Topic on morals, cheating, and most men

[PandorasBox]

I have seen some people on the forum say that, they feel, most men would cheat if given the opportunity. This was a discussion that was going on at my work yesterday over lunch too. Some of the people there, also felt that most men would. So here is my question, what about men with high morals and family values etc, do you feel if opportunity knocked at their door, they would cheat also? Or is the statement, "most men would cheat if given the opportunity" just based on men with low morals?

 

Ok, discuss.

[tanbark813]

If they would cheat then by definition they don't have high moral standards. And for the record, women cheat just as much as men.

 

(What's with all the male-bashing on the board lately?)

[PandorasBox]

If they would cheat then by definition they don't have high moral standards. And for the record, women cheat just as much as men.

 

(What's with all the male-bashing on the board lately?)

 

NO male bashing here.

 

I asked this based on the statement that I saw on in another thread, "most men would cheat if given the ooportunity."

 

The statement I read, was about men. However, yes, you're correct women cheat as well, so it could go either way.

[tanbark813]

I asked this based on the statement that I saw on in another thread, "most men would cheat if given the ooportunity."

 

Whoever said that is just a man-hater, and man-haters' views tend to be pretty skewed.

[directx]

I would need that opportunity to figure out if I would or not. Seriously.

[luvmy2ns]

These discussions on LS regarding whether or not men will or will not cheat almost ALWAYS stem from one particular gal who f's married men for money. She makes the claim that 99% of men would cheat if given the opportunity and the assurance they would never get caught.

 

I maintain that the statistics on which she bases her claims are skewed due to the fact that it's probably going around the "cheating men's circle" in her geographical area that she can be had for a dollar amount. So all these married men flocking about her are already cheaters - they've just found a safeplace to do their cheating. Therefore, the stats are based on cheating married men, not all married men. Also, she goes to dating websites and then makes claims that married men are cheaters, however, the only ones who answer her ad are already on there looking. She doesn't see all the married men who are NOT at their computers looking to cheat.

[tanbark813]

These discussions on LS regarding whether or not men will or will not cheat almost ALWAYS stem from one particular gal who f's married men for money. She makes the claim that 99% of men would cheat if given the opportunity and the assurance they would never get caught.

 

I maintain that the statistics on which she bases her claims are skewed due to the fact that it's probably going around the "cheating men's circle" in her geographical area that she can be had for a dollar amount. So all these married men flocking about her are already cheaters - they've just found a safeplace to do their cheating. Therefore, the stats are based on cheating married men, not all married men. Also, she goes to dating websites and then makes claims that married men are cheaters, however, the only ones who answer her ad are already on there looking. She doesn't see all the married men who are NOT at their computers looking to cheat.

 

Exactly. Good post.

[lindya]

I think a lot of factors apply, in cheating, that can affect the behaviour of both genders. "One off" cheating incidents are often fuelled by alcohol+environment+opportunity. Think of your average nightclub setting, which is geared towards lowering people's inhibitions and making them think about sex and generally encouraging a "why the hell not - you only live once" mindset.

 

Add in the desire to defeat general malaise with the kind of temporary high that drugs or secretive sexual encounters can provide, unrealistically high relationship expectations and the increasing tendency for people to prolong their adolescence well into mid-life and beyond...and I think both sexes experience a higher temptation to indulge in infidelity.

 

Nobody's immune from that temptation, but some people are clearly going to be more prone to infidelity than others. Heavy drinkers, risk-takers and people who are prone to depression when life isn't providing them with variety and highs.

[LoveLace]

I don't understand why people talk as though cheating is only a man's doing. The question should be "who (women or men) would not cheat if given the opportunity?". Women are just as capable of doing it.

 

However, the reasons why women and men do it could differ. Obviously morals play a part for both sexes - but I think men are more likely to cheat just because they seem to have more of a need for "sexual variety". But either sex could take the opportunity for a number of reasons...mostly because something is lacking in their current relationship; maybe their spouse treats them badly, maybe their sexual needs are not being met, maybe they are just plain not happy in their marriage or not in love anymore. Maybe they were just drunk! Weather or not any excuse is a good one or bad one, well that's a whole other discussion I think. But bottom line is, I"ve known just as many women as men to be unfaithful...and I've known just as many faithful men as faithful women. It's more well-known if a man cheats, because everyone knows that men are horny as hell and commit-phobes, so they are suspected from the start. People don't realize how many women cheat because they are not as suspecting of the crime, therefore are able to get away with it more, or for longer without someone finding them out.

[luvmy2ns]

I also maintain that being drunk is a very flimsy excuse, not a reason. People know full well what they are doing, even drunk, unless they are in a complete drunken blackout (and if they are, how is it they're able to do the deed?). They use the "I was drunk" excuse to try to minimize their culpability.

[LoveLace]

I also maintain that being drunk is a very flimsy excuse, not a reason. People know full well what they are doing, even drunk, unless they are in a complete drunken blackout (and if they are, how is it they're able to do the deed?). They use the "I was drunk" excuse to try to minimize their culpability.

 

I agree, being drunk is such an empty excuse that I don't know why a cheater would bother to use it at all.

 

A good friend of mine was married young because she was pregnant, and for the 1st few years of marriage, her husband treated her pretty bad--called her a fat b*tch, threw things at her, mostly verbal abuse. 2 kids later she met a man at work that put her on total pedastal and treated her in a way that she fell right into. While seperated she had an affair with this man. Even after her husband found out, he begged her to come back home and now they are 11 years married, 3 kids, and love each other more than they ever have, and his behavior has improved 100%. Sometimes cheating might actually be a blessing. In other words...it's as though her "excuse" was actually good one...

[PoshPrincess]

However, the reasons why women and men do it could differ. Obviously morals play a part for both sexes - but I think men are more likely to cheat just because they seem to have more of a need for "sexual variety". But either sex could take the opportunity for a number of reasons...mostly because something is lacking in their current relationship; maybe their spouse treats them badly, maybe their sexual needs are not being met, maybe they are just plain not happy in their marriage or not in love anymore. Maybe they were just drunk! Weather or not any excuse is a good one or bad one, well that's a whole other discussion I think.

 

I agree that the reasons for men and women cheating can be different (the physical vs emotional). I am not sure that it is more common for men to cheat than women - maybe because more married men than women work they have more opportunity (unless women who stay at home are picking up unemployed male neighbours or Dads from the school ) If it IS the case that more men cheat then I think that's down to the fact that they find it easier to compartmentalise their lives. If this OW is totally separate from his family life then maybe he can pretend it's not happening. Like LoveLace said, everybody who does it has their reasons/excuses, whether male or female. It would be interesting to see statistics though......

[luvmy2ns]

I agree that the reasons for men and women cheating can be different (the physical vs emotional). I am not sure that it is more common for men to cheat than women - maybe because more married men than women work they have more opportunity (unless women who stay at home are picking up unemployed male neighbours or Dads from the school ) If it IS the case that more men cheat then I think that's down to the fact that they find it easier to compartmentalise their lives. If this OW is totally separate from his family life then maybe he can pretend it's not happening. Like LoveLace said, everybody who does it has their reasons/excuses, whether male or female. It would be interesting to see statistics though......

 

But how many people are going to admit they have or would cheat? Some will be honest, but many will not. And will each and every single person be polled, or would the responses be coming from people who are already on the internet where one might find such a poll? Stats are really very difficult to properly gather in a completely objective manner.

 

P.S. I LOVE your warning. Right on the money, honey!

[KenzieAbsolutely]

i truly believe that my man would not cheat on me, even given the opportunity. if i thought he would, i wouldn't be with him. if i thought most or all men would, then i wouldn't be with anyone. and i would live a very lonely, sad life for no good reason.

[marlena]

Nobody's immune from that temptation, but some people are clearly going to be more prone to infidelity than others. Heavy drinkers, risk-takers and people who are prone to depression when life isn't providing them with variety and highs.

 

 

Yes, Iagree with this. We are all, given the right circumstances, capable of having an affair. I do not think it is a moral issue. It is just something that can happen to human beings for a number of reasons. It is a part of the general scheme of things. What I find to be most condemnable in an affair is the deceit...the cheating is the lying and not the action itself. People who have affairs should own up to them and decide who they should stay with and who they should leave behind. But most pick the middle road and that in my opinion is what is most hurtful.

[LoveLace]

But how many people are going to admit they have or would cheat? Some will be honest, but many will not. And will each and every single person be polled, or would the responses be coming from people who are already on the internet where one might find such a poll? Stats are really very difficult to properly gather in a completely objective manner.

 

 

Exactly...there's no way to know how many people truly cheat, unless they were all honest or were all caught. I do think that the work place is a huge provider of opportunity though, for both sexes. I think men are just known more as cheaters because women usually watch their backs on this from the very beginning and pick up on clues/suspicions easier. I don't think men suspect women of cheating as much, so women might actually get away with it more.

 

And in order to get stats, 1st we'd have to narrow down to a specific definition of cheating, which has been done here on LS and a final conclusion was pretty hard to come to! One might consider their spouse cheating because they kissed someone...but another person might actually blow this off as no big deal because cheating to them is only sex. Some women don't mind if their boyfriend's look at internet porn but other women consider it a form of cheating....then there are "emotional affairs"....can cheating be only emotional or does there have to be physical actions to consider it cheating?...hmmm...

[directx]

Years ago I chatted with this woman who was trying to save her marriage after she cheated. I felt bad for her though.

 

What happened was she was walking home from a block party and was drinking. She cut through some lawns and ran into a guy that was by the pool. Some flirting went on and minutes later she done the deed.

Either she told the husband or he found out, and it was nightmare for her ever since.

 

It was literally minutes later because I asked if it was worth it and she said no. It was outside, and over really quick, etc.

 

Thats a shame because if I was going to cheat its going to be a freak'n event, and not just with some stranger.

 

But my point is, here is a woman with a momentary lapse of reason that got no enjoyment out of it thats burdening (or burdened her life).

And its the only time she was unfaithful.

 

I feel bad for her.

[Trialbyfire]

I do agree that this isn't necessarily a gender-based issue. I do maintain that cheating is a controllable action and if nipped in the bud during initial attraction, can be easily and ruthlessly suppressed.

[bish]

I have seen some people on the forum say that, they feel, most men would cheat if given the opportunity. This was a discussion that was going on at my work yesterday over lunch too. Some of the people there, also felt that most men would. So here is my question, what about men with high morals and family values etc, do you feel if opportunity knocked at their door, they would cheat also? Or is the statement, "most men would cheat if given the opportunity" just based on men with low morals?

 

Ok, discuss.

 

I think this line of thinking that most men would cheat if given the opportunity arises from the experience women have had because of the type of men they chose in the past. They wanted that bad boy quality, but then based their assumption that most men would cheat once that bad boy actually did what a bad boy should....gee...imagine that.

 

But no. I don't think most men would cheat if given the opportunity. But it depends on the man.

 

I have never cheated, and never will. And yes, the opportunity has presented itself many times while I was married. All too easy to turn down. Wasn't interested.

 

 

Of course, I will never again be in a position to cheat because I'll never ever make another committment.

 

That is simply shi!t I don't need anymore.

[bish]

Nobody's immune from that temptation, but some people are clearly going to be more prone to infidelity than others. Heavy drinkers, risk-takers and people who are prone to depression when life isn't providing them with variety and highs.

 

 

Yes, Iagree with this. We are all, given the right circumstances, capable of having an affair..

 

Speak for yourself.

[bish]

Years ago I chatted with this woman who was trying to save her marriage after she cheated. I felt bad for her though.

 

What happened was she was walking home from a block party and was drinking. She cut through some lawns and ran into a guy that was by the pool. Some flirting went on and minutes later she done the deed.

 

Drinking or no drinking...it only took a couple of minutes within meeting this guy?

 

That being the case there is nothing to save. If it was that easy to boff someone within a few minutes, she WILL cheat again. Hell, that wasn't even a conquest for the guy...can't get much easier than that.

 

Either she told the husband or he found out, and it was nightmare for her ever since.

 

And rightfully so...but he really should have just divorced her. Especially if she is that easy.

 

And you say you feel bad for her.....I feel bad for her husband and kids if she had any.

[Herzen]

Fidelity for many men is the lack of opportunity. Under the right inhibition-reducing conditions, many of which lindya described, very many men would have extra-marital relations: alcohol, a Xmas party, a very flirtatious female colleague, drugs, close friendship with a woman at work, etc.

 

These "social lubricant" factors grease the skids for that slide into infidelity; they are "affair catalysts."

 

Men aren't born evil or unfaithful. Combine a healthy sex drive with an inhibition relaxing setting and a willing partner, however, one has the perfect affair recipe: the so-called cakeman.

 

At bottom, an affair is a relationship, and men, like women, are social and sexual mammals.

 

Do all men cheat? Of course not. Would most cheat under the influence of the right combo of affair catalysts?

 

You bet.

[Trialbyfire]

It always floors me how people feel that cheating is a justifiable action. Are people really so weak that they are unable or unwilling to control themselves?

[directx]

It always floors me how people feel that cheating is a justifiable action. Are people really so weak that they are unable or unwilling to control themselves?

 

Who said it was justifiable? Because you are right, I don't see how you can, unless your partner is a total a-hole and doesn't give you sex anymore. But in that case, you should just D (if its just that simple).

[luvmy2ns]

Fidelity for many men is the lack of opportunity. Under the right inhibition-reducing conditions, many of which lindya described, very many men would have extra-marital relations: alcohol, a Xmas party, a very flirtatious female colleague, drugs, close friendship with a woman at work, etc.

 

These "social lubricant" factors grease the skids for that slide into infidelity; they are "affair catalysts."

 

Men aren't born evil or unfaithful. Combine a healthy sex drive with an inhibition relaxing setting and a willing partner, however, one has the perfect affair recipe: the so-called cakeman.

 

At bottom, an affair is a relationship, and men, like women, are social and sexual mammals.

 

Do all men cheat? Of course not. Would most cheat under the influence of the right combo of affair catalysts?

 

You bet.

 

And you're so sure of this becauuuuuussssse.......?