Do i try or move on?

[Toolate]

I have already made one thread about my situation. But for now ill stick to the last couple weeks.

 

She has moved out. We will still talk every couple days, she gets in touch with me, im giving her space. The talk consist of her talking about the bad things in the relationship. Here are some of the things that where said.

 

I dont trust you to be there, (she has dreams of me cheating while when we start our family)

Ive been on the back burner

I dont know what i want to do

Im not stringing you along

There is nobody else.

You are bad with money, (no, we pay our bills and we like to play)

I dont want to put you through the pain your mom put you through when/if i go to counseling.( she has had some sexual abuse and a bad family life we have talked for years about her going, she always said she didnt need it)

 

 

I asked her, did you leave me before i got the chance to leave you? she says yes, she said things where going so great she just KNEW that it was going to go bad.

 

Thats most of it.

 

As for me, i have felt alone with this girl for a very long time. On the way home from work i have this yearning for something real. I ignored this as my problem and thought that my therapy would make it go away (been going for 3 years now) I just could not feel close to her. Is this something i dreamed up on my own, and she was doing her part as a GF, or was she distant like i felt she was?

 

I did look at other women but the thought of cheating made me sick to my stomach, it could never happen.But she always seemed to be so distant to me, i just wanted to shake her and tell her to look at me and talk to her like a real person, when i did get aggravated at her she would just roll her eyes. Then we would make up later but never would resolve anything.

 

Right now as of yesterday im 90% considering it over. But once i get to thinking of little things she has done, like ask me what im going to do if she is with me and my my cell phone rings and i dont answer it, or puts her hair down knowing shes on a lunch break and has always left it up before. Or tells me to be careful and have a good night.

 

When i saw her today she did not look so good. Her blood pressure is up and im seeing signs of her mom in her whom is in very bad shape.

 

I just dont know what to do. I felt lonely when i was with her, i feel lonely know, i swear i just want have someone to love and for someone to love me, no BS. But i feel me and her would be great together if we both had our issues worked out. This is what hurts the most.

 

Should i hang on, my mom tells me it might be a good idea, but she has moved her stuff out and is plannning on getting an apartment. I really dont think she has anyone else, she is not in the best of shape.

 

She may hate me, her past may be catching up to her, i dont know. I do know things that i have done in the relationship and while they are not good, im far from a bad BF.

In all honesty i could wait for her as long as she doesnt go off and try party her head off and then (still be thinking of what she wants). If she wants to get therapy and be alone, thats fine with me. Ive been going and have made lots of progress, i just have a few lose ends to tie up.

 

AHHH WHAT DO I DO?

[Gunny376]

Just let it go! Just that plain and simple!

 

LET IT GO!

 

What was? ~ WAS!

 

What is? ~ IS!

[cheesydippindoodle]

Ask your self are you clinging on to the hope she'll come back cos your scared of being alone???? So many people hate that thought i personally have seen guys especially flit from 1 girl straight to another for that reason. You can try your hardest but if your hearts or hers isn't in it then ther's not much hope. I'm no oracle but i'd suggest letting go, enjoy the single life for a while & when you least expect it the perfect girl could fall right over you - lifes too short don't settle for second best you want & need to put all you heart into a relationship for it to last

[Toolate]

The first couple weeks yes it was about being alone. But i have realized i love this girl and i do want to make it work. We have come through to much just to stop now. Its at the point now where she has to tell me if she wants to try. I did nothing to her that she didnt do to me. There really is no bad guy here.

 

But it does take 2 and if her heart isnt in it then what can i do? What im going to do tonight is. Load up my laptop take a trip 30 miles out of town and go to the drive inns.

 

Gonna get there good and early fool around on the puter, watch the kids play on the playground and people having a good time. And just care about me today.

 

I have my faults! Ive been fixing them for the last 3 years in therapy. If thats not enough for her then nothing will be! There is someone out there who will appreciate all the the work im doing.

[Toolate]

Had pretty good time tonight, wish i didnt leave early. It was lonely but i had fun watching everyone else. Even had a couple girls checking me out.

 

Got panicky a couple times , but it passed. Me and her used to live for the drive inns. I dont know if its the meds im or being away from her or both. But i have been regaining my senses, its weird. More stuff just gets to my brain. I was always second guessing myself everytime i talked to the EX. She had something to say about EVERYTHING! It got to the point i would stutter when i would talk to her.

 

I used to pride my self on my common sense and general awareness. Nothing would get by me. But after hearing constantly (the woman is always right) i had been shoving this aside for a few years. Well not anymore, its back to trusting my gut for me. LOL, turns out its always right after all. WHADDYA SAY GUNNY?! You have really been helping me the last week or two. THANK YOU!!

[butterfly37]

Just helping here to bring your thread back up to the top.....

[Toolate]

Update here:

 

Im doing better, No more panic attacks, eating again, sleeping a bit more. But i am still in the mornings really worrying about her safety. I just worry about stuff like car wrecks, is she staying in a safe place. But i have always been this way and since my lil brother died last year im still very touchy.

 

Was walking to wal-mart last night and started crying, i didint fight it, i just walked in crying and got my milk and bread. Im tired of hiding my emotions. Hell with it.

 

But, one thing that is happening to me is i want to go out and be with people now, when we were together we wouldnt do anything. Ive decided to go bowling tonight and try to find some people to bowl with. And try to find a league to join. Im changing bigtime, i hope its for the better.

[Ladyjane14]

Ive decided to go bowling tonight and try to find some people to bowl with.

 

I think it's a really great idea for you to get out and spend some time out in the world... and NOT immersing yourself in your problems. Good job, Toolate.

[Toolate]

Had a setback today. She text me about getting the car in her name half an hour before she wanted to meet up. We were supposed to do it tuesday. I text her no. She text why? I text, im busy i can maybe do it tomorrow. She text, Out on a hot date so you cant take care of business? UHG.

 

She then trys to call, the text me an apology, then trys to call again. I dont answer. The whole time this is going on, im lying in the bed here almost crying and just thinking of my next GF, For some reason it made me feel better.

 

I am so mad at her for bailing on what were typical relationship problems and a fight that i did not start. I was already in therapy for 3 years and was beginning to talk about me and her in my sessions. Shouldn't her ass be happy about that? What in hell else was there for me to do? NOT ONE TIME IN 12 YEARS DID SHE EVER!!! AND I MEAN EVER!!!!WANT TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A SERIOUS TALK ABOUT THINGS!!!

 

 

Anyhoot, I visit my ex step mother yesterday, to catch up and tell her about my lil brother and my breakup, she gives me my step sisters number and address and says she would love to hear from you.

 

I havnt talked to her in 8 years so i was nervous, but within 2 mins we were talking it up. She tells me i have to come to a BBQ with her and her Bf this weekend, there will lots of girls to take your mind off things. LOL Im stoked!!

[Toolate]

Today was just like yesterday, but worse. The difference is i ignored it.

 

Please dont take this as gossip, im really worried about her.

 

She tells me she has a key and if i dont call back with in 20mins she is going to come over and beat the s**t out of me. I turn the ringer off and go back to sleep. I go to get in my car for work, and there is a note, she wants the cell phone,cable box, phone box, because she has somehow found a place.

 

 

4 hours later she is still trying to call and text me, my buddy comes into my work and tells me she has been in a car wreck, she is ok, the car is not drivable. So i check all the text i had been ignoring all day and its her trying to talk to me about insurance, why me? I dont know, she is on the policy and can call just as easy as i can.

 

She just seems to be crashing and burning right now, mad at all times and even madder when i dont jump when she says to.

 

I just wish there was something i could do, one thing i have done is get some of my manhood back but its kinda moot when i think about what she is going through. This is scaring me, i just want to work this crap out and stop all of this.

 

Of course i know this prolly wont happen. My mother who has been through all of what she is going through and she isnt even thinking of us right now.She more than likely has some big time depression setting in, or mania. OW....The wreck is like no surprise, i expected it almost. All i can for her is pray and keep in mind that she left me.

[justfine]

If she's just GF, dump her and move on. Be glad you're not married. The only time she calls you is if she needs something from you.

[Chrome Barracuda]

She sounds real crazy now!

 

I suggest you stay NC and keep away from her.

 

Has she been diagnosed with any medical problems like schizophrenia? Bi-polar, maunchausen? anything of that nature. The way she's acting , damn she seems touched in the damn head!

 

Leave her alone and let her go, clearly she has issues.

[Toolate]

Never been diagnosed with anything. Never been to see a therapist. She hit me with the biggest wammy of all today. She says she had a misscariage. Im highly suspicious and so is everyone in my family. We mananged 12 years without kids, why now? Seems like things are getting worse.

 

Man this hurts so bad. I know what i need to do, and i will do it as soon as our old business is taken care of. I never thought i would be in the middle of something like this in my life, ive always played it so safe. Guess it happens to us all sooner or later.

[Chrome Barracuda]

misscarage? Then where's the after birth, how far along is she? Who's the father?

 

Timeline, you need proof.

 

If she's losing her dman mind you gotta leave.

 

Trust me this girl is not right in the head. it's time to bounce!!!

 

I dont believe she was pregnant, where im from some bum bitches be playing that game to keep their man from leaving. And it works. Dont be an idiot. Move on and keep moving.

 

Do you see how she's reacting to no contact. Doesnt it seem like her issues are escalating? Somethings up and it's not just you!

[justfine]

Personally, I think you should consider yourself lucky that she's gone. She seems to have alot of issues. Try not to be emotional at this point. Why would you want to be with someone who threatens you and is so unstable?

 

I suggest you start visualizing your next GF, and think of how great it will be to start fresh.

[Toolate]

Thanks guys for the reaffirmation. Visualizing my next GF and how great she will be is helping alot. Ill keep posting.

[Toolate]

Went to my therapist today, talked about the past week. Right now im at the point that i dont care, so are so many reasons why.

 

 

If you love someone why do you leave?

 

If you want a calm loving relationship why not go into counseling to try and make it work instead of leaving?

 

If i have to even question the fact that there may be someone else, why do i want that kind of drama?

 

Why do i want to be with someone who i was constantly on guard with and afraid of in more ways than one?

 

Why do i want to be with someone who threatens to beat the **** out of me if i dont call back?

 

Why do i want to be with someone who tells friends about our personal life (the misscarige) 3 days before she tells me?

 

Why do i want to be with someone who would rather talk about who banging whos husband at her work instead of talking about our relationship?

 

Why should i be with someone who is distant and shuts down the second, i start to get real about things?

 

I dont deserve this, i deserve a calm loving relastionship, something i have been hoping for for a long time, i was scared of her, scared of getting her pregnant, scared of buying a house, scared of marrige, i was lonely......but i thought all of these problems where mine, which is why i was in therapy for 3 years trying to work them out. i was waiting for her to grow up, but its not gonna happen.

 

 

I hate to be cocky but the next woman that gets me is going to have one hell of a man.

[Chrome Barracuda]

That's the spirir, keep on moving. doesnt it feel good to be finally free of the madness that that woman had?

 

Keep it moving and find some real love with a real woman!

[Gunny376]

I hate to be cocky but the next woman that gets me is going to have one hell of a man.

 

I realize all of this can be very traumatic, hard to cope and deal with, nerve wracking ~ but I never thought for once of going to the otherside. So tell me? Did you get a free toaster oven for switching sides?

 

Seriously though we all know it was a typo!

 

The length and duration of how long a modern day relationship will last is in direct proportion to how long the couple hold on becoming intimate (having sex).

 

This is because too many of us, (Hey! I've learned my lesson) try to go from being just acquaintences to lovers, without building a good solid founation of friendship. Ask any couple that's been together for a very long time and the same theme keeps coming up over and over "He's/she's my best friend"

 

Good solid friendshoip is what holds you together when you can't tote the note as lovers. As Lady Jane pointed out to me, "Go slow, "Andy Griffin and Hellen Crump" slow! You never saw them having sex on TV, and they were together for years and years!

 

First you become comfortable in your own skin, and with your life ~ you learn how to be comfortable living single and alone. You alright with being alone. You're OK if you never get into another long term relationship.

 

Don't look for it ~ trust me ~ it'll find you.

 

Work on constantly ~ perpetually on improving yourself, your life, making you a better you. Committ yourself to a life of learning ~ just for the sake of learning.

 

When you meet an acquaintence who shows signs of taking it further ~ take it slow. Build a foundation of friendship.

 

First friends

 

Then good friends

 

Then best of friends (Not the same as "Best Friends)

 

Then exclusive friends

 

Then each others "Best Friends"

 

Then Lovers

 

Don't be afraid of screwing up being "Best Friends" by becoming intimate. Afterall? You've laid a good rock solid founation right?

 

Be on top of your game ~ and your game will take care of itself.

 

Watch your pennies ~ and your dollars will take care of themselves, (Pay attention to details and the small things)

 

If your azz wants a serious relationship? Then make it and her your Number 1 priorty in your life. Before your job, your carrer, work, trying to keep up with the "Jones'" or climb up the food chain.

 

In closing TL, all the time, effort, energy and money you're investing in this one gal ~ could and would net your ten others who would appreciate what you have to offer.

 

All to often we as human beings fall madly, crazy in love with the very people that are the worse for us mentally, spiritually, emotionally, pyschologicaly, financially, and yes even physically.

 

Look at the woman dentist that ran over her husband and murdered him?

 

The career Navy Captain, (That's one step below a one star Boys and Girls ~ less than 600 in all branches of the Armed Forces) astronaut who just threw everything she worked her whole life over some guy? She'll be lucky if she'll be able to retire from the Navy?

 

Your wife comes off as one of those women that believes that she's got chance after chance, after chance, only to wake up in her fifties to discover ~ she's blown her last chance!

[Toolate]

Saw the EX today....(had to).

 

Set me back of course, ive been emotional all day. My dumb azz asked her...why are you still talking to me? Is it because your still confused?..She said what do you think.

 

My ego is taking the biggest hit of all. I just cant get it into my stupid brain that i am worth anything.

 

I can name qualities all day but when it comes down to it, i know no one wants me, im to screwed up. I m so insecure around when it comes to other men and my ex or my next GF or whatever.

 

I just dont think i measure up. Im feel awkward, quiet, to sensitive. I deliver pizza for a living and my lawn care business i spend 4 grand on failed. I have no goals now that she left. I sit in the car and just beg for someone to T-bone me. Im fed up with her, fed up with me. I dont belong here. Im to dam weak.

 

Im on meds and in therapy, what else is there for me to do? ....Sorry if this is Off topic, i just have to get this off my chest.

[Gunny376]

Saw the EX today....(had to).

 

Set me back of course, ive been emotional all day. My dumb azz asked her...why are you still talking to me? Is it because your still confused?..She said what do you think.

 

My ego is taking the biggest hit of all. I just cant get it into my stupid brain that i am worth anything.

 

I can name qualities all day but when it comes down to it, i know no one wants me, im to screwed up. I m so insecure around when it comes to other men and my ex or my next GF or whatever.

 

I just dont think measure up. Im feel awkward, quiet, to sensitive. I deliver pizza for a living and my lawn care business i spend 4 grand on failed. I have no goals now that she left. I sit in the car and just beg for someone to T-bone me. Im fed up with her, fed up with me. I dont belong here. Im to dam weak.

 

Im on meds and in therapy, what else is there for me to do? ....Sorry if this is Off topic, i just have to get this off my chest.

 

You think you've got problems? Stroll down to the local library and grab yourself a book about the life of Abraham Lincolin! The man was a complete and total loser for the better part of his life! He failed at most everythng he ever tried! He was married to a crazy woman! He buried two sons while President during the worst time in American History!

 

My happy azz did twenty years in the Marine Corps, went to college, got a degree in finance. Since then I've worked as a production supervisor ~ got used and abused. My employees made more money a week than I did working over-time! I've sold cars! I've worked third shift in a convenience store for ten months!

 

I know plenty of people that have Bachelor's degrees working jobs they could have gotten without having gone to college. I know of people with PhD's that are working for less than $10 an hour!

 

Just because you go to college and get a degree doesn't mean you're going to land this wonderful $100,000 + a year job!

 

In fact? Most jobs fact? 80% of the jobs out there don't require a college degree, but they do require additional training and education beyond the HS level.

 

One of the number one jobs in demand is auto technicians ~ I didn't say mechanics! I said auto technicians ~ a guy that knows all there is to know about a Nissian, a Toyota, a Ford!

 

A senior Nissian Automotive Technician is worth is weight in gold! They command about $70,000 a year! They know everything there is about every Nissian ever built! And every dealership is begging for them!

 

Get a grip! Get your life together!

 

So you deliver pizza ~ I've done it! And I've known retried Army Sergeant First Class that have done it! I've got retired Marine buddies ~ Masters Sergeants, First Sergeants, Sergeant Majors that I know working at Taco Bell, Hardies, Applebees, etc.

 

You do what you have to do to get to where your at! Life's hard! Suck it up and do the best you can, with what you have!

 

Life is 99.9% showing up!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yeah gunny got it right, you need to man up and instill a NC order on her ass!!!

 

Leave her alone and do not contact her. The pain will dull in time. I bet you give yourself a full year without her interference and things would be cool.

 

Trust me, when you move on, your gonna feel great. The nightmare is over cheer up!

[Toolate]

Thank you guys.

 

Did something dumb today. Went out and bought a 2002 suzuki katana 750. LOL

 

I went in to apply just to get it out of my system but they sold the bike to me no money down. Now i gotta find away to pay for it. Screw it, this is the first time in my life i have let go and and thought about myself. It feels good. I did all this building credit and im gonna take advantage of it.

 

Is it a petty attempt to be rebellious, make people worry, fight my insecurities and be reckless with my money...YUP! And it feels good for a change. I go pick it up tomorrow.

[Toolate]

Just an update. Im loving my my new bike. Nothing like having a bad day, jumping on a dead sexy street bike and taking a ride. She doesnt know about it yet.

 

Its keeping me out of the house and meeting new people. The girlies love it to.

 

Tomorrow we are supposed to meet to take care of yet more business, but last tues really did a number on me, this can be put off for one more week so i think im going to do that. Im really not in the dam mood for another week of starting over again. Was very angry today and anxious about tomorrow.

 

She can wait, its nothing major anyway.

 

 

Ill be getting together all the bills and seeing where i am with things and what ill need to do about it. Ive been in (if it feels good do it) mode for the past few weeks and just avoiding things because of the hurt. I did it for me, for once. But im done now ready to get back on track.

 

 

Not sure if things are getting better or not, its all still new. But i can at least look at thing more often than not with some sort or peace. And thats what matters at this point.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Just an update. Im loving my my new bike. Nothing like having a bad day, jumping on a dead sexy street bike and taking a ride. She doesnt know about it yet.

 

Its keeping me out of the house and meeting new people. The girlies love it to.

 

Tomorrow we are supposed to meet to take care of yet more business, but last tues really did a number on me, this can be put off for one more week so i think im going to do that. Im really not in the dam mood for another week of starting over again. Was very angry today and anxious about tomorrow.

 

She can wait, its nothing major anyway.

 

 

Ill be getting together all the bills and seeing where i am with things and what ill need to do about it. Ive been in (if it feels good do it) mode for the past few weeks and just avoiding things because of the hurt. I did it for me, for once. But im done now ready to get back on track.

 

 

Not sure if things are getting better or not, its all still new. But i can at least look at thing more often than not with some sort or peace. And thats what matters at this point.

 

 

You need to join a bike club and keep distancing yourself from the ex. You'll feel much better.

 

I tell you chicks dig the bike. I was supposed to get a R1 myself , but im broke. lol.