Old girlfriends that claim to be just friends now.

[LAnse]

My boyfriend has this old girlfriend that he says they are just friends now. She is currently dating his best friend (he matched them up) He broke it off with her. She said she loved him but he didn't have the same feelings for her so he set her up with is buddy.

 

A year ago they fell off the wagon by having sex for old times sake! He says they were both had too much to drink.

 

About a month before he met me she asked if they could try it again. He said no because it didn't work the first time it wouldn't work the second time around.

 

My boyfriend says he loves me very much and says he plans on being with me for a very long time. I feel the same way.

 

However, this ex-girlfriend has been pushing my buttons by talking about old memories with my boyfriend etc. She also one evening while we were all out together dancing, asked my boyfriend to dance and offered sex to him.

 

I am very upset by her, while my boyfriend says she is only pushing my buttons which is true but it bothers me that he sticks up for her.

 

One night out she was pushing very hard and I lost it and verbally lit back at her. My boyfriend didn't hear what she was saying to me but heard me and got mad at me very much and said that I was being mean. He even broke our relationship up for 2 days.

 

Since she is dating his buddy we are always in a social situation with them.

 

Also, she chats with my boyfriend on the net or phone. I don't know what to do?

 

I have thought of confronting her but she would talk to my boyfriend make up some sort lie and make me look like the bully again.

 

I have told my boyfriend that she wants him back and the only reason she is dating his friend is to keep close to him. She also cheats regularly on this friend of my boyfriend (we all know but his buddy doesn't so we are sworn to silence) this also bugs the heck out of me.

 

I need some suggestions, please!!!!

[Tony T]

There's not really anything you can do except not let it bother you. The more this low class female sees that you are bothered by her words and behavior, the more she's going to do it. If you act indifferently, chances are it will stop.

 

If you're boyfriend really cared about your feelings, he would stay away from her altogether. That's something you ought to think about. This whole crowd is pretty low class. You sound like a really nice lady who deserves to be in better company.

 

Review this relationship and ask yourself if it's worth it to subject yourself to low class scum for its sake. I personally know that life is very short and for my own pleasure I seek out friends and associate with people who have manners, consideration, and a good measure of style.

 

Remember, you are always the captain of your ship. YOU decide the people you are going to hang out with...unless somebody's got a gun to your head.

[HokeyReligions]

I wouldn't tolerate this. It's time to tell your bf to make a choice. Her or you. And if he chooses her, walk away and don't look back. Remind yourself that you deserve better and better is out there.

[LAnse]

I just wanted to thank you guys for your input on the old girlfriend. Friends have also agreed that I should just ignore her and let her dig her own grave.

 

I think I did tell you the trouble I got in with my b/f after I blasted her. He wrote me a note and left it on the kitchen table the next morning telling me that he thought "we need a little break from each other for a little bit, that he knows he was getting on my nerves and that he had a few things that were bothering him."

 

That really hurt and I ended up getting into trouble - I went off the road (I have a Jeep Grand Cherokee) - I had been drinking and crying and some woman took my plate number. I went to spend the night at my b/f (he was passed out at a friends). My daughter called and said that the police were looking for me and to stay put and she would pick me up - which she did.

 

The next day I went to pick up my Jeep and my b/f wasn't home so I went over to mutual friends. While there my b/f calls me on the cell and asks where I am - I told him and he came over. Our friends asked us to stay for dinner which we did. When we were alone he told me that I didn't have any idea how badly I scared him. He got home in the morning and saw my Jeep - thought I was there sleeping in his daughter's room and did everything possible to wake me up (but I wasn't there ofcourse). He in his mind thuought that maybe I had commited suicide and he was scared. He later that evening at our friends gave me a big hug and kiss.

 

Since then we have continued but on a different plain - we use to talk every night now it is just 2,3 or 4 times a week. He took off on a Friday and called me at work to take off also - which I did. We spent the afternoon together and evening (we made love Friday night and Saturday morning). The next day he took off for a weekend with the guys. The following week he called me twice on Friday and I went to his place where he said he was sick (his daughter said he was with his buddy the night before and had over indulged - that is why he was sick). That night I spent talking and goofing around with makeup with his daughter and her girlfriend - goodtime - she likes me a lot she says). But, she had another girlfriend call and she said she was going to hang around home with her friend Shannon and me ( one of her dad's friends) her girlfriend so no your dad's girlfriend, his daughter just replied whatever (I don't know what that meant). My b/f went to bed around 8:30 p.m. and I went in to go to bed around 10:00 and he had taken the whole bed and I had to squeeze in on the side. I tried to snuggle and he told me to stop. Went down to see him Sunday after he and his daughter got back from visiting Grandma. I opened up the door and he yelled he'd be there in a minute and when he came to the door he looked at me and said - oh it's just you! That irriated me. I sat down to read the paper while he watched tv. All of a sudden he gets up and starts messing around and leading me into the bedroom. We had a very passionate and exchanged a lot of fantasies. Now it is Wednesday and I haven't heard from him yet. I emailed him yesterday with a lot questions regarding his company laying people off and about his son in the war in Iraq - no response.

 

I don't know what he is trying to say - yes, I want to continue the relationship but cool it down a little. Or, he is still mad and is being revengeful by putting me on the emotional roller coaster.

 

All this from a man who not too long ago reassured me he was in it for the long haul and discussed marriage up until that night I made him mad. Help!!!

[HokeyReligions]

I'm really confused at your post. It seems like most of what you described is normal day-to-day stuff.

 

[color=darkblue]*Your bf decided to take a break because he was unhappy about something you said or did.

 

*You were so upset you went drinking and driving (NOT smart on your behalf. [color=red]Don't do it again[/color])

 

*He thought you might have committed suicide.

 

*He irritated you, then you had sex.

 

*He hasn't called since. [/color]

 

I think the thing that jumps out at me in your post is the fact that you were so upset that you risked your life and the lives others by driving drunk, and that the idea of your suicide is in his mind.

 

If your relationship is so unhappy as to cause splits, then this dangerous behavior, and maybe even suicide - then maybe its time to end the relationship altogether or get some individual and couples counseling.

 

It sure doesn't sound like there is any trust or communication between you two and also that maybe you have some self-esteem issues that you need to work on. Maybe he does too.

 

You shouldn't be asking us what he was trying to say, you should be telling him that you apparently cannot correctly interpret his behavior and you need to know what he is thinking/feeling about the relationship.

 

Note: if he has a son in Iraq now, it might not be the best time to add more stress, because his emotions may not be able to focus on more than his children and they must always come first to him. But it might not hurt you to check into some counseling for yourself to help you deal with this, and be a role-model for him and/or his daughter by showing them that counseling is okay and can help.

[ashiaba]

I had this very same case happen to me, unfortunately...only the ex-girlfriend was MY friend, as well. They ended up betraying me and are now dating. Don't beat around the bush with this one; tell your boyfriend straight up that he needs to choose between you or her, or the end results will devastate you.