I know my story is no different than most, but...

[Meaplus3]

You're right, I realize it is really all about me. You're probably right about my wife and counselling. It would be great if my wife was more like the woman at work, but if I was married to the woman at work, I'm quite confident that I would think it would be great if she would be more like my wife.

 

Ultimately though, the only real thing to know here is that as long as I am married to my wife, there is absolutely no justification for cheating. I realize that and it won't happen again regardless of the temptation.

 

Ultimately though, the only real thing to know here is that as long as I am married to my wife, there is absolutely no justification for cheating. I realize that and it won't happen again regardless of the temptation.

 

For your sake I just don't buy that! YOU need to figure out what lead you to this temptation period! If it takes a talk with your W, a therapist YOU need to figure it out or else IMO you will be tempted again! Best!

 

AP:)

[IamASelfishSOB]

Ultimately though, the only real thing to know here is that as long as I am married to my wife, there is absolutely no justification for cheating. I realize that and it won't happen again regardless of the temptation.

 

For your sake I just don't buy that! YOU need to figure out what lead you to this temptation period! If it takes a talk with your W, a therapist YOU need to figure it out or else IMO you will be tempted again! Best!

 

AP:)

 

Buy it or not. It won't happen. It won't happen because because my wife and family need me. It was a massive mistake on my part. If I'm lucky, my marriage will survive it. Yes, I probably will be tempted again. It won't matter. I have a loving wife that I obviously don't deserve right now. I'm going to make sure I do.

[IamASelfishSOB]

Just look at what's going on in Matty's life. SOB, do you want that crazy high drama crap in your life???? Reading all that Matt's going through should be enough to STOP you in your tracks...Scary stuff!

 

Seriously, that's enough to make you never want to look at another woman. I'm good. Thanks for all your help. I'll be back with a success story. I promise.

[Meaplus3]

Buy it or not. It won't happen. It won't happen because because my wife and family need me. It was a massive mistake on my part. If I'm lucky, my marriage will survive it. Yes, I probably will be tempted again. It won't matter. I have a loving wife that I obviously don't deserve right now. I'm going to make sure I do.

 

My only question for you is this? Do you plan to flirt more with Other woman? Because if that is the case than you need to look at why that is? A man that is "Happy in his marriage". IMO do not "look at other woman with the desire to cheat"!!Do You agree?

 

AP:)

[IamASelfishSOB]

My only question for you is this? Do you plan to flirt more with Other woman? Because if that is the case than you need to look at why that is? A man that is "Happy in his marriage". IMO do not "look at other woman with the desire to cheat"!!Do You agree?

 

AP:)

 

I have no desire to cheat. I have a desire to be happy in my marriage. My wife will be getting all of my attention.

[whichwayisup]

Seriously, that's enough to make you never want to look at another woman. I'm good. Thanks for all your help. I'll be back with a success story. I promise.

 

Gonna hold you to that one, buddy!

[JamesM]

My only question for you is this? Do you plan to flirt more with Other woman? Because if that is the case than you need to look at why that is? A man that is "Happy in his marriage". IMO do not "look at other woman with the desire to cheat"!!Do You agree?

 

AP:)

 

I agree. There is an underlying reason as to why you had the desire to flirt. And as we guys do know, when we flirt, we kinda hope that maybe our flirting will lead to something more. We would never admit it, but we would feel "honored" if the woman wanted more.

 

I have no desire to cheat. I have a desire to be happy in my marriage. My wife will be getting all of my attention.

 

Remember these words when you feel that flirting coming on. The funny thing is about guys is that they do not always remember the pain of the past when the "wrong head" takes over our thinking process.

[Ladyjane14]

The funny thing is about guys is that they do not always remember the pain of the past when the "wrong head" takes over our thinking process.

 

That sounds like women and childbirth. Lord knows, if we actually remembered EVERY MOMENT of it... we'd never let our husbands near us again. :laugh:

[Treatment]

If I'm lucky, my marriage will survive it. Yes, I probably will be tempted again. It won't matter. I have a loving wife that I obviously don't deserve right now. I'm going to make sure I do.

 

I hear you. Except I don't believe I will EVER be tempted again. I've learned too much about both myself and women. I will never never never make this mistake again.

[lostboy60645]

It scares me to hear someone sound so much like me when I was at my sickest.

 

Let alone all of the times I J*cked off to porn when my wife called me to be with her in bed. That, unfortuanately, became the least of my problems.

 

Crossing that boundary of infidelity is easy to do. You feel like such sh*t on one hand, but, like you said, it's heroin to you on the other.

 

In fact, if you read about sex addiction, which I'd advise you to do, you'll learn the the neurophysiology of 'sex addiction' (a poor and oft misunderstood term) lights up the same parts of the brain on a PET scanner as crack cocaine, if my addled memory serves.

 

What's my point?

 

I fooled myself thinking that if I repeated over and over again to myself that I won't cross the boundary or go further again (my problem was with prostitutes), then I'll never do it again.

 

But if you're a typical human being, with all of the self-deception that we use to help us through stuff like this, then there's a good chance your brain will get knocked back 'into cycle' some time down the line. Particularly as a healthy goodlooking, obviously charming professional, you're bait for another person to give it a go to land you in their clutches.

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, you, like me, act like the 'minister of information', and almost in a martyr like fashion, feel that "I can never tell her" and you, the self-proclaimed SOB, will live with the burden of knowing your sh*t.

 

Well, my friend, I'm also a smart, charming, goodlooking young man who 'had it all'.

 

But I found out that the price you pay for harboring these dirtly little secrets will poison your system from true happiness and freedom for as long as it's there.

 

You can read my story on my blog, listed in profile, or you can IM me for a link.

 

Suggested readings: Out of the Shadows and Don't Call it Love, both by Patrick Carnes PhD. He's not only a leading edge researcher and author, he's a recovering sex addict himself.

 

Give yourself and your family the biggest gift that can come of this. Find out what truly drives your energy in this. And find out a way to live The Four Agreements, a book by a guy named Miguel Ruiz.

 

Good luck. I know you feel like being here may be enough and that you're smarter than 'those people who do things like this', but chances are that you're much more like us than you think. What's worse, is that as 'minister of information', there's an inherent "I can do anything all by myself" that rings true with the most tragic cases of any addict I've run across--and I'm talking about alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, sex addicts etc. I've known many in my life and career.

 

The ones who do the worst, sadly, are often the ones who are the most intelligent.

 

Humble yourself. Do something different and unexpected. Educate yourself in this behavior as if your life depended on it.

 

It just might.

[Meaplus3]

Buy it or not. It won't happen. It won't happen because because my wife and family need me. It was a massive mistake on my part. If I'm lucky, my marriage will survive it. Yes, I probably will be tempted again. It won't matter. I have a loving wife that I obviously don't deserve right now. I'm going to make sure I do.

 

I just want you to know that I have alot of respect for you that you are willing to admit to having issues that lead you to be tempted, that's the first step to fix your problem's in the M. Makes sure you get to the root of what casued that temptation so you do not find yourself so close to an "Affair" again. Best of luck to you!

 

AP:)

[jj2007]

 

AP:)

 

T/J

AP did you ever tell your MM's W? How did it go?

[Meaplus3]

T/J

AP did you ever tell your MM's W? How did it go?

 

Why do you ask?

 

AP:)

[smartgirl]

SOB - consider carefully what you do from here, because there is no going back. Even if your wife never finds out, you will be changed forever and not for the good.

 

I know it makes you feel alive. You think,do I really want my life to be all about self-denial. I work hard. I don't want to die without having some of these exciting experiences with another woman. It will feel great while you are doing it. Then it starts to get messy.

 

The break up of an affair is almost never a high minded parting of two people who acknowledge they must stay with their spouses, but will always cherish their time together. Oh no. It is usually ugly. One person wants out before the other or there is pressure from one for the other to leave their spouse or one of the spouses finds out or someone at work notices ( and they ALWAYS notice whether you realize it or not) and rats you out. People are hurt, sometimes careers are ruined, marriages dissoved, children hurt. Ugly.

 

But what many don't talk about is how you will feel about yourself regardless of whether any of the things above happen. You will always feel stained. When you watch a TV show and see a scumy cheater you will say, that is me now. That's who I am - a married guy who cheats. Big cliche.

 

1-1/2 years post d-day, that is where my H is now. He feels sick thinking about it and says he isn't sure he will ever feel clean or really good about himself again. He says he thought he was really happy during the A. A real stud, powerful, desirable, confident - a man who would be envied by others for having the love of such a sexy woman. A short time ago he said "I had it all, and I pissed it all away." Now he feels foolish. Later on, the price just doesn't seem worth it.

[IamASelfishSOB]

But what many don't talk about is how you will feel about yourself regardless of whether any of the things above happen. You will always feel stained. When you watch a TV show and see a scumy cheater you will say, that is me now. That's who I am - a married guy who cheats. Big cliche.

 

1-1/2 years post d-day, that is where my H is now. He feels sick thinking about it and says he isn't sure he will ever feel clean or really good about himself again. He says he thought he was really happy during the A. A real stud, powerful, desirable, confident - a man who would be envied by others for having the love of such a sexy woman. A short time ago he said "I had it all, and I pissed it all away." Now he feels foolish. Later on, the price just doesn't seem worth it.

 

I'm already there. I have always viewed cheaters as one of the lowest life forms. The human mind is truly an amazing thing. The ability to rationalize is absolutely terrifying. However the ability to rationalize can also be my saving grace.

 

On the plus side, I am beginning to appreciate all of the things that my wife is. Also, she has noted my uneasiness and we have communicated more about our marriage and it's deficiencies recently and we are both working on some of our issues.

 

I am lucky that there has not been time to be emotionally involved with this woman. I am lucky that we haven't continued to make this more of a disaster than it can already become. I also feel lucky that the person that I became involved with is very much in my same situation. She is not married to a horrible man and is not in a horrible marriage and I don't think either of us want to be horrible people. I did betray my spouse and family, but with some thought and the help of some of you on this forum I feel like I still have a chance to redeem myself. I am going to be faced with temptations and decisions to make in the future. I am going to choose to judge myself based on how I handle myself in the future and how strong my marriage becomes. I am going to try to let the past be the past.

 

I feel like the guilt that I have can manifest itself in many different ways. The worst of which is to allow me to accept the fact that I must just be a immoral adulterer and just go with it. Before I came on this forum, I was headed there. I don't want to be that person. I want to be a person who learns from his mistakes not one who is destined to repeat them. No matter how horrible my actions were, I am determined to create a positive outcome from all of this.

[smartgirl]

SSOB, You sound like you are moving away from the edge of the abiss and I sincerely hope you are. I know my husband wishes everyday that he had done so.

 

He did try, but he was too weak. The woman was persistent. Knowing that a happily married man was hot for her was like a drug. She had to have it. My H was feeling the fears associated with a looming significant birthday and figured this was his last chance to be wanted and desired by another woman. They both had a strong need to feel desirable and were able to rationalize the actions and the risks they took.

 

My H told her once that he felt like they had jumped off a cliff, unable to go back to the top and bound to splatter at the bottom, hurting themselves and everyone they loved. His metaphor turned out to be more than correct.

 

I know you feel like you want this and I know how good the flirtation feels. You are human and those feelings alone don't make you a cheater. If my H had turned back from the place you are now, I would have been grateful. The only good thing I can say about it is that it made us both realize how much we really love each other, how far we are willing to go to keep that and got us talking about how to refresh our 30 year relationship. If we had stopped where you have now and done this work on our relationship, we would be blissfully happy. But alas, we are burdened by the residue pain of dealing with the A and the torment that he still has to work with the OW.

 

BTW, she is married too and claimed she didn't want to leave her husband because he treated her like gold. Didn't stop her from ultimately demanding to be my H's first priority and then making his life miserable for nearly a year after he broke it off. So don't make the mistake my H did when he believed she had as much to lose as he did and they were coming from the same place. You really don't know what is going on in her mind or her marriage.

 

I wish you luck. Enjoy the good things you have and don't go chasing what is surely a mirage.

[JamesM]

SOB - consider carefully what you do from here, because there is no going back. Even if your wife never finds out, you will be changed forever and not for the good.

 

 

 

The break up of an affair is almost never a high minded parting of two people who acknowledge they must stay with their spouses, but will always cherish their time together.

 

 

But what many don't talk about is how you will feel about yourself regardless of whether any of the things above happen. You will always feel stained. When you watch a TV show and see a scumy cheater you will say, that is me now. That's who I am - a married guy who cheats. Big cliche.

 

 

I disagree with this statement.

 

First, IF he cheats in the future, then maybe this will apply. But he does not always have to feel stained as it sits now.And that is what forgiveness if all about. He will say that he cheated, but this does not mean he WILL cheat. Men who have turned back to their marriage and rebuilt it after an affair do not need to always say that "I am a cheater." They will say that "I have cheated and hurt my wife deeply," but by repeating that "I am scummy and a cheater," they actually reinforce in their mind that they are doomed to repeat their cheating ways. By instead focusing on the strength that they have now changed, they can rebuild their marriage and know that they were weak and are capable of doing it again. But they also know that they must prevent it. Saying "I am a cheater" makes it sound like they have no control. Cheating is not an illness, it is a fault and a poor choice. It does not have to be repeated.

 

Second, if I read right, IAASSOB has NOT cheated. In fact, he felt that this relationship had gone too far, and in his own mind he wanted an affair. BUT he did not cheat. He had strength and stopped the relationship. So, unless if he has not told us everything, he can actually feel good about himself and say that "I know that I have the strength inside of me to prevent cheating...even though I know that I am very capable of doing it. My experience has shown me that I can stop myself, and therefore, I am stronger because of this near affair."

 

 

When I read that the OP is putting himself down and considers himself as scummy as a cheater, I cringe. First, as I said, he has NOT cheated. Second, this kind of self flogging could lead to the thought process that..."Since I cheated once, I cannot stop myself. Since it is inevitable, then why try to stop myself? Since I am now a cheater, why don't I seek out an affair?" Wrong, OP, you have NOT cheated, and you have done what many men have not had the strength to do...you have stopped your relationship before it became an affair. You have realized that you are weak and can "fall into" an affair, but you also know that you now can prevent such an affair from happening because you recognize the steps that lead to an affair.

 

You do not need to feel stained and down about yourself. You should feel relieved and good. You have prevented an affair. You have an opportunity to rebuild what is missing in your marriage. I know that the woman whom I email regarding her husband's affair would be tickled pink if her husband had done what you did and then come to her with his feelings BEFORE he moved into an affair.

 

Feel good, get MC, and date your wife. You had a near miss, but you were strong. And the fact that you came here seeking help shows that you intend to recommit to your wife.

[IamASelfishSOB]

No James, I cheated. Was it a 4 year affair compounded with 1000's of lies and deceit? No, it was one night of making out, but I cheated none the less. However, I agree I'm not going to let this ruin me. Yes, I will always remember that I made that mistake, but I intend to be proud of the fact that it does not happen again. I already have begun to look inside of myself to discover the cause of my indiscretion. It also helps to read the accounts of others that have made the same mistake. I have always considered myself a strong-willed individual that has control over my own situation. I am humbled, but not broken. My wife and family will be the benefactor of my humility.

[EmotionallyYours]

I want to be a person who learns from his mistakes not one who is destined to repeat them. No matter how horrible my actions were, I am determined to create a positive outcome from all of this.

 

Hi Selfish. The OW did NOT come back yet? Is this correct? If not, you really need to brace yourself. It is amazing how all the progress you've made on this forum will just be flushed down the toilet when you see her on a more regular basis again at work.

 

I go through cycles and I bet you will too. It does not take one iteration of this to get it out of your system. It really is an addiction. It is hard reading your posts, because you sound just like the voices in my head. I am disgusted, yet I understand how you feel completely.

 

I haven't given in to the physical aspect yet (still an EA), but I have been so close and still want to give in every day. I am emotionless about my husband one day, the next he is horrible and deserves me to cheat on him, and the next all I can think about is what great husband he is and how I must not betray him and my family. I will have so much resolve and then it all melts away when I see my EA man again.

 

The point is that the problem is me. My husband doesn't change that drastically every day. I just focus on his good or bad points in proportion to how bad the temptation is with my EA. I know I do it and some days I just don't care and I am the Selfish Bitch. Other days I do care and beat myself up and vow to do what I know is right.

 

I see that JamesM has just posted and said that "you had a near miss, but you were strong", but I have a hard time believing that it is over that easily. I hope it can for you and your family's sake, but it doesn't work like that. This is my second time around in this situation. I did overcome it the first time, but I had "thought" it was over probably a dozen times before it "truly" was over. In fact, I'm in shock that I let it happen again.

 

I also see that you have posted too. Again, be careful in the immediate future. You are not out of dangerous waters yet. You are not, however, alone. This forum has been my life line lately so that I don't go over the edge. Since you sound so much like me, I think it will be for you too.

[IamASelfishSOB]

SSOB, You sound like you are moving away from the edge of the abiss and I sincerely hope you are. I know my husband wishes everyday that he had done so.

 

He did try, but he was too weak. The woman was persistent. Knowing that a happily married man was hot for her was like a drug. She had to have it. My H was feeling the fears associated with a looming significant birthday and figured this was his last chance to be wanted and desired by another woman. They both had a strong need to feel desirable and were able to rationalize the actions and the risks they took.

 

My H told her once that he felt like they had jumped off a cliff, unable to go back to the top and bound to splatter at the bottom, hurting themselves and everyone they loved. His metaphor turned out to be more than correct.

 

I know you feel like you want this and I know how good the flirtation feels. You are human and those feelings alone don't make you a cheater. If my H had turned back from the place you are now, I would have been grateful. The only good thing I can say about it is that it made us both realize how much we really love each other, how far we are willing to go to keep that and got us talking about how to refresh our 30 year relationship. If we had stopped where you have now and done this work on our relationship, we would be blissfully happy. But alas, we are burdened by the residue pain of dealing with the A and the torment that he still has to work with the OW.

 

BTW, she is married too and claimed she didn't want to leave her husband because he treated her like gold. Didn't stop her from ultimately demanding to be my H's first priority and then making his life miserable for nearly a year after he broke it off. So don't make the mistake my H did when he believed she had as much to lose as he did and they were coming from the same place. You really don't know what is going on in her mind or her marriage.

 

I wish you luck. Enjoy the good things you have and don't go chasing what is surely a mirage.

 

It seems your husband and I are/were in very similar situations. Almost scary, really. No doubt, though, that it has happenned countless times to others.

 

You are aware that my wife is does not know what I did, aren't you? I know this may be difficult for you to do, but is there any way that you can see the benefit to me remaining silent about what I did? You have to give me the benefit of the doubt that I remain faithful to my marriage and put my total faith and energy into improving my marriage. I am envisioning the scenario where I am totally honest with my wife and living with that barrier between us that it can create or she never forgives me. I know that I have to live with that knowledge, but I truly feel that to her ignorance may be bliss.

 

I am 100% certain that no one else knows about this. No one is looking at my wife with pity or feeling that she is foolish because her husband is screwing around behind her back. Yes, I am/was flirtatious, but seriously I am not "out there" sexually... only complimentary and friendly.

 

I have told my wife that I have thought about other women. I have told her about my unhappiness. In the last week we have discussed our issues at length. I feel really good about that even though I have kept this relationship from her. She has not asked me if I have been unfaithful, even though she is aware that it is possible.

 

If your husband were in my shoes and does what I say I intend to do, is there any part of you that wishes you didn't know? I struggle with the fact that if I tell come completely clean, that will be the end of my marriage regardless of my actions.

[IamASelfishSOB]

Hi Selfish. The OW did NOT come back yet? Is this correct? If not, you really need to brace yourself. It is amazing how all the progress you've made on this forum will just be flushed down the toilet when you see her on a more regular basis again at work.

 

I go through cycles and I bet you will too. It does not take one iteration of this to get it out of your system. It really is an addiction. It is hard reading your posts, because you sound just like the voices in my head. I am disgusted, yet I understand how you feel completely.

 

I haven't given in to the physical aspect yet (still an EA), but I have been so close and still want to give in every day. I am emotionless about my husband one day, the next he is horrible and deserves me to cheat on him, and the next all I can think about is what great husband he is and how I must not betray him and my family. I will have so much resolve and then it all melts away when I see my EA man again.

 

The point is that the problem is me. My husband doesn't change that drastically every day. I just focus on his good or bad points in proportion to how bad the temptation is with my EA. I know I do it and some days I just don't care and I am the Selfish Bitch. Other days I do care and beat myself up and vow to do what I know is right.

 

I see that JamesM has just posted and said that "you had a near miss, but you were strong", but I have a hard time believing that it is over that easily. I hope it can for you and your family's sake, but it doesn't work like that. This is my second time around in this situation. I did overcome it the first time, but I had "thought" it was over probably a dozen times before it "truly" was over. In fact, I'm in shock that I let it happen again.

 

I also see that you have posted too. Again, be careful in the immediate future. You are not out of dangerous waters yet. You are not, however, alone. This forum has been my life line lately so that I don't go over the edge. Since you sound so much like me, I think it will be for you too.

 

No, she's not back. You're right. I'm playing through the scenarios in my head and how I'm going to handle every situation. I intend to act professionally. I couple of weeks ago I discussed with her my intentions, and she agreed, even though I may not have entirely meant them at the time. I understand what you are saying though, even in the last week, I have cycled like you mention and at the present time we don't even have phone contact, but I have to have faith that good will triumph. I do know one thing. If I feel as though there is the slightest chance I may fail, I am going straight to my wife. I won't cheat again.

[JamesM]

No James, I cheated. Was it a 4 year affair compounded with 1000's of lies and deceit? No, it was one night of making out, but I cheated none the less. However, I agree I'm not going to let this ruin me. Yes, I will always remember that I made that mistake, but I intend to be proud of the fact that it does not happen again. I already have begun to look inside of myself to discover the cause of my indiscretion. It also helps to read the accounts of others that have made the same mistake. I have always considered myself a strong-willed individual that has control over my own situation. I am humbled, but not broken. My wife and family will be the benefactor of my humility.

 

My mistake. I see now that you had a night of making out as you called it. Yes, I think this is cheating, but I am willing to guess that your wife would be much more forgivng of this than of a "full blown" affair. I respect you greatly for calling it what it was. Most men would be excusing themselves rather than blaming themselves.

 

Keep up the good work. I still mean everything else in my post. And yes, it does help to read other stories here. Many times knowing what has happened to others, thoughts of flirting or more have been driven from my head.(...both of them. )

[jj2007]

Why do you ask?

 

AP:)

 

curious since you seem to be consumed by it, and posted about it. I want to know how the drama unfolds. Did you tell her? Do you feel better?

[smartgirl]

James - you misunderstood me. I did not mean to imply that SSOB was now a scummy cheater, making out notwithstanding. I was saying that if he allows this to move forward, that is the way he will feel about himself. Forgiveness and redemption is possible, but in my H's case - he still feels like s**t for what he did. It will be longer for both of us to be healed.

 

SSOB - if my H did what you did and then made it clear to the other woman that 1) it was a big mistake 2) he loves his wife and not her 3) he will do nothing further to jeopardize something so valuable and 4) tells her it is stictly business and sticks to it -- then I would not feel that I had to know. But no flirting, no calls and emails, no and I mean no personal conversations. Even if you don't have sex it will still have a negative impact on your relationship with your wife. Do some reading on Emotional Affairs.

 

But don't humiliate your wife by continuing to have a personal relationship with this woman.

 

That being said, you still need to acknowledge to her that you were restless in the marriage and that it caused you to seek the attention of another woman. It seems like you are trying to do that. I would suggest marriage counselling. We do a lot on our own, but the right counselor can really be a valuable guide. Also, pick up a copy of "Mars and Venus in the bedroom." It isn't just about sex, but about learning to understand what the other person needs and how to give it to them.

 

My H had a near miss 20 years ago, like you now. We didn't know what it meant and swept it under the rug. Not dealing with it then was a big mistake and we paid a big prices later on.

 

In my case, my H carried on with this woman for a year. He let her too much into our lives and began to lose his connection with me. In this situation I would, and did, insist on knowing everything. He had a lot of lying to make up for and a lot of betrayed trust to rebuild.

 

I don't think you need to burden your wife with the details of this if you take steps to end the emotional connection with this OW. But that won't be easy for you and you might want to consider some personal therapy for a little bit. My H had personal ego issues that had festered since adolesence along with some childish notions of a woman's value due to his lack of experience with women (we were each other's first and only). Dealing with those helped him be a better husband to me and feel more at peace with himself.

 

Trouble in a marriage and the appearance of a willing partner for an affair is only part of the problem. The real problem starts with what is missing inside of you. Fix that and you will have an easier time dealing with temptation.

[IamASelfishSOB]

My H had a near miss 20 years ago, like you now. We didn't know what it meant and swept it under the rug. Not dealing with it then was a big mistake and we paid a big prices later on.

 

My H had personal ego issues that had festered since adolesence along with some childish notions of a woman's value due to his lack of experience with women (we were each other's first and only). Dealing with those helped him be a better husband to me and feel more at peace with himself.

 

I too have ego issues. This all stems from that, I know it. My wife was not my first, but she was my first real relationship. Most, if not all, of the other women before her I would call well... disasters. I've always been an attractive guy, but I was not a smooth operator in any sense of the word. After I got married, speaking and relating to women became very natural for me. I don't want to say that I am a philanderer or an operator of any kind, just more comfortable around women. I really do enjoy conversing with, and being around women almost as much as being around men. I don't think all men will admit it, but I have a feminine side, if you will, and there are just some things you discuss with women and some you discuss with men. I thoroughly enjoy both.

 

However, when it comes to women, there is another element to the tionship. I say I flirt, but it is more of a sense of validation for me with women. I love the feeling that I get when I feel like a woman, whether attractive or not, seems like she might have a tinge of jealousy because my wife is married to me and they are not.

 

Like I have said before, I have never made intimations to any woman that I would like anything more than conversation and friendship. This situation really just came at me from out of the blue. Man, when I said I liked the feeling that I got when I felt a woman might be jealous of my wife, multiply that by 2000 times when a woman like this came right out and said that she wanted me for more than just conversation. My ego exploded. Really I suppose I have just been lucky to this point that it hasn't happenned before now. I know that women are out there that are willing to have an affair with a married man, but I seriously did not envision that I would ever even remotely be attracted to the type of woman that would. Boy was I wrong. I truly didn't realize there were women out there just like me that needed the same type of validation.

 

I suppose some counselling wouldn't be a bad thing, but I really don't think I'm going to get myself into a situation like this again. This ordeal has been a kick in the head.