Dani_babii Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 right now i find myself in an open-end relationship with my ex, we started out just being friends with benefits but that slowly changed into i love you baby, kisses, hugs all that, it works for me i love it, i know hes always going to be part of my life cuz hes my best friend, hes the only person i can actually count on in my life and he told me the same. as of right now this is how we both want things to be its less stressful, we've decided that watever happens in the future happens in the future, im really happy right now and so is he, we were together for 2 years before this. i just wanted to see if anyone had any advice or has done this before? Thxs, Dani Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 I've never been in this situation. I have always wanted to know how one copes in an open marriage/relationship... So what happens if one of you finds someone that you want to be with exclusively... do you think you can really let go of him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dani_babii Posted September 2, 2007 Author Share Posted September 2, 2007 honestly no, there isn't anyway i could ever let go of him, he means way way to much to me. I'm really not sure whats going to happen if we both find someone this only happened about 2 weeks ago, I asked him that and he said if one of us does find someone then we'll figure it out then. This is more of his idea then mine, I think right now both of just really want security of having someone there but not being tied down. I wouldn't have a problem being his girlfriend again but i have noticed we don't fight, or get bitter at each other, were just having fun and making each other happy. At first i wasn't sure about the whole thing, but im only 19, i don't feel guilty about flirting with other guys, but yet i know when i need someone hes always there. We made promises to each other that no matter what happened we'd always be friends and always be there for each other, however, i can see a future with him. i really want to talk to someone whos been in this situation before, any advice please. Thxs, Dani Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 I think once you've got into that "friends with benefits" situation with a person, it's really hard for it to move into a phase of greater commitment. You can go through spells of being a "proper" couple, but because the guy has got into the habit of being able to have his cake and eat it with you, he might be very resistant to ever offering you something more stable - or with more of a future - in the long run. If you weren't thinking in terms of having a future with him, then that would be fine, but clearly you have a very strong emotional investment in this (particularly as you were previously in a long relationship with him) and do see him in your future. You could get badly burned with this one, Dani. I'd say it's best to either keep it purely platonic (which sounds, to be honest, as if it would be extremely difficult for you), or say "it's got to be a proper relationship between us, or nothing at all." I know you say that the situation suits you as it is for now, but the longer you let it go on, the less likely it is that the two of you will ever be able to manage going back to a more exclusive, traditional relationship. Men absolutely hate ultimatums, because it forces them into decisions and essentially tells them "time for you to stop getting the best of both worlds, mate." Who wouldn't rebel against that? Still, for your own sake sometimes you have to deliver those ultimatums - if only to free yourself from a situation that's going nowhere, and could hurt you a lot in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
huh Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 I agree with Lindya, especially this part: If you weren't thinking in terms of having a future with him, then that would be fine, but clearly you have a very strong emotional investment in this (particularly as you were previously in a long relationship with him) and do see him in your future. You could get badly burned with this one, Dani. I'd say it's best to either keep it purely platonic (which sounds, to be honest, as if it would be extremely difficult for you), or say "it's got to be a proper relationship between us, or nothing at all." I know you say that the situation suits you as it is for now, but the longer you let it go on, the less likely it is that the two of you will ever be able to manage going back to a more exclusive, traditional relationship. Also, while you're spending time with him, it doesn't sound like you'll be seeing/meeting new people. And there's the possibility he will. You'll be giving up on chances to meet other guys who are a better fit for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dani_babii Posted September 3, 2007 Author Share Posted September 3, 2007 Also, while you're spending time with him, it doesn't sound like you'll be seeing/meeting new people. And there's the possibility he will. You'll be giving up on chances to meet other guys who are a better fit for you. Thats the hard part neither of us want anyone else, i do have a guy interested in me and i like him, but hes too immature for me he never follows through with anything and i just compare him to "my guy". Both of of us have gotten rejected since we broke up and basically both came running back to each other. I can count on him and i know no matter what hes always there for me. personally im pretty sure we will be back together within the next few months. I plan on keeping things the way they are for now. Link to post Share on other sites
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