Does it have potential down the line...? Told my guy friend I liked him-ect.

[PamBeesley]

Alright, first off--new to the forums--so hello there. I figure from reading the forums here, you guys can help me out here, figure some stuff out--so I'm not going to hold back, okay?

 

So, here's the long and short of it.

 

One night after work me and one of my best friends went out for drinks, and ended up at his place watching a movie, which turned into dancing, which turned into kissing, and pretty much everything but have sex that night. Granted we were a little drunk, but it was awesome, and I had some feelings for him, so I thought this would open a few doors for me.

 

It was a little awkward the next time at work, because when I saw him I couldn't stop smiling, and we were constantly talking and around eachother.

 

The next time I saw him outside work I brought over some pasta, we watched a movie and cuddled a bit, but I was feeling a little 'blah' when there wasn't any kissing.

 

The next time we hung out, we talked about it a little, and he said that there are times when he just wants to grab me and hold me and kiss me, but he feels like he has to hold back. I told him not to, and we ended up kissing and whatnot that night. I thought him telling me that was kind of a sign that he liked me a bit, althought I never really said it.

 

Flash foward 6 months or so, we've hung out a ton, talk on the phone all the time, and he emails me all the time from work. We've both been really busy with work as well as school (he's going for his master's--I'm in Nursing, so you can imagine.) so not too much had happened on the 'love fron' sort to speak, except we did go to a concert, and him and I went out for my birthday and had some drinks and ended up at his place again, where we, this time, were so close to having sex, but he stopped it, and said we really shouldn't do that yet.

 

Again, we've been flirting at work a ton and it really seemed as though he's really into me, right?

 

So we went out to dinner after a long shift at work last week, where it came about after much hesitation because he didn't want to tell me--that he'd had a one night stand, and he didn't want to tell me, because he thought'd he'd scare me off. I, for obvious reasons, wasn't fond of this news, but we aren't going out, so I really didn't see it as that big of deal. He then continued to tell me that he thinks of me all the time, and that he's constantly impressed with me, and I'm everything he needs, and that he cares for me a lot.

 

It was at this point I couldn't hold back my feelings, and told him that "hearing that kind of stuff about the one night stand...sucks, because, well--I really like you, and--" he interuppted to say he already knew. I waited to hear "let's do this" or something to that effect, but he said--

that he's really had some problems getting close to people in the past, and that he's actually in counseling right now to help him deal with those sort of things. He said right now what he needs from me is my friendship, before a relationship, because he's really screwed up his other relationships. Also, that I am his best friend, and that he can come to me all the time--and then backed that up with saying that we had a connection when we were first hanging out, and that he was a little frightened by that so he didn't do much about it, and essentially why he stopped persueing the idea. He told me he finds me extremely attractive.

 

Okay, obviously, I can't just rid myself of these feelings--so I guess for 1--what do you guys think of all this? Does it have potential down the line? He's my best friend, too, but I just feel like I've fallen totally head over heels for him. Basically, I'm asking, what should I do now? We've talked since the other night, and everything seems normal--my emotions are completely out of wack.

 

Thanks in advance for reading all this.

[LoveLace]

That's tough, since you've fallen for him and he's saying he's not ready to cross over into the "relationship" world. You must be thinking, what am I supposed to do with these feelings then?

 

I say, tell him you will continue to be his "best friend" and support him through his struggles-- but your feelings are strong and they can't be left hanging forever. You also can't put your life on hold, waiting for him to finally say he's ready. You gotta tell him you can only "friends" for so long, because eventually you'll feel it's unfair that your needs are not being fulfilled. He should also be reminded that while he is going through his "struggles", that you don't belong to him, therefore there's a chance you'll meet someone else special, and if they are ready to give you what you need, you won't be around for him anymore..at least not the way you are now.

 

Otherwise, it sounds as though he does really like you and likes being with you, etc. That part seems sincere...but I also wonder what else he might have going on with other women...believe me, you don't want to start feeling as though he's just having his cake and eating it too. You would have to put your foot down, or get away from him completely. By having 1-night stands and "best friend" get togethers with you, thats what you call "the best of both worlds" and it should only be allowed to go on for so long, in my opinion.

 

Good luck.

[PamBeesley]

We went out tonight after his class for dinner--It was really kind of nice--and now that everything has been put out in the open, I feel more relaxed around him--Granted the want to take it further is still there...He hugged me so tight and for so long--I mean even I let go and before he did.

 

I guess we'll just take it as it comes--I'm just the sort of person that--when I want something--I want it now, and I want it resolved. Being in this 'limbo' sort of speak stresses me out a little, I suppose. But, however, maybe there is something to be learned with this.

 

Either way, still crazy about him.

[LoveLace]

You should only be "stressed" about it for so long, it isn't fair if your stressed and he's not; unless your willing to come up with more patience your gonna have to give the guy an ultimatum; you can't wait around until everything is just convenient for him.

[PamBeesley]

The thing is, he is stressed about it--I don't think he'd be in counseling if he wasn't stressed about it, and a few other things in his life.

I have the patience, and I truely believe that he's worth it. I love being with him, and just being around him him--You know, I love being his friend, I do--I jsut can't help myself.

I am NOT saying, however, that if someone comes along to sweep me off my feet I won't take that chance--because, I think I would.

[LoveLace]

I am NOT saying, however, that if someone comes along to sweep me off my feet I won't take that chance--because, I think I would.

 

 

That's good. Hopefully he stays aware of that.

[ftheunion]

Ok. He is honest, and cares about you, thats why he has chosen what he has. He doesn't want the f*** things up like he has in the past.

 

Good song about this topic: "It's been awhile" - by the artist: Staind

 

I don't know how to proceed. But he is taking responsible for himself and his actions. He is probably a good genuine guy. He don't wanna hurt nobody.

 

Good luck with this. Patience may be the classic suggestion, so I'll use it.

[PamBeesley]

So here we are a couple weeks down the line from the 'talk' we had--and we got together a few times for dinner after his class and after work, and I'm really working on the friends thing with him. It's just hard, especially when we embrace before we part ways--it just feels so nice.

 

In the past week and a half or so though, I've only seen him at work. Not that that's particularly a bad thing, but I like it when we're hanging out outside the work atmosphere.

 

Like I said way at the beginning--he's been really down recently, beyond the whole 'having feelings for him', I generally hurt for him as a friend. I hadn't heard from him, so I gave him ring asking him to go out for a drink that night after class. Didn't hear from him that night, or the next--which is wierd, because he ALWAYS gets back to me. I shrugged it off, and went about my own thing. I got some good news at work, and wanted to let him know--so I emailed him, and then closed the emailing just saying I hadn't talked to him in what seemed like forever, and "that just plain sucks". He emailed me back apoligizing, and just said he was feel pretty depressed, and that he just didn't want to talk to anyone, and felt bad that it came off mean. He mentioned my good news with a little smiley face.

 

So I'm just trying to put together my thoughts, though--should I shoot him an email back saying I'll be here when he's ready, or not say anything?

I will see him Friday at work, so I'm just not sure how should I respond to that, if at all.

[PamBeesley]

So just thought I'd throw another update on here, just to see if anyone has anymore input for me.

 

 

Anyways, so he pulled a complete 180 on me. He went from almost nonexistant--to calling me everyday, having me over to discuss what's actually been bugging him, confiding in me with everything. The past month or so, I feel like things have really moved forward in our friendship, and I feel like I can actually relax and be myself around him now.

He continually tells me how much he needs me around, and how much I've helped him (even though I keep saying I'm not sure I have), and that just being around him brings him comfort. Makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

 

No one has ever said that kind of stuff to me, I mean it blows me away, and many times makes it very hard for me to just sit there and be like, "ok, yeah, I shouldn't be in love with him."

 

It's getting harder and harder to try and keep them to myself, especially since I've already said it to him before. I'm just not sure what to do sometimes, he's constantly on my mind.

 

Any advice, please?