cheesydippindoodle Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 I starting dating my current partner very soon after his marriage broke down - although he is still living in the marital home for financial & other reasons, his ex found out about me and is claiming to still be sleeping with him (albeit in peculiar places or in the middle of the day when their teenaged daughter is up & about & when she rings to tell me its always an hour & a half ago that it happened) yet he swears blind he isn't. He's a rubbish liar but this statement can roll off his tongue like ice cream & he can look me in the eye whereas normally when he lies his eyes flicker giving him away. I do know he's trying to 'keep her sweet' in order to get what is his but something is just niggling away at me about it. Anybody got any ideas as to how i would find out who is telling the truth???? Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 I starting dating my current partner very soon after his marriage broke down - although he is still living in the marital home for financial & other reasons, his ex found out about me and is claiming to still be sleeping with him (albeit in peculiar places or in the middle of the day when their teenaged daughter is up & about & when she rings to tell me its always an hour & a half ago that it happened) yet he swears blind he isn't. He's a rubbish liar but this statement can roll off his tongue like ice cream & he can look me in the eye whereas normally when he lies his eyes flicker giving him away. I do know he's trying to 'keep her sweet' in order to get what is his but something is just niggling away at me about it. Anybody got any ideas as to how i would find out who is telling the truth???? Have you asked her why she feels it necessary to tell you that they had sex? If she was having sex with him, why tell another woman about it? Something is niggling away at you because he is living with his W, having an A with you and most probably sleeping with his W. Think about her motivations for doing this. Why tell you? Why want to keep him if she knows he's having an A and that they are living like room mates? Why bother? I hate to say it, but she is his W and he is her H. They are, by rights, allowed to have sex together. I'm curious as to her reasons for telling you that they had sex though - have you ever asked? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheesydippindoodle Posted September 2, 2007 Author Share Posted September 2, 2007 no i didn't ask her To me it sounded like she was making a big point of it cos it wasn't happening & also to p*** me off that hes sleeping with someone else i suppose hoping that i'd dump him because in effect hes cheated on me (even though she is his wife) It all sounded too fake when i spoke to her she'd just had it an hour & a half ago which was in the middle of the afternoon & the kid was there! Now i beleive she carrying on like nothings happened just bein her usual arsy self!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheesydippindoodle Posted September 2, 2007 Author Share Posted September 2, 2007 Something is niggling away at you because he is living with his W, having an A with you and most probably sleeping with his W. Think about her motivations for doing this. Why tell you? Why want to keep him if she knows he's having an A and that they are living like room mates? Why bother? Neither of their actions or day to day living indicate a happy marriage although from what i've put together of the situation he is basically a security blanket whilst theres no physical relationship between them "the man of the house" (when hes not with me) is present keeping things running smoothly Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 I starting dating my current partner very soon after his marriage broke down - although he is still living in the marital home for financial & other reasons, his ex found out about me and is claiming to still be sleeping with him (albeit in peculiar places or in the middle of the day when their teenaged daughter is up & about & when she rings to tell me its always an hour & a half ago that it happened) yet he swears blind he isn't. He's a rubbish liar but this statement can roll off his tongue like ice cream & he can look me in the eye whereas normally when he lies his eyes flicker giving him away. I do know he's trying to 'keep her sweet' in order to get what is his but something is just niggling away at me about it. Anybody got any ideas as to how i would find out who is telling the truth???? She's probably saying this to pi$$ you off big time... otherwise she wouldn't bother... LOL On the other hand... I wouldn't have the patience to deal with : 1) this loser who can't make up his mind...and who is possibly still having sex with her 2) this loser W to play this stupid 'game' with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheesydippindoodle Posted September 2, 2007 Author Share Posted September 2, 2007 She's probably saying this to pi$$ you off big time... otherwise she wouldn't bother... LOL On the other hand... I wouldn't have the patience to deal with : 1) this loser who can't make up his mind...and who is possibly still having sex with her 2) this loser W to play this stupid 'game' with you. Cheers Lizzie Comin on here hasn't half opened my eyes to how much i make excuses for him n the reasons he can't leave yet but love is blind. I actually find my self feeling sorry for her i wouldn't put up with what she does yet i put up with other s*** my way of thinking at the mo this is all a means to an end & he will be with me soon. Maybe i'm kidding myself but he's on the last excuse now 2 weeks to prove himself we'll just have to see if he comes good eh Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 Cheesy, I'm an Other Woman, and I'm afraid to say, as long as your man is living in his marital home with his wife, regardless of circumstances, so are you. The Wife must be driven to distraction to call you and tell you they're having sex. In her eyes her husband is "cheating" on her, on the vows they took to each other. I know it feels like a real relationship, as I said, I'm in one - and it IS a real relationship - but it does come under the umbrella of an affair. I dont know if they're having sex or not. But the chances are, they might have once in a while, especially if the W is desperate to keep him in the marriage. Maybe they're few and far between, and that is why she insists on telling you about their sex life, but I definitely wouldn't discount it. Talk to your man. Tell him you are having a relationship with him and he is hurting you and hurting his wife by prolonging his decision. His material things should not matter. If he's staying for children, then thats a whole new ball game. Regardless, he needs to make a decision - or if you can, YOU make the decision, take control of the situation and put yourself first. He should be worried about losing you, about how the phone calls are hurting you, how he can help your relationship survive. He's doing none of that by remaining in this sitch. Take care of you, first and foremost. Unfortunately, XRay specs aren't on the market yet, so us OW cant see through 4 walls and know what goes on between the four walls of the marital home. And I think, in many cases, those XRay spcs would open our eyes to what we are waiting around for. You simply cant know for sure, but trust your gut - your gut wont lie to you, but your MM might. Link to post Share on other sites
NinjaPrincess Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 Just because the kids are home doesn't mean sex isn't happening. I mean, I am not saying it is because is DOES sound fishy, but I was the wife that was left and my husband and I had sex for a year afterward. It was stupid of me, but I loved him. And we would sneak off with our kids or whoever in the house when the moment caught us.....I understand that love is blind, believe me!, but you do need to have respect enough for yourself to not be dragged through their drama. He needs to tie up those loose ends before he is going to be able to be in any kind of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheesydippindoodle Posted September 4, 2007 Author Share Posted September 4, 2007 Last week a would of given anything to be a fly on the wall in their house & see what goes on!!! A lots of the fibs he has told have been because hes told me want i want to hear rather than what actually happens there (i don't so much mean the bedroom department, more so the things they have done together such as going out with the child & housey stuff) Since coming on hear & also because of restricted contact since her finding out i have taken a slight step back. I'll never know for sure if she is sleeping with him - i don't think they are she made too much of a big point of pushing it in my face. If i found out that he was & i finished with him i honestly don't beleive he would let me go - ever!!!!! I've taken a slightly more laid back approach now not sure he knows which way to take it - he's a bit pissed that i'm not texting him but then he's not getting nagged about what he's upto! We got a movin date now so i'm just sitting tight n waiting........ Link to post Share on other sites
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