Some Questions Regarding Complicated Problems

[Yosef]

I recently signed up for this board, as I the questions and answers really do make me more confident, but so far, this is the only place I feel I can turn to without getting beaten with a stick and saying "Just ask her" or "Get over it and take a shot."

 

Well, for starters, here's my situation. I'm VERY shy, and im a teenage "old man", but not "grumpy" as people and myself have dictated from past conversation(s).

 

Now, im a senior in high school and have never dated or had a girl friend, and I've finally got my first crush after being so off-track in life (I became very detatched to the outside world during my middle school years which hurt in high school). I'm finally catching up to myself.

 

I'm a very optimistic person, but when it comes to Love it just beats me up. I feel thagt it doesn't seem reasonable for me even to HAVE a relationship because I've never had one before. No, im not depressed, but im looking for some advice and moral support. Within this last year, I've become more open to people, building my confidence, which has happened significantly.

 

And the worst has happened. I've developed basically my first crush, but on two girls in the same youth group as me. Here's the basis:

 

One is shy [like me], enjoys some of the same activities as me, mainly biking. We're the only two we know who actually bike or walk. Tells about society today:p:rolleyes: She often laughs at stuff I say, even if it's not funny. I even have times where I question whether the stuff I say is actually FUNNY or not! She is more open with friends around, and one of her BEST friends is the other girl I like.

 

The other one is very extraverted, and basically hugs people at random. She's always smiling, and she also is a girl that laughs at stuff I say when im not trying to be funny. This is the reason I've started believing that I have Dry Humor. She has invited me to come to a football game. I told her that I utterly despise sports as they bore the living crud out of me, and she agreed. Then I asked, not trying to be a jerk or anything, "Then what's the point of going to a game?" Her answer was "Just so we can talk." That kinda lit the spark of hope, but didnt light the whick.

 

BTW, they're both from the same school, but I'm from a different school, so I only see them on sundays or when our youth group gets together for the heck of it.

 

What do I do? I'm too shy to make a first move. Even though my confidence has risen significantly, my love confidence hasn't. I'm very good at talking to girls. I dont studder when I talk to them. The real problem is asking a girl about "Liking". I'm just too afraid of making a fool out of myself. I have a lot of dignity that im trying to scrape away from under my fingernails and behind my ears, so far its comming off slowly.

 

I don't want suggestions of the following help lines, as I've already heard the same things over and over again:

"Just ask her out" Read #3

"Get close to her and see if she moves away or stays" I'm very respectful of people's personal space and don't like to make people uneasy. It makes me uneasy to do that as well.

"Just ask her if she likes you" Again, im one shy guy.

 

 

Thanks for the help in advance.

[Saxis]

What do I do? I'm too shy to make a first move.

I don't think you have to worry about that, she already did! She invited you to a relatively safe place where she could get to know you better. What more do you need? I think you need to tell her that you've reconsidered, and you'd be glad to go to a game with her, or at least suggest another time/place. Give it till half-time, and if you guys click, suggest leaving the game and going for ice cream or coffee?

[Yosef]

I don't think you have to worry about that, she already did! She invited you to a relatively safe place where she could get to know you better. What more do you need? I think you need to tell her that you've reconsidered, and you'd be glad to go to a game with her, or at least suggest another time/place. Give it till half-time, and if you guys click, suggest leaving the game and going for ice cream or coffee?

 

I told her it would be nice to do that the next time she has a home-game. I'm not a driver, nor do I have a car, and I know it's not a chick-magnet thing not to be, obviously, but if I dont have comfort driving like I wish I had, I'm not gonna pretend I'm cool with it and risk anything happening.

 

Another problem is, I didn't actually mention front-forward, how do I deal with having a crush on two girls, each of them being best friends with each other, without making the other one jealous/mad/upset/sad? I'm very sensitive for other people's feelings so making both people happy is very important.

 

Rather funny is they both asked what I was doing for prom, told them i hadn't thought about it much, and they both suggested that I take them both to the prom. I thought of it as rather unorthodox, and declined the offer as it seemed unconventional. I can always change my mind, though, i guess.

[Saxis]

The way you describe your values, is exactly the way I see myself. I'm very cautious around other people; not to invade space, very shy and sensitive. It always kept me in check, but also probably hindered many opportunities to just relax and have fun.

 

 

The prom thing is a tricky situation. If they're both agreeing that you take them, it could be fun. Gives you a chance to get to know both of them at the same time. I just don't know how you'd get much of a relationship out of it though. Believe it or not, I was on the opposite end of this situation, but worse. I had a crush on my best friend's sister, and she took me and another guy to her prom. Talk about confusion... The whole night was sort of a mess for me, but at least she ran to me for the last dance!

 

Sorry, I'm not sure I can give much advice. If they both take a liking to you, I'm not sure how you could continue without hurting someone. Maybe take them to the dance, and if you really click with one and not the other, tell them the truth about the situation? I know its easy to say, but when you're shy it seems next to impossible. Even if you do end up dating one of them, would you be able to put your feelings for the other aside?

[Yosef]

Even if you do end up dating one of them, would you be able to put your feelings for the other aside?

 

"...That is the question." -Shakespere

 

It's just difficult. I've spent quite a lot of time with both already, going on youth group trips, but it's only recently that I've developed the crush. I've spent an equal amount of time w/ both.

 

Well, the second girl I mentioned, the extraverted one, has tried SO HARD to be my friend and I've kind of blown her off quite a bit, finding her annoying as sometimes people that are too perky get on my nerves, but it's not till AFTER we spent a week with my entire youth group in florida this summer that i've developed an affinity and friendship for her. I want to appoligize one day when I get the chance to.

 

The other girl is kinda the same story, but is only perky when she's with friends. We went biking together, alone, along a bike trail where we got to know each other a lot better, and that's when I developed my liking for her. It was kinda romantic in a way, but bringing a boxed lunch of cheese, crackers, and jello and eating it in front of a sun-setting lake seems rather funny-unorthodox.

 

The only thing that is a pivot on the see-saw for me is that the second girl is a a bit more attractive, physically-wise, than the first one, but I do my best not to pay attention to how someone looks.