Is it time to give up?

[oneheart]

I am in the middle - or near the end - or maybe even near the beginning of a very confusing relationship.

 

I fell in love with this guy, the very first time I saw him in university. 2 and half years later we became good friends and housemates. After living together for 3 or 4 months things started to happen. I knew he had been lonely for a while and everyone kept talking about how much happier he would be if he met the right girl. I always used to think and whisper to myself... what if it is me?

 

One night he kissed me after us spending many nights up late chatting and watching films. We were like peas in a pod and could talk forever. But he said some hurtful things - hurtful things that he went back on. He told me he didn't find me pretty - a few weeks later he told me he was a complete idiot to say that - I was more beautiful every time he saw me. And I believed him. He is quite immature and I guess I like him so much I forgave his immaturity because I know that looks don't always matter when you find someone with an amazing attractive personality - you grow to find them beautiful. I am 29 he is 27. With me having had several long term (3 lots of 3 years) relationships him with one 2 yr one. I know that his immaturity was something I was willing to deal with because I believe he would learn a lot over the next couple of years. I think he is in a transitory period that a lot of guys go through in their late 20's early 30's.

 

Our relationship has been really up and down. We are both very creative people and have produced some amazing artwork between us feeding off the relationship. We encourage and support each other. We stop at nothing in terms of creative ideas - its intense and amazing. But - I have been up for being with him but he has been hot and cold with me not being able to decide what he wants. I see here a guy of 27, terrified of commitment, wondering what he will be missing out on (girls travel) but at the same time he realises he is getting older, he wants kids but doesn't feel he is responsible (he has brought this up with me about having kids so many times - not me). I know he is questioning 'does he give in to this relationship and lose everything?' (Even though he wouldn't be loosing everything at all, as we are both very adventurous and ambitious - but that is something I have to remind him of - he wont loose). I feel like I just can't talk mature sense into him. He wants me and he doesn't want me. It's very hard for me. Even though we have split up a couple of times I can still feel its not over. Then I speak to him and he tells me the same - no, he doesn't want it to be over but he is not sure about being with me. Therfor confirming I was right in thinking he still wants to be with me... possibly. He has asked for some time - he has been away for 4 weeks now and will be away for another 4. We spoke yesterday as I was trying to get closure on it. I have been really down and missing him like crazy. He sent me a post card telling me he loves me. I told that hurt and was stupid. Last night he said he wanted to say it because that is how he felt. We talked on the phone and he asked me to go and visit him away from home, away from everything in France where he lives. HE wanted to talk to me properly and see how it went. I told him it wouldn't be fair for me to go there and for him to decide he didn't want us to happen. Though I do want to go to see if it works and we can talk this through. I want to see where he is from, he wants me to see it and share it with me. I know there has been times when he has loved me, but its just not constant.

 

I am waiting to hear from him. I told him to think about things and told him all the positive things that could be in our relationship but he can't mess me around anymore. We have spent so much time talking about it I am sick of it. I just want him to accept he likes me, be with me and then we can get on and do so many amazing things. The world is ours.

 

I don't know what to do. If he says lets try - should I? SHould I go to France? Or shall I just give up and wait to find someone who definitely wants me. He says he has never met anyone like me - and it is the same for me. He jokes and says "Do you know anyone who can tell us what to do?!" He says he hasn't given up because he bangs his head against the wall until something happens. HE is afraid he will never meet anyone like me again.

 

I think he is afraid. I don't know what to do. I want to try. Do you think I am wasting my time?

[ls707]

I am in the middle - or near the end - or maybe even near the beginning of a very confusing relationship.

 

I fell in love with this guy, the very first time I saw him in university. 2 and half years later we became good friends and housemates. After living together for 3 or 4 months things started to happen. I knew he had been lonely for a while and everyone kept talking about how much happier he would be if he met the right girl. I always used to think and whisper to myself... what if it is me?

 

One night he kissed me after us spending many nights up late chatting and watching films. We were like peas in a pod and could talk forever. But he said some hurtful things - hurtful things that he went back on. He told me he didn't find me pretty - a few weeks later he told me he was a complete idiot to say that - I was more beautiful every time he saw me. And I believed him. He is quite immature and I guess I like him so much I forgave his immaturity because I know that looks don't always matter when you find someone with an amazing attractive personality - you grow to find them beautiful. I am 29 he is 27. With me having had several long term (3 lots of 3 years) relationships him with one 2 yr one. I know that his immaturity was something I was willing to deal with because I believe he would learn a lot over the next couple of years. I think he is in a transitory period that a lot of guys go through in their late 20's early 30's.

 

Our relationship has been really up and down. We are both very creative people and have produced some amazing artwork between us feeding off the relationship. We encourage and support each other. We stop at nothing in terms of creative ideas - its intense and amazing. But - I have been up for being with him but he has been hot and cold with me not being able to decide what he wants. I see here a guy of 27, terrified of commitment, wondering what he will be missing out on (girls travel) but at the same time he realises he is getting older, he wants kids but doesn't feel he is responsible (he has brought this up with me about having kids so many times - not me). I know he is questioning 'does he give in to this relationship and lose everything?' (Even though he wouldn't be loosing everything at all, as we are both very adventurous and ambitious - but that is something I have to remind him of - he wont loose). I feel like I just can't talk mature sense into him. He wants me and he doesn't want me. It's very hard for me. Even though we have split up a couple of times I can still feel its not over. Then I speak to him and he tells me the same - no, he doesn't want it to be over but he is not sure about being with me. Therfor confirming I was right in thinking he still wants to be with me... possibly. He has asked for some time - he has been away for 4 weeks now and will be away for another 4. We spoke yesterday as I was trying to get closure on it. I have been really down and missing him like crazy. He sent me a post card telling me he loves me. I told that hurt and was stupid. Last night he said he wanted to say it because that is how he felt. We talked on the phone and he asked me to go and visit him away from home, away from everything in France where he lives. HE wanted to talk to me properly and see how it went. I told him it wouldn't be fair for me to go there and for him to decide he didn't want us to happen. Though I do want to go to see if it works and we can talk this through. I want to see where he is from, he wants me to see it and share it with me. I know there has been times when he has loved me, but its just not constant.

 

I am waiting to hear from him. I told him to think about things and told him all the positive things that could be in our relationship but he can't mess me around anymore. We have spent so much time talking about it I am sick of it. I just want him to accept he likes me, be with me and then we can get on and do so many amazing things. The world is ours.

 

I don't know what to do. If he says lets try - should I? SHould I go to France? Or shall I just give up and wait to find someone who definitely wants me. He says he has never met anyone like me - and it is the same for me. He jokes and says "Do you know anyone who can tell us what to do?!" He says he hasn't given up because he bangs his head against the wall until something happens. HE is afraid he will never meet anyone like me again.

 

I think he is afraid. I don't know what to do. I want to try. Do you think I am wasting my time?

 

To answer your question; weather you are wasting your time or not. I feel like that answer is two edged. Meaning yes and no. Yes your wasting your time because, he seems to lack the clarity in his choice *you*. Theres an underlying reason to this, but i dont know what it is, only he does. No your not wasting your time because emotionally he feels attached to you. Hes accepting that by saying "he loves you". Weather hes merely throwing these words around is again another speculation, but really why would some one lead on another without having any reason for it.

 

If he says yes, then give it a chance, seems like you feel comfortable with this guy and you like him. So if yes; give it a chance. Or else just wait for the guy who will accept you for whom you are.