Darla doll Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 For the longest time, I've kept this a big secret so i'm not sure how to really go about saying this. I was in an abusive relationship, one of those ones that I wanted to get out of but was terrified of what would happen. I finally got out of it and have been for 3 years. That seems like a long time i know, but i still have nightmares and I still get really defensive when a guy touches me. They instantly think they did something wrong and back off and feel really bad. I always tell them it's not their fault, but they always feel guilty. I don't know how to get past this. I've trained myself to always keep my guard up and now even when i want to let things go farther, i find myself protecting myself. I really trust the guy i'm with now. I know he wouldn't do anything and he stops when i ask him to. How do I overcome my fears and just let him...? I don't know if this makes any difference but when i was in my abusive relationship, he would give me stuff so i couldn't move. Kind of like a tranquilizer. I think that's maybe why i protect myself, because i can>? I guess I'm just wondering if any one has gone through something like this after being raped and how they overcame it. or if you have any ideas of what to tell the guy who truely dos care about me Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 afterward, i let my boyfriend at the time tie me up when we had sex. being with him and being vulnerable but not having to struggle (because i knew i was with someone i trusted) taught me to relax when i was with him, even when i had no control. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Honey, have you ever had counseling??? That would be an excellent place to start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darla doll Posted August 31, 2007 Author Share Posted August 31, 2007 Hi there, thanks for the advice. I never would think that tying myself would help, but it is a concept to think about.On the other hand, i want to get over this not force it. i feel like this is physical problem. mentally, i feel ready. i don't ever think of rape when we're together but my body just keeps protecting itself. does that make sense? and yes i tried counciling but i had a really hard time telling some random person what had happened to me and letting them know details. I felt really ashamed and I found it better to just talk to abou it with my close friends. they helped and I have almost completly recovered from everything. I can share my experiences with people and warn them of signs of abusive relationships. I've taken girls to pregnacy places and held their hand while they got tested for STd's. I'm doing really well with everything as long as guys don't touch me. I just need help with that final step of letting go. How do I talk to him about this in a way that won't make him upset? thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 Hi, Darla doll seems past experience and fear is haunting you. It was not your fault, you have to forgive yourself first, then even go further forgive that man who did this to you. This only will liberate you if you can forgive both. I heard a story of a lady before. This lady suffered many abusive relationships, and she married a wonderful man, but she kept punishing this wonderful man for what other men did to her. when her husband touched her, she jerked, just like you, then her husband was very sad, and said "please stop punishing me for what other men did". then the lady cried, cried, she is a born-again Christian, Holy Spirit is in her. then one day, Lord told this lady no matter what she experienced, she is still precious in Lord's eyes. then the lady feel she was cleased from inside to outside, totally clean and free. You see, past experiences cannot define you. Do you believe in God? God is our rock, nothing is needed to be afraid of if you have Lord in your heart. Lord will heal you if you ask him. His power can heal instantly Here is a pastor who was sexually abused by her own father, but she is totally free and live a happy sucessful life. she teach about how to heal from abuse and how to live a happy life, here is her website http://www.joycemeyer.org/default.htm and here is a tv site, also proclaim good news, and positive messages www. tbn. org Link to post Share on other sites
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 I agree that counseling does wonders. Just to warn you, it can be a really slow process but I think it's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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