom]

Believe it! - Strange Question - Is that from the show Naruto? If it is, then you're awesome because I (embarressed) love that show.

 

Hmm, my grandma is available, she is kind of grumpy in her old age though.

 

I would love a maid, once a week...to clean the bathroom's and deep clean the kitchen every other week. I need to look into that.

 

I think I am good enough for three guys, wonder where I can find two more, haha....

[Cobra_X30]

Believe it! - Strange Question - Is that from the show Naruto? If it is, then you're awesome because I (embarressed) love that show.

 

Hmm, my grandma is available, she is kind of grumpy in her old age though.

 

I would love a maid, once a week...to clean the bathroom's and deep clean the kitchen every other week. I need to look into that.

 

I think I am good enough for three guys, wonder where I can find two more, haha....

 

LOL... Yeah it is! My little cousin loves that show! I just bought him season 1 for his birthday! I had to go over and watch him on Sunday 3 weeks ago, so we went through the whole thing! Ive been using the phrase "trust me" allot, so I figured I would switch it up a little. 3 weeks and your the only one to notice! I thought I was safe... but I better find something else. Last thing I need is to look like a geekbomb in front of clients!

 

3 guys huh? Thats called polyandry, and in most societies which practice that... you would have to choose 3 brothers! So maybe your not joking as much as you may like think!

 

I would suggest you shoot for quality over quantity!

[redfathom]

YES!!! They had a marathon here where they showed 100 episodes one weekend and we Tivoed and watched them all. I am SO in to it. And last night we watched the movie, Land of Snow, it was awesome. Oh, and my H just bought the video game so I am going to start playing it tonight. I also, go up to my H and go: "Mulitple Kisses Jutsu" and kiss my him a bunch. HAHA, I am a dork and I love it. You know geeks are the best kind of men out there. I love anime and comics, which is where my LS name is from, but most people would not guess that.

 

Bummer that I ruined your secrect but it's nice to meet a Naruto fan.

 

Okay, that is weird since my H two brothers at the house all the time and sometimes they ALL treat me like there maid, errr, I mean wife.

[Cobra_X30]

That is so cool! If you have any clones I've got about 10 friends that are looking for a girl just like you!

 

I've seen season 1 and thats it. I'm going to have to go out and buy the rest now. Oh, and I think Naruto needs to go after that girl with the short dark hair and cool looking eyes. Sakura... or whatever her name is... is pretty much a waste! LOL.

 

I tend to get obsessive/compulsive about stuff like that, so I try to stay away. I once got into this sci-fi show called Farscape back in 02'... wow... it killed my friday night social life for months!

 

Its good you pointed that out. Like I said, I assume lots of my clients have kids... so that may be a recognizable turn of phrase! I need to sound professional 100%!!!

 

Here is a link my little cousin sent me a week ago! You might like it!

 

http://www.naruto-kun.com/character+test.html

[redfathom]

Agree, Sakura is a waste and she never really get's any better. It pisses me off that she is one of the only female characters and they made her weak. On the Japanese version, they are way farther into the series (of course) and I heard they are all adults as of current. I can't wait!

 

Yeah my Friday night is devoted to laundry and TV, very lame I know. My BIL's are always inviting me out to the bars but I figure skate on Sat. and Sun. and I don't want to go feeling like *****, it's very dangerous.

 

Thanks for the site, I have been to it before. I draw and I started doing a Naruto pic and needed reference. I did not check it out to much, just the galleries. I will have to see what cool stuff they have on there.

[Cobra_X30]

You like strong female characters? My cousin owns a whole series called Slayers which he says is super funny. He's 10 so who knows. But anyway the main character is supposedly a girl. I might have him over for a movie night.

 

Yeah, so The last 2 years I got into sailing, so over the summer and fall I race Sat and Sun. Doesnt stop me from drinking Friday and Saturday.... LOL. Of course its nothing as dangerous as skating.

[redfathom]

Hey I did get a black eye skating, once, I fell and hit my head, they thought I had a concusion and I had to go to the ER. I was out of skating for three months with a bad hip from it, it still hurts. I am a weak drinker and I REALLY love sleep. Sailing sounds fun and pretty dangerous, personally I am not a boat fan (I am afraid of sharks) and I live 20 min from the beach, in SO CAL.

 

I have seen Slayers, not a whole bunch, but some. I like Miyazaki films. I also like Vampire Hunter D, 1 and 2. I tried to get my neice into Anime but she won't have it. It's nice that you hang out with your cousin.

[Cobra_X30]

Well I dont have much for family... so I make do with cousins and stuff!

 

I tend to fly through girlfriends so its a nice stabilizing influence! Plus, I really like kids.

 

I've had a couple of friends into figure skating! Its very demanding physically, I respect that lots! Mostly cause I usually end up on my rear... LOL. Last time I went I got cocky and tried some jumps... 6 tries.... 80 bruises minimum! I'm sorry to hear you got hurt like that! Shows good things that you got back on the horse though!

 

Sailing is my current thing. Knocked myself overboard with the boom once. Accidentally jibbed while running downwind... LOL. I was sailing alone... so I had to swim after the boat for 30 minutes before a powerboat picked me up! Thats up there in embarrasing moments! Sharks usually leave you alone unless you look like a seal.... So I shave and try not to get fat!

[redfathom]

That is nice of you, I have tons of family, and sometimes I have to avoid them, loads of drama.

 

It is rough, luckily have not fallen in a few months, which probrably means I am not pushing myself.

 

Ewwww, I think I would have died of fright. I have not been to the beach in three years, and work (seriously) 300 feet from it. When I was little would even avoid parts of the pool that had shadows because I thought I would get attacked by a shark. Pretty sad!

 

That's cool that you get out there though, I always say I want to try things at least once, so eventually I will knock sailing off my list. I do love whale watching and will make an exception once a year to go out for that.

[Cobra_X30]

I always wanted a big family! I suppose people always want what they dont have.

 

My friend broke his nose trying to do some kind of jump once... He looked so funny with two racoon black eyes and a bandage over his nose! Ouch! But yeah, if you wanna get good sometimes you have to crash!

 

Hmm.. I rotate sports through. Once I slow down with sailing I'm going to jump into rock climbing! I've done it a little and it is very challenging!

 

LOL... best way to kill fear is to tackle it head on! Umm... unless your scared of spiders. In that case I recommend moving rapidly in an opposite direction while shrieking loudly! Works for me every time!

 

Whale watching is awesome! Sometimes they come right up to your sailboat because there isnt a motor going to scare them. Also the dolphins will play with you too... its really cool.

 

San Diego is like the sailing capitol of the U.S.! Just take a class with your husband! You will both have fun!

[redfathom]

It has it's moments, I always have someone I can count on.

 

Ouch, mine was not that bad...just one black eye. And all the falls I have taken could never stop me from ice skating, well, not for very long. I just LOVE it.

 

Rock climbing is pretty intense. I have never done it, but I would try it. My H used to teach repelling.

 

Seeing the dolphins and whales would make whatever I was afraid of worth facing. I was thinking my H and I could rent Kayakes and take them around the bay. There is supposed to me a Tiger Shark matting area near some of the cove's and well, that is one way to get over my fear. My H and I are taking a cruise to Mexico soon and we will try snorkling, should be fun. I really should not have watched Jaws when I was seven, when I was little I loved those movied, still do.

 

Besides everything happens for a reason, if get eaten by a shark well, it was just meant to be.