BIL, living with us six years now, time for him to move out!!!

[MrsHellnoFire]

Red,

 

Your H is using your BIL as emotional support. Sounds kinda crazy but he feels better about himself and his situation because his brother is such a loser! It also may allow him to ignore some of the problem situations in his own life.

 

BIL needs to move out! He needs to move out fast. If you think that allowing him to stay is a good thing for him.... your wrong. Its killing his independance! Sounds like a nice guy with no ambition, which will lead to unhappiness in his future.

 

I recently had a relative move in for a month, so I'm actually very familiar with this situation. The difference is that I demanded an action plan to get her back out on her own before she even moved in. In fact I assisted in several stages of her moving out!

 

I wish I could tell you that your plan is sound and will work... but I'm afraid your H is the one who needs to get the ball rolling, and he is just going to see your "strike" as childish and immature. He see's himself as the logical one because he is looking at each incident individually and completely missing the big picture.

 

Your H needs to start doing what is best for his family... he needs to get the BIL out on his own, so he can become independant and grow as a person. He needs to get some focus and actually start working on his marriage! Honest... H sounds like a nice guy... but he's bieng dense as rocks!

 

GEEZ. How can you write someone off as a loser so quickly when only hearing one side of the story and knowing practically nothing about them? He is only 21-22 years old and graduated college, lost his mother at a young age etc. Doesn't sound like a loser to me, but the AVERAGE young adult.

[MrsHellnoFire]

So your BIL has NO lucid family members left BUT your husband? I pity his situation and am saddened he has such a spoiled and unforgiving unsympathetic SIL. Lets let go the whining and complaining and try to help him get his life together so he CAN venture off on his own sometime soon. It doesn't surprise me that he is latched onto your BIL.. he apparently did so soonafter his mother died and now has practically nobody else left for support.

[redfathom]

So your BIL has NO lucid family members left BUT your husband? I pity his situation and am saddened he has such a spoiled and unforgiving unsympathetic SIL. Lets let go the whining and complaining and try to help him get his life together so he CAN venture off on his own sometime soon. It doesn't surprise me that he is latched onto your BIL.. he apparently did so soonafter his mother died and now has practically nobody else left for support.

 

Actually he is one of six and the youngest and everyone is the family is successful and pitches in when needed. And the whole point of this thread is my frustration with my H for sheltering him so that he will have a hard time when he does finally venture out on his own. Look, me being spolied has nothing to do with the fact that he should be pitching in around the house and cleaning up after himself. I am sorry if I don't see myself as his maid when he is 22 years old.

 

I would not call a 25 year year old who took in her BIL at 19 spoiled or unsympathetic. His mother dated my dad for severn years (part of that while I was living at home), so it was a loss to both sides of the family. We happen to be very good friends, he is one of my bestes friends. I have not only his best interest in mind but I also would like to have some time with my H, just us. Honestly at 19 would you take in a 16 year old, support him and help him through college if you were a newly wed.

 

If he was being raised by someone like you he would turn out to be a loser. There is nothing wrong with expecting a 22 year old to be responsible. Just because his mother died does not mean his life ended as well. Should I have let him wollow is self pity, sink into depression or should I motivate him to do something with his life and experience life on his own as most 22 years old.

 

Selfish and unsympathetic my a$$. His other brother took him in for two months all of the money he was getting had to go to him and he slept on the floor, the other option was for him to move three hours away to live with his other brother. Now that would have been a selfish decision on my part to let him move away from all his friends after his mother died and there reasoning, because my H and I were newly married and they did not want us to be stressed out.

 

So maybe you should not base your opions on the assumptions you made on my moral character and home life, maybe you should acutally ready what I wrote and my intentions with this post.

 

I read your post about considering becoming a lesbo because there are no good men our there, well if you think he is average no wonder why you can't find a good man. Because let me tell you there are good men out there and I am trying to help my BIL become one. '

 

I wish these boards wen't monitored so I could really tell you what I think of you, MrsHighNMighty.

[redfathom]

So your BIL has NO lucid family members left BUT your husband? I pity his situation and am saddened he has such a spoiled and unforgiving unsympathetic SIL. Lets let go the whining and complaining and try to help him get his life together so he CAN venture off on his own sometime soon. It doesn't surprise me that he is latched onto your BIL.. he apparently did so soonafter his mother died and now has practically nobody else left for support.

 

Actually he is one of six and the youngest and everyone is the family is successful and pitches in when needed. And the whole point of this thread is my frustration with my H for sheltering him so that he will have a hard time when he does finally venture out on his own. Look, me being spolied has nothing to do with the fact that he should be pitching in around the house and cleaning up after himself. I am sorry if I don't see myself as his maid when he is 22 years old.

 

I would not call a 25 year year old who took in her BIL at 19 spoiled or unsympathetic. His mother dated my dad for severn years (part of that while I was living at home), so it was a loss to both sides of the family. We happen to be very good friends, he is one of my bestes friends. I have not only his best interest in mind but I also would like to have some time with my H, just us. Honestly at 19 would you take in a 16 year old, support him and help him through college if you were a newly wed.

 

If he was being raised by someone like you he would turn out to be a loser. There is nothing wrong with expecting a 22 year old to be responsible. Just because his mother died does not mean his life ended as well. Should I have let him wollow is self pity, sink into depression or should I motivate him to do something with his life and experience life on his own as most 22 years old.

 

Selfish and unsympathetic my a$$. His other brother took him in for two months all of the money he was getting had to go to him and he slept on the floor, the other option was for him to move three hours away to live with his other brother. Now that would have been a selfish decision on my part to let him move away from all his friends after his mother died and there reasoning, because my H and I were newly married and they did not want us to be stressed out.

 

So maybe you should not base your opions on the assumptions you made on my moral character and home life, maybe you should acutally ready what I wrote and my intentions with this post.

 

I read your post about considering becoming a lesbo because there are no good men our there, well if you think he is average no wonder why you can't find a good man. Because let me tell you there are good men out there and I am trying to help my BIL become one. '

 

I wish these boards wen't monitored so I could really tell you what I think of you, MrsHighNMighty.

[Cobra_X30]

^^^^

 

Some statements are so true they need to be read twice!

[Cobra_X30]

GEEZ. How can you write someone off as a loser so quickly when only hearing one side of the story and knowing practically nothing about them? He is only 21-22 years old and graduated college, lost his mother at a young age etc. Doesn't sound like a loser to me, but the AVERAGE young adult.

 

Hey Lady, I didnt call him a loser! I said he has put himself in a situation where his personal growth has stopped!

 

For all intents and purposes I havent had a mom since I was 16! I was practically raised by wolves! Trust me... I get it! More than most.

 

People often gravitate towards the easy route in life which prevents them from growing as a person. You cant build the muscle if you dont lift the weight!

 

There is a difference between providing some needed assistance when a bad situation occurs, and enabling a lack of personal growth!

[redfathom]

Sheesshhh, what a killjoy that was! HAHA.

[Cobra_X30]

An absolute Daisey Downer!

 

Hope your weekend went well! And you two should go Kayaking together!!!

[redfathom]

Thanks, it did. I will let you know if we ever try. I hope you had a great weekend.