LucreziaBorgia Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Some people settle for what they can get, and are happy with that. Some people aim higher. Different strokes for different folks... Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Some people settle for what they can get, and are happy with that. Some people aim higher. Different strokes for different folks... You got that right! Link to post Share on other sites
overandout Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Well that's interesting, because that's more than I do At least you have a sense of irony! Link to post Share on other sites
overandout Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Oh for goodness sake! Men don't just get divorced, leave their wives, abandon their kids, and half their lives behind because they 'fell in love'. That's for story books. How many men do you think actually get divorced because they 'fell in love'..? They'd need their heads examined So what are the reasons you think mm leave their wives? Love has nothing to do with it then in your book? You are just continuing to show your frustration with your situation and bending the rules to accommodate your futile situation. If your mm had decided to leave in March or whenever it was, I can assure you that you would conclude that he did indeed love you very much, and I would agree 100% with that view. AS it is you have lowered your pole to ground level and your mm needs only a step to get over it rather than a huge jump. It would be interesting to see what happened if his job changed so that he didn't have the excuse to be away half the week. I humbly suggest that it would be the end of the affair as he is NOT leaving his family to be with you (his words not mine). You say you are happy with him leaving your bed and going back to sleep with his wife. He is having sex with both of you, ok he may enjoy it more with you. He has probably told you he doesn't lay a finger on her:cool: You give out good advice to others about leaving dead end relationships but fail to take your own advice. Link to post Share on other sites
bunset Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 over, why quote frannie, here? What advice is offered? Do you have advice beyond your dig "You give out good advice to others about leaving dead end relationships but fail to take your own advice." This implies, to me, that you can see the future. You are fully capable of reading minds. If so, it is rather magnanimous of you to provide such valuable services to us for free. Now, the best way to test your skills is to watch and wait and be happy with the status quo, rather than play 'what if' and torture oneself with the truly infinite possibilities that await us in the future. I have found that my feelings are not negotiable. They're changeable and hey evolve. Sometimes, I can master them enough to accept a situation and accentuate the positives, rather than drag it down with darkness. Other times, I find that actually examining and holding on to that darkness for a while let's me accept that I'm responsible for my feelings, and will use that knowledge to work on improving them, just as much as I can work on the other pieces that contribute to the negativity. I find the original premise of this thread to be positive and productive. I fail to see either in your 'attacks' of a single poster, who did not even originate this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 At least you have a sense of irony! No, I must be missing the point. What was all that bluster about knowing MM's W..? So what are the reasons you think mm leave their wives? Love has nothing to do with it then in your book? You are just continuing to show your frustration with your situation and bending the rules to accommodate your futile situation. If your mm had decided to leave in March or whenever it was, I can assure you that you would conclude that he did indeed love you very much, and I would agree 100% with that view. AS it is you have lowered your pole to ground level and your mm needs only a step to get over it rather than a huge jump. It would be interesting to see what happened if his job changed so that he didn't have the excuse to be away half the week. I humbly suggest that it would be the end of the affair as he is NOT leaving his family to be with you (his words not mine). You say you are happy with him leaving your bed and going back to sleep with his wife. He is having sex with both of you, ok he may enjoy it more with you. He has probably told you he doesn't lay a finger on her:cool: You give out good advice to others about leaving dead end relationships but fail to take your own advice. I think men leave their marriages when the marriage either becomes intolerable or no longer serves their needs. Pretty much like women, actually, only the needs served in each case (male or female) tends to be somewhat different. Having someone waiting in the wings helps either sex to make that decision, and if they love that person, so much the better. But people leaving a marriage don't always leave and begin relationships with the OP: sometimes it's a transition. Whether or not a MM is in love with his OW doesn't determine whether he'll leave, IF the marriage still suits him. No one deserts a marriage that is still working, in whatever form. People don't go into something like marriage expecting to leap out if they see someone they prefer. Anyone who does do that clearly isn't worth bothering with in any case. If his job unavoidably changed so he couldn't be here as often..? He'd change it back pretty quickly. He knows how important it is to be here and makes it a priority. But you're right, if he couldn't be here it would be the end of the affair... which is why he makes damned sure he IS here. Don't see your point there. Yes, I'm fine about him going back there at weekends, because I've chosen to accept the situation. No, it doesn't make me 'happy' but then most of life is a compromise, and hey, I'm compromising so sue me. What are you doing with your life that's so much better..? I don't see my relationship as dead-end. I live it on a day-to-day basis, and it works for me. If it wasn't working, I'd end it. I have made my choice and I'm happy with it. Sorry if you find that hard to believe or that it upsets you so much you have to come on here making assumptions and building your own fantasy about my life. The real question for me is why do you feel the need to try to dictate other people's choices and lives and tell them what they're feeling and what the 'truth' is..? You know nothing about my situation, well apart from the identity my MM's W, obviously... Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Thanks doll! You just know how us wanna be gays love our compliments! Anytime, That is what I am here for:love: And Frannie you make so much sense, I like your reply above. Link to post Share on other sites
woe_is_me Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 There are no pros when you are denigrating yourself. I speak from experience, not moral judgment. What you are telling him, the world and most importantly yourself is that you are not worthy of being with an available man. You will always be second best, you will always get the leftovers. He is hardly suffering, my dear, he has a wife and a girlfriend. You are like a panting dog waiting for him to pat you on the head. Either get honest with yourself and call it what it is...an offense to your integrity...or you keep indulging in this delusion that it is a relationship of equals. It most certainly is not. This would have to be one of the most sensible, straighforward and realistic posts i've read here.. yet it has been perceived as more of an attack on OW by the OW here... Felicita said she was speaking from experience and not 'moral judgement' She's been there .. she's seen it for how it really is... Because, as an xOW on the better end of understanding why i was 'thrown under the bus when his W found out' (after he broke 4 years of NC mind you - i'd done okay moving on and remembering him as a fond memory - yet he obviously hadn't) i can really see where Felicita is coming from.... I really wonder how some of the 'happy' other women here would feel once MMs W found out ... and for those whose wives already know .. yet the OW still stays the OW..well that is just like Lucrezia said.. diff strokes for diff folks...that's moreorless going into 'open marriage' dept... bleh:sick: I'm sure that every MM spoken of here differs as much as all the OW and BWs here do...what i mean is that what one of us would give up everything for an other wouldn't look twice at .. we all have different taste and different interpretations of what makes a man worth almost going crazy for... I don't think of myself as 'bitter' just ..like i said.. 'at a better end of understanding HIS motives' It really is true ..what i've read here.. that it's THEM not 'us' we only allow/allowed them to get away with what they did or are doing... And when push came to shove (ie. his W finding out) i saw it all for how it really was in the cold light of day.... I'm sorry but a 'panting' dog somehow sums up the situation perfectly...because when i look back...that's sadly what it was....and hell will freeze over before i set myself up for that again... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 yet it has been perceived as more of an attack on OW by the OW here... Felicita said she was speaking from experience and not 'moral judgement' She's been there .. she's seen it for how it really is... Because, as an xOW on the better end of understanding why i was 'thrown under the bus when his W found out' (after he broke 4 years of NC mind you - i'd done okay moving on and remembering him as a fond memory - yet he obviously hadn't) i can really see where Felicita is coming from.... I really wonder how some of the 'happy' other women here would feel once MMs W found out ... and for those whose wives already know .. yet the OW still stays the OW..well that is just like Lucrezia said.. diff strokes for diff folks...that's moreorless going into 'open marriage' dept... bleh:sick: I'm sure that every MM spoken of here differs as much as all the OW and BWs here do...what i mean is that what one of us would give up everything for an other wouldn't look twice at .. we all have different taste and different interpretations of what makes a man worth almost going crazy for... I don't think of myself as 'bitter' just ..like i said.. 'at a better end of understanding HIS motives' It really is true ..what i've read here.. that it's THEM not 'us' we only allow/allowed them to get away with what they did or are doing... And when push came to shove (ie. his W finding out) i saw it all for how it really was in the cold light of day.... I'm sorry but a 'panting' dog somehow sums up the situation perfectly...because when i look back...that's sadly what it was....and hell will freeze over before i set myself up for that again... I don't perceive it as an attack...let me share my thoughts... I don't understand why everyone has to have the same beliefs, feelings, experiences...My experience is that I am the priority in my R and my MM meets my needs...I do not feel like I am getting seconds or sharing...Maybe that grates on some people's nerves, but that is MY experience... Should my MM's W discover our R, that will give me valuable information...about myself and him...It's hypothetical, so I'm not sure how I would feel and I won't venture a guess because if it happens, it happens...I see no need in worrying about that... I guess my biggest problem in reading here is that HOW are supposed to feel like lesser people...like if we are happy in our R, we are lacking or lying...I'm sorry but I don't see why I should be miserable...I'm getting my needs met, I love/and am in love and I am loved in return... If the situation had been that MM left and did not throw you under the bus, you probably wouldn't be saying what you are saying now; quite the opposite, I'm sure... And I think that your focus on "his" motives is really the wrong tack to take...It should be about your motives...YOU are the one who made it all about him...and you made choices...he didn't get away with what you let him get away with, you made the choice to proceed and carry on the R... I think the focus needs to be on taking responsibility for our own actions...I choose to be with my partner, who is a MM...I love him...I know that that is wrong in many people's eyes...but that is MY choice...no one forced me into it...and I will remain with him until my needs aren't met...He's not getting away anything, he is part of our R and he is an active partner... Now whether or not it works out forever, that remains to be seen...but for now I am happy and I have thought about the consequences and I believe that he is worth the risk... And I think that everyone's experience is valuable...and it is tied to personal experience...and while their are similarities there are also differences... And I don't blame you for not wanting to "go there" again...I don't think I know many who would... Link to post Share on other sites
woe_is_me Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 I don't perceive it as an attack...let me share my thoughts... Should my MM's W discover our R, that will give me valuable information...about myself and him...It's hypothetical, so I'm not sure how I would feel and I won't venture a guess because if it happens, it happens...I see no need in worrying about that... If the situation had been that MM left and did not throw you under the bus, you probably wouldn't be saying what you are saying now; quite the opposite, I'm sure... And I think that your focus on "his" motives is really the wrong tack to take...It should be about your motives...YOU are the one who made it all about him...and you made choices...he didn't get away with what you let him get away with, you made the choice to proceed and carry on the R... I think the focus needs to be on taking responsibility for our own actions...I choose to be with my partner, who is a MM...I love him...I know that that is wrong in many people's eyes...but that is MY choice...no one forced me into it...and I will remain with him until my needs aren't met...He's not getting away anything, he is part of our R and he is an active partner... Now whether or not it works out forever, that remains to be seen...but for now I am happy and I have thought about the consequences and I believe that he is worth the risk... And I think that everyone's experience is valuable...and it is tied to personal experience...and while their are similarities there are also differences... And I don't blame you for not wanting to "go there" again...I don't think I know many who would... Thank you GEL for your level headed response i'm not sure what happened with LNF i mustve hit a raw nerve there somewhere... But what you say is exactly it..it's hypothetical...just like the what would you do if you fell pregnant thread...it hasn't happened..so no one knows what they'd do .. i bet my bottom dollar though it would all hinge on what the MM decided to do...so how can it end up NOT being all about their 'motives?' ..Thats all i was trying to say... And you're right GEL .. if his attempt to reignite the A wasn't discovered by his W then nope.. i probably wouldnt be typing all this.... i most probably wouldn't even be here... I hope everything works out for everyone that posts here .. i just wish some ..and i repeat SOME i'm not saying they're ALL liars.. of these mm's could be seen for the users they really are.... I don't even know that he won't come back but i won't be seeing him while he is still married ..that's all i know. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 I don't understand why everyone has to have the same beliefs, feelings, experiences...My experience is that I am the priority in my R and my MM meets my needs...I do not feel like I am getting seconds or sharing...Maybe that grates on some people's nerves, but that is MY experience... Should my MM's W discover our R, that will give me valuable information...about myself and him...It's hypothetical, so I'm not sure how I would feel and I won't venture a guess because if it happens, it happens...I see no need in worrying about that... Ditto for me, GEL. Only actually I have spent quite some time thinking about it, and questioning him. I have a fair idea of the things I think might happen, and they don't quite match up to what he thinks he'd do... but whatever. I'll wait and see. I'm not going to break off the affair because I'm concerned about something that might or might not happen in the future. I'll deal with it when/if it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 *blowingthetrout arrives fashionably late bitch slaps Lishy*Tramp!*sashay's out* Do you Blow the trout cos that is the only thing that will allow you to with that rancid mouth? *snap* Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Lishy, You go girl!!! Snap!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 1. Why would someone with a name like TogetherForever be browsing a OW Forum? Is it that your wishing you had it together? 2. What would you know about suffering if you are together forever? Have you been with a MM to know what it is like to get the best sex ever and all the frindge benefits that he gives the OW and not his wife? 1. Because TF is an OW. Technically, anyway. 2. I expect she would know, considering she has been living with her MM for many years, and he isn't divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
blowingthetrout Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 what the hell are you?? are you a BS a OW or just a queer in a pink hat?either way so suck! I do not impersonate females! how outrageous!! How many women do you know who wear seven inch heels, four foot wigs, and skintight dresses? *b&tch slap!!* Link to post Share on other sites
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