Too much time

[FTMC2605]

From depths that have only been explored by those who have gone before the trudge of which there is no chart. As you sink further you begin to understand that this is a one way journey and once you reach the end there will be no homecoming. You grasp for what you can not reach and continue to slip further and further away. The ropes that have been sent to you are now so long that they begin to sever under their own weight and those who are holding the other end begin to let them slide. It is so cold yet as you strive to gain you find a thirst both physical and emotional that grows and it can not be quenched. You fight until there is respite and then fight more to try and gain some of the ground that you lost. Yet gains fall short of the losses and as hard as you try it seems that there is truly only one way. The sun and the stars begin to fade away and the wind and rain are only a faint whisper. Until the journey ends with a storm of thunder and lightning that can not be seen or heard. The raindrops flow endlessly yet you will never feel them trickle down your forehead and kiss your eyelids. And now, nobody will ever hear your whimper and the anguish begins but your screams will never be heard.

 

What do you do with the spare time when there is nothing to occupy your thoughts? How do you wane the visions of the Black Death spilling from the nostrils or the rattling chains that came with every breath? How do you stop the river of blood flowing from the peripheral or quench the fear that thirst was the bars of his prison? How can you douse the fires that still consume the house of dignity that you thought was made of brick? Sometimes there is just too much time. I held those ropes with my heart, soul and faith. I promised that I would hold in his place but it was and is too heavy. So what is left is the shell of a man that he was. An empty representation of the man he wanted to be. And now I am left to see the stars and sun for him. I am left to hear the wind and the rain for him. And I will forever provide the voice for the screams that will never be heard.